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Closed The Crack Crackle Crack (High Elves in Space)

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ELVENLORE said:
ELVENLORE shall not be practiced in vain; all aspects of ELVENLORE including, but not limited to, THE LIFE OF ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS, THE NAME ELVENLORE, and ALL OF ELVENLORE'S PRINCIPLES, MORAL PATHS, and DECREES shall be given the utmost respect.


THOSE THAT CHOOSE TO FOLLOW ELVENLORE shall be given eternal life by THE GREAT ELVENLORE ELVENLORD I.


* Seek enlightenment, but do not dedicate your life to searching for things you are unsure exist.
* Plants are friends. They are the gift of THE ELVENNURSERY for THE ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS ON EARTH. They may be used as THE ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS ON EARTH desire, but it must be productive.
* If you go into space, don't fuck it up. WE THE ELVENCOUNCIL have ELVENKNOWLEDGE that THE ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS ON EARTH cannot possibly comprehend, and we see their ability to destroy.
* Opium is the gift of THE ELVENWHORE. THE ELVENWHORE, THE VIRGIN VIBEKE has provided it for THE ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS OF THE UNIVERSE for their own pleasure. However, it must be used in moderation, else severe consequences will result as decided by THE DIVINE ELVENCOUNCIL.
* THE PURPOSE OF ALL ELVENLORE FOLLOWERS IN THE UNIVERSE is to live life productively, and then die forever without consciousness. It's a pretty crappy end, but if you piss off THE DIVINE ELVENCOUNCIL, it'll happen faster, so shape up.
* ALL FOLLOWERS OF ELVENLORE IN THE UNIVERSE must attend religious ceremonies at an ELVENCOUNCIL-DESIGNATED ELVENCHAPEL and recite the following incantation ten times really fast:
o Elves escalate every erratic echo epitome, else elves extract ELVENLORE.
* If you mess up, you must start over.

That's it! Enjoy life.
Click to expand...

One thousand years ago, there existed a civilization of elves living upon a beautiful planet called ELVENHOME. Devoutly following their religion that explained all but their origin, ELVENLORE, they seek to live life productively and then die, all whilst spreading the word of the ELVENWHORE, the main ELVENGODDESS in ELVENLORE. However, one day, their ELVENSUN began to die, and their ELVENPLANTS began to wither. So the elves gathered as many ELVENPLANTS as they could, and created a spaceship out of them using their ELVENMAGIC. They took with them all of the ELVENPLANTS that still lived and went out into the universe seeking a planet in which to inhabit and plant their ELVENPLANTS. And so, they venture into the Solar System with their plantcraft, powered by an extremely rare plant called the Arch-Poppy...

Sign-up Sheet
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Occupation:
Favorite Flavor:

As for mine...

Name: Ethos Elrandir
Gender: Male
Age: 3,482
Occupation: ELVENCOMMANDER OF THE ELVENSOLDIERS, PROTECTOR OF THE ELVENHOME AND THE PLANTCRAFT
Favorite Flavor: Electrons
 
Name: Fabienne Lilica
Gender: Female
Age: 2,424
Occupation: Plantcraft expert
Favorite Flavor: The purest juices of THE ELVENWHORE, THE VIRGIN VIBEKE
 
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Name: unknown; title is Captain High Priest, Keeper of Drugs
Gender: male
Age: unknown; too stoned to remember
Occupation: High Priest, keeper of drugs, theoretically captain of the PLANTCRAFT but too stoned to do anything
Favorite Flavor: Blue
 
Name: Caelise
Gender: Female
Age: 2,134
Occupation: being a useless bint Resident Goddess Reincarnation
Favorite Flavor: Frozen metal poles idk
 
Name: Katyana Valestris Venedar
Gender: None
Age: 3091
Occupation: Guardian of the Plantcraft, Warder of the Arch-Poppy
Favorite Flavor: demiquaver
 
After overcoming her bone structure and metabolism, Fabienne had a new goal.

The air in The Plantre was different—thicker from the tension and excitement. Only a few plantcraft experts were dedicated enough to remain here at such a late hour. But this was a time that would perhaps go down in history. Both Fabienne and Katyana had been developing a space-ready plant ship for the past five hundred years. Five hundred years: that was five hundred years of headaches, arduous studying, and a fair balance of rewards and disappointments.

Every second of those five hundred years led to this point. Before she realized it, Fabienne's pace grew rapidly faster as she ran towards the garden.

“I have come,” she declared as she arrived. “Where on this spring mourn doth history's epitome bloom?”

The excitement faded from her voice. “I fix my gaze on this corner, and on that corner, and into the deepest depths and highest heavens – still I do not fix my gaze upon what I have come here for.”

Was this damned thing Katyana's idea of a sick, twisted joke?
 
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It was done. After many years of toil she had done it. Growing the starplant had not been easy - their first attempt had failed, burning in the atmosphere of the ELVENHOME. The organic structure of their Plantre had been buzzing all day with excitement, sensing and feeding off his own excitement.

But she had done it. He had created the ultimate power source, the arch-giver of energy... the ARCH POPPY. It was a simply variation on the standard poppy with a difference: its opium was super-refined and was able to power their starplant.

"My most beautiful sister is as a bear who sees only a bees' nest and no honey," she remarked cattily as Fabienne slated his creation. "See the starplant my most awkward colleague and rejoice in its splendour: she lives as part of our dear Plantre, an thee see it. Nay, I ask thee to guide thine eyes chirugeonly to the Arch Poppy. Anight, dear Fabienne, we shall rise to the very stars!"

TIMESKIP

And days later at night, the elves boarded their starplant and left the ELVENHOME forever, rising from the planet under the opium-powered starplant, leaving the dying sun in its last days.
 
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It had been many days since they left the ELVENHOME, a departure that had not been easy for Ethos. He had lived on that planet for many, many years, and having to leave it made him melancholy. Still, he supposed that, given long life by the ELVENLORDS, he would see many suns burst into life and fade into death.

He sighed, lounging in the high gardens of the starplant, looking around him at the fair elven maidens that danced and sang merrily about him. "Ah, it doth me well to gaze upon thee ladies of fortune, thee salmon whose eggs doth lay without laying also the death of their owner," he said to them across the green.

The girls giggled amongst themselves and smiled at the three thousand year old gentleman elf, his white blond hair laying gently upon the soft grass and his ornate clothing.

Admittedly, it had not been all fun times upon the starplant, though short be the time the elves had spent upon it. Indeed, there was a certain elf on board, a delinquent who fancied himself the Captain of the starplant. Whether truth laid in that or not, this elf whose name escaped him had caused great troubles, many of which involving accidental fires and stolen poppy. As the ELVENCOMMANDER aboard the starplant, it had been his job to punish the elf, but he had escaped his grasp each time.

"Alas, Ethos. You knoweth as well as the ant who returns to his dear abode only to find it indeed flooded by a child wicked, that all be not sweet in this life. But enjoy it, you must, dear Ethos. Enjoy this paradise whilst you have time still."
 
Caelise knew she was kind of supposed to enjoy being constantly surrounded by plants, being the pure virgin reincarnation of a goddess that she was, but the sap stains were starting to seriously get on her nerves. They were impossible to wash out and just sat there on her dresses with... well it felt like they were taunting her, anyway.

Why didn't any of the other girls get -- oh. They didn't keep accidentally killing all of the flowers. Right. She sighed and glowered mournfully out of the clear membrane masquerading as a window, watching the craft's journey through space and very definitely not paying the slightest bit of attention to the airheaded giggling behind her.

Fufufu, Ethos was totally hilarious. Had her thoughts been able to express sarcasm they would have, but unfortunately thoughts didn't tend to incorporate tone. Oh and now he was talking to himself in an attempt to seem MYSTERIOUS and AWESOME or something. Why didn't anyone pay attention to her when she did this?

She'd been sitting here for like an hour and no dice!

"Close thy word-port*!" Caelise growled finally, scowling over at Ethos (the other girls sighed and wondered why they even brought her here, grumpy shit that she was). "Thy supposed woe evokes no oeilliad for thee, merely harried glances."

(*Harlequin made that up. The rest of it sounded pretty stupid anyway. :S)
 
Name: Aeleos
Gender: Male female
Age: 3145
Occupation:
[22:12.34] <surskitty> why don't you be the guy who keeps Captain High Priest Stoner Man from driving
Favorite Flavor: Tailsy
 
Ethos sat up and looked for the word-port from which the insult was hurled, and found Caelise the Wonder Reincarnation moping by one of the observation membranes. He waved and smiled brilliantly at her, ignoring the intended jabs at his mannerisms.

"Caelise, my darling, my lake in which platypuses spoil not the water, these greens be a more suitable place for thee. Waste not thy time alone; nay, come elope with your fellow maidens --" Said maidens shook their heads frantically. Ethos shrugged nonchalantly. "Lay by me, then."
 
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