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Lines you won't find in the Bible.

And God looked over the world, and found that no one had left their homes for...a long time. Wanting to find the cause, he magically zapped into everyone homes and discovered the interhighway. God became pissed and destoryed MySpace.
 
And as Jesus was hung upon the cross, he did begin to sing, and he did sing:
"Always look on the bright side of life..."

But God loved the world so much it broke his heart to see humans mess it up, so he left it and never returned

But God loved the world so much it broke his heart to see humans mess it up, so he vowed to destroy them all

"Coming up in part two, we meet the Messiah and find out the early history of Christianity."

And as the rain began to fall, those who had failed to heed the warnings of Noah and his family did say "Oh Cr*p"

And finally, after witnessing all these visions, God did say to John, "I have to go and do other stuff. I'll be back in 3000 years, so until then humanity's free to do what it wants. Please don't break the planet or kill lots of people while I'm away. Thanks.
 
Commandment number CDXLVIII: Thou shalt not wear mismatched socks on Wednesday, unless thy cat doth be named Mercedes von Catsworthy. Then, thou are a ****ing idiot.
 
And God so loved the world that he made George Bush president, in an attempt to give them a preview of Hell, and make them want to repent.

And Jesus said, "No longer live by the law of an eye for an eye, if your neighbor pokes you in the eye, kick him in the balls or somethng."
 
And the LORD did see Sodom and Gomorrah, then he turned to an angel, and saith, "Dude... That's gay."
 
From the creators of other bestsellers such as The Big Bang.
 
"And on the eve of the 6th Day, God did turn to the Audience and bespoke "Let there be a word from our sponsors!" And the intermission Sucked."

"In case of Holocaust, your book can be used as a flotation device"

"Thy shall not drinketh Pepsi, for it is the drink of Sin."

"And God Bespoke to Jesus, "Jesus, I am Thy Father." "
 
"But what no one knew was that Moses had really 'burned some bush' before coming back down."
 
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