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Random Chuck Norris Fact/Joke Board
- Thread starter Shadow Lucario
- Start date
cheesecake
dayum, boy!
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Not Meowth
Cat, are you drilling?
Chuck Norris was once given a speeding ticket for doing 250mph in a 30 zone. On foot.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris recently visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as simply "the Islands".
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris doesn't sit down. Chairs just kiss his ass.
The first human alphabet consisted of only the letters C, H, U, K, N, O, R, I, S. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe things that were not, in fact, awesome.
“Knock, Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Chuck Norris.” “Oh shit.”
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex, because Chuck Norris does not fuck up.
Some kids like to piss their name into the snow. Chuck Norris likes to piss his name into concrete.
Whispering "Chuck Norris sucks" is the quickest but most painful form of suicide on Earth.
What is the only thing deadlier than Chuck Norris with a gun? Chuck Norris without a gun.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
When taking the SATs, just write "Chuck Norris" for every answer and you’ll score over 8000.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris recently visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as simply "the Islands".
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris doesn't sit down. Chairs just kiss his ass.
The first human alphabet consisted of only the letters C, H, U, K, N, O, R, I, S. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe things that were not, in fact, awesome.
“Knock, Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Chuck Norris.” “Oh shit.”
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex, because Chuck Norris does not fuck up.
Some kids like to piss their name into the snow. Chuck Norris likes to piss his name into concrete.
Whispering "Chuck Norris sucks" is the quickest but most painful form of suicide on Earth.
What is the only thing deadlier than Chuck Norris with a gun? Chuck Norris without a gun.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
When taking the SATs, just write "Chuck Norris" for every answer and you’ll score over 8000.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Last edited:
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Not Meowth
Cat, are you drilling?
Silversnow
You dress like an acid trip.
Fix'd.
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Time Psyduck
I can see the ending
During one roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris's foot broke the light barrier.
When Chuck Norris gives blood, he doesn't accept the needle, he uses a shotgun and a bucket
Chuch Norris doesn't write; the words form up themselves out of fear
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and leaping over buildings are warm-up exercises for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the person responsible for defeating Sauron, when he roundhouse kicked him out of existance. Tolkien invented Frodo, Aragorn and Gandalf to portray just 1% of Chuck Norris's power, and the whole 'destroy the ring' plot to make up for the missing 2% of Chuch Norris's power needed to destroy Sauron. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Tolkien.
Chuck Norris once farted. The Sahara Desert remains to this day.
A woman from Atlantis once said 'no' to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sank Atlantis.
The only people who can move fast enough to block a roundhouse kick are Jedi. Unfortunatly for them, Chuck Norris is both unstoppable and lightsaber-proof, whereas they are not.
Chuch Norris shot JKF. Without a gun.
...This is fun. (The first 4 come from a poster I have seen but don't have, the others I invented)
When Chuck Norris gives blood, he doesn't accept the needle, he uses a shotgun and a bucket
Chuch Norris doesn't write; the words form up themselves out of fear
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and leaping over buildings are warm-up exercises for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the person responsible for defeating Sauron, when he roundhouse kicked him out of existance. Tolkien invented Frodo, Aragorn and Gandalf to portray just 1% of Chuck Norris's power, and the whole 'destroy the ring' plot to make up for the missing 2% of Chuch Norris's power needed to destroy Sauron. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Tolkien.
Chuck Norris once farted. The Sahara Desert remains to this day.
A woman from Atlantis once said 'no' to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sank Atlantis.
The only people who can move fast enough to block a roundhouse kick are Jedi. Unfortunatly for them, Chuck Norris is both unstoppable and lightsaber-proof, whereas they are not.
Chuch Norris shot JKF. Without a gun.
...This is fun. (The first 4 come from a poster I have seen but don't have, the others I invented)
Last edited:
Not Meowth
Cat, are you drilling?
Time Psyduck
I can see the ending
Teh Ebil Snorlax
izombie, uzombie, weallzombie
