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Loved in Death

Alexi

Alexi

The Religion section is now a joke
Loved in Death

Upon the news of her father’s death,
Something inside her broke.
So she plunged herself into the brook,
Letting out her last breath.

Hamlet’s madness aided in her own,
Though she loved him dearly.
And with Hamlet and Father gone,
She felt completely alone.

Now they all have joined her again.
The Angel has shown them the way.
It was the ultimate price they did pay,
But now she has her men.​


Wrote this in English, thought I'd post it for opinions~
 
So some girl commited suicide 'cause her dad and some guy named Hamlet died?

What's it about?
I can't figure it out.
I think I'll die,
If any harder I try.

Yeah, I don't understand it. And then that poem came to me, dammit. I hate it when that happens.

But it was pretty good, the poem. Didn't rhyme much, but then mine don't sometimes either.
 
@opal: woe is the state of the american education system... but here in the US we usually don't learn Hamlet until late in high school, either senior or junior year. My school did it at 8th grade so :X

In the first stanza, the last line seems jarring compared to the rest of the rhythm if I try to read it aloud. Third stanza third line- wording seems awkward? Also I think there's a meter issue (but I'm not a poet and can't count beats for my life)
 
@opal: woe is the state of the american education system... but here in the US we usually don't learn Hamlet until late in high school, either senior or junior year. My school did it at 8th grade so :X
Click to expand...

I have never done Hamlet in school and I still know its plot, themes, and characters. :( That is no excuse!
 
Woohoo, thanks all~ I know some of the wording is wonky, I need to revise it (hence why I posted it year), so I'll mull over your advise and see what comes up. ^_^
 
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