Omegle

[see ya]

You: Haldo
Stranger: rawr
You: OH NO
You: IT'S A DINOSAUR
Stranger: nice shpes. wanna fuck ?
Stranger: shoes*
You: Should I put shoe on head?
Stranger: yes you shouldd.
You: Okay
Stranger: good.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Haldo
Stranger: Hi\
You: sup
Stranger: Nothing!
You: That's shocking
Stranger: Boom boom pow!
You: Ratatatatata
Stranger: JIM! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!?!
You: I has a machine gun
You: NO I SWEAR HONEY
Stranger: Thats nice
You: THOSE AREN';T LIPSTICK STAINS ON MY COLLAR
You: THEY'RE ZOMBIE BITES
Stranger: I KNOW THAT THEY ARE
Stranger: YOU CHEATING BASTARD
You: YOU'VE BECOME FRIGID, GEORGIA! I'M A MAN AND I HAVE NEEDS
You: WHERE IS THE WOMAN I MARRIED?!
Stranger: this is the woman you married
Stranger: You ass!
You: WELL THE WOMAN I MARRIED IS A BITCH. >:(
Stranger: well im not
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I also had a completely normal conversation while posing as a 23 year old Californian man.

 

[PokeNinja]

I'm worth at least some level of insanity at least

You: hi?
Stranger: yoyoyoyo
You: yo
Stranger: what up dog?
You: yoyoyoy
You: how you doing dog?
You: I be fine
Stranger: SHIT
You: SHIT ON U
Stranger: dat's cool
Stranger: so...
Stranger: what makes you tick?
You: stuff
Stranger: shit
Stranger: that's some heavy stuff there dog
You: shit make you tick, huh?
You: effing weird
Stranger: it does
Stranger: explosive shit with a ticking timer
You: yes, it stole the precious thing
Stranger: The THING?
Stranger: what's the THING?
You: The THING IS THE THING
You: YOU DO NOT KNOW?!
Stranger: :O
Stranger: I MISSED THE MEMO
You: THE ANSWER TO LIFE THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING!
Stranger: :B
You: YA
Stranger: do those look like buckteeth?
You: Ya
You: on aim it is...
You: O✖o
Stranger: what the hell is that?
You: A face, I think
You: i dont know
Stranger: o x o?
Stranger: it looks like you're trying to hug and kiss me
Stranger: dude
You: uh....
You: ok...
You: ❾❾❾
Stranger: fuck it cut the cord
You: No keep it
Stranger: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
You: ➈➈➈
Stranger: gorilla radio
You: oh noez what did you do
Stranger: I inverted ur 9z
Stranger: ninez
Stranger: NINTINIIZNIIZITINENDO
You: yippeee
You: whoopdeefuckingdoo
Stranger: this is fun
You: yup
You: spam fun
Stranger: Brutal Legend man
You: How about cheese?
Stranger: and ham
You: and bacon
You: lettuce
You: tomato
You: yes
Stranger: and yes?
Stranger: Alllriiiight
You: how's that sandwich?
Stranger: Sandvich? Is delicious
You: Mighty delicious?
Stranger: http://www.steamgames.com/tf2/heavy/sandvichVideo.htm
You: uh....
You: *takes a look*
You: oh THAT
Stranger: You knew?!
You: why?
Stranger: why what?
You: idk why you surprised, pardner?
Stranger: i.don't.know.
Stranger: oh shit I gotta leave in a minute
You: k
Your conversational partner has disconnected

Crap, however.
Me and my shitty conversations.

 

[see ya]

Stranger: hi
You: vegetable
Stranger: oh cool!
You: IT IS I! CAPTAIN VEGETABLE
You: WITH MY CARROTS
You: AMD MY CELERY
You: EATING CRUNCHY VEGETABLES IS GOOD FOR ME
You: AND IT'S GOOD FOR YOU SO EAT THEM TOO FOR TEETH SO STRONG YOUR WHOLE LIFE LONG EAT CELERY AND CARROTS BY THE BUNCH!
Stranger: song?
Stranger: ill do back vocal!
You: THREE CHEERS FOR ME, CAPTAIN VEGETABBBLE!
You: CRUNCH! CRUNCH CRUNCH!
Stranger: captain vegetabbble!
Stranger: crunch cruch cruch!
Stranger: ohhh yeah yeah yeah!
Stranger: captaiinnnn .... crunch
You: You're not the real Captain Vegetable. >:(
Stranger: auhauha... im trying!
Stranger: so... how r u captain?
You: YOu'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH
You: I am fine. :D
Stranger: oh good!!
Stranger: :D
Stranger: and... where r u from ?
You: I am from Sesame Street
Stranger: is us?
You: Nobody knows where Sesame Street is
You: And nobody will tell you
Stranger: only u know
Stranger: i think u live in us...
You: Orly?
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: or... uk...
Stranger: no no... u r from usa...
Stranger: but its ok captain...
You: How do you know?
You: Are you psychic
Stranger: how old r u??? is secret too?
You: I'm 150. One year for every pokemon. :D
Stranger: yes im!!! how do u know?ahaha
Stranger: relly!! im 149!! one year younger...
Stranger: really*
You: No. WAY.
You: :O
Stranger: :D
You: >:D
Stranger: so... what do we do now?
You: Umm...
You: We live, George. We live.
Stranger: yes George...and that the force be with you
You: I AM YOUR FATHER
Stranger: nope...
You: I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER
Stranger: but maybe u r my neighbor
You: I'm Mr. Rogers. :3
Stranger: Ohh i remember u... Mr Rogers...
Stranger: bad guy... arent u?
You: Wh...what? No. :(
You: You're mean. >:(

Stranger: hey there how old were you when you first started masturbating?
You: I was 87
Stranger: awesome

 

[Not Meowth]

Stranger: i'm a dude, this is?
You: SPARTA!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

*shot*

Stranger: say somtin sexy
You: somtin sexy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

No pleasing some people.

Stranger: male here..... I'm looking for horny girl with webcam........... if u male ....... click Disconnect please
You: MAKE ME
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Didn't think that one through :/

You: horny?
Stranger: YES
You: m/f
Stranger: i can be anything u want me to be baby
You: awesome
You: OH MY GOD DINOSAUR ATTACK RUUUUN
You have disconnected.

Stranger: i wanna see you naked female
You: wanna cyber?
Stranger: i need a pic first
You: im an octopus
Stranger: oh thats my fetish
You: really?
You: cool
You: OH SHIT DINOSAUR ATTACK RUUUUUUN
You have disconnected.

I love doing that.

You: wanna cyber?
Stranger: yes
You: m/f?
Stranger: f
You: cool im m
Stranger: from
You: England
Stranger: bullshit
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I didn't get to yell "dinosaur attack" D':

You: Hey you horny?
Stranger: OF COURSE.
You: m/f?
Stranger: What if I said both?
You: Well, I was going to yell "AAAAA DINOSAUR ATTACK" and disconnect at some point anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Stranger: XD
You: AAAAAA DINOSAUR ATTACK
You have disconnected.

But enough of that sort of thing. For now.

Stranger: Hi..I'm 20 m ..exited to sex chat with me?
You: Yes, I am "exited".
You: I'm "exited"ing right now.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: fag
You: No thanks, I don't smoke.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

More to come whenever I feel like posting 'em.

 

[Karkat Vantas]

Stranger: wanna buy some trout
You: What kind of trout?
Stranger: live trout
You: ...hm.
You: How much?
Stranger: a dollar each
You: That seems like a good deal.
You: I'll take 453.7, please.
Stranger: mustard tiger

Stranger: hei
You: Particle man, particle man. Doing the things a particle can. What's he like? It's not important.
You: PParticle man.
You: Is he a dot...
You: ...or is he a speck?
You: When he's underwater, does he get wet?
You: Or does the water get him instead?
You: Nobody knows.
You: Particle man.
You: Particle man says hello.

 

[Karkat Vantas]

even better:

Stranger: howdy stranger
You: hi
Stranger: im after some advice
You: alright.
Stranger: i need an impartial decision
Stranger: someone not swayed by bias or emotional involvment
You: ok.
You: i think i'll deliver
Stranger: do i shoot my cheating gf in the head or the chest?
You: That's a very interesting question
You: well, think of the pros and cons
Stranger: its a 9mm hollowpoint
Stranger: so i dont want to waste the damage by a straight pop to the head
You: if you shoot her in the head, there will be probably be less blood, and death would be instantaneous
Stranger: yes but u want the bitch to suffer
Stranger: this is the name of the game
You: so it would be easier to hide the corpse...
Stranger: ahhd
Stranger: true
You: but if you shoot her in the chest...
Stranger: i guess practically
Stranger: its safer
You: she'll suffer, but you'll have a more difficult time hiding the body
Stranger: i guess im jus gonna have to end her straight off then
Stranger: then the body
Stranger: do i chop it up
You: hm...
Stranger: put it in jiffy bags and mail it round the country
You: that wouldn't work.
Stranger: feed it to pigs
Stranger: disolve it in a bath
You: the body doesn't gt cut up that easily
Stranger: or wrap it in carpet and chuck it in a river
You: i would set the body on fire, or drop it in some disfiguring acid
Stranger: yeah i guess that would work
Stranger: but i could cut it up in the bath
Stranger: like less mess
Stranger: and drink the water
You: that could work.
You: I'd create a beautiful ice sculpture with it
You: and sell it for a ridiculously high pric
You: so you'd get a profit
Stranger: ok in summary.... pop her in the head... chop her up in the bath... set her remains on fire and grind the bones on my golden grayhams sounds like a win?
You: yep.
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: youve been a help
Stranger: thank you
You: glad to be of assistance
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Loco Mocho]

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: HELLO
Stranger: hi
You: CAPS LOCK = CRIUSE CONTROL FOR COOL
You: ASL
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


H8R

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hello
You: wats up
Stranger: nothing at all. you?
You: no much really just listeng to music
Stranger: what are you listening to
You: Linkin park
Stranger: ah
You: so what you wanna talk about
Stranger: nothing!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Strange...

 

[Ryan the Terrible]

You: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: hello
You: i think hello is a pretty cool guy. eh greets peoples and doesnt afraid of anything
Stranger: nope your rong mate ;)
You: no u
Stranger: nope, im a girl
You: prove it
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: how old are you?
You: 999
Stranger: right
Stranger: well im not proving anything to you ;)
You: the youth these days
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Just me acting like a n00b. I like doing that every once in awhile. ^^

You: Please explain in detail the Treaty of Versailles, including who signed it and its exact purpose.
Stranger: oundle school?
You: ?
Stranger: are you from oundle school?
You: Wuzzat
Stranger: the treaty of versailles
Stranger: is a treaty signed by the germans, french and the americans and english at the end of the first world war...
Stranger: it is what explained all the reparations and tasks needed to be sorted out
Stranger: it put all the war guilt on germany
Stranger: its purpose was to make an agreement with germany but it also, in the process of doing so, crippled germany
Stranger: 25 billion dollars of reparation money was to be payed back
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I didn't expect him to actually do it. xD

You: Sex?
Stranger: SEX!?!?
Stranger: I LUUUUUUUUUUUUV SEX!!!
Stranger: GIMME SEX PLZZZZ I WANT SEEXXX
Stranger: SEX SEX SEXITTY SEX
You: EW I MEANT GENDER YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have disconnected.

Wow, that turned out better than I expected. =D

More when I feel like it.

 

[Not Meowth]

You: I am a dinosaur
Stranger: i am a birdie
You: Can I eat you?
Stranger: yes!
You: Hooray!
You: OM NOM NOM NOM RAWRRR
Stranger: only if you can catch me though!!
You: I just did bitch, I et j00
Stranger: awe....
Stranger: i came back!!
Stranger: yeyy
You: What? You can't do that.
Stranger: Reincarnation betch
You: That's fucking godmoding.
You: PLay properly.
Stranger: i win ..
Stranger: you lose..
Stranger: Im a T-Rex
You: SHIT I LOST THE GAME
Stranger: :)
You have disconnected.

You: I'm a dinosaur.
Stranger: m 19 india here u?
Stranger: i am anaconda
You: No you're not.
Stranger: 1 b indian nahi h
Stranger: ya i am
You: That's ridiculous. You are not an anaconda. Stop.
Stranger: then i am shark
You: No.
You: You are not a shark.
You: Sharks are not you. You are not a shark.
Stranger: but i proud to b a guy
You: You might well be a guy. But you are neither anaconda nor shark.
Stranger: ya u r right u need not 2 be affraid if me
Stranger: of me
You: Anacondas cannot type; they lack appendages.
You: Sharks cannot type, they lack digits.
Stranger: same to dinasours
You: Watch as I devour your logic like so many small jurassic mammals. Om nom.
Stranger: don u know
You: Dinosaurs can type. We do so with our claws.
You: Our
You: pointy
You: pointy
You: claws.
Stranger: oh new!!!! where was i/
You: I am a velociraptor.
You: The greatest of all dinosaurs.
You: Bow down to me.
Stranger: i affraid of u
Stranger: plz anybody help me
You: Then run, puny human. Run so far away.
Stranger: save me
You: Run before I tear your face open with my nostrils.
Stranger: let me revise
Stranger: as my teacher told
Stranger: dinasors had disappeared long time ago
You: We are not extinct. We are just hiding.
You: And you, my friend, are too slow; I have torn off your arm in one swift movement.
Stranger: so u cheating people
You: Your blood runs down my nose, exciting my killing instinct.
You: I rip you to shreds in seconds.
Stranger: plz tell me yr name
You: I play the banjo on and on into the night.
Stranger: go n go away frm my world
You: Silence; you are dead.
You: This is why you do not mess with a fucking dinosaur, bitch.
You have disconnected.

You: I am a dinosaur.
Stranger: rawr
You: You speak dinosaur?
Stranger: fluenty
You: GRRRrrrRRRRrrRrRrRr RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRgggg
Stranger: fluently
Stranger: gyrararrararerwrq
You: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRaaaaaaarrrg?
Stranger: rrrrrrrrrfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffppppppppppppppppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(
You: Gr! RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWw.
Stranger: RWRWRWR
You: Rowwww
Stranger: meow
You: How dare you! My mother was a SAINT!! :(
You have disconnected.

You: horny?
Stranger: YES.
Stranger: :)
You: Really? What are you, a goat? A narwahl?
Stranger: No,i'm not
Stranger: thankyoverymuch
You: What are you then? A unicorn? A bull? Throw me a bone here.
Stranger: yes
You: Which?
You: You're no fucking help at all, you know that
You have disconnected.

Stranger: hi m or f
You: I'm a dinosaur.
Stranger: cool
Stranger: female?
Stranger: I have 10 inches cock..u ll like it
Stranger: whats your msn
You: Sadly, being a dinosaur, even had I a vagina it would be at least as tall as you, so copulation would be impractical and impossible.
You: Especially with a penis of just 10 inches.
Stranger: ? need to sexchat with a girl
Stranger: soo?
Stranger: u ?
You: Well, I am not a girl. I am a dinosaur. Why have you not disconnected yet so I can get on with my life.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Beware. The Goblin Men are coming.
Stranger: Oh MY!!
Stranger: will you potect me?! :P
You: They are everywhere.
You: They hide up your nostrils.
You: In your breakfast cereals.
You: Even under your shoes.
Stranger: Haha ... weird ..
You: I will attempt to protect you.
You: It is my job to protect all of mankind.
You: But I feel that they will destroy us.
Stranger: lol .... oh how very sad :( ... i'm to young to die
You: Like I said, I will give you shelter.
You: I will try to keep everyone alive until their onslaught is through.
Stranger: haha, THANKS SO MUCH!
You: Then we will live underground.
You: We will form a resistance.
Stranger: lol ... like moles ?
You: ...Moles?
You: Are the Mole People arising as well?
You: ANSWER ME!
Stranger: YES!
You: ...oh no. This is worse than I ever dreamed.
Stranger: didnt you hear about that on the NEWS this morning at 6??
You: We trapped him.
You: We sealed the Mole King away where he can never threaten the human race again.
You: How? How has he been freed?!
Stranger: it was I ...
You: WHAT.
Stranger: i am secretly a mole :P
You: ...you're an agent?!
You: We cannot let you survive.
Stranger: yes
You: You'll destroy the resistance.
Stranger: no i promise
You: HAVE AT YOU, YOU BASTARD!
You: *shoots*
Stranger: lol
You: I can't believe I was tricked so easily...
Stranger: YOU GOT ME!! I'M MELTING!!
Stranger: :(
You: I must fly. The Goblin Men will have heard that shot.
Stranger: i know thats why they call me the best
Stranger: lol
You: I only have one chance... to save us...
You have disconnected.

You: I just lost The Game.
Stranger: Hello. You get one question, make it count.
Stranger: .....
Stranger: you son of a bitch
Stranger: you don't get a question
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hi
You: Hi.
Stranger: m/f?
You: m
Stranger: cool im f
You: Hello, f.
Stranger: yep thats my naem XD
You: Cool name.
You: M's not my name, but my name does begin with M.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: gay guy lookin for fun
You: Then try actually talking to people properly instead of using this place to find people to wank with. You may find someone interesting and have a decent conversation that you enjoy, maybe make a few friends, and piss off people less in the process. G'bye now.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: Time saver! Are you a 1) horny guy 2) horny girl 3) gust here to talk?
You: 3
Stranger: Ok good. M f?
You: M.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

...not quite sure what happened here.

Stranger: hey
Stranger: favourite band?
You: Rubber band, I think.
Stranger: i dont know them
You: ...
You have disconnected.

You: It's-a ME! Mario!!!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: asl?
You: unspecified/m/Mushroom Kingdom
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Dave Strider]

I love it. Took a leaf out of mike's book.

You:Hi
Stranger:Darling~~!
You: I'm a boy.
Stranger: Darling~~!
You:I love you!
Stranger: I love you to!
You: AAAH! DINOSAUR ATTACK! RUN!
You have disconnected.

:D

 

[Loco Mocho]

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: are you a horny
b looking to chat
c a magic toaster
Stranger: Um I choose C.
You: ZOMG cool!
You: can you make me toast
Stranger: only if you supply the bread. Tell me. Do you have bread?
You: yes!
You: *hands over bread*
Stranger: this isn't sliced! I can't work with a whole loaf. I'm only a toaster you know.
You: hmph... *slices while pshyco music plays*
Stranger: This toast making is intense.
You: yes! it is!
Stranger: I'm scared. *burns toast*
You: it okay *pats*
Stranger: watch out! you're going to burn your hand!
You: too late...
You: owowowowowowowowowowow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: YOU ARE ON FIRE.
You: *runs in a circle flailing about*
Stranger: AHHH WHAT I CAN'T EVEN CALL 911 I DON'T HAVE HANDS
Stranger: *makes toast at excessive rate*
You: USE YOUR DIAL!!!
You: *omnnomnoms toast*
Stranger: EVEN BETTER, I'LL USE MY OUTLET. I'm going to die man. I'll only have enough solar energy to dial the three digits. Stay strong, stay strong.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: a sorta fairytale
You: an who are you supposed to be
Stranger: what drugs used to be
Stranger: what new york used to be
You: a puppy!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: rawr
Stranger: hey
You: fear me!!!!!
Stranger: haha meoww
You: I AM Thomas the tank engine!
You: running you over with that creepy smile
You: *runs over*
You: i win
Stranger: yikes i am scared
Stranger: okk fine
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
You: Its a me a mario
Stranger: lol
You: have you seen luigi?
Stranger: Hes likely having sex with peach behind your back
You: IMMA FUKING KILL THAT BASTARD
Stranger: lol
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Sex?
Stranger: 18/m/US. you're gonna disconnect now, cuz you're probly straight & male.
You: lol
You: you accually got it!
You: you win a cookie!
You: *hands cookie*
Stranger: i'd rather win 3 guys to come over and have their way with me, but thanks!
You: Fag?
Stranger: yeah
You: *hand cigratte*
Stranger: hah. good one.
You: your immune to my powers
Stranger: what powers?
You: IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
You: *has died*
You have disconnected.


Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: I love you
You: sex
You: sex?
Stranger: ok
You: DAMNIT I MEAN M OR F
You: pwnt
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: HI
Stranger: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
Stranger: Ive been worried sick.
You: ON THE POTTY
Stranger: Well finish eating and come outa there.
You: OK MOMMY
Stranger: I'll be in the backyard, burring your cat.
You: I WANNA BURRY MR WISKERS!
Stranger: Don't talk about your father that way.
You: BUT MOMMY
Stranger: Your grounded.
Stranger: No cell phone for a month.
You: IM SOWWY
You: :'(
Stranger: It's not gona work this time...
You: BUT PWEAZ
Stranger: Ya, I got nuthin.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Not Meowth]

Stranger: HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH KABOOM. DO YOU HAVE LOTS OF DIRTY SHIT IN YOUR HOUSE THAT NEEDS ALL CLEANED UP? THEN BUY SOME OF THIS GODDAMN KABOOM. THIS SHIT COULD CLEAN THE WARTS OFF YOUR SISTER'S VAGINA. YOU CAN PUT SOME KABOOM ON YOUR DICK, AND IT'LL GROW THREE INCHES. FUCK.

IN A FEW MINUTES, THERE WILL BE A GODDAMN NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN. CALL THAT SHIT AND BUY SIX JUGS OF THIS FUCKING KABOOM AND WE'LL THROW IN A SAMURAI SHARK AND SOME GODDAMN ZORBEEZ. WHAT ARE ZORBEEZ? YOU BEST BE JOKING, NIGGER. THOSE FUCKING TOWELS CAN SOAK UP LIKE A GALLON APIECE. YOU'LL PROBABLY NEED THEM AFTER YOU SHARPEN YOUR FUCKING SCISSORS WITH THE SAMURAI SHARK. BECAUSE YOU'LL SIMULTANEOUSLY SHIT, PISS, AND EJACULATE IN YOUR PANTS. HOW DO YOU PISS AND EJACULATE AT THE SAME TIME? FUCK YOU, THAT'S HOW. CALL ME NOW AND I'LL STOP YELLING. NEVERMIND, I CAN'T STOP SO FUCK YOU. I'M GONNA GO JACK OFF WITH SOME ORANGE-GLO SO PEACE OUT NIGGERS.

SO CALL 1-800-781-7529 1-800-781-7529 NOW AND TELL THEM BILLY MAYS SENT YOU

THAT NUMBER AGAIN IS 1-800-781-7529 1-800-781-7529 THAT'S ONE EIGHT ZERO ZERO SEVEN EIGHT ONE SEVEN FIVE TWO NINE

CALL NAO!
You: Billy Mays is dead silly
You have disconnected.

You: Hello, I'm selling haddock. Would you like some?
Stranger: buttscratcher?
You: No, haddock.
Stranger: BUTTSCRATCHER!
You: HADDOCK!
Stranger: ...butt...scratcher?
You: Haddock.
Stranger: butt
Stranger: scratcher
You: Are you going to buy some haddock or not?
Stranger: buttscratcher :(
You: May your wife give birth to a centipede so you have to work for shoes all your life.
You have disconnected.

You: Hello, I'm selling haddock. Would you like some?
Stranger: hell yeah <3 :*
You: They're £57,000 each.
You: How many would you like?
Stranger: 10
You: That'll be £570,000 please.
Stranger: okey
Stranger: here you go :¤
Stranger: £570,000
You: Thank you.
Stranger: np ;¤
You: Your haddock will arrive in 5-10 weeks.
Stranger: awesome :¤
You: By which time it will be completely rotten and useless.
You: Thank you for shopping at HaddockMart.
Stranger: no problem <3
You: Can I help you with anything else today?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i need cock!
Stranger: and i want you! :¤
You: I'm not sure we have any cock here in the store, sir or madam. I'll go check the storeroom.
Stranger: thanks :¤
You: No, we're fresh out I'm afraid. They might have some cock in our Leicester branch.
Stranger: good ;¤
You: Or I can call up the depot in Aberdeen and get them to send some down.
Stranger: What about ur cock? <3
You: Oh, it's very good quality. I bought it here at HaddockMart, as a matter of fact, and I must say it's better than the other brands I've tried.
You: They're £4,800,907 and 22 pence.
You: You're making a very good choice shopping here for them.
Stranger: gief gief gief
You: Excuse me, sir or madam?
Stranger: I'll take ten at a time ^^
Stranger: madam
You: Well, like I said we don't have any in stock at the minute.
You: They should be arriving from Aberdeen in about ten hours.
You: Leicester are sold out too, I'm afraid.
Stranger: u sure i cant fuck your dick?
You: Mine? Well, I suppose I could sell it to you rather than make you wait until the truck arrives from the depot. What with our great customer service record and all.
You: Would you like it in a bag?
Stranger: I like unwrapping things so... ;*
You: Alright, there you go madam, thank you for your custom. Have a great evening!
You have disconnected.

Stranger: A WILD ABRA APPEARD
Stranger: abrs used tackle
You: wtf hax
You have disconnected.

You: a
Stranger: b
You: c
Stranger: d
You: e
Stranger: f
You: g
Stranger: h
You: i
Stranger: j
You: k
Stranger: l
You: m
Stranger: n
You: o
Stranger: p
You: q
Stranger: r
You: s
Stranger: t
You: u
Stranger: v
You: w
Stranger: x
You: y
Stranger: z
You: Now I know my ABCs
You: Won't you come and play with me~
You have disconnected.

Stranger: hi
You: Waffles.
Stranger: how did you find this chat site
Stranger: ?
You: I met an old rabbit perched upon a mushroom, smoking a old wood pipe. He looked up at me with a wink. He blew a perfect smoke-ring and told me to come here.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: anyways my sister showed me this chat site
You: But who showed her?
You: The rabbit?
Stranger: no
Stranger: she Googled it
Stranger: and are you hi sir?
Stranger: or are you a little drunk?
You: Many people ask that when I tell them of the rabbit.
You: But he is truly a prophet of our times.
Stranger: what rabbit?
Stranger: no rabbit ran predict anything they don't have that sight.
You: That's very narrow minded of you. Good day.
You have disconnected.

 

[Amphacham]

Ffff XD Lotsa odd folks in there.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: i am pokemon master
Stranger: cool
Stranger: your ash?
You: im is super kickarse mum
Stranger: aww
You: i love you
Stranger: i was looking for ash
Stranger: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Lars The Turtwig]

Meh.

-----
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello there, random stranger.
You: you're random.
You: Too random.
Stranger: no
You: I hate randomness.
Stranger: no
Stranger: i too
You: So I have to insinarate you!
You: *disconnects*
You have disconnected.
---------------
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!
Stranger: fuck who?
You: It's the name of this world's most delightful action.
You have disconnected.
------------
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
------------------
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger:

Stranger: NOR SCOR
You: FUCK YOU
You: FUCK CHUCK NORRIS

Stranger: DAMN U??
You: FUCK THE FUCK
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
---------
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: SEX!
You: What, exactly, is SEX?
Stranger: fuck
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
---------------
I have obviously been too long around my neighbour
----------
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: :d
You: cookies.
You: they are great.
You: they are better than sex.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: no!
You: although I tried to do said action with a chocolate-chip cookie...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
---------
I think I posted enough sex jokes.

 

[Storm Earth and Fire]

First real conversation on Omegle...

Stranger: Hola!
Stranger: de donde eres?
You: Texas.
Stranger: cauntos anos tienes?
You: 18
Stranger: tambien
Stranger: chico o chica?
You: chico.
You: y tu? de donde eres?
Stranger: vivo en new mexico
You: Alberquerque o...?
Stranger: si
You: ah
You: soy en Dallas.
Stranger: bueno~
Stranger: !
You: hehe
You: hablas ingles?
Stranger: yes
You: ok, good. i need to relearn Spanish.
Stranger: come to new mexico
Stranger: I'll teach you a few things ;)
You: i've been through on my way to California.
You: been by Las Cruces.
Stranger: interesante
You: HACE LA GLORIA!
Stranger: i like cock
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Let's try again!

Stranger: tell me a secret
You: i'm Mexican.
Stranger: im american
You: oh cool.
Stranger: how old?
You: 18.
Stranger: im 20
Stranger: m/f?
You: male.
Stranger: me too
You: so...
You: what's better, the Tiger tank or the T-34?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Yes I lied about my race/nationality.

Stranger: hi
You: hello~!
Stranger: asl
You: 18/m/Singapore.
Stranger: 18? im 14
You: oh well i suppose this is illegal in your country?
Stranger: yes
You: well...
Stranger: lol
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Being a compulsive liar is fun...

Stranger: Why are you doing this?
You: I don't know why.
You: I've got a more important question.
Stranger: Correct, Question 2
Stranger: wait you ask first
You: Which tank is better, the Tiger or the T-34?
Stranger: I would get the tiger, but if I had to build it myself I would make the T34 hands down
Stranger: Are we killing people today?
You: Aren't we always indirectly killing people?
Stranger: If you wait long enough, everyone you know now will be dead
You: Good one, Cpatain Obvious.
You: *Captain
Stranger: There's no reason to kill people faster is there?
You: Well, sure, but there are always folks who argue otherwise, yes?
Stranger: I dont mind killing people personally, but I dont like that face they make right before they die. You know, that "Why me?" face
You: Well it's awfully hard to put on another face at that moment, yes?
Stranger: I wouldn't know, I've never died
You: Nope, we won't really ever know, huh?
Stranger: I hope to make a silly face when I get shot, so the person who shoots me can laugh about it later.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Valerunner]

Stranger: hey
You: BRAAAIIIINNNSSSS
You: BRAINS?
Stranger: what?
You: BRAINS BRAINS BRAAINS BRAIIIINS.
Stranger: brains?
You: BRAINS!
Stranger: head?
You: BRAAAAIIINNNSSS.
You: *bite*
Stranger: oh
Stranger: link
You: BRAAAAIIIINNSSS
Stranger: ummmm...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Not Meowth]

You: sex
Stranger: m
Stranger: u?
You: r
Stranger: ?
You: what?
Stranger: m\f?
You: r
Stranger: r?
Stranger: o.O
You: RAPTOR. *slashes your face off*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: I AM AN ALASKAN TREE BADGER. WATCH ME DANCE.
Stranger: ...
Stranger: Wait...
Stranger: Is this a bot?
You: No.
Stranger: Oh jesus christ thank god.
You: I know they're EVERYWHERE just like ninjas.
Stranger: What ninj-
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: I'm a giraffe.
Stranger: ı m john
You: Hi, Steve.
Stranger: asl
You: 17/m/african savannah
Stranger: e u muslim
You: no, giraffes don't have religions
Stranger: that is so bad dude
You: am i going to hell?
Stranger: i dont know but there is a god....that is absoluetly right
You: is there?
You: is he a giraffe?
Stranger: you are so poor
You: yes i'm a giraffe we don't have money either
You: just necks
Stranger: get out
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: horny?
Stranger: Sure
You: asl?
Stranger: 7 chick Kansas, America
You: too old
You have disconnected.

You: HELP I'VE FALLEN DOWN A WELL
Stranger: hi
Stranger: lets have sex
You: okay
You: clmb down the well then
Stranger: ok
Stranger: are you a girl or boy
You: girl
Stranger: ok im down there
Stranger: you start
You: OH MY GOD, IT'S A CROCODILE!
Stranger: its ok it just looks like one
Stranger: that would be my penis
You: NO IT'S DEFINITELY A CROCODILE
You: HE'S GONNA EAT ME HELP
Stranger: ill unzip my pants
Stranger: here take this shield
Stranger: and these eye protection goggles
You: AHHHH HE'S BITING MY HEAD
You: HIS SHARP SHARP TEETH HAVE SLICED THROUGH MY SKULL LIKE BUTTER
You: I COLLAPSE TO THE FLOOR WITH BLOOD POURING FROM MY MOUTH AND NOSE AND LIE STILL BLEEDING
Stranger: now can we have sex?
You: no way, necrophilia's sick
You: pervert
You have disconnected.

 

[Loco Mocho]

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: 'ASKLDJfo;aiwenc
Stranger: jHEY
Stranger: HEY
HEY
HEY
HEY
You: i can spam too!
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
Stranger: Oh you're coooool
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
Stranger: That shit's nasty.
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: v
You: v
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: v
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spamspam
Stranger: You're a dumbass.
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
Stranger: Cheater
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
Stranger: Cheater
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
Stranger: Cheater
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam\\\\
You: s
You: p
You: a
You: m
Stranger: dumbasss
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spamspam
You: spam
Stranger: Oh you're a hardass.
You: spam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spamspam
You: spamspam
You: spamspam
You: spamspam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
You: spam
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Worst Username Ever]

You: Lamp oil? Rope? Bombs?
You: You want it?
Stranger: go for it
Stranger: i'll take whatever ya got
You: It's yours my friend.
You: As long as you have enough rubies.
Stranger: ah dammit
Stranger: all i have is emeralds
You: Sorry, I only accept rubies
You: Come back when you're a little... MMMMMMMMM... richer!
Stranger: i have...*whispers* nuclear waste
Stranger: never wanted to be SUPERHUMAN?
You: no
You: I only accept rubies
Stranger: but superhuman!
Stranger: human but yet super
You: I'll pass. That would make things too easy.
Stranger: ugh i tried

 

[Not Meowth]

Stranger: disconnect if under 19
You: I just lost The Game.
Stranger: well in that case i just lost it too
Stranger: you asshole
You: That'll teach you to be so ageist then D<
You have disconnected.

Stranger: heyy
You: I'm a taco.
Stranger: how's your night ?
You: Good.
You: Taco-y.
Stranger: nice to hear
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Mexico originally but now they serve us everywhere.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[beginning of incredibly persistant conversation with a perv who refused to accept that I was not horny]
Stranger: what would you do to me if you where here?
Stranger: ;)
You: Ask you how I suddenly got warped over to your place and wish I were back home in bed and not lost miles and miles away.

Stranger: age/gender/location/weight/height/eyecolor/haircolor/occupation please:D
You: 17/m/uk/dunno/dunno/brown/brown/none
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: æ
a and e are having sex
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: sup baby girl
You: i've shat in my diaper

Damn it why do I suddenly break out in Americanisms on Omegle

You: I am a octopus.
Stranger: an
You: No. A.
Stranger: o is a vowel smart guy
You: Look, who's the fucking octopus around here?
You have disconnected.

You: H
You: e
You: l
You: l
You: o
You: .
Stranger: .olleH
You: H
You: o
You: w
You:
You: d
You: o
You:
You: y
You: o
You: u
You:
You: d
You: o
You: ?
Stranger: .flesruoy tuoba woh .llew ytterp
You: I
You:
You: a
You: m
You:
You: d
You: o
You: i
You: n
You: g
You:
You: q
You: u
You: i
You: t
You: e
You:
You: w
You: e
You: l
You: l
You:
You: a
You: l
You: s
You: o
You: .
Stranger: c-c-c-c-c-ombo breaker
You: >:(