Erindor the Espeon
How do you do? Pleased to meet you. I'm Erindor.
After my poor last attempt at writing an unoriginal story (You could probably find it somewhere here, many pages back) I decided to come up with something totally original. Here's what I came up with.
Post Apocalypse Background:
The people who survived the Final War (WWIII) had to take extreme measures to survive. Right before the war, geneticists in England discovered how to safely change a human’s DNA. It was therefore plausible to not only make superhumans, but hybrids. Seeing that the only way to survive would be to give themselves the advantage, humans split off into separate groups.
There were those who thought that in a wasteland, reptilian would be the smartest choice. Their group consists of the poisonous lizards, such as the gila monster, the snakelike people in only fangs and heat sensing, and snakelike in neck, head, and tail. Some actually do have scales, depending on their personal choice. They believe it works as a natural armor. The Reptilian group is known as the most troublemaking.
Next is the canine group. All people who became part dog, wolf, or other dog-like creatures (fox, etc.) are in here. They generally have a longer face (snout) teeth, great tracking skills and sense of smell. Good hearing as well.
Another is the Avian group. These are the humans that became part bird. They have great eyesight, some have taloned feet, and wings, which either replace their arms or are on their back.
Fourthly, there is the Feline group. They have retractable claws, tails for balance, can climb trees, have cat ears with extremely good hearing, night vision, and sharp teeth.
The fifth group are the superhumans. These are the people that still wanted to retain their humanity, but realized the cost of not strengthening themselves. They have exceptional strength compared to a normal human, better sight, hearing, speed, etc.
The last group are the purists. These are the humans who did not have anything done to their genes. They live in a secluded fortress, and all the other groups have agreed not to harm them. The main reason being that the purists are made up mostly of doctors and technicians, and without them, the medicine and technological advances would slow to an extreme.
Any other survivors are hermits, usually pure humans. There are also those who had their genes mutated by radiation. The radiation mutants are usually extremely violent and feral. It is also predicted that there may be unknown families or small colonies of people. (When I say predicted, of course there will be.)
Basic plot: Erindor is a seemingly normal boy, except that he has a special way with anything electric. One day he discovers that he has the ability to talk and manipulate technology, especially anything computer oriented. He hides this ability, hoping no one will take any notice. But when an imbalance of power shows up favoring the troublesome Reptilian Tribe, he decides that he should do something about it. But what he uncovers is beyond any Tribal feud. He begins a journey with one member from each of the other tribes to stop a coming evil. Before it grows too late.
The main characters that go on the quest all have special abilities that they’ve learned, but they aren’t the only ones. They’ll meet others who have their own special powers. Good and bad.
Character Descriptions:
Erindor Striker: A 15 year old boy from the Feline Tribe, Erindor has always had a way with technology. At age 8 he could take apart a rifle and reassemble it with no instructions or trouble. While working on a transmitter one day, he realized he could speak with and control technology. (It came through puberty, unless I can think of something cooler.) By speaking with the transmitter, Erindor evolved it until it became an extremely powerful computer headpiece. (This will happen in the book) This special ability is called Technokinesis.
The Headpiece: (Not a character, though it does speak, but I need a description)
This headpiece wraps around Erindor’s head, right above his right eye. The transmitter/antenna is on the right side of his head, and the screen-eyepiece is on the left. The screen-eyepiece rests as far away from his eye as a lens from a pair of glasses would. It can retract to his temple, pointing vertically rather than horizontally as it does in use.
Commander Striker: Erindor’s father, Larn, is the leader of the strike force for the Feline Tribe. He is known for his military prowess and is a little disappointed Erindor doesn’t want to follow his steps. Although he grieves for his wife who died in a skirmish against the Canine Tribe, he’s moved on and has become even more withdrawn and battle hardened. First character you meet in the book. Aged 39.
Lydia Dawnstalk: A girl from the Avian Tribe. She’s part owl, and is rather quiet, preferring to be a silent striker. However, if riled, she will leave the offender either in an extreme amount of pain, or wondering how they just got so easily destroyed in a battle of wits. Her wings are on her back, as opposed to replacing her arms. Her special ability is Foresight, which isn’t really seeing the future but rather the ability to predict outcomes with uncanny accuracy. Aged 15.
Aether Soulblaze: A wolf boy from the Canine Tribe. A dark, foreboding character, who easily unsettles people just with his presence. The special ability he learns focuses on this power, known as Disturbance. It can give him the upper hand in persuading, or distract guards and the like. He’s a bit grim, focusing on cold hard reality. Not exactly pessimistic, but realistic. Age 16
Aaron Ponder: A snake boy from the Reptillian Tribe. He has heat sensing, venomous fangs, and is quick to strike, just like the animal he represents. His special ability is Death Gaze, which gives him the power to hypnotize anyone as long as they maintain eye contact with his reptilian eyes. Age 14
Acknowledged Problems or Questionable choices:
When naming the main character Erindor, I’m not trying to make a Mary-Sue. Erindor is simply my username for everything, and I have planned ever since I had the desire to write a book to name the main character as such.
Erindor is 15, relatively close to my age. I make him that because that’s the age group I’m writing for, as well as the age group I have experience with.
The Feline Tribe’s claws spring out from between their knuckles. I know many of you are thinking Wolverine and copyrights, but I seriously cannot think of an alternative.
Yes, I know I used “The Commander” and “The soldier/enemy/foe” too often. I’ll edit that later.
Mary-Sue Preventors:
Erindor, being part cat, spits (hisses, cat aggressiveness) at those he considers threats or who annoy him. I actually got this idea from a Mary-Sue test I took.
Erindor, while being a genius when it comes to technology, isn’t all that great of a fighter, and doesn’t have a lot of social skills.
Seriously, when fighting he gets destroyed.
Prologue
The very air seemed disturbed. The waves of heat slowly rising over the wasteland gave the rocky pass a sense of illusion. A lizard sensed the uneasiness and scrambled into the shade of its den.
Suddenly, a movement so quick it was almost undetectable. A man dressed in combat gear ran around to the protection of a boulder where the rest of his force was waiting. They acknowledge the commander’s appearance with only a quick nod. He pointed to two of his men, and thrust his thumb back, signaling “Cover Me”. He crept forward to the very edge of the boulder, and pulled out a small metal sphere. He pressed a button, and the sphere expanded to the size of a tennis ball. He paused for a moment before pressing the second button. He threw the ball into the clearing. His tail twitched in anticipation.
“BOOM-SSSSSSS” The grenade split itself in two with a small explosion. Each piece flew about five feet away, and began giving off a red smoke. “Get ‘em boys.” The commander said. He and his men ran out into the clearing behind the ten foot wall of smoke. The second they ran through the smoke, all Hell broke loose. A bullet flew by the commander’s head, the razor sharp blades ripping off a chunk of hair as it went. He returned fire with his dual pistols.
An enemy soldier ran up to contend with the commander, a knife sliding out of his gauntlet as he ran. He slashed out with lightning speed. The commander blocked it with his right arm, smashing the enemy’s chin with an uppercut from his left. While the soldier was still reeling, the commander’s claws shot out from between his knuckles. He punched with his right, the claws cutting deep gouges into the foe’s cheek, puncturing all the way through. The soldier dropped to the ground, stunned.
Hearing another attacker from behind, the commander whirled out his leg. It caught the opponent in the gut, sending him flying backwards. The commander perused the enemy, pulling out his pistol in the process. He blasted a shot which the enemy dodged, leaping to his feet. He knocked the gun out of the commander’s hand, landing a kick of his own on his chest. There was an audible crack, signifying that at least one rib broke. The commander fell down, gasping in pain. The soldier stalked forward with a sense of victory. The commander grabbed some dirt and threw it into the soldiers eyes. It hissed in pain. The commander made one last futile attempt. He picked up a small stone, and threw it at the enemy’s head. It blocked it easily.
The soldier grabbed the commander by the arms, lifting him up. After observing him for a quick moment, he struck the commander’s neck, sinking his fangs in. The commander yelled out in pain, as the enemy dropped him to the ground. The commander could already feel the venom coursing through his body. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the slitted, unforgiving eye of the assailant.
Oh, and feel free to comment.
Post Apocalypse Background:
The people who survived the Final War (WWIII) had to take extreme measures to survive. Right before the war, geneticists in England discovered how to safely change a human’s DNA. It was therefore plausible to not only make superhumans, but hybrids. Seeing that the only way to survive would be to give themselves the advantage, humans split off into separate groups.
There were those who thought that in a wasteland, reptilian would be the smartest choice. Their group consists of the poisonous lizards, such as the gila monster, the snakelike people in only fangs and heat sensing, and snakelike in neck, head, and tail. Some actually do have scales, depending on their personal choice. They believe it works as a natural armor. The Reptilian group is known as the most troublemaking.
Next is the canine group. All people who became part dog, wolf, or other dog-like creatures (fox, etc.) are in here. They generally have a longer face (snout) teeth, great tracking skills and sense of smell. Good hearing as well.
Another is the Avian group. These are the humans that became part bird. They have great eyesight, some have taloned feet, and wings, which either replace their arms or are on their back.
Fourthly, there is the Feline group. They have retractable claws, tails for balance, can climb trees, have cat ears with extremely good hearing, night vision, and sharp teeth.
The fifth group are the superhumans. These are the people that still wanted to retain their humanity, but realized the cost of not strengthening themselves. They have exceptional strength compared to a normal human, better sight, hearing, speed, etc.
The last group are the purists. These are the humans who did not have anything done to their genes. They live in a secluded fortress, and all the other groups have agreed not to harm them. The main reason being that the purists are made up mostly of doctors and technicians, and without them, the medicine and technological advances would slow to an extreme.
Any other survivors are hermits, usually pure humans. There are also those who had their genes mutated by radiation. The radiation mutants are usually extremely violent and feral. It is also predicted that there may be unknown families or small colonies of people. (When I say predicted, of course there will be.)
Basic plot: Erindor is a seemingly normal boy, except that he has a special way with anything electric. One day he discovers that he has the ability to talk and manipulate technology, especially anything computer oriented. He hides this ability, hoping no one will take any notice. But when an imbalance of power shows up favoring the troublesome Reptilian Tribe, he decides that he should do something about it. But what he uncovers is beyond any Tribal feud. He begins a journey with one member from each of the other tribes to stop a coming evil. Before it grows too late.
The main characters that go on the quest all have special abilities that they’ve learned, but they aren’t the only ones. They’ll meet others who have their own special powers. Good and bad.
Character Descriptions:
Erindor Striker: A 15 year old boy from the Feline Tribe, Erindor has always had a way with technology. At age 8 he could take apart a rifle and reassemble it with no instructions or trouble. While working on a transmitter one day, he realized he could speak with and control technology. (It came through puberty, unless I can think of something cooler.) By speaking with the transmitter, Erindor evolved it until it became an extremely powerful computer headpiece. (This will happen in the book) This special ability is called Technokinesis.
The Headpiece: (Not a character, though it does speak, but I need a description)
This headpiece wraps around Erindor’s head, right above his right eye. The transmitter/antenna is on the right side of his head, and the screen-eyepiece is on the left. The screen-eyepiece rests as far away from his eye as a lens from a pair of glasses would. It can retract to his temple, pointing vertically rather than horizontally as it does in use.
Commander Striker: Erindor’s father, Larn, is the leader of the strike force for the Feline Tribe. He is known for his military prowess and is a little disappointed Erindor doesn’t want to follow his steps. Although he grieves for his wife who died in a skirmish against the Canine Tribe, he’s moved on and has become even more withdrawn and battle hardened. First character you meet in the book. Aged 39.
Lydia Dawnstalk: A girl from the Avian Tribe. She’s part owl, and is rather quiet, preferring to be a silent striker. However, if riled, she will leave the offender either in an extreme amount of pain, or wondering how they just got so easily destroyed in a battle of wits. Her wings are on her back, as opposed to replacing her arms. Her special ability is Foresight, which isn’t really seeing the future but rather the ability to predict outcomes with uncanny accuracy. Aged 15.
Aether Soulblaze: A wolf boy from the Canine Tribe. A dark, foreboding character, who easily unsettles people just with his presence. The special ability he learns focuses on this power, known as Disturbance. It can give him the upper hand in persuading, or distract guards and the like. He’s a bit grim, focusing on cold hard reality. Not exactly pessimistic, but realistic. Age 16
Aaron Ponder: A snake boy from the Reptillian Tribe. He has heat sensing, venomous fangs, and is quick to strike, just like the animal he represents. His special ability is Death Gaze, which gives him the power to hypnotize anyone as long as they maintain eye contact with his reptilian eyes. Age 14
Acknowledged Problems or Questionable choices:
When naming the main character Erindor, I’m not trying to make a Mary-Sue. Erindor is simply my username for everything, and I have planned ever since I had the desire to write a book to name the main character as such.
Erindor is 15, relatively close to my age. I make him that because that’s the age group I’m writing for, as well as the age group I have experience with.
The Feline Tribe’s claws spring out from between their knuckles. I know many of you are thinking Wolverine and copyrights, but I seriously cannot think of an alternative.
Yes, I know I used “The Commander” and “The soldier/enemy/foe” too often. I’ll edit that later.
Mary-Sue Preventors:
Erindor, being part cat, spits (hisses, cat aggressiveness) at those he considers threats or who annoy him. I actually got this idea from a Mary-Sue test I took.
Erindor, while being a genius when it comes to technology, isn’t all that great of a fighter, and doesn’t have a lot of social skills.
Seriously, when fighting he gets destroyed.
Prologue
The very air seemed disturbed. The waves of heat slowly rising over the wasteland gave the rocky pass a sense of illusion. A lizard sensed the uneasiness and scrambled into the shade of its den.
Suddenly, a movement so quick it was almost undetectable. A man dressed in combat gear ran around to the protection of a boulder where the rest of his force was waiting. They acknowledge the commander’s appearance with only a quick nod. He pointed to two of his men, and thrust his thumb back, signaling “Cover Me”. He crept forward to the very edge of the boulder, and pulled out a small metal sphere. He pressed a button, and the sphere expanded to the size of a tennis ball. He paused for a moment before pressing the second button. He threw the ball into the clearing. His tail twitched in anticipation.
“BOOM-SSSSSSS” The grenade split itself in two with a small explosion. Each piece flew about five feet away, and began giving off a red smoke. “Get ‘em boys.” The commander said. He and his men ran out into the clearing behind the ten foot wall of smoke. The second they ran through the smoke, all Hell broke loose. A bullet flew by the commander’s head, the razor sharp blades ripping off a chunk of hair as it went. He returned fire with his dual pistols.
An enemy soldier ran up to contend with the commander, a knife sliding out of his gauntlet as he ran. He slashed out with lightning speed. The commander blocked it with his right arm, smashing the enemy’s chin with an uppercut from his left. While the soldier was still reeling, the commander’s claws shot out from between his knuckles. He punched with his right, the claws cutting deep gouges into the foe’s cheek, puncturing all the way through. The soldier dropped to the ground, stunned.
Hearing another attacker from behind, the commander whirled out his leg. It caught the opponent in the gut, sending him flying backwards. The commander perused the enemy, pulling out his pistol in the process. He blasted a shot which the enemy dodged, leaping to his feet. He knocked the gun out of the commander’s hand, landing a kick of his own on his chest. There was an audible crack, signifying that at least one rib broke. The commander fell down, gasping in pain. The soldier stalked forward with a sense of victory. The commander grabbed some dirt and threw it into the soldiers eyes. It hissed in pain. The commander made one last futile attempt. He picked up a small stone, and threw it at the enemy’s head. It blocked it easily.
The soldier grabbed the commander by the arms, lifting him up. After observing him for a quick moment, he struck the commander’s neck, sinking his fangs in. The commander yelled out in pain, as the enemy dropped him to the ground. The commander could already feel the venom coursing through his body. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the slitted, unforgiving eye of the assailant.
Oh, and feel free to comment.
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