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Fortunately, Unfortunately

Unfortunately demons from another mother opened up your oesophagus as you swallowed these tasty donuts and ate them.
 
Unfortunately, while it was in your throat, the poison went down into your stomach and was indigestible.
 
Unfortunately, this vomting leaves you dehydrated, and as such, you accidently drink contaminated water from the Aswan High Dam (or where ever that contaminated water is from)
 
Fortunately, the boot camp they are talking about is not about tough training, but about buying boots, for some odd reason.
 
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