Funny things teachers/ professors have said

[Murkrow]

what the question was?

It was one of those "think of any numbers and add the digits together and subtract the original number and multiplay it by..." tricks that always comes out with the same answer, he asked us to find the smallest (positive) integer for which it doesn't work.

I found a number with fewer than a googolplex digits that didn't work but it still had over 100,000,000,000, which is quite a massive difference!
It's probably not the smallest though.

 

[golden999]

It was one of those "think of any numbers and add the digits together and subtract the original number and multiplay it by..." tricks that always comes out with the same answer, he asked us to find the smallest (positive) integer for which it doesn't work.

I found a number with fewer than a googolplex digits that didn't work but it still had over 100,000,000,000, which is quite a massive difference!
It's probably not the smallest though.

Jesus, that would take OVER 9000! hours to do.

 

[NegativeVibe]

My Spanish conversation lab teacher was describing a person, and we had to try and guess who it was.

He said something that roughly translated to "she has a big butt."

Someone in the class: "Oh, it's Jennifer Lopez!"

Spanish teacher: ¡Sí!

O__________O

 

[ZimD]

don't remember how this came up but

LOUD DOUCHEBAG IN MY HISTORY CLASS (jokingly): If you're in the tea party, I'm transferring out of your class!
TEACHER: Why?
LD: ...Because the Tea Party is stupid.
TEACHER: Why?
LD: I don't know.. They just say stupid things.
TEACHER: Such as?
LD: I mean, I remember one time my dad told me-
TEACHER: So you're just going with what he says?
LD: -awkwardly silent for several seconds until the bell rings-

that same teacher frequently talks about how he hates his job, went on a tangent about pimps and hoes when discussing agriculture in china, told the aforementioned douchebag that he should jump out a window, had a conversation about brad pitt and his body with the douchebag that went on for 15 minutes i shit you not, refers to himself as "BK Stack Money" (BK being his initials), and was once bragging about how he got kicked off a water polo team for being too good which prompted my friend to call him a douchebag. and also we were doing a worksheet once about china and he put one of the sheets on the overhead that someone had done in the last period and it was just full of curse words and racist jokes.

but those are the kinds of stories that generally aren't as funny when they're being re-told to people on the internet.

the tea party one translates pretty well though because holy shit that guy never shuts the hell up about anything ever so seeing him get owned was pretty great

 

[Worst Username Ever]

When we still had 3D, and our task was to make something out of 3D Legos(with the official lego proportions and all):
Boy in class: *talking to friend, says something about Gadaffi*
Teacher: "Yes, you can make Gadaffi in Legos if you want to."
Boy: ...
Teacher: "Actually, that will be our homework: Make a Lego Gadaffi by next week!"
Class: *laughs*

Also, annoying as my Social Studies teacher might be (he's the strict "sit down and shut up while you listen to me talk for an hour, and CLOSE YOUR DAMN COMPUTERS with your stupid Facebook and games" type, always talking in a loud, "shouting" voice), he does have a few funny moments from time to time.

"Let's say *classmate* kills someone. Then it won't be enough to just tell him "Shame on you, that was a bad thing to do. Don't do that again, ok?"

 

[1. Luftballon]

It was one of those "think of any numbers and add the digits together and subtract the original number and multiplay it by..." tricks that always comes out with the same answer, he asked us to find the smallest (positive) integer for which it doesn't work.

I found a number with fewer than a googolplex digits that didn't work but it still had over 100,000,000,000, which is quite a massive difference!
It's probably not the smallest though.

... hm with a problem like that the minimum should be either the result of mashing some subset of the constants in the problem, or a factor of that mashing together some subset of the constants in the problem.

 

[ShinyUmbreonX3]

My English teacher, first day of class this semester:
"Let me take attendance... Hell, I'll just call everyone Bill or Frank... yeah, Bill, 'cause I can just call 'Is Bill here? Oh good he's all here."... you know what, some of your names look hard to say... if I can't pronounce it, tell me... I'll probably just call you Bill."

And he did. Though only during attendance and only to some people. He's a funny guy. Amazing stories too.

 

[blazheirio889]

My biology teacher today: "So egg and sperm cells both have 23 chromosomes instead of 46 because they have to fuse. If they had 46 chromosomes, then the resulting cell would have 92 chromosomes. 92 chromosomes does not a human being make!"

 

[Shiny Cofagrigus]

"You can't choke members of Congress. It's against the law." ~Civics teacher

 

[Karousever]

"So I graded all of your tests...and they sucked ass." 10th grade biology teacher, we love it when teachers don't feel the need to watch their language cause they know we're teenagers :P

 

[eevee_em]

The zoology professor at my school is an entomologist. when we got to the lecture where we learn what an entomologist is, he said its the best specialization in zoology and that if we ever met one we should shake his hand. When he was talking to some students later he complained that nobody had actually shook his hand after that lecture.

My education technology teacher frequently referred to his wife as "she who must be obeyed"

I'll probably think of some more later, since there are lots of funny professors at my school.

 

[Karousever]

Oh, oh, back in eighth grade my algebra teacher called the really annoying kid in my class a douchestraction. I liked it and found it rather clever.

 

[mewtini]

I hate this thread because it reminds me of awesome people with awesome teachers that say awesome things.

 

[Scootaloo]

every conversation my 7th grade history teacher and one of my classmates had was just hilarious and made the class even better (i had a good class and teacher!)
and everything my english teacher said that year was hilarious as well.

 

[kyeugh]

Me and my social studies teacher had an in-depth conversation about Team Four Star once.

 

[shadow_lugia]

Last year before finals, my chemistry teacher managed to get his hands on some sulfur hexafluoride (which makes your voice really deep when you inhale it) to demonstrate it to us.

Teacher: (in normal voice) Hi, I'm [teacher's name].
Teacher: *inhales gas*
Teacher: (in demonic voice) YOU HAVE A FINAL EXAMINATION NEXT WEEK! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

The same teacher had a tendency to tell stories that ended in disaster.

I remember in an organic chemistry lab, someone forgot about their reaction taking place in a tube and tried to stop it from spilling over with their hand.

Spoiler: Body horror

It ended up mostly disintegrating the skin on his arm, it looked like toilet paper and they had to take him to the ER.

It was AWESOME.

I used to bring in liquid nitrogen and let students bring in things to dip in it. Someone brought rubber balls once, and they actually get really bouncy when dipped in liquid nitrogen. They were bouncing all over the place, kids were ducking beneath their desks for cover... It was AWESOME.

I got a job handling chemicals in the back room at my college, so I got to perform unapproved experiments all the time. Once we got a sample of [some compound] that produces a dense, flammable gas when it reacts with [some other compound], and I wanted to make a flamethrower. So, I put them both in a glass flask that was sealed at the top but had a stem coming out the side, and lit a match in front of the opening, but the fire got sucked in and made the glass explode. I had to clean it all up really quickly and hope no one noticed.