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TCOD Survivor (RESULTS IN, EIGHTH CHALLENGE UP)
- Thread starter Ether's Bane
- Start date
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
Re: TCOD Survivor (CHALLENGE RESULTS IN, TRIBAL COUNCIL IN PROGRESS)
5 votes were cast, and with 5 votes, including 3 from penalty votes, Notoriously Unknown has been eliminated.
Challenge 4 is:
RP (Rating Pending)
You must complete the following RP passage (in private) and then PM your completed passage to Kusarigamaitachi. It can be as short or as long as you like. He will then score your passage, and then post in this thread with the critiques. The team with the highest score wins immunity.
The deadline is Friday, July 10 at 7:00 PM HKT. (That's 11:00 AM GMT, 7:00 AM EST, and 4:00 PST.)
Also, for teams Kanto and Johto, you have not participated in the last two challenges. If anyone from either those teams does not participate, they will receive three penalty votes. Of course, that may be irrelevant, as, if Flying Bread fails to participate in a fourth straight challenge, s/he will be eliminated without a Tribal Council.
Background:
You are Jason, a 16-year-old boy with the powers of a Poliwrath. You have teamed up with Sarah, who has Umbreon powers, and David, who has Magmortar powers. You and your comrades have been kidnapped and used as money-making vehicles for a group of criminals. However, once you finally turned against the criminals, the three of you were bound and gagged. You have just gotten free and freed the other two. However, you have to fight the ringleader's Drapion. While you're doing that, Sarah is busy fighting another of the ringleader's Pokemon, an Electabuzz. David is fighting yet another of the ringleader's Pokemon, an Altaria.
Here's what you have to work with.
I was positioning myself for an attack on the Drapion, when . . .
5 votes were cast, and with 5 votes, including 3 from penalty votes, Notoriously Unknown has been eliminated.
Challenge 4 is:
RP (Rating Pending)
You must complete the following RP passage (in private) and then PM your completed passage to Kusarigamaitachi. It can be as short or as long as you like. He will then score your passage, and then post in this thread with the critiques. The team with the highest score wins immunity.
The deadline is Friday, July 10 at 7:00 PM HKT. (That's 11:00 AM GMT, 7:00 AM EST, and 4:00 PST.)
Also, for teams Kanto and Johto, you have not participated in the last two challenges. If anyone from either those teams does not participate, they will receive three penalty votes. Of course, that may be irrelevant, as, if Flying Bread fails to participate in a fourth straight challenge, s/he will be eliminated without a Tribal Council.
Background:
You are Jason, a 16-year-old boy with the powers of a Poliwrath. You have teamed up with Sarah, who has Umbreon powers, and David, who has Magmortar powers. You and your comrades have been kidnapped and used as money-making vehicles for a group of criminals. However, once you finally turned against the criminals, the three of you were bound and gagged. You have just gotten free and freed the other two. However, you have to fight the ringleader's Drapion. While you're doing that, Sarah is busy fighting another of the ringleader's Pokemon, an Electabuzz. David is fighting yet another of the ringleader's Pokemon, an Altaria.
Here's what you have to work with.
I was positioning myself for an attack on the Drapion, when . . .
Last edited:
Thanks for All the Fish
so long~ and...
Jack_the_White
Fuck
Notoriously Unknown
Quick, somebody come up with a witty response!
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
Jack_the_White
Fuck
Re: TCOD Survivor (RESULTS IN, FOURTH CHALLENGE UP, ATTN: TEAMS KANTO AND JOHTO)
lol coincidentally the same goes for me, im camping for 2 weeks starting sunday afternoon. Ill be taking a break the following sat-sun, then at camp til the saturday after that. Could you make the next challenge due sunday night plz?
lol coincidentally the same goes for me, im camping for 2 weeks starting sunday afternoon. Ill be taking a break the following sat-sun, then at camp til the saturday after that. Could you make the next challenge due sunday night plz?
allitersonance
Banned
Re: TCOD Survivor (RESULTS IN, FOURTH CHALLENGE UP, ATTN: TEAMS KANTO AND JOHTO)
Only two entries? Sweet. (Not sweet is me being called a “he”. >:( IT. )
You may notice that I don’t do the praise sandwich or anything else to soften the blow. That is because I already consumed all of the sugar.
SethGrey
There are several other mistakes as well. It’s really easier to just fix them in bold and red.
You don’t appear to give any of the attacks much charging time, even something as powerful as zap cannon; both electrical attacks were released at the same time, and you make it sound like that was two seconds after the shadow ball hit. Nothing happens while the room is smoky except for weeping, apparently, and everything calms down because of one explosion until the room slowly airs out. David hasn’t done anything worth mentioning at this point, but whatever happened, he’s easily picked up by an altaria without a struggle. (Also, altaria-claws don’t look much like they’re for catching prey, really, with the toes being so short.) Poliwrath morphs would presumably be strong enough to get out from under a sleeping drapion faster than that, especially during the smoky part, but even if not, Jason could easily have contributed with some projectile attacks or at least looked up in that time, especially in the middle of a battle.
There’s not very much feeling in this post – for what’s probably a high-tension battle, it’s really kind of boring. You use passive language (“I was startled”, “my teammates were hard at work”, etc). This happened, then that happened, and there’s a bit of blood, in the same tone that someone would say “I had a pizza last night”. Nothing really feels present, immediate, or threatening, because everything seems so distant from the narrator. It doesn’t help that you don’t describe the attacks at all; rather than saying someone loosed a thunderbolt, it would be better to describe the electricity crackling around the electabuzz’s antennae and arcing through the air. Overall, it was fairly uninteresting to read.
Grammar/Spelling: 1/3
Logic: 2/3 - people, do something!
Storytelling: 1/4 - events could have been more interesting if there was less waiting around and if the wording was different
Total: 4/10
Flora and Ashes
Okay, so once the drapion manages to stab Jason with its tail, it still has to approach and Jason can wait until it gets within a few feet to use a projectile move. Said projectile move should be flying fairly quickly so that it’s not just pouring onto the ground, and it’s reaching the drapion’s face, so it doesn’t make much sense that the drapion would escape with another step or two back. That would only make sense if it would’ve hit the ground otherwise, or if there was something to duck behind. If it hits the drapion in the face, I don’t really see how it would affect speed (accuracy, maybe, even if it’s not official, because you may have hit it in the eyes), even if the game says it’s 100%. It would’ve been better if described differently to cater to the effects. Electabuzz is a lot faster than an umbreon, so running around it to make it dizzy wouldn’t work too well, especially with the electabuzz not doing anything about that.
Mud shot is said to be a blob of mud in the flavour text, not a stream of muddy water, btw.
Jason doesn’t seem to be taking the battle very seriously, but that could just be his character… in a normal person I’d probably find that odd, though nobody RPs normal people anyway. Since you only exchanged one set of attacks, and the allies weren’t given much attention, not enough happened really make it interesting. This can be forgiven somewhat because of the range of time your post covers (maybe 10-20 seconds), which would happen in an actual RP.
Grammar/Spelling: 3/3 - no major spelling/grammar errors
Logic: 2/3
Storytelling: 2.5/4 - even if not much is particularly wrong with it, it’s also not particularly impressive
Total: 7.5/10
Team Johto: 4 points
Team Sinnoh: 7.5 points
Only two entries? Sweet. (Not sweet is me being called a “he”. >:( IT. )
You may notice that I don’t do the praise sandwich or anything else to soften the blow. That is because I already consumed all of the sugar.
SethGrey
The first thing I noticed was the lack of paragraphing, because that was fairly obvious. You always start a new paragraph when a new person speaks, at the very least, and there were several other times when the idea changed and it would’ve been good to start a new paragraph. Marked with (P) below are places I think might’ve made decent paragraph breaks. Even if you had perfect grammar everywhere else, a lack of paragraphs makes it harder to read.
There are several other mistakes as well. It’s really easier to just fix them in bold and red.
Mainly your problems are a lack of periods and commas where they should be. There were some tense issues as well, where you used present tense while this is taking place in the past. Fully spell out numbers smaller than 100, especially when you’re saying “first” or “second” or something like that. I don’t generally penalise people for stylistic things like capitalising pokémon/move names, but you weren’t very consistent – it looks like you were going for capitalising them all, and missed a few.
You don’t appear to give any of the attacks much charging time, even something as powerful as zap cannon; both electrical attacks were released at the same time, and you make it sound like that was two seconds after the shadow ball hit. Nothing happens while the room is smoky except for weeping, apparently, and everything calms down because of one explosion until the room slowly airs out. David hasn’t done anything worth mentioning at this point, but whatever happened, he’s easily picked up by an altaria without a struggle. (Also, altaria-claws don’t look much like they’re for catching prey, really, with the toes being so short.) Poliwrath morphs would presumably be strong enough to get out from under a sleeping drapion faster than that, especially during the smoky part, but even if not, Jason could easily have contributed with some projectile attacks or at least looked up in that time, especially in the middle of a battle.
There’s not very much feeling in this post – for what’s probably a high-tension battle, it’s really kind of boring. You use passive language (“I was startled”, “my teammates were hard at work”, etc). This happened, then that happened, and there’s a bit of blood, in the same tone that someone would say “I had a pizza last night”. Nothing really feels present, immediate, or threatening, because everything seems so distant from the narrator. It doesn’t help that you don’t describe the attacks at all; rather than saying someone loosed a thunderbolt, it would be better to describe the electricity crackling around the electabuzz’s antennae and arcing through the air. Overall, it was fairly uninteresting to read.
Grammar/Spelling: 1/3
Logic: 2/3 - people, do something!
Storytelling: 1/4 - events could have been more interesting if there was less waiting around and if the wording was different
Total: 4/10
Flora and Ashes
Paragraphs! :D
Okay, so once the drapion manages to stab Jason with its tail, it still has to approach and Jason can wait until it gets within a few feet to use a projectile move. Said projectile move should be flying fairly quickly so that it’s not just pouring onto the ground, and it’s reaching the drapion’s face, so it doesn’t make much sense that the drapion would escape with another step or two back. That would only make sense if it would’ve hit the ground otherwise, or if there was something to duck behind. If it hits the drapion in the face, I don’t really see how it would affect speed (accuracy, maybe, even if it’s not official, because you may have hit it in the eyes), even if the game says it’s 100%. It would’ve been better if described differently to cater to the effects. Electabuzz is a lot faster than an umbreon, so running around it to make it dizzy wouldn’t work too well, especially with the electabuzz not doing anything about that.
Mud shot is said to be a blob of mud in the flavour text, not a stream of muddy water, btw.
Jason doesn’t seem to be taking the battle very seriously, but that could just be his character… in a normal person I’d probably find that odd, though nobody RPs normal people anyway. Since you only exchanged one set of attacks, and the allies weren’t given much attention, not enough happened really make it interesting. This can be forgiven somewhat because of the range of time your post covers (maybe 10-20 seconds), which would happen in an actual RP.
Grammar/Spelling: 3/3 - no major spelling/grammar errors
Logic: 2/3
Storytelling: 2.5/4 - even if not much is particularly wrong with it, it’s also not particularly impressive
Total: 7.5/10
Team Johto: 4 points
Team Sinnoh: 7.5 points
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
Re: TCOD Survivor (RESULTS IN, FOURTH CHALLENGE UP, ATTN: TEAMS KANTO AND JOHTO)
Firstly, mad props to Kusari for judging.
Secondly:
TEAM SINNOH WINS IMMUNITY!
Also, every member of Team Kanto and Johto received 3 votes and could not vote, but that's irrelevant - Flying Bread has been eliminated.
Here's the fifth challenge.
Sprite for the Right v2.0
This time, you'll be spriting a 3-way splice of:
A Water-type Pokemon
A Poison-type Pokemon
A Pokemon in the Fairy Breeding Group
The deadline is Sunday, July 18, at 6:30 PM HKT. (That's 10:30 AM GMT, 6:30 AM EST, and 3:30 AM PST.)
Also, to Teams Kanto and Johto, if any of you don't submit yours, you will be eliminated.
PM entries to me. I'll then forward them to Tropiking.
Firstly, mad props to Kusari for judging.
Secondly:
TEAM SINNOH WINS IMMUNITY!
Also, every member of Team Kanto and Johto received 3 votes and could not vote, but that's irrelevant - Flying Bread has been eliminated.
Here's the fifth challenge.
Sprite for the Right v2.0
This time, you'll be spriting a 3-way splice of:
A Water-type Pokemon
A Poison-type Pokemon
A Pokemon in the Fairy Breeding Group
The deadline is Sunday, July 18, at 6:30 PM HKT. (That's 10:30 AM GMT, 6:30 AM EST, and 3:30 AM PST.)
Also, to Teams Kanto and Johto, if any of you don't submit yours, you will be eliminated.
PM entries to me. I'll then forward them to Tropiking.
Last edited:
Jack_the_White
Fuck
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
SethGrey
Killer of Death
Re: TCOD Survivor (RESULTS IN, FOURTH CHALLENGE UP, ATTN: TEAMS KANTO AND JOHTO)
Why? Johto sent a Rp Passage last challenge so would my team eliminated?
GO! JOHTO!
Why? Johto sent a Rp Passage last challenge so would my team eliminated?
GO! JOHTO!
Ether's Bane
future Singaporean
- Pronoun
- he
