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Lines you won't find in the Bible.

And Jesus proceeded to set up a Facebook account, and he was amazed, for many thousands of people did request to be his friend.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..."

So the Lord did say, "Evolution? Ha! They really think monkeys turned into men?"

"And there must be a smoking ban in all enclosed public places throughout the land."

"EXTERMINATE!!!"
 
"'I will take this unleavened bread... AND EAT IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' said Satan."
"On the ninth day the LORD did say, 'Oh fuck this, I'm outa here.'"
"Jesus then did turn to the forth wall and said, 'You all just lost The Game.' and grinned evilly."
 
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God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Except for the memes. He took one look at them, then shot himself in the head

And on a slightly unrelated note, this is actually in the Bible:

Bible said:
26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
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So, either there were multiple gods, or else several religions trust their lives to someone with more than a few issues O.o
 
"...never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna..."
 
Kai said:
And God said "Let there be light. Sponored by Powergen!"

And on the 7th day, God created a magical talking leopard, and forgot about us.

When we say that David was knocked off of his donkey by a rock, we do not say he was stoned off his ass.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth; this is the wierdest car-boot sale I've ever been to.

He's not the messia, he's a very naughty boy!

Table for 12, Jesus? I can do two 6s at 8:30.

It rained for 40 days and 40 nights, although Thames water still had the hosepipe ban.

I could go on, but I wont.
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Damn you Kai, I wanted to rip off all the lines from the Mock the Week round ;_;
 
"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's SuperJesus!"

And as he spoke a blue box did come to exist from nowhere. And the box did stand around ten cubits in hight, three cubits in breadth and three cubits in depth. A lamp, shining blue light, was mounted upon it, and one of the sides did open and a man did put his head out. And he did say, "Hi there...I'm the Doctor."

"How was I supposed to know the apple would make you die?"

And the lord did say, "Oh I give up, do what you want. I'm going back to the elves - at least they listen to me once in a while."
 
"DISCLAIMER:

Jesus' name is misspelled. 'Muhammad' is the correct spelling. We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused."
 
"You know, Moses; wouldn't it just be easier to take the bridge?"
"Now, time for a game I like to call; Catch the spear! Jesus, you first!"
 
"If you get a historian to record everything that happened they'll only mess it up."

"Why, why, why, Delilah?"

"No one is going to believe this."

And Chuck Norris did come down, and in one night he killed all 185,000 men of the Assyrian army attacking Jerusalem, took out all the Persians at the Battle of Thermopylae, made the Moon and killed all the dinosaurs.
 
Time Psyduck said:
And as he spoke a blue box did come to exist from nowhere. And the box did stand around ten cubits in hight, three cubits in breadth and three cubits in depth. A lamp, shining blue light, was mounted upon it, and one of the sides did open and a man did put his head out. And he did say, "Hi there...I'm the Doctor."
Click to expand...

Epic right there.
 
'And on the sixth day, Anon said: "Let there be cake!!!" And lolis sprung forth from the ground and had a hot, waki, cunnilingus, smexual orgy.'

I did not write that fyi, but still... *nosebleed*
 
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