Wacky Web Tales(mad libs)

[BillyMays123]

Yay.

lolcats a la Scabb

Ingredients

1,000,000,000,000,000,000 cups of lolcats
92 pounds of chopped hairballs
67 teaspoons of trolls
666 cups of urine
900,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 burritos
Directions

cook the lolcats under cold water and place them in a(n) disgusting bowl.
sloppily add the chopped hairballs, trolls, urine, and burritos.
crunch well until all the ingredients are nummy.
Place spoonfuls of the mixture on a 9” x 12” fat.
Bake 1,234,567,890 minutes at 9,000 degrees.
Serves 111,111,123,456,789,045

Michael Jackson: Were you surprised when the Pittsburgh Pedophiles lost?
Bob Hope: Surprised? You could have knocked me over with a(n) longcat.

Michael Jackson: I think the weather had a lot to do with it.
Bob Hope: Yes, the field was in terrible shape. It had been raining goggies and kittehs up until the time the game started.

Michael Jackson: What do you think of the catcher?
Bob Hope: He's a problem. He's out of shape. The coach should take the lolrus by the teeth and fire him!

Michael Jackson: We don't see craphole to craphole on this at all. I think the catcher is in great shape. He's as fit as a(n) glockenspiel.
Bob Hope: How can you say that? He got on the team by the skin of his feet.

Michael Jackson: You may be right. But you and I know how it is. That's just the way the soup bounces.

Bob Hope: Well, time certainly does sing. I've got to be getting home now.

Michael Jackson: See you tomorrow, I hope. It's always fun feeding the breeze with you.

 

[Rai-CH]

Plans for a Great Summer
This is going to be the most ridiculous summer ever. I am going to sleep until 11:27am. Then I am going to have hamburgers for breakfast.

After breakfast, Kiku Honda and I will go to the beach and build sand meatballs all morning. If we get bored, we will go down to the park and go roller scuba diving. For lunch we will have ice-cream sandwiches.

Later in the summer, I may take a trip to Sealand to visit Francis Bonnefoy. Or maybe I will go to camp and learn chameleon-back riding. I definitely want to watch UP 12 times.

Last week, my parents were talking about having me clean the shoes out of the garage. They also want me to cry the lawn every week. And I think they said something about sneezing in the garden. I hope they won't be too fluffy when they find out I already have plans!

Chameleon-back riding? Roller scuba diving? Ice-cream sandwiches? I can't wait!

The Great Mural
This week, we are making a giant mural in art class. The class voted on the theme for the mural, and dancing in public got the most votes. We are using many things to make the mural, such as sparkly vampires and sonic screwdrivers.

Our teacher, Wang Yao, has assigned students different tasks. Some students will sing the sonic screwdrivers. Other students will steal the sparkly vampires. The mural is going to be so dangerous when it is finished!

Some students have special tasks. Im Yong Soo is a very talented potato peeler and will paint chickens on the mural. Gilbert Beilschmidt is a good writer and will write a poem about dancing in public to be displayed next to the mural.

At the next open house, we will show our teachers and families the mural. Then people will know why our class loves dancing in public so much!

A Detective for Halloween
This Halloween, I tried something different. I went as a detective! Detectives are awesome because they solve mysteries. My dad thought it was a good idea for me to take our Hana Tamago Scooter along, because every good detective has a(n) Hana Tamago, he said.

Things went along smoothly until Scooter saw our neighbor's Peter Kirkland and chased it up a(n) potato. I almost dropped my candy, but luckily, Scooter doesn't murder very murderously.

We then went to Arthur Kirkland's house to meet him and his little sister. I hate Trick or Treating with little sisters. They are no fun! But Arthur Kirkland's dad said we had to take her along.

Well, it was a good thing I was a detective, because Arthur Kirkland's little sister ran away from us and we were really scared that she was lost. Luckily, Scooter sniffed her out and brought her back to us. She had only gone across the street to see her friends. I'm such a(n) bloody detective!

I want a Hana Tamago scooter ;_;
Since when did Arthur have a sister?

Survival!
The hoverboat Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the rabbits!” hollered Captain Williams. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough rabbits, so they threw rocks, mountains, and even one possessive alien overboard. Then everyone murdered into the horrific water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain Williams ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “Pub and Go.” First in line were Lovino Vargas and Ivan Braginski, bobbing in their awesome fangirl. Next, came Natalia Arlovskaya hanging on for dear life to a slimy cheese. They were followed by 16 others.

After 4 days, they were rescued by a strange food. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.

 

[Worst Username Ever]

Computers are puke green with pink dots,
Xbox controllers are blue,
trash cans are idiotic
And so are you.

To make the best key salad, you need fresh ingredients. The best time to buy a fresh key is from December to March. Go to your local market. Pick up one key and study it. The key should be evil and scary. These taste the best! Put 432 of them in your shopping cart. You will also need a pound each of carrots and consoles.

Next, you need to get the ingredients for the salad dressing. You might like pomegranate dressing, which tastes yummy on key salad, but you might also enjoy watermelon dressing. Pick out the 987654321 best fruits you can find. Take your ingredients home, and get ready to make your salad.

Wash and dry each key thoroughly. Use your stylus to separate the parts of the key. Put the pieces in a large salad bowl. Next, chop the carrots and consoles, and put those in the bowl. To make the dressing, mash the fruit in another bowl. Add a cup of oil and 123456890 teaspoons of vinegar. Pour the dressing into the large salad bowl and mix the ingredients. Voilà! Enjoy your key salad.

An Invitation

Please come to a surprise party for Boxxy on 12. April, 2001.

Lots of ugly cheezburgers and noms will be served. Please come to the party hungry!

There will be games, such as TV races, and a contest to see who can drink the fastest. We will play lots of songs, and there may even be some killing.

The theme of the party will be hairy fursuits. During the party, everyone can make a hat decorated with hairy fursuits. Be sure to wear thongs to protect your balls.

Since this is a surprise party, please be sure to arrive at least 1337 minutes early. Everyone will be sucking in the living room. When Boxxy arrives, we will jump up and slowly yell, “THIS IS SPARTA!!”

Please don't talk about the party at school. It would be very cool if Boxxy found out about her surprise party.

We hope that you can make it to the party. Please bring a small box for Boxxy. See you on 12. April, 2001!

"Be sure to bring a small box for Boxxy"

What a day this was! This morning before school, my troll broke, and I had to squash all the way to school. Then the teacher announced that we would be having a test next week on 7331 units of our textbook.

When I was flaming to the cafeteria, I stepped in creepy fanboys. I couldn't get the banners off my shoes! I opened my lunch sack, and then I realized that I had grabbed my leftover lunch from last week. The only things I had to eat were stale soup and delicious grapes. Luckily, Mama Luigi had some extra kittens, so I didn't starve!

That afternoon we had gym class. The gym teacher told us we would be dressing today, but I'd left my underwear at home. So I had to spam instead.

On the way home from school, I dropped my bag, and all of my bottles fell on the ground. At least we had my favorite plates for dinner!

It's been a long day. I hope tomorrow is better. I'm going to put on my special bandana tomorrow morning, just in case!

 

[Blaziking the God General]

I fell asleep yesterday listening to an old album that my mom had. I really enjoyed it, though I had a weird dream. It was kind of like one of the old songs.
I've been workin' in Kentucky,
All the slimy day.
I've been workin' in Kentucky,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle licking?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don't you hear Helen Keller shouting
“John, eats your horn? ”
John, won't you eats,
John, won't you eats,
John, won't you eats your horn?
John, won't you eats,
John, won't you eats,
John, won't you eats your horn?
Someone's in the bedroom with John.
Someone's in the bedroom, I know.
Someone's in the bedroom with John
Strumming on the old tuba.
It was the weirdest dream I've had in a long time!

 

[Not Meowth]

One night something really bouncy happened at the library. The characters in the stories started destroying from their books!

Sanae Hanekoma climbed into Charlotte's Web and started burning with Wilbur the Pig! Magikarp wandered into an encyclopedia and ended up lost in TCoD!

The craziest part was when Miles Edgeworth wandered into The Very Hungry Caterpillar and said, “Udgey, I don't think we're in Sweden any more.”

Then Pikachu walked in and said, “THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Everybody back in place!”

The characters threw around the room. Just in time! The students in grade 1337 came in to get books for their reports, but it was safe. All the characters were back in the books where they belonged.

It's fun to let people know you care about them by making them valentines for Valentine's Day. Follow these instructions to make your own furry valentine:

1. To make the valentine, you will need pieces of orange paper and pieces of purplish-yellow paper. You will also need scissors, some Chocobo, and a marker or a(n) Magatama.
2. Cut the orange paper into the shape of a(n) hat.
3. Cut a smaller hat shape from the purplish-yellow paper.
4. Glue the purplish-yellow paper hat onto the center of the orange paper hat.
5. Use the marker or the Magatama to write a Valentine's Day message to the person. If you don't know what to write, try a phrase such as, “Won't you be my wobbly Valentine?” or “Edgeworth thinks you are as squirty as God!”
6. You may wish to add other decorations, such as cheeses or other paper shapes. Now you have the perfect furry valentine to give to someone special!
7. Be careful when using your scissors, and remember to clean up the area where you have been munching.

How to Make a Snow Man

Ingredients

OVER 9000 tablespoons mushroomoid face
1337 teaspoons zombie Hitler
0.0001 cups magic toilet
three and a half tablespoons tortoise

Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix squishily with a spoon until hard. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -9001 degrees for six minutes until snow is soft and squishy. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.

When done, decorate with a(n) shoe and a(n) oversized foam glove like you get at sporting events. Use a(n) dinosaur for a mouth and robot Jesuses for eyes.

Serves everyone!

 

[Darksong]

I did "An Odd Animal."

The Kemusso is an animal that has red fur with purple spots on its feet and eyes. Its tail is shaped like a(n) worm which it uses to slides webs. An adult Kemusso may weigh more than 265 pounds and stand over 256 feet high.

The Kemusso can be found only in Japan and Hoenn. Although its favorite food is Oran berries, it also likes to eat leaves. If you ever see a(n) Kemusso, be sure not to ever sing “Blue Bird.” That song makes it adorable. Instead, give it a few Oran berries and be on your way.

Also, "All A Dream" but it was so odd, I'm not using it :>

 

[Worst Username Ever]

One dead day, our class went hiking along the Route 34 River. Like all sneaky hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried cakes, lollypops, and one lightbulb.

As we walked along the trail, Ganon noticed a(n) sexy footprint. “Do you think a(n) spray can made these tracks?” Ganon asked.

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested Jesus.

We lol'd for hours. Then I screamed, “All toasters toast toast!! I think I see a huge eye.”

“roflcopter!” we heard someone say. It was I. M. Meen.

“I. M. Meen!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge eye!”

“Do I look like a huge eye? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for lipsticks. There are lots of them here along the Route 34 River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

“roflcopter!!” everyone said.

 

[Flareth]

A Crazy Night at the Library
One night something really stormy happened at the library. The characters in the stories started smacking from their books!

Franziska von Karma climbed into Charlotte's Web and started whipping with Wilbur the Pig! Pesto wandered into an encyclopedia and ended up lost in New York City!

The craziest part was when Godot wandered into The Cat In The Hat and said, “Chicken Boo, I don't think we're in bed with Mia any more.”

Then Light Yagami walked in and said, “Hello sweethearts! Everybody back in place!”

The characters pulled around the room. Just in time! The students in grade 68764 came in to get books for their reports, but it was safe. All the characters were back in the books where they belonged.

A Special Valentine
It's fun to let people know you care about them by making them valentines for Valentine's Day. Follow these instructions to make your own evil valentine:


1.To make the valentine, you will need pieces of green paper and pieces of grey paper. You will also need scissors, some artists, and a marker or a(n) coffee mug.
2.Cut the green paper into the shape of a(n) chicken wing.
3.Cut a smaller chicken wing shape from the grey paper.
4.Glue the grey paper chicken wing onto the center of the green paper chicken wing.
5.Use the marker or the coffee mug to write a Valentine's Day message to the person. If you don't know what to write, try a phrase such as, “Won't you be my spiky Valentine?” or “Godot thinks you are as hot as Mia Fey!”
6.You may wish to add other decorations, such as glass eyes or other paper shapes. Now you have the perfect evil valentine to give to someone special!
7.Be careful when using your scissors, and remember to clean up the area where you have been throwing.

 

[Teh Ebil Snorlax]

Hi, I'm Kevin Bacon, and I want to tell you all about the new gigolo.

Have you seen the new gigolo? It's fantastic! It will tighten and straighten with no problems at all. To use the gigolo, all you need are a few knives. Yes, folks, it's that easy.

Tired of always having to masticate? Well, now you can relax and let the erotic gigolo do all the work.

Our customers love the gigolo!

Scatman John said, “After using the gigolo, I'll never go back to using the dildo. Why bother?”

This erotic gigolo is available at any store that also sells guitars. For a limited time, we are including a bonus porn site with each gigolo that you purchase. That's right, folks. Buy the gigolo and get the porn site absolutely free!

We are also running a contest. The next 100 people who buy a(n) gigolo will be entered in a contest to win a lifetime supply of piano!

Visit your local Tesco and pick up the gigolo. Act now, while supplies last!

 

[jimmyboyacreman]

The Jeremiah is an animal that has red fur with violet spots on its arms and ears. Its tail is shaped like a(n) bush which it uses to feel giraffes. An adult Jeremiah may weigh more than OVER 9000 pounds and stand over 845 feet high.
The Jeremiah can be found only in Robonia and England. Although its favorite food is pies, it also likes to eat lollipops. If you ever see a(n) Jeremiah, be sure not to ever sing “The Dancing Turkey Theme Tune.” That song makes it furry. Instead, give it a few pies and be on your way.

 

[Kurai]

This year our class is doing a special science project. We have a lolrus that we are taking care of. It is very epic and it has black eyes. It lives in a computer in the back of our classroom. We feed it french fries and Snapdragons every day, but I think it really wants to eat my hat. Everyone likes our lolrus.

One day, the lolrus got out of its cage and started sleeping all around the room. It made a loud shatter. I think it was trying to say, “Game over yeah!!”

 

[Dragonclaw]

An Odd Animal

The ****** is an animal that has ****** fur with ****** spots on its ****** and ******. Its tail is shaped like a(n) ****** which it uses to ****** ******. An adult ****** may weigh more than 70 pounds and stand over 9 feet high.

The ****** can be found only in ****** and ******. Although its favorite food is ******, it also likes to eat ******. If you ever see a(n) ******, be sure not to ever sing “******.” That song makes it ******. Instead, give it a few ****** and be on your way.

... I'm sorry.

 

[Worst Username Ever]

Yesterday Billy Mays and I went for a disgusting fall walk. It was getting colder, so we had to put on our woolly boxers and sweaters.

Halfway down the block, we saw the Meen family out in their yard. The Meen children were raking big piles of pears and leaping into them. Mrs. Meen was planting stylus bulbs so she would have beautiful stylus flowers in the spring.

“Fall is in the air,” Billy Mays said. “Soon the days will be getting more black.”

We walked down Zonday Street admiring the orange and pink with puke green dots leaves. Overhead, apples were flying south for the winter. Two mangos scampered by, hiding acorns in a tree for the winter.

“That makes me hungry,” said Billy Mays. “Maybe we should go pick some nice round red Octorok and bake them in a pie.”

“THIS IS SPARTA!!” I said. “That sounds smelly.

 

[Flora]

@WUE: Pears. It had to be pears. *tries not to giggle* (very long story)

INTERVIEWER: Tell me, Leila, what exactly would you like humans to know about dogs?
DOG: Oh, meow. There is a lot. First, there is that computer-chasing thing. We like computer-chasing a lot, but we like it because we like moving things. That is why we also chase dogs and cats. Cats are especially fun because they run slowly up trees, and that provides us with an extra challenge.
INTERVIEWER: Okay, so we've covered dogs chasing things. What else should humans know about dogs?
DOG: Baths. They are a human invention. Dogs roll in happy stuff so we can stink, and then humans wash us off. This defeats the purpose! This makes dogs feel bouncy, and we really wish people would stop washing us.
INTERVIEWER: So baths are...
DOG: (interrupting) And another thing! Barking and growling. We bark to get messages to our friends Hugs and Harry down the street. Our communication system breaks down when humans tell us to “stop barking!” We don't tell humans to get off the telephone. And you runs at us if we growl. Well, why is it that people can runs at us, but when we growl, which is our way of yelling, people get mad at us. It's just not fair!
INTERVIEWER: Yes, I understand. I'll pass this along to our audience. Thank you for your time, Leila.

Uh, the three pets are cats. whut.

 

[nothing to see here]

Which One Is Right for You?

Many people enjoy keeping a variety of animals for pets. Each kind of pet needs special care and attention. Every pet needs food, water, and lots of swastikas. Some pets need regular spanking and exploding, but other pets need less care. So which pet is right for you?

If you are keeping fish, you will need a tank and spam cans. Cats like to flop a lot, and they enjoy being petted. Dogs that are shiny need a lot of exercise, while ridiculous dogs might be happy just running around the house.

Horses take a lot of work. They need a stable and lots of hotdogs. They also need to kick ass regularly. Gerbils and hamsters take less work than a horse, and it can be fun watching them flying in their cages. Snakes like to eat under a heat lamp. But when it comes to feeding time, you have to be ready to feed most snakes buttweasels!

There are all kinds of animals that can be kept as pets, but always remember that a pet requires some effort and needs lots of swastikas.

"Food, water, and lots of... swastikas?"