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Metallica Fanboy vs. Superbird


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[size=+2]Metallica Fanboy vs Superbird[/size]

Format: 2 vs 2, Singles
Style: Set
DQ: 10 days
Damage Cap: 45%
Banned/Restricted Moves: Direct recovery, Pain Split, any moves that instantly faint a battler (Explosion, OHKOs, Destiny Bond, Perish Song, etc.). Chills are restricted to 7 per Pokémon.
Arena Description: Pilferbot Returns!

You may remember Pilferbot. It has since gained consciousness and thrashed against the restraints of its former owners. It has totaled the warehouse inside of which it was contained, and has escaped into a dusty wasteland, where it now wreaks chaos and disgrace upon passerby. And of course, some fools decide to pass by the Pilferbot deliberately.

The Pilferbot's armor is indestrcutible, and it will not sustain damage from the battlers' attacks or be affected by them in any mechanically relevant way (colorful flavor text about how it reacts to being struck by an Earthquake or Taunted, however, is welcome). At the end of each round, there is a 70% chance that Pilferbot will snatch away one of the Pokémon in battle and, if it does, a 50% chance that will also steal the other. After abducting any Pokémon, the Pilferbot spits out a different Pokémon stolen from somewhere else in the League; this Pokémon is potentially any individual Pokémon registered in the ASB Database, and determined randomly (tip: in order to randomly obtain a Pokémon in the ASB Database, obtain a random number, then type [asb.dragonflycave.com/pokemon/(randomnumber)] into the adress bar of your browser, without the brackets and replacing "(randomnumber)" with the number you've obtained). A pilfered Pokémon being put out into battle will retain the same health and energy percentages as the Pokémon it is replacing, as well as their status. The stolen Pokémon have a 15% chance of disobeying commands given to them, and they will be likelier to be unwilling to listen if their trainer is well-to-do monetarily -- the chance of disobedience increases to 20% if the trainer the Pokémon was pilfered to has $200 or more bank, and it increases to 25% if they come from a squad more than $750 strong. It's also possible for the pilfered Pokémon to be of a trainer's own squad (in which case, it will not disobey commands), or of the opponent's squad (in which case, it will disobey commands 60% of the time), or even of the referee's squad (in which case, the referee may abitrarily set the chances of disobedience for their Pokémon at any value between 0% and 60%, or, if they are unwilling to do so, apply the same standard as that of any other pilfered Pokémon; note that the same arbitrary disobedience rate for referee's Pokémon is applied to any and all of the referee's Pokémon that are pilfered in the match).

Lastly, Pilferbot is out of control and roving mad -- during any end of round in which it switches both Pokémon on the field, it has a 50% chance of lashing out at both of them with an attack of 6% damage. This damage has a 20% chance each of being Steel-type, Electric-type, Fire-type, Dark-type or Poison-type (this can easily be rolled alongside the chance of causing damage at all, by setting each type as a 10% chance, alongside a 50% chance of no damage).

Other: No Pokémon participating in this battle will gain experience or happiness -- instead, the winner will receive two Rare Candies, and the loser will receive one. The stolen Pokémon will not be affected by any permanent effects that would extend beyond the scope of this single battle.

Metallica Fanboy's active squad

shelgon Earth Dragon the male Shelgon <Rock Head> @ Life Orb
igglybuff Daremyth the female Igglybuff <Cute Charm> @ Moon Stone
skorupi Scorpicore the female Skorupi <Sniper> @ Lansat Berry
carvanha Swing Shark the female Carvanha <Rough Skin> @ Scope Lens
shieldon Fort the male Shieldon <Sturdy> @ Jaboca Berry
snubbull Kanine West the male Snubbull <Intimidate> @ Red Card
phantump Reaper the female Phantump <Harvest> @ Enigma Berry
hawlucha Hawmucha Hawlucha the male Hawlucha <Limber> @ Mental Herb
smoochum My Lips Don't Lie the female Smoochum <Forewarn> @ Lucky Egg
eevee Garage Wolf the female Eevee <Adaptability> @ Thunder Stone

Superbird's active squad

combusken Firestrike the male Combusken <Blaze>
graveler Gorouna the female Graveler <Sturdy> @ Eviolite
xatu Natalie the female Xatu <Synchronize>
ferroseed Drilbud the female Ferroseed <Iron Barbs> @ Moon Stone
togepi Jonathon the male Togepi <Serene Grace>
frillish Quabbel the male Frillish <Cursed Body> @ Lucky Egg
houndour Deru the female Houndour <Flash Fire> @ Choice Specs
ditto Meta the genderless Ditto <Limber> @ Metal Powder
rufflet Megabird the male Rufflet <Sheer Force> @ Lucky Egg
quilladin Bill the male Quilladin <Bulletproof> @ Insect Plate

Bulbasaur Coin says:
MF sends out
Superbird sends out and attacks
MF attacks
Kratos tries to remember how on earth they used to format these things, and also doesn't know if they're supposed to add the battler/ref tags to the thread themselves (MF halp). Then possibly even refs! Who knows.

Grand larceny ahoy, boys!
Oooo, a TCG coin? Or is it one of those that has been used as actual currency someplace in the Pacific?

I haven't ever added tags to my battle thread, so I guess you don't have to, but if that's incorrect, then smite me o mighty Zhorken. (also, protip, if you're having trouble reestablishing your old format, dig up an old battle you've reffed. I can even dig one up myself since clearly nothing important is happening on this class anytime soon)

Anyways. Unfortunately, I am currently in no position to dig up videos, so, tragically, I won't be blasting out the theme song as I send out HAWMUCHA HAWLUCHA
Quabbel, let's see what we can do.

For starters, try to Bind your opponent. You're slower anyway, and Hawlucha doesn't really have many options for attacking you without getting close. If it looks like it's going to use Protect or if it uses Bounce, Dig, or Fly, use Acid Armor, and wait until it comes down to use your next action. On the other hand, if you see a Substitute, use Ice Beam.

On the second action, if you're currently Binding your opponent or if you're in close enough proximity (like, Sky Drop) to make it work, use a high-accuracy Will-o-Wisp. If Hawmucha Hawlucha has a Substitute up, use Ice Beam, and if you couldn't Bind him last action, do it now. Same commands for the third action, except also use Ice Beam if Hawmucha is already burned.

Bind/Acid Armor/Ice Beam ~ Will-o-Wisp/Ice Beam/Bind x2
Hmmm, I was hoping not to have to play the conditional lawyering game, but we really can't afford that burn right now.

Get a Substitute of 15%, which I'd bet my bottom pokédollar on being just enough to tank two Ice Beams (with the second one being deliciously wasteful overkill). Wait until he's entirely done wasting his energy, and after the second Ice Beam rings out, get Payback for the tragic loss of your protector. Now, in the third action, get your vast Speed lead into it and soar. They'll be attemtping to Bind you, as they haven't already managed to, but I want to see if those tentacles reach the freakin' heavens.

For the sake of argument, though, let's say there's some way your subs broke on the first Ice Beam rather than the second. Could be a crit or something. You soar then, and then you touch down after that, making sure to let them waste their times down there first.

Incidentally, I'm gonna have so much fun with whatever happens if Hawmucha Hawlucha is snatched and replaced by a non-flier while he's midair.

Substitute (15%) ~ Payback (wait)/Fly (up) ~ Fly (up)/Fly (down, wait)
Metallica Fanboy vs. Superbird, Round One

Pre-Round Stats

Metallica Fanboy (2/2 Pokémon Remaining)

Hawmucha Hawlucha (M) [Limber] @ Mental Herb
Health: 100%
Energy: 100%
Base Stats: +1 Attack, -1 Special Defense, 118 Speed
OT: Metallica Fanboy
Status: Fresh from the Foremost World Renowned International School of Lucha, ready to practice his way of life. (0/7 chills | 0% chance of disobedience)
Hawmucha Hawlucha's Commands: Substitute (15%) ~ Payback (wait)/Fly (up) ~ Fly (up)/Fly (down, wait)

Superbird (2/2 Pokémon Remaining)

Quabbel (M) [Cursed Body] @ Lucky Egg
Health: 100%
Energy: 100%
Base Stats: -1 Attack, +1 Special Defense, 40 Speed
OT: Superbird
Status: Muttering darkly about the temperature as he waits for instruction. (0/7 chills | 0% chance of disobedience)
Quabbel's Commands: Bind/Acid Armor/Ice Beam ~ Will-O-Wisp/Ice Beam/Bind ~ Will-O-Wisp/Ice Beam/Bind

Health: ∞
Energy: ∞
Status: The Pilferbot came down to Asber, it was lookin' for a 'mon to steal...

Arena: Pilferbot Returns!

Round One: Begin

It's a lovely day for a battle, or at least as lovely as days ever get out in the barren wastes far from Central Asber. Someone out there can probably see something poetic or calming in the intense heat, the flat, featureless terrain and the occasional choking dust devil, anyway. Someone. Probably. Perhaps this hypothetical optimistic person might even be able to appreciate the sharp grating and clunking noises that break the silence at random intervals as a large, mysterious contraption on a single wobbly wheel putters aimlessly back and forth across the dusty expanse. Probably.

Quabbel the frillish is not that person. He can't find a single redeeming quality in this hot, ugly wasteland, not its gusts of dry wind or the total absence of water or the fact that there isn't even any shade he can park himself in to avoid the worst of this blasted light, and that noisy rustbucket crashing away over there is not improving his mood. He doesn't know what a "Pilferbot" is, exactly, or why his trainer seemed so interested in a chance to head out here looking for one, but it had better be pretty damn exciting to make up for this awful, awful battlefield. He gives Superbird an over-the-shoulder withering glare just to make sure he's gotten his displeasure across.

There is some small consolation—very small—in the fact that his opponent doesn't seem too enthusiastic about this place, either. Oh, sure, last he saw the hawlucha was bouncing from foot to foot, humming some sort of unfamiliar but catchy tune under his breath as he waited for orders, but Quabbel saw how Hawmucha Hawlucha would stop every now and then to fan himself with a wing. If it's too hot even for something that doesn't spend most of its time in the water then it's definitely too hot for him... and if Superbird's going to insist on staying out here waiting for Pilferbots to happen or whatever it is, then Quabbel's going to have to try and cool things down for the both of them.

Just as he's congratulating himself for that bit of sparkling wit—cool off, heh, it's a good thing all this heat hasn't gone to his head yet—Quabbel looks back at his opponent and sees that something is very wrong with Hawmucha Hawlucha. Or, well, Hawmucha himself still seems to be alert and in peak condition, still watching him eagerly, still fanning himself slightly, still humming that odd little earworm tune... it's just that there are two of him now. A second hawlucha, a little pale and dusty-looking but still every bit as energetic, is bouncing back and forth right alongside the original. The two birds laugh—Hawmucha aloud, his doppelganger silently—at Quabbel's confusion. Why on earth shouldn't he have brought a tag team partner to the party? Everyone knows that the excitement and entertainment of a high-stakes match can only be improved by more luchador!

Quabbel grumbles under his breath, cursing his inattention but accepting that there's not much he can do about it at this point. He holds his tentacles out in front of him and summons a sphere of icy energy, allows himself just a moment to relish the sudden chill, and sends the energy rocketing out as a sparkling beam. The brilliant blue light shoots straight toward Hawmucha Hawlucha, but without missing a beat he tags his substitute's hand and the newcomer leaps into the ice beam's path.

Hawmucha's substitute picks itself up after the blow, its body sporting a few harsh cracks and a thick coating of ice across its chest but still largely in one piece, and once again places itself directly in front of the original. The real Hawmucha seems content to watch from behind his partner for now—and to snicker at Quabbel's mounting frustration. The frillish grimaces and conjures up another icy sphere, doing his best to tune out the hawlucha's giggling and the persistent clink-clonk-CLINK-CLONK somewhere off to his right, and once again lets the ice beam fly. This time the blast of ice is too much for the substitute to bear, and it falls to pieces with a satisfying snap...

...leaving nothing in Hawmucha Hawlucha's path as he charges forward, arm drawn back for a savage strike. The hawlucha slams his fist into Quabbel's body with terrible force, driving it deep into the ectoplasm and screeching a melodramatic "Iiiiiit's payback time!" right down the frillish's ear. Quabbel goes down hard, reeling and nursing the sting of the dark energy still lingering around the site of impact, while Hawmucha skids to a halt several feet behind him and resumes his triumphant snickering.

Okay, that tears it. Quabbel springs up from the ground, pain momentarily forgotten in lieu of an intense desire to wrap his tentacles around Hawmucha's throat and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze until he's throttled the mocking laughter right out of the feathery prick. His tentacles lash out, groping madly for his opponent's neck, but they circle around only empty air and feel nothing but a brief downdraft from the bird's wings.

Each wingstroke moves Hawmucha Hawlucha further and further away from the frustrated flailings of the hapless frillish on the ground. He smiles and allows himself a little joke as he watches Quabbel's shape shrink into an indistinct blue smudge, then an ant, then almost nothing. I must go, he chuckles mentally. My lucha planet needs me.

But Pilferbot needs him more.

The robot, content to sputter and stagger back and forth on the battle's periphery until now, screeches to a halt in a cloud of dust. The door on its chest snaps open, and a robotic hand, twitching with barely-restrained, itchy-fingered anticipation, rockets toward the sky. Up, up, up it shoots, reaching higher and higher on a stretchy, springy arm that seems to have no end, until...

One moment Hawmucha Hawlucha is imagining just how glorious an actual lucha planet would be, and the next five cold, metallic fingers have clamped around his body, pinning his arms to his sides and bringing his majestic soaring to a sudden stop. Then Pilferbot's arm retracts just as quickly and Hawmucha goes plummeting toward the earth, feeling the familiar rushing and swooping of freefall in his stomach but terrified that, this time, he's not in control. Just before the ground rushes up to meet him he's yanked sharply to the left and disappears into the opening in Pilferbot's chest. The hand releases him abruptly and leaves him to tumble in a dark, featureless void, the only sounds the clanking of half-rusted gears and the pounding of his own heart.

Outside, Quabbel's wide-eyed stare of disbelief quickly changes to one of horror as Pilferbot's hungry hand launches out of the opening and barrels right toward him. The frillish panics and fades into intangibility, hoping desperately that the attack will pass straight through him, but Pilferbot will not be deterred—somehow, perhaps via some strange technology or just sheer, scrappy determination, the fingers lock tightly around Quabbel's tentacles and drag him backward into the darkness. The chest hatch slams shut behind him, his panicked cries are drowned out by the sudden loud whirring of intense processing and decision-making from somewhere deep within the robot's mechanical brains, and both trainers are left to wait on tenterhooks for what happens next.

Espeon is not particularly nervous as he stands beneath the challenge board in central Asber, scanning the posted challenges and notices for anything that looks interesting. It's been a very long time since he's had a good match, and he knows his team is eager to get back into the swing of things, too. He reaches out to move an ad about dance lessons away from a proper challenge posting, one that, based on what he can see, might be a nice, watery battle to help him evolve Astaria. A metallic hand closes around his own before he can touch the flyer.

Pilferbot's iron grip, springy arm seemingly stretching out of the empty space above the challenge board, heaves Espeon clear into the air. Oblivious to his shout of surprise or his desperate struggling, Pilferbot shakes him violently by the wrist, swinging him around in midair like a rag doll. The first few nearby trainers to recover from their shock reach instinctively for their pokémon, but before they can send out any help the assault has its desired effect. Two poké balls shake free of the clips on Espeon's belt and tumble toward the ground, then are caught by a second disembodied robot hand just before they hit the grass. The hand clutching the poké balls retracts into nothingness and, moments later, so does the first, leaving Espeon and his badly-bruised wrist to fall to the earth with a thud.

Back out in the wastes, Pilferbot's processing whirr stops abruptly and its chest door clanks open again. Out shoots a metallic hand, its fingers still wrapped tightly around two poké balls. The hand pauses briefly to open one of them over the spot where Quabbel had once hovered, then launches itself straight upward almost as soon as the white light fades into the shape of a very confused skrelp. Albus shudders for a moment, trying to adjust to the sudden dry heat and to keep himself upright in the absence of any water. There's nothing out here at all, in fact, just arid, dusty flatness as far as he can see. How did he even get here? Where's Espeon? Who are these people? And one more question springs to mind just as Pilferbot's hand reaches Hawmucha Hawlucha's original height, opens the second poké ball and then lets it drop back to the ground: who's doing all that yelling?

The skrelp looks up just in time to see a red blur come hurtling out of the blue, screaming at the top of its lungs until it comes to an abrupt stop several meters away from where Albus sits. Everyone present flinches at the impact (except Pilferbot, currently patting itself on the back for a pilfering well-pilfered), then again as, half a second later, the open poké ball bounces off the head of the pokémon currently pancaked on the ground. A charmeleon can be seen levering itself up on one shaky arm as the dust clears, and Albus does a double-take—Mars? Is that Mars? What in the name of Davy Jones's Locker is Mars doing falling out of the sky? He glances around wildly again, desperately hoping that their trainer might appear and provide an explanation for this madness, but the only trainer around who seems to be paying him much attention is Superbird.

Mars, for his part, can only whimper as he tries to get to his feet. Later, he, too, will probably have many questions—where is he, where's Espeon, what's Albus doing here, what happened—but for now all he can think is that Espeon really does need to get him to another battle soon. He could've been a charizard by now, you know. This sort of thing wouldn't happen to a charizard.

Round One: End

Post-Round Stats

Metallica Fanboy (2/2 Pokémon Remaining)

Hawmucha Hawlucha Mars (M) [Blaze]
Health: 80%
Energy: 81%
Base Stats: +1 Special Attack, -1 Defense, 80 Speed
OT: Espeon
Status: Just three measly experience points and this tragic charmeleon-shaped hole in the ground could've been avoided. (0/7 chills | 15% chance of disobedience)

Superbird (2/2 Pokémon Remaining)

Quabbel Albus (M) [Adaptability]
Health: 84%
Energy: 89%
Base Stats: 30 Speed
OT: Espeon
Status: If someone could kindly explain to him where he is and why it's raining his friends, that'd be awesome. (0/7 chills | 15% chance of disobedience)

Health: ∞
Energy: ∞
Status: Two flawless filchings right off the bat! Back in top form already, baby.

Arena Status: The flat, empty wasteland is largely unchanged, although there is a shallow indentation in the ground that Mars is currently peeling himself out of.

-Substitute: 8 energy
-Ice Beam A1: 14 damage, 5 energy
-Ice Beam A2: 14 damage, 5 energy
-Payback: 16 damage, 6 energy
-Fly up: 5 energy (upkeep of 2 energy/action on all subsequent airborne actions... not that it matters now)
-Bind: 0 damage (missed), 1 energy
-splatmeleon: 5 damage

Ref's Notes
-Sorry for the inexcusable delay—I was cramming in work for a project, and then oops somehow the post-action stuff ended up being the length of a reffing in and of itself? And then somehow after getting the calcs and the post-action done it stalled for months????? But seriously, please, please don't hesitate to remind me sooner next time!
-Because there was such a large gap between the calcs/the ending and the rest of this actual write-up, it's possible I've overlooked something or messed up somewhere. I did give this a proofread and give the rules another scan just to make sure I didn't miss anything important, but it was quick so I could get this out to you guys. Feel free to give a holler if something is in fact wrong.
-Calcs available above, since I guess all the cool kids are doing it now. Feel free to ask if any actions need further clarification or if you need to see a more detailed breakdown or whatever. Still not sure what all's worth going in there.
-(I... wasn't actually sure how much to take off for the ask-and-you-shall-receive splatmeleon, though. I figure 5% is fair for now.)
-Since I do apply base stat modifiers in my reffings, and since we're all being transparent anyway, I decided to add my base stat modifiers to the battler status as well. Those modifiers add/subtract the stated amount from damage given/dealt after all other calculations (so, for example, ice beam normally does 14% to a hawlucha instead of 13%). Skrelp has no bonuses or penalties because its non-speed/HP stats are all the same, just fyi.
-Frillish's XY sprite doesn't want to work for some reason. Not that it matters anymore, but yeah, that's why it's different.
-It's just a TCG coin. Although I do have a metal lugia coin lying around somewhere. Still TCG, but even fancier. ...I should find it.
-There were somewhere under 1750 pokémon registered in the DB as of when I first randomized the pilferees, according to my URL-fiddling. Somehow, both of this round's replacements were within 30 IDs of one another and thus belonged to the same person. This next round brought to you by a very generous donation from Espeon, I suppose. (I'm tempted to increase the disobedience chance because why hurt frans? :(, but... eh.)
-Pilferbot was too busy being satisfied with its work to attack... this time.
-Metallica Fanboy attacks first next round.
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Two Pokemon of the same squad ending up against each other in this battle, that's one I hadn't even considered when writing up all the effects. Then again, I suppose it doesn't necessarily have to mess with the chances of disobedience -- I do know there are a few Pokemon in my own squad that would have been just all too eager for the chance to flip each other's daylights...

Anyways. Hello, splatmel- I mean, Mars, and welcome to the Charicific Valley Flight Course. Unfortunately, you have failed the first test. But don't give up hope yet -- as long as you follow our instructions, you will soon be looping around in the sky like it's nobody's business.

Firstly, we need to make sure the weather conditions are proper. Flight in the rain is risky when you're a rookie and/or hoping to keep a fire on your tail going, even if the water isn't going to put it out directly. Our ideal conditions are clear skies and a Sunny Day.

After this, we shall attempt to achieve assisted flight. For this, we're going to need a long and tall ramp, one that would have to stretch as far as underground. You can build it yourself, fortunately. Just get digging! And remember, the early bird catches the worm, and haste makes waste -- you'll want to start as quickly as possible, but do take your time finishing. Honestly, just outright delay yourself if you have to.

Sunny Day ~ Dig (down) ~ Dig (up, wait)
I'm sorry, Albus! At least you weren't the one in the air! But anyway, we have a battle to win, and you wouldn't want to be shown up by that Charmeleon, would you? Let's treat it as sparring, at least.

So here's the game plan: Start by getting close to Mars, and once you get there, using Poison Tail. If you really don't want to attack Mars, then it's okay, you can just Acid Armor instead, but only once you get near him, all right? On action two, he's probably going to try to get away from you by digging a hole. Now, he needs to learn digging safety, if nothing else, and he's being told to take his time in there, so what I want you to do is jump in and fill the hole using Sludge Wave. Try to fill it as much as possible, maybe trap Mars so that he has to keep digging to get away. You should be able to swim through that poison, although I can't speak for Mars (it shouldn't do any lasting damage to him, anyway), so finish off with a one-action Dive attack, swimming through the sludge you put in the hole and following Mars out of it. Show him what innovative strategies you can pull off, y'know?

However, if you don't think you'll be able to fill up the hole with Sludge Wave, like if you know you don't have enough control over the attack, just go with Acid Armor twice, and we can at least bolster ourselves. against the impact of Mars's Dig attack.

Poison Tail / Acid Armor ~ Sludge Wave in the hole / Acid Armor ~ Dive / Acid Armor
Round Two

Metallica Fanboy (2/2 left)
Mars ♂ (OT: Espeon)
Ability: Blaze
Health: 80%
Energy: 81%
Chills Used: 0/7
Base Stats: -1 Defense, +1 Special Attack.
Status: Just three measly experience points and this tragic Charmeleon-shaped hole in the ground could've been avoided. 15% chance of disobedience.

Albus ♂ (OT: Espeon)
Ability: Adaptability
Health: 84%
Energy: 89%
Chills Used: 0/7
Base Stats: N/A
Status: If someone could kindly explain to him where he is and why it's raining his friends, that'd be awesome. 15% chance of disobedience.


Mars stares at Albus. Albus stares back at Mars.

As one, both Pokémon turn their heads up, up, up to gaze upon the gigantic glory that is Pilferbot. Around it lies nothing but flat, barren wasteland, their trainer nowhere in sight.

Guess they're gonna be here for a while, huh?

Mars shrugs and yawns loudly, exhaling a small puff of flame into his outstretched claw. He tosses it casually from one hand to the other as it expands until it becomes too large for him to hold. With a grunt he flings the flame up into the sky, and it unfurls into a blazing hot mini-sun, its heating beating down upon them to make the wasteland an even more miserable place. When he turns back to his teammate, though, he finds Albus grinning at him, tail oozing a distinctly unpleasant-looking purple substance...

"H-hey, hey, man." Mars puts his hands up in front of him in a cautionary gesture and begins slowly, nervously backing away. "Come on, I know I'm so much better than you and Espeon likes me so much more, and I've been in more battles, but that's no reason to be jealous, you know—"

Albus swings his poison-coated tail forward to slap Mars across the face.

Slowly, Mars peels his friend off his face with a disturbing squelch and tosses him aside. Wait... maybe that wasn't the best idea. The Skrelp sure doesn't look happy as he faces him again, and Mars shudders. Keep talking. He's gotta keep him talking. "Come on, man," he chokes out, crouching down to scoop a few handfuls of dirt out of the dusty ground. "We're teammates, remember? We're best bros!" Pleading words spill from the Charmeleon's mouth as he sinks further and further into the earth while Albus stares at him unblinkingly, until at last Mars finds himself a safe distance underground. He tunnels horizontally for a bit, zigzagging from side to side a couple times for good measure, and then sits down gratefully to rest. Alas, said rest is not to be.

It starts with a sickening burbling sound from above. No way, man. Mars is sure he's imagining it. Then there's the thin trail of purple liquid that oozes down the path, pooling in an indentation not far from him. That... that's just some leftover residue from before, right? And then suddenly a huge wall of sludge is bearing down on him, its stink overpowering the confined space until Mars feels he's nearly suffocating. Oh my god, what's going on?! The sludge is nearly upon him and he turns to the wall in a panic, striking it frantically with his claws to hammer his way through. It seems to take a million years as the sludge washes over him, coating his skin in its sticky purple residue. The pool of poison is up to his belly when he starts throwing handfuls of dirt behind him, where they sink into the mess with disgusting oozing sounds, and if he doesn't get out of here that's going to be him! Finally he's able to tunnel upward, and the relentless sludge slows, giving him a bit of time to breathe as it starts filling the room below. Up, up, and up for dear life, and finally Mars bursts through the surface and flings himself onto the dear, sweet earth, heaving in great big gulps of delicious, clear air as the cleansing fake-sun shines again on his poison-soaked skin. His head is spinning as the toxins work their way into his bloodstream, and he's starting to regret that burrito he had for lunch but right now all he cares about is safety and freedom.

And then Albus leaps up from the sludge-filled hole and barrels straight into him, coating him in yet more poison. Owwww... is his teammate really that jealous of his greatness? Why so bitter? Jeez...

Albus looks over at his teammate sheepishly. Maybe he took things a bit too far... but hey, at least Mars is alive, right? Next time Albus'll have to find a playmate who appreciates his sludgey goodness a bit more, he guesses.

The brief moment of peace is abruptly interrupted as the Pilferbot whirs back to life, a mechanical arm raised ominously above its head. This battle has GONE ON FOR TOO LONG WITHOUT PILFERING! IT MUST REMEDY THIS! Swinging its arm downward, the Pilferbot grabs both Pokémon in one swoop, depositing them into the void in its chest. A single scream echoes from within, and then there's no sound but mechanical whirring.

Back at the Challenge Board, Espeon is just returning to consciousness as a mechanical arm emerges from the wall again, swinging about uncontrollably. Espeon raises his hands to cover his head in a panic, and the mechanical arm drops two slightly used Poké Balls into it before retreating. The crowd stares, then breaks out into applause.

Way over in Shalour City, Kalos, Crazy Linoone slumbers peacefully in her bed as her alarm jumps madly back and forth on her nightstand, Boombursting at the top of its electronic lungs. Her Gabite, Heinkel, jabs her side desperately. "Come on, boss!" she cries. "We're gonna miss the tournament battle! I trained for years for this!"

Crazy Linoone mumbles something incomprehensible and rolls over.

Pilferbot's arm chooses this moment to crash through the wall, knocking the alarm clock to the floor, where it begins to scream in even greater alarm (heheh get it?). "Boss—" starts Heinkel before the mechanical hand claps over her mouth. Crazy Linoone is no more disturbed by Heinkel's muffled cries than anything else as the arm disappears back through the wall, leaving a gaping hole in its wake.

Superbird and Metallica Fanboy watch impatiently as more gears whir in the Pilferbot's chest, until at last it reaches in with one arm to pull out a slightly distressed Gabite. It swings forward to deposit her on the ground, and then, after a moment of hesitation, dumps a bucket of some slimy purple substance over her head. Then it sets its sights on its true target: the unconscious referee.

Whirring over to Kratos Aurion's side, the hand ruffles through their belt until it finds its prize. A few seconds later and a very confused Richter Abend materializes by Heinkel's side, cocking his head at his passed-out trainer. He's supposed to fight, too? Well, all right...

But the Pilferbot's not done yet, no siree. With one stroke of its arm it slams into both Pokémon with its handy dandy Poison Barb, and both Pokémon cry out in indignation.


Metallica Fanboy (2/2 left)
Heinkel ♀ (OT: Crazy Linoone)
Ability: Sand Veil
Health: 40% (capped)
Energy: 71%
Chills Used: 0/7
Status: Ew, come on man, what's all this crap? 20% chance of disobedience. Moderately poisoned (4%/round).
Used: Sunny Day ~ Dig (down) ~ Dig (up)

Richter Abend ♂ (OT: Kratos Aurion)
Ability: Pressure
Health: 78%
Energy: 75%
Chills Used: 0/7
Status: Heh, why not? 25% chance of disobedience.
Used: Poison Tail ~ Sludge Wave ~ Dive

Arena Status
  • The sun is shining brightly (6 more actions).
  • The flat, empty wasteland is largely unchanged, although there is a shallow indentation in the ground from where Mars fell.
  • Two holes in the ground are connected by a tunnel filled with gross poisonous goop.

Damage and Energy

  • Mars's Health: 80% - 8% (Poison Tail) - 14% (Sludge Wave) - 13% (Dive) - 2% (poison) - 4% (Pilferbot) = 40% (capped)
  • Mars's Energy: 81% - 4% (Sunny Day) - 2% (Dig (down)) - 4% (Dig (up)) = 71%
  • Albus's Health: 84% - 6% (Pilferbot) = 78%
  • Albus's Energy: 89% - 3% (Poison Tail) - 4% (Sludge Wave) - 7% (Dive) = 75%

  • Speed order: Richter Abend (125) > Heinkel (82).
  • I kept the base stat stuff for Mars since I didn't want to change that up after commands were made. They're gone now, since both Pokémon were replaced.
  • Sludge Wave rolled a 14 for poison. Its regular poison chance is 10%, but considering that Mars was basically drowning in sludge, he got poisoned anyway, and the poison was moderate instead of mild. He took 2% poison damage total this round.
  • Confronted by this horrifying wave of sludge, Mars expended more energy than usual frantically digging to get away from the attack, ignoring his trainer's orders to wait as his life was (somewhat) in danger. I did not do a disobedience roll for that action because he was more digging for his life than to obey commands. Also, Dig didn't do any damage since his target was, like, not there.
  • Albus was pretty comfortable blooping around in his own poison, so he was able to Dive through it just fine. Dive did Poison-type damage instead of Water-type damage since he was, you know, swimming through poison and not water and presumably that's where Dive's typing comes from.
  • Also: apparently the user Digs a hole "at least five feet [deep]", while Dive requires a depth of "at least three meters". Mars is about three and a half feet tall, though, so presumably his hole would be deeper than five feet, and Albus is about a foot and two-thirds and doesn't need that much space, so I opted not to reduce Dive's damage for the lost momentum.
  • Pilferbot snatched both Pokémon! Hooray! As Kratos helpfully specified that there were around 1750 Pokémon in the DB when she randomized, I chose from those only, since all our latest Pokémon were created long after the battle started.
  • Pilferbot obviously couldn't get enough of the poison, since he hit both Pokémon with a Poison-type attack. This caused Mars Heinkel to hit the damage cap, poor thing.
  • Superbird commands first.
well, if this goes any longer there's no reason not to just go crazy with the ice-type attacks (thanks, pilferbot, for this matchup!), so let's just get three Icicle Crashes.

Icicle Crash x3
tbh I'm probably going to forget this and I don't want to stay up until midnight, so if MF miraculously shows up before then he is welcome to have this reversed. Metallica Fanboy is disqualified. Superbird gets $8. This battle only went on for two rounds, so I don't think giving the Rare Candies out is really warranted here, so I'll just award exp to Quabbel and Hawlucha Hawmucha as normal.
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