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In Progress PokeQuest: A New Beginning

Psychic Kobra

Psychic Kobra

The Kobra who twists time, space and....spoons.
Dusty yawned. She opened her big, brown eyes and looked around. Where am I? She thought. Suddenly she remembered. She had stayed at Professor Willow's lab overnight, to get first choice on the Starter Pokemon. She got out of bed and went downstairs. "Hello, Dusty!" Prof Willow cheerily greeted."Good morning, Professor." Dusty replied. She just had to choose the fire pokemon, Flareup. It was so cute! "I'll nickname you Flare!" She said to the male Pokemon, tickling his tummy. The tiny red Fire Dog Pokemon barked with joy, his fiery tail flaring. Dusty shook her head to clear it, and her blonde hair waved around like wildfire. "Well, I guess I should give you a pokedex!" Prof Willow joked, her blue eyes twinkling mischieviously."Thanks, Professor!" Dusty said, picking up Flare's Pokeball and attempting to recall him. Dusty was confused, as Flare refused to return. She picked up the six unoccupied pokeballs that the professor had left for her, and set off, Flare trotting loyally at her side.
 
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1) Who is Dusty? What the heck does she look like?
2) Why was she squatting is the professor's house?
3) What does the professor look like???
4) The enter key is a thing.
5) oh what fake pokemon... Huh. I have no idea what it looks like.
 
Psychic Kobra said:
You know what? Screw this!
Click to expand...

the only reason richie was asking is because what you posted didn't seem to have much description that would help someone who didn't know the full story (aka the author) figure out what was supposed to be going on. It was the prelude to constructive criticism: rather than ending the story you could find ways to improve it based on advice. Just cause someone offers a lot of constructive criticism does not mean a story is bad and should be stopped - it means there are ways to improve the story, which is what a lot of writers want.
 
You don't have to quit! This story has a lot of potential! If you keep going, it could turn out really good!

It would be cool to know what Flareup looks like. A lot of people reading are probably super-interested in being able to imagine this cute Fire Pokemon, and you can help them out! Maybe start with saying what sort of animal it's like (a kitty? A bear? Maybe a dragon?) and a colour.

If you're having a hard time, you can draw a picture to go with the story if you like! That way, Flareup's image will be clearer in your mind, and you can practice describing it with words! Plus, then people might be able to give you good tips on how to use words that would make people think of something like the picture! (if you want their tips!)

Dusty and Professor Willow sound like really friendly characters, too. I like the part where Dusty tickles Flareup's tummy! That shows a character who cares about Pokemon and is excited! Professor Willow sounds happy to have this job, and she's nice to Dusty!

The sentence flow and variation are good here, too!

Even if you quit after all, I hope you keep writing other stories! You've shown a lot about the characters in just a few short sentences, and I think someday you'll be really good at this.
 
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