Let's Play Final Fantasy V!

[Blaziking the God General]

As many of you know, I was forced to euthanize my Pokemon Emerald LP after my computer ate My Bitch, Rufies, Kam, and others. But I did enjoy the whole process of making an LP so I decided to do a video LP of Final Fantasy V! YAY!

But then the video was terrible and the narration was terrible and I was all "WTF IS THIS SHIT I CAN'T LET THE PUBLIC SEE THIS" and I decided to go with a picture LP again for your entertainment.

Final Fantasy V will be somewhat LP friendly. Unfortunately, you won't have the liberty of being able to name every character, but you can always choose their job classes and that's always fun.

Another thing to note, Final Fantasy V is my favorite Final Fantasy game, so thankfully I know it like the back of my hand, which will make it pretty easy to play through, and since I haven't played it in a while it should also be fun fun fun.

Anyways, enough chit-chat. Let's play Final Fantasy V already!

Part 1: Celestial Turds from Outer Space

RAZZLE DAZZLE

Well that's useful. Geez, we don't have to do anything! What a wonderful life that must be! Just do regular day to day jobs with little hard labor while these crystals take care of all that peace crap. I could live like that for-

Aw dammit.

DON'T JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!!!11!1!one!

Well we're kinda screwed if that happens.

Lady, just how many chemicals do you use to dye your hair? I mean really, it's like flamboyantly pink!

Like maybe an earthquake, perhaps?

Like these guys. You know, if the water and wind still, these pirates are royally fucked. Seriously, they'd be out in the middle of the ocean and unable to move because of the lack of water and wind movement. No one could go to rescue them because no other ship would work.

...I'm going to bed with the light on tonight, methinks.

Heehee, he said "untold". If you take out the 'u' and 'n' and replace the 'ol' with an 'ur' it makes a funny word.

WTF is that? Is that a rock or some celestial body's turd?

W00T

Hey, its a dragon/bird/elephant! I got one of those for Christmas!

Hey its flamboyantly pink lady!

Stop whining. There are starving children in Africa who would love to...

wait I think that was for something else.

Dude, her head is probably full of all those chemicals she uses to dye her hair with by now. Putting her in charge of a castle is like putting a flea in charge of making sure that the titanic doesn't sink.

I'm sure that would NEVER happen!

Is that all?

He's actually going to go see a lady friend, if you catch my drift. He's just making up an awful excuse.

Poor Lenna watches her father humping that dragon/elephant/bird for the last time...

This comes to mind.

OH SNAP!

RANDOM CUTSCENE THAT MAKES NO SENSE IS RANDOM AND DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

He's off at his ladyfriend's house. Makin' some moogle-doodle, if you know what I mean.

...or maybe he was actually going to the wind crystal...

Uh-oh. The screen turned ominously blue. You know what that means!

DISCO DANCE PARTY!!!!!

The crystal shattering was NOT in the itinerary.

Hey look its that guy that was trying to commit suicide with his chicken before!

He could make some yummy fried chicken with-

WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT YOU BUTTMUNCH?

Hey! It's our friend, the celestial turd!

Sounds like some cheap imitation of Rollercoaster Tycoon. Then again, they've made one of those Tycoon games for just about anything.

BOKO? That's the name you gave him? I would've been more creative and named him something like...I don't know...Dinner.

OH NO SOME MOLDY OLD MEN ARE KIDNAPPING CHEMICALLY PINK LADY!

PREPARE FOR AN EPICLY AMAZING BATTLE TH-

Wait we're done?

Aside from the chemicals in her brain, she's fine.

What a stupid name. I have a WAY cooler name than yours!

...Once I think of it, that is.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!



(Also is it bad if I just spent 15 minutes listening to the lol limewire song? My head hurts from it. D:)

 

[Anomaly 54]

Name the player Fredrick. If you can't do that, Fred

 

[Flareth]

Name him....Larry.

 

[Zora of Termina]

NO.
NAME HIM DAISY.
You know you want to.

 

[Not Meowth]

Name him Exdeath.

DO IT.

 

[....]

Name him Pie~

 

[Superbird]

I like exdeath. :)

 

[Adriane]

BUTZ is the obvious choice. Exdeath would be an acceptable alternative.

 

[Blaziking the God General]

Well, I was going to name my character Exdeath, but then asdflk;agsj;dlk EXDEATH IS ONE LETTER TOO LONG. So I went with my personal favorite suggestion from someone.

And this early update is due to my sleeplessness at the moment with nothing to do.

Part 2: Do What You Want Because a Pirate is Free! (You are a Pirate!)

Driving Miss Daisy Crazy

And when they hit a dead end they are so fucking screwed!

I know, I know, it's an amazingly sexy name.

I thought you were just drunk. My bad.

Are you sure? I thought it had a massive resemblance to Brad Pitt, but that's just me.

It doesn't :O

WAIT I WANT TO GET INTO YOUR SYNTHETICALLY PINK PANTS/SKIRT/DRESS/GARMENT

*cough* I, um, didn't say anything. Don't know what you're -

OH MY GOODNESS THE METEOR TALKS!!! :O

Oh, it's just a dying old man. Nothing to see here.

How convenient!

And just where did you get your medical degree, Dr. Daisy?

Wait! His memory is coming-

Never mind.

AT LEAST GIVE ME A KISS GOODBYE FIRST YOU whore WHORE!

...dude I think you might have amnesia too. Hasn't she told us like five times already?

HEY NOW YOU WEREN'T INVITED. >:(

Lenna: I don't like old men that act weird and like potential rapists!

Um, dude, old man rape is going to occur if you don't go. Are you sure?

DUMBASS!!! THERE GOES THE RAPIST AND HIS VICTIM AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING? as'd;flk';lj WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Dinner Boko agrees with my sentiments.

Translation: YOU STUPID WHORE GO AFTER THEM!

And now the GOBLINS are in on this too? Dude, you've GOT to do something.

Well THAT doesn't look particularly good.

A few battles later...

Oh good she's not dead. Now she can do what she was born to do! make me a sandwich SAVE THE WORLD!

but making me a sandwich would be acceptable as well

YOU BET YOU'RE IN MY DEBT. I just saved you from rape AND death.

Oh snap!

Well, your father is already kinda screwed so I don't see the big deal.

HE'S WAKING UP! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

NOPE! I WAS ONLY KIDDING! HAHAHA YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!

EW BORING BACKSTORY.

But the wind is nonexistent. And dead. So it is not calling you. At all.

I TOLD you to run.

Is anyone a good swimmer? If not, we can always hire Michael Phelps. He just needs a good downpayment for his marijuana inevitable back soreness.

Can you make me a sandwich first? The wind can wait.


After 15 seconds of traveling...

I don't remember you making me a sandwich.

This can go both ways, you know.

Translation: WHY ARE YOU ABANDONING ME FOR SOME WHORE AND HER PIMP?

Anyways, first dungeon of the game is easy as shit. There's a little healing spring here which makes for some easy early game grinding, but FFV is pretty easy without grinding, so it's not that important.

After leveling everyone up to Level 4, I progress...

*eyetwitch*

Must...resist...urge...to...play...pirate...song...

Oh good its gone. :)

AAUGH I CAN'T RESIST ANYMORE

DOES THAT MEAN THAT THAT FLAG IS A PIRATE FLAG! LEGASP 8O

Totally, along with a nice cup of tea and crumpets.

Old man's got balls, but seriously, we have three people up against lots of trained pirates...

...who are sleeping...

Okay, let's steal the ship.

WOOHOO AND WE'RE OFF!!

...NOW!

...now!

...now?

He speaketh the truth!

I suggest playing this song while reading the next part.

LOOK IT'S THE FIRST HERMAPHRODITE IN A VIDEO GAME.

OR TRANSGENDER.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE A MAN OR A WOMAN.

Faris: Okay, lets have some tea and crumpets and be best friends then. Since u apologized its ttly okay were like bffs now.

DO YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT MONEY?

Wait, he/she's a pirate.

OOOHHH WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE FOR THAT BURN, FARIS????

Lenna: I know, it's gorgeous, right? It was a two for one deal at JCPenny, but I just got one. :)

OH NOEZ! WE'VE BEEN CAPTURED! Will we make it out alive? Will we ever make it to the wind shrine? And what exactly is Faris's gender? Find out next time on LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY V!!!!




Start getting suggestions in for job classes for the characters to use. The first ones we have access to are White Mage, Black Mage, Knight, Monk, Thief, and Blue Mage. I'll take two per character, I suppose.

I also promise that the next update WILL be longer, I didn't realize how short this was until I was reading over it.

 

[Not Meowth]

In the PS1 version I'm pretty sure Exdeath was spelt "Xdeath" go back and change it.

Also Lenna needs to be a Blue Mage because I always make Lenna a Blue Mage and refuse to picture her as anything else. Daisy can be a Black/White Mage, Galuf can be a Knight and Faris can be a Thief. [/force of habit]

 

[Green]

i know nothing about final fantasy other then it has CACTUAR.

get a cactuar.

 

[Adriane]

i know nothing about final fantasy other then it has CACTUAR.

get a cactuar.

FFV has no Cactuar...

 

[Dragonclaw]

Make Daisy some puny white mage and make chemically pink lady a knight/monk/samurai/whatever badass class is avaliable for the lulz.

 

[Blaziking the God General]

EXPECT VERY INCONSISTENT UPDATES NOW THAT I HAVE RETURNED TO SCHOOL. :)

Here's something to hold you over anyways.

Part 3: The Gang Gets Jobs

Last time on Final Fantasy V...

WE GOT CAPTURED BY PIRATES NO NOEZ!

STUPID OLD PEOPLE SAYINGS.

Should we tell him tactfully or not at all?

I say not at all. He'll just forget it anyways.

I AM NOT A PRINCESS.

Oh wait you meant pinklady.

She just meant not to tell you. You're so negative, Daisy.

Come on, didn't you watch the prologue?

Maybe he stopped for a cheeseburger and got there too late. You always think the worst of people, Pinklady. It's not very becoming of a princess.

HEY LOOK IT'S THAT TRANSVESTITE/TRANSGENDER/HERMAPHRODITE!

: THE GUY AT THE JEWELERS SAID THAT MINE WAS A ONE OF A KIND!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOO-
wait wind shrine?

I prefer the term "land whores" thank you very much.

NOOOOOOOOOOO-
wait untie us?
Faris, you is a crazy manlady.

Ooooooooohhhhhh we're off to see the Wind Shrine, the wonderful wind shrine of tycoon. We here it is shrine of a shrine, if ever a shrine it was! If ever, oh ever a shrine there was the Wind Shrine is one because, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuuse, because of the windy things it does. We're off to see the Wind Shrine, the wonderful wind shrine of tycoon.

Dammit Pinklady stop being so negative! You totally ruined my song with your moment of negativity.

Syldra? Is that someone who's below deck ro-

HOLY GOD ALMIGHTY.

So...you were raised by dragons. THAT IS SO...badass, actually.

NO DAMMIT I WAS RAISED BY DRAGONS. I THINK I CAN GET TO A DAMN WIND SHRINE. START THE SHOW TUNES!!!

~weeeeeeeee'rrrrrreeeee off to see the wind shrine, the wonderful wind shrine of tycoon~

Is this ANOTHER sci-fi convention?

: FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S LENNA NOT LEIA! I REFUSE TO BE APART OF YOUR GEEK CONVENTION!

AHH! REAL MONSTERS??

Maybe he's busy eating some...food. I don't know, I'm out of ideas.

PLEASE tell me you're playing leap frog. Regardless, I'm outta here.

PET THE BIRDIE

SHIT. THINK OF SOMETHING WITTY QUICK.....

polly want a cracker?

Um. This is kind of a boss battle, but not really. I took the picture in the middle of its attack, which is why it looks weird. Just attack or...attack. You can't do anything but attack, really.

YA CUZ IT SAW U.

BURNED.

There's a neat little cutscene here that shows each member of the gang getting blessed by one of the four crystals, but unfortunately it looks like shit when its just pictures, so I'm deciding against putting it up.

[
DAMMIT GALUF DID YOU PISS YOURSELF AGAIN?

Pinklady, I am your father.

w00t

Can we blame that one on you? After all, we didn't get put in charge of saving the crystals until after it shattered, so I think it's safe to say that its your fault.

It's probably got some stupid name with the word "death" incorporated into it somehow.

THEY ARE MY PET CHIHUAHUAS.

...CRYSTALS. Yeah, that's what I meant.

We then get the first job classes of the game! And now the game gets fun! Because job classes are fun! Yay!

Anyways, I fail at explaining how the job system works, but essentially you can mix and match abilities from different jobs, like having a Knight with Black Magic or a White Mage with Steal.

I DON'T SEE KNOW WARP PANEL.

...oh.

Here's my job set up for right now, until I get some sufficient abilities.

Grog?

Grog grog grog!

Grog grog grog? Grog. Grog grog grog! Grog grog grog. GROG GROG. GROG GROG GROG GROG GROG!!!!!! GR*G!!!!

If you catch my drift.

I'd prefer not-

Dude, you should go on American Idol. Or Britain's got Talent. Or your country's representative version of what was originally Britain's Got Talent.

This place is about as sane as person on various hallucinogenic drugs.

*nervous laugh* HA HA. Yeah. I LIKE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON AT uh ALL ahahaha WHY IS IT SO GODDAM HOT OUT???

Nope, sorry. I'm decently experienced.

Oh, I apologize. I shall leave.

What're you going to do, kick me ou-

BITCH I DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK YOU WERE GOING TO DO IT!!

Oooh sounds fancy!

I wonder where it is? I bet its in a super secret place where-

...

FUCK YOU I WAS JUST HERE.

I WILL INFILTRATE YOU, GREENHORN CLUUB!

...indeed I am!

NO YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I'LL

wait I just had to say that I'm a newbie?

laaaaameee.

This place just introduces you to the basics of the game. You can get a few items, though, so its good to stop by.

ITS RAINING menMETEORS. HALLELUJAH. IT'S RAINING METEORS.

Okay so only Lenna is in trouble. Unless Daisy counts.

Speaking of Manladies, let's check on Faris.

...is this the wrong bar?

For Lenna?

...I think we accidentally walked into a gay bar.

Let's go check on Faris and...um...get the hell out of this town.

Oh, so he's a dude.

...or he's a she. Or Bartz is gay. Or a woman.

I wish it was socially acceptable to ask someone what gender they are...

...IS LENNA THE ONLY STRAIGHT PERSON HERE?

DAMMIT FARIS TELL US WHAT GENDER YOU IDENTIFY YOURSELF AS.

OR JUST LET US SEE IF YOU REALLY HAVE BOOBS.

Oh Zok. Good old Zok! Always there for us when we need him! Oh, Zok.

Yeah I have no freaking clue who this zokking Zok dude is.

Oh right the Torna Canal!

Yeah you're not helping, Lenna. :(

: THIS IS MY BISEXUAL FRIEND DAISY WHO IDENTIFIES HIMSELF AS A SHE. Or maybe that's Faris. I don't know anymore. Ever since we went to the inn I think I've entirely lost all sense of sexuality. I can't tell whether I'm a Lesbian or a Bisexual or if I'm straight. I'm so confused!!

Oh you're an NPC. You think every monster is tough.

Oh great, another amnesiac old man. We've already got are hands full with Galuf!

*sigh* fine fine fine.

CUE FLASHBACK ABOUT PARENTAL ISSUES (tm

She doesn't even understand what gender he is yet! It doesn't need this on his plate at this point in her life!

: Faris has confused me about my gender.

...again...

NO EW THAT'S DISGUSTING.

...YOU DIRTBAG.

Oh crap we have to bring him/her/it with us? She'll just cause more problems!!!

...DAMMIT GALUF WE TOLD YOU TO USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE WE LEFT.

holy shit really?

...WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN NEGATIVE??

...are you trying to make me depressed or is that just an unintentional side effect that you didn't warn me about?

Wait a minute...

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HELP WE JUST WANT YOUR MEMORIES BACK SO THAT YOU'LL STOP PISSING YOURSELF!!!!

Did he become a ghost or something? I really don't understand that plot point of the game...

OH GOOD. for a moment I thought you weren't coming with us. All the signs pointed towards it I mean the fact that you've gotten the most character development of everyone and that you're at the head of the party and seem to be taking a leadership role pointed to you not being a part of our gang.

OPEN SESAME BUNS

oooh thats puuurrrddyy

IF IT'S A CANDY NECKLACE I WANT IT.

OH NO!

Looks like we're getting sucked in! But was that a candy necklace I saw? Will we get out of this whirlpool alive? Will everyone get their gender and sexual orientation straightened out? And for the love of all good things, WHERE THE HELL IS WALDO?

Find out next time in SURF AND TURF or HEY FARIS IS THAT A SWORD IN YOUR POCKET OR DO YOU HAVE MAN PARTS?



Believe it or not, I actually had a good amount of this taken care of in advance, but my computer kept eating it and I had to keep redoing it.

Also, a quick question: are you people okay with me doing small updates like the first two? When I do big updates like this, it takes about an hour to type up and I'm often not that motivated, whereas the smaller updates only take about a half an hour to do, which is a lot easier.

 

[Pwnemon]

I'm perfectly ok with small updates if it means moar lols per week.

 

[Anomaly 54]

I'm perfectly ok with small updates if it means moar lols per week.

 

[Latias]

I'm perfectly ok with small updates if it means moar lols per week.

 

[Not Meowth]

Pinklady, I am your father.

Also, Purplemanlady's.

And yeah lots of small updates sound cool.

 

[Pwnemon]

Faris is a chick.

I mean she has purple hair on the overworld sprite what more could you ask for?

 

[Enkoe]

What gender is Faris. I am confused.

Also, not working on the Kanto Creation?

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU why did you have to abandon that ****ing awesome comic?