Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? [Article]

[Minnow]

I found this article-thing randomly a few minutes ago. It's about whether males and females can have a platonic relationship without it generating sexual tension. The article itself isn't too amazing, but it made me want to argue with it and, since I have no desire to argue with random internet people, I thought I'd put it up here for you guys, perhaps spark a discussion.

Have at thee!

Anyway, my view is basically that this shouldn't even be an issue. For one thing it implies that men will inevitably think about sex, that this will only occur within their orientation (ie: everyone is 100% gay or straight), that women will never think about sex regarding their male friend, and that true friendship only occurs among people of the same gender. It also seems to suggest a mindset of such huge separation of the sexes, along with lots of misogynistic ideas. Also the commentators have silly things to say sometimes that bug me.

EDIT: Also, "IT'S A MAN'S WORLD: WITH THE MALE BLOGGERS." Huh.

 

[spaekle]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex

?

Even if all of the sexual thoughts get purged as a true friendship develops and she becomes like his “sister” to him, the initial attraction/animal magnetism can still exist somewhere in his loins.

???

[penises and vaginas] belong together like magnets and at some point they’ll line up. It’s all just a matter of who, when and how often.

??????????

This article is really silly and assumes way too many things, as you said. It seems to have been written by some guy with the mindset that women are a complete mystery!!! and not, you know, humans too or anything.

 

[Harlequin]

Well. I have this friend who's a girl. (I have many, actually, but ignore that.) If I weren't gay I'd totally have been poking that for the past few years.

 

[nothing to see here]

I've always gotten along better with girls than with guys, so the suggestion that "guys can only really be friends with other guys!!" really pisses me off.

Yeah, sexual thoughts might pop into your head every once and a while, but the article ignores that women think about sex, too. Sometimes even more than men, depending on the person. And just thinking about sex isn't going to magically ruin somebody's friendship... unless one or both of the people involved has no self-control whatsoever, the occasional sexual thought about the other person isn't going to cause any problems.

The idea that the first thing all guys think upon seeing a girl is "ooh, boobies!" is pretty stupid, too. In the past, I've had female friends that I knew for months or even years before noticing little things like breast size. And it's not like these girls were unattractive, or had really small breasts, or anything like that. I just never really thought about them in a sexual way.

I mean, I might just be weird for a guy, but I can't see any reason why it would be so hard for guys to really be friends with girls. I mean, I'm terrible at making friends and even I can do it. It can't be that hard.

 

[Zeph]

Withotu having read the article yet (I will do in a minute), I'd like to say that possibly over 50% of my good friends are girls and I don't feel any (noticable) sexual feelings towards them. Then again, I currently do have a boyfriend; nevertheless I don't recall any such feelings for the vast majority of my female friends.

Now to read this.

 

[Minish]

Ugh. I hate this whole theory.

First of all, it implies that men are sexually attracted to every woman, otherwise they couldn't have sexual feelings about her. Which is obviously not going to be true.

And secondly, even if a man is particularly sexual or something and notices all his female friends in that way, why does that mean they can't be friends? I used to have a male friend who I would never EVER pursue a relationship with, but did I feel a little bit attracted to him? Sure. He was my only friend and I was incredibly unpopular and picked on at school, and I was just beginning to really hit puberty. I would have sexual feelings for anyone. But it was pretty obvious by random things he said and did that he didn't find me attractive at ALL, which I found fair enough. Needless to say, we were still best friends for years.

Why would a man go OMG I HAVE SEXUAL FEELINGS FOR THIS GIRL, MAINLY BECAUSE I'M STRAIGHT AND LIKE BOOBIES OR WHATEVER, AND SHE HAS THEM and decide that he couldn't be friends with someone like that?

What about non-straight people? I have absolutely no sexual feelings for two friends in particular. Is that because I'm not straight and therefore unnatural, or is it because I actually do not find them sexually attractive and that's the end of it?

I haven't read the article, because it sounds like it'll be just like every other one that's ever tried to discuss it, and I've seen all I feel I need to see from the quotes. The title alone seems to imply that sexual attraction destroys friendships or completely prevents them. I guess it means 'men and women can't be just friends, they need to have sex/relationship', but why? What about people who are in a serious relationship and never feels noticable sexual attraction towards other people?

Seriously, this whole idea is so generalised and sexist it just bugs me.

 

[opaltiger]

[penises and vaginas] belong together like magnets and at some point they’ll line up. It’s all just a matter of who, when and how often.

wow it's a good thing I didn't actually bother to read the article

To answer the question: yes. QED?

 

[J.T.]

Seeing as I have a female friend who I have no romantic interest in? Yes.

 

[EvilCrazyMonkey]

I hate when people do silly things like this. :/ I mean, really? You'd have to be joking to say that men and women can't have non-sexual relationships with each other. I guess, yeah, there are some, but that doesn't mean they /all/ are.

It also doesn't consider gay people. Would they only create true friendships with people of the opposite sex? Or is that impossible because the other person's sexual feelings will create uneasy tension?

Honestly, I'm in high school, where the hormones are about as crazy and abundant as they get, and I have many, many non-sexual relationships with people of both genders (although admittedly more females).

 

[Autumn]

(to the topic title)

um

yes? I have a number of male friends and part of the reason they're my friends is because I can tell they have no feelings for me (and I have no feelings for them).

 

[opaltiger]

to be fair as far as I can tell the article isn't claiming that all relationships between two people of opposite sex are sexual; just that there is always some sexual tension that gets in the way. still bullshit, but a little less crazy.

I can tell they have no feelings for me (and I have no feelings for them).

this seems to me to be quite an odd thing to say; surely you have feelings for your friends?

 

[M&F]

this seems to me to be quite an odd thing to say; surely you have feelings for your friends?

The context pretty much implies she means sexual/romantic feelings. She might have been unclear on that, but...

Also, we're pretty much all at one common point here: not all men and women are perverts, and even if a little sexual tension is in, it's not gonna wreck the friendship. Not much more needs to be said.

 

[Autumn]

The context pretty much implies she means sexual/romantic feelings. She might have been unclear on that, but...

Yeah, that's what I meant. I'd be hard-pressed to consider them my friends if I didn't have any feelings toward them.

 

[Momoharu]

I'll admit, I hang out with girls more than guys, but I can't deny I've had those kinds of feelings flash into my mind once maybe.

Other than that, men and women certainly can be just friends. Unless they like, come on to each other and end up being more than friends.

 

[Tarvos]

actually i don't think it's that far from the truth people :(

 

[spaekle]

Now that I think about it, I think this probably depends a lot on the individual. Some people might just find others more appealing in a romantic/sexual sense once they've spent a lot of time around them.

...The article also ignores the possibility of being friends with benefits. :v

 

[Dewgong]

i made a post in this thread earlier but apparently it didn't work :|

anyways, yeah, of course they can just be friends. my best friend is a guy, and i feel no attraction towards him (hmmm). it's annoying how the article doesn't really acknowledge that women very often have sexual thoughts as well.

 

[ultraviolet]

...The article also ignores the possibility of being friends with benefits. :v

exactly what I was thinking! This is pretty much the relationship I have with my partner :x

 

[Zuu]

Uh... I don't know about you guys, but for me emotional attachment is a large part of sexual attraction. I'd be far more likely to be attracted to a friend of mine than a stranger.

This isn't true in every case, but I know that there are some of my friends who would be counted as less sexually attractive than some other girls at my school, and yet I am much more attracted to them due to emotional attachment.

So I agree with Altmer here, though we may be alone in it. If you get past the misogyny bullshit and the "heterosexual propaganda" (I guess) then they kind of have a point.

 

[Tarvos]

i think the relationships that foster friendship foster sexual attraction too

as in you spend lots of time with a chick you will end up liking her considering that most people are heterosexual penis will want into vagina

that's about it :/