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Chuck Norris Jokes

(One of) the main problem(s) about these "jokes" is that the very thing that made them funny in the first place was that Chuck Norris is actually in no way, shape, or form, any measure of cool. He's a washed up, former shitty actor, who as I previously stated, doesn't believe in separation of church and state. The jokes were funny in the first place, because they said "Chuck Norris is awesome", even though he's actually extremely lame.

Now, when people hear "Chuck Norris", they don't think "washed up shitty movie actor", they think "AWESOME GUY". Therefore rendering the jokes pretty retarded.

Also, I've never heard anyone I would describe as "cool" tell a Chuck Norris joke. Be aware that telling them probably makes you look pretty retarded in other people's eyes.
 
As long as there is no "Your Mom Jokes" or "That's What She Said Jokes" threads, I'm fine with this one.

EDIT: At least the tags are humorous.
 
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.


Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
 
Zeta Reticuli said:
(One of) the main problem(s) about these "jokes" is that the very thing that made them funny in the first place was that Chuck Norris is actually in no way, shape, or form, any measure of cool. He's a washed up, former shitty actor, who as I previously stated, doesn't believe in separation of church and state. The jokes were funny in the first place, because they said "Chuck Norris is awesome", even though he's actually extremely lame.
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true.

The Will It Blend episode with Chuck Norris is awesome, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9V-goCaua0
 
Chuck Norris won the game.

If Chuck Norris were in Scotland Yard, he would've had the balls to side with America for once and sent that bloody bomber to jail and figured out that anyone who bombs a plane and kills 270 people JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS doesn't deserve a release on compassionate grounds while at the same time a simple banker who plundered his company gets the death sentence when it wasn't even entirely his fault.

Chuck Norris gets his nourishment from the energy of female orgasms. Come Global Orgasm Day he will implode and show his true form.

If Chuck Norris were leading England at the Ashes, they would've won before he even joined the team.
 
Zeta Reticuli said:
Now, when people hear "Chuck Norris", they don't think "washed up shitty movie actor", they think "AWESOME GUY". Therefore rendering the jokes pretty retarded.
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Since I probably wouldn't have even seen Chuck Norris' name if it weren't for this meme, and never cared enough to go actually find out who he is, I'm one of these people. @_@ I had no idea he was actually a lame arsehole.
 
Normal Person can do Normal Thing, Chuck Norris does extraordinary thing!

I'm with Cirrus, I had no idea who the hell Chuck was before these jokes, but honestly, it's just the same formula over and over again.



If Chuck Norris were leading England at the Ashes, they would've won before he even joined the team.
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Also this makes little sense even for a Chuck Norris joke. I think it'd be better if it was 'before they'd even started playing' or something, but idk.
 
Well, for my opinion... they're not really that good, it's the same thing over and over again and I wouldn't even know about Chuck Norris if it wasn't for these jokes. A few are pretty funny, but Chuck Norris jokes/facts are one of the few memes I don't like that much. ._.
 
These jokes and those who idolize him like he's the Badass Messiah are going to directly influence his success, should he ever manage to get Holy Bible courses a requirement in public schools... I hate bible thumpers and Chuck Norris is about as thumpy as they come. He's even responded to Chuck Norris jokes by saying people that think he is awesome should devote their energy to God instead. I'm not even kidding.
 
FluffyGryphon said:
These jokes and those who idolize him like he's the Badass Messiah are going to directly influence his success, should he ever manage to get Holy Bible courses a requirement in public schools... I hate bible thumpers and Chuck Norris is about as thumpy as they come. He's even responded to Chuck Norris jokes by saying people that think he is awesome should devote their energy to God instead. I'm not even kidding.
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I remember that one.

According to him; "There is no evolution; only beings that Chuck Norris God allowed to live.".
 
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)


Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
 
I actually think Chuck Norris jokes can be amusing, though a lot/most of them aren't. Who Chuck Norris is and whether he deserves the image the jokes present of him is irrelevant, as seen by the various people who make Chuck Norris-esque facts about various fictional characters, for instance.

The point of good Chuck Norris facts has never been the contrast between his actual lameness and the supposed badassery, anyway; nobody laughs at a statement just because it is false. It is to make a ridiculous, cheesy statement supposedly about badassery out of a reference to some absurd physical impossibility, a play on words, or just generally something about as unrelated to badassery as you can get, made amusing by putting them in this context; "Chuck Norris" is just a placeholder name used to give it that context. From this thread, these made me chuckle, for instance:

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
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Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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On the other hand, Chuck Norris jokes that describe something that could actually sensibly be called a feat of badassery if it were real have never had much in the way of entertainment value a far as I'm concerned, e.g.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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tl;dr I overanalyze jokes, think the occasional Chuck Norris fact is actually funny and really do not see why people joking about some crappy batshit actor is supposed to be a big deal. I cannot possibly imagine it giving him influence; it just makes it impossible to take him seriously.
 
Oddly enough, I actually heard some kid in the back of one of my classes tell one of these today:

some kid in the back of the room said:
Bruce Banner transforms into the Incredible Hulk when he's pissed off, and when the Incredible Hulk gets pissed off he transforms into Chuck Norris.
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That was the first time I've actually heard someone tell a Chuck Norris joke in real life since maybe 2003 or 2004. I guess people who don't spend a lot of time on the Internet aren't quite tired of them yet.

Also: I feel sorry for the people who only know who Chuck Norris is because of the meme. The movies and Walker: Texas Ranger were much more fun to joke about than these things... the only one I've seen anytime recently that made me snicker a little was "Chuck Norris really can believe it's not butter."

Seriously, there was a scene in one of his movies where he transformed into a bird, flew down at someone, then transformed back and jump-kicked the guy in midair. The meme things usually try to get that kind of "funny/awesome because of sheer ridiculousness," but they never work because they try too hard.
 
Oh, god! I loooove these jokes!

Chuck Norris once ate an entire cake before he realized there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris won the 87 poker championships with just a king of hearts, a jack of spades, a 2 of clubs, an uno card, and a get out of jail free monopoly card.
My Chuck Norris can beat up your Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sued Dick Wolf for stealing his names for his left and right legs, Law and Order.
Cloning doesn't exist because if Chuck Norris fought his clone, the universe would end.
The reason there's no end to pi is because it's running from Chuck Norris.

Why doesn't anybody find these things funny but me??!
 
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