Random poems.

[Featherfur]

Randomly thought up,
These are my poems.
I don't really care
If you don't like them,
But I do care
If you help me fix some.
----------
We take to the skies,
One by one.
No one knows where we go,
But we always find our way home.
We are Drifblim.

 

[Darksong]

I like that one. It gives me a good picture. If you wrote another one, a bit longer of a poem would be nice :3

 

[Featherfur]

Thanks! I'll ask my 5th grade teacher for this one poem that I made for class. It was pretty good. I got an A. X3

 

[octobr]

Poems can't be random.

Sorry.

 

[Featherfur]

And what is wrong with them?

 

[octobr]

It reads as if you've put little to no effort into it, which -- as far as I can tell -- you haven't.

 

[Featherfur]

What exactly is wrong with them, as in, which lines you don't like, and tell me how to fix them.

 

[octobr]

Uh?

I just said I didn't like the whole thing. None of the lines should be kept. You need to put thought into the poem, not just churn it out spontaneously.

 

[Drifloon Rocks]

I don't agree. The imagery was okay. I think it would sound a little better if it rhymed.

 

[Yenaa]

Yeah, the rhyming would make it more effective, but the picture was painted.

 

[octobr]

What? Rhyming does not a good poem make. I see no imagery here; I see words. Like all types of writing, you have to show and not tell.

 

[Featherfur]

Not to sound rude, but if you don't enjoy reading, then maybe you shouldn't read. Maybe you just don't have the right imagination for reading.

 

[Commahappy]

If its a random poem, then he's right; you probably didn't put much effort in it. That doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, though. It wasn't the best, but wasn't even close to the worst I've read.

 

[Featherfur]

At first, there admittedly wasn't much effort, but I spent all day fixing it, so technically, it's a not exactly well thought out poem, yet it was thought out, and definably not the best thing in the world, yet it started out being random, but it turned out OK. Did that make sense?

 

[Commahappy]

I suppose. You tried...but you didn't :\

 

[octobr]

Naturally I don't have the imagination for reading because your writing isn't quality stuff.


And no. That made no sense whatsoever. When you go to write another spontaneous poem maybe you should put some effort into your stubborn refusal to accept criticism as well. c;



W-wait -- you spent all day fixing that? It's five lines accounting to 'drifblim fly aimlessly' -- what have you fixed? What was the original?

 

[Featherfur]

The original was:

We fly away.
No one knows where we go,
But we always come back.
We are Drifblim.

I actually put a lot of effort into fixing that. It's really only my second decent poem, so that goes to show I don't write poems often, and that I'm no expert. Maybe if I practice more, I could get better.

 

[Commahappy]

Ummmmmmmm....you added One by one, and that's it DX

 

[Featherfur]

I fixed a lot more than I added.