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Funny things teachers/ professors have said

D

donotlookatdiagram

New member
Yes.

I have a few good ones.

So, I'm in college, and I have an 8am class. Music Theory at 8 am is never fun. Ever. Except with caffeine. My professor feels the need to inform us whenever she makes regular coffee instead of decaf. She's all hyper and shit. She used "Puff the Magic Dragon" as an example to demonstrate chord progressions once. Then we get into a discussion about marajuana. Then she decides to make us sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" after this whole marajuana discussion. Using her high heels as a metronome.

Then, another day, I had bassoon lessons. We were discussing making reeds and how getting the reed to vibrate actually can be done by a non- bassoonist. The conversation afterwords went a little something like this:

Prof.: So, basically, I could have gotten a group of Chinese kids, throw them in with some Mexicans for good measure, and taught them how to gouge, shape, and profile the cane, then teach them how to wrap the cane and make it vibrate, and then stick them in a factory, and pay them, like 2 cents an hour, and they'd be making reeds. Then I could sell them in America.

Me: Are you proposing that we start reed sweatshops?

Prof: Yes, actually. You want to form a reed making company? We could call it "Racially Diverse Reeds" or something.

Me: You know, my seven years of Catholic school is saying "no", but the part of me that wasn't paying attention for those seven years says "HELL YES".

Prof.: I'll give you 51% of the profits.

Me: Okay!

My bassoon teacher also makes jokes about how the bassoon is called "faggott" in German. He also insists that the bassoon be both my child and my wife. At the same time.

So, what funny things have your teachers said in class?
 
"I know, I hate geometry. I love calculus, though. Calculus is like La Symphonie Pastorale. Geometry is just ugh."
 
My biology teacher last year was describing early experiments with genetic engineering. He mentioned one that involved making a plant sparkle by giving it firefly genes. Then he mentioned that his occours because the gene acts toward producing luciferins.

Right after saying that, he did the sign of the horns.
 
In Religious Studies:

"Well, that's your opinion. And here's mine: your opinion is a load of bollocks."

"The headmaster was talking about the conversation he held with his wife on the topic of the French Revolution. Last night, me and my husband talked about whether the garage roof is leaking."
"Is it, miss?"
"We don't know."

"Every time I drive past the sign for Catshill, I get the overwhelming urge to take out some gaffer tape and make the two l's into t's."

"This particular method of revising is my favourite, simply because it's called 'tease and reveal'."

"We told them that it had been 24 hours and we had to bring the dog back, but they refused to give us any of our money back! I mean, I like giving to charity, but I wouldn't want to be screwed over it. Well, actually..."

"I like to imagine that the deputy head was once the Milkybar kid."

...best teacher ever.
 
"Mister Wood, is this flammable?"

"I dunno! Let's find out!"

He then proceeded to take a match to a balloon filled with hydrogen. IT WAS AWESOME./
 
My choir teacher is an amazing person. He regularly makes refferences to Star Wars. While teaching us about choral conducting, he used a red lightsaber as a baton. He's also hilarious, even when he's in the middle of directing us. Case in point:
"No, make the bless forte! Hit me upside the head with that blessing!" *pantomimes slapping himself* "You've been BLESSED!"

Also, this. "I hate it when you two sit next to each other. I get confused. Macullay, Malaina. Macullay, Malaina. McClaina. Yes. You two are McClaina, an 80's police duo who are always being asked to turn in their badges for doing something risky."
 
"I hate you kids. You AND your cell phones! Constantly uploading ridiculous things to your "Facebook"..."
He then proceeded to protrude his foot outward, and whipped out his cell phone.

"This is a picture of my foot!"

I miss seventh grade English. :D
 
The 3D quiz we had included certain amusing choices:

"What do you do when making a render?" - "Get annoyed over stuff that doesn't work"

"How do you make a "something" work?" "Talk nicely to it"

"Which one of these four do not belong?" "Burning Legion, Kung Fu Panda, ect." (thought this was a "joke" quiestion not giving any points. I hadn't even heard of the ones other than Kung Fu Panda)
 
RespectTheBlade said:
My choir teacher is an amazing person. He regularly makes refferences to Star Wars. While teaching us about choral conducting, he used a red lightsaber as a baton. He's also hilarious, even when he's in the middle of directing us. Case in point:
"No, make the bless forte! Hit me upside the head with that blessing!" *pantomimes slapping himself* "You've been BLESSED!"

Also, this. "I hate it when you two sit next to each other. I get confused. Macullay, Malaina. Macullay, Malaina. McClaina. Yes. You two are McClaina, an 80's police duo who are always being asked to turn in their badges for doing something risky."
Click to expand...
That is a path that leads this way.

If I recall correctly, they once did when they were made to play for a dictator who was stopping by for business negotiations or something.
 
My piano professor:

"Me and the Loch Ness Monster are tight."

"I don't get all these jokes about people's mothers being so old that they sat next to Moses in 3rd grade. I was Moses' only friend in 3rd grade. Everyone else couldn't get far enough away from him. Certainly I haven't mothered everyone, I haven't made that many drunken mistakes."
 
Well, I enjoyed it when my English teacher spent the last ten minutes of class one day explaining how she chained herself to nuclear warships, was suspected of being a communist spy, and escaped from a Russian prison.

"So much fun."
 
My English teacher last year has the best stories. I think my favorite is the one she told about the time she and her two friends decided to try every drink at a bar in Mexico where you only paid admission and drinks were free. :D BEST TEACHER/ROLE MODEL EVER!
 
An unintentional case: my philosophy teacher misspelled "political illiterate" in the school website.

I'm going to give him such a hard time tomorrow.
 
"No, no, young ones, beware of the outside world. There are evil-doers and bloodsuckers, which you all commonly refer to as 'vampires.' I have had the chance to bless this school in the name of the Father, so do not take this building for granted."

And thus is why Math class, despite how I loathe the subject, is quite interesting. My dear teacher believes in "Dark Magic," and we somehow manage to side-track her into a lesson about all that crap instead of arithmetic and algebra. :D Oh, how I love Ms. Golden.
 
i walked into jazz band once and the band teacher goes "Polymetric, you're probably going to think this is really weird, but I had a dream about you last night."

"Interesting. What about?"

"I dreamt that I was fighting Darth Vader with a lightsaber and then he suddenly turned into you."

"What"

"And then I woke up and I was like 'Holy crap. I just tried to kill Polymetric.'"

"That... that implies that you think I'm the physical embodiment of all evil." He just started laughing.

oh there was also the time that our band went on a trip to Universal Studios. One of my friends lost her ticket and it turns out that we had an extra ticket so we were going to meet up with the band director and one of the chaperones to get it back but we ended up going to customer services. It was /just/ us and the band director and the chaperone, and some pretty amusing things can happen when you're with a teacher and nobody except your friend is around to witness it. In this case he took out his phone and showed us a video he'd taken while riding a roller coaster. He then proceeds to say "If I had dropped this, my wife would have killed me." and I'm just thinking "... then don't fucking take a video on a roller coaster!"

oh there was also the time in music theory class when he was just standing by the wall when we were working on some worksheet and he just muses aloud, "I'm going to go blind because of the overhead projector... I'm going to go deaf because I have to listen to the drum line... I'm going to go insane because I have to teach [extremely loud and flamboyant friend of mine]..."

then there was the time me and a friend were just standing in the band room and the band teacher slowly walks by and says, to no one in particular, "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZOR!" Me and my friend looked at each other and tried to stifle giggles (meanwhile I'm thinking HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THAT) and then he turns to us and explains that one of the trumpet players showed him the video and now it's stuck in his mind.
 
Once in math class, there was a ladybug flying around the room, and some random kid points and yells "TINKERBELL!" My math teacher looks at him and says, "We're not talking about your halloween costume, now sit down." Ever since he's been my favorite teacher, and that kid's nickname has been Tinkerbell.
 
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