Polyamory

[sovram]

To my memory, there haven't been any very recent discussions about this - at least, it has had its own thread.

Polyamory has been on my mind a lot lately. In my anthropology class, we've talked about polygamy (specifically polyandry). It always comes up one way or another on the forums, and multiple friends and acquaintances from university have talked about being interested in it. It's a stark difference to me, since I grew up in a very Baptist community, and just a couple years ago I would have told you that polyamory is unethical or some such nonsense.

As it is now, I'm in a monamorous relationship, and my polyamorous tendencies have gotten me into already (my girlfriend isn't opposed to the practice, but is far from interested herself). After about four and a half months, I realized I had a crush on someone, and came clean about it; she's on the whole accepting about it but says she's not interested in getting involved, and would just want me to break up with her if it becomes overbearing.

So I have a couple of questions for you:

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?
2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?
3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

I'd like to hear everyone's experiences and thoughts on the subject.

 

[shy ♡]

I'm poly so I don't exactly have an ethical problem with it ahaha. I don't have a specific interest in a poly relationship, or any relationship, though, because relationships are scary. I just don't have the concept of monogamy in my head, it's very strange to think that way for me. It feels like friendship - why restrict yourself to one friend? Same for... more-than-friends. :v

 

[Jolty]

1) so long as /everyone/ involved is 100% ok with it then no problemo. also as with every relationship, communication is a must.

2) nope. not for real anyway.

3) no but one boyfriend i had once said he was in love with several of his friends but it's ok jolty you're the one i'm gonna spend my life with so it hardly matters!!! and he had sex with a bunch of them too so that was bullshit. yet he got mad at me when i had a harmless crush on someone and never intended to do anything about it.

i think it is fine to crush on other people whilst you're in a monogamous relationship (you can't exactly help how you feel anyway) but the second you try to do something about it while still in said monogamous relationship then you have a massive problem. that's what cheating is. and if your current partner is not polyamorous/not interested in having multiple relationships at once then trying to convince them to let you do it is probably a bad idea.

is having feelings for other people whilst already in a relationship even counted as polyamorous. because surely that would be like... a whole tonne of people

anyway the point is that if there is even the slightest hint to someone not being completely okay with being in a polyamorous relationship, it's probably not a going to work. if they are though, great, do whatever you like

 

[Autumn]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?

honestly, the way i view life is i do what i want and that extends to dating multiple people at once. (poly is poly i swear that's not intentional) ofc i haven't. really had it happen since i tend to get really attached to the person i'm with to the point that i don't want to date anyone else, but (see next answer)

2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?

i would be interested in having one if not for the fact!

3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

no haha, i had a crush on a friend when i was dating my (ex-)boyfriend and he didn't care. now i have sexual feelings for the same friend and as far as i can tell vm don't care and is slightly encouraging it :V

 

[Butterfree]

Shadey loves it when I crush on other guys. He doesn't do much of crushing on other girls per se but tells me when he thinks some girl is really attractive, and I think it's adorable. We don't do jealousy and have both given each other our blessing to have sex with other people if the occasion arises, but so far it hasn't and I'm not sure I really expect it to, and we fully expect to be each other's primary proper romantic partners for the rest of our lives. Don't know exactly if that counts.

Basically I'm wholly in favor of polyamory and in a relationship where liking other people is a bonus, not a problem.

 

[Momo(th)]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?

I got no prob with it, so long as it's consensual.

2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?

No. I'm aromantic.

3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

I've actually never have been in a relationship, so no.

 

[ultraviolet]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?

I'm personally not really big on the idea but I'm not gonna tell someone that what they do in their relationship is wrong! Like I think as long as everyone's aware of what's going on and it's all pretty transparent it'll probably work out.

2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?

nnnnnot really. I'm far too possessive and jealous to be okay with a partner having a partner that isn't me, and I just wouldn't feel that great having more than one partner myself. It's complicated!

3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

No, but my first boyfriend is (or at least was) polyamorous, and it really didn't work for us.

 

[Flazeah]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?

I very much approve. Wahay, polyamory.


2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?

Yeah. Me and my fiancé are on the same page about this. We're honest about our attraction to other people and have agreed we'd definitely consider it.


3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

Nope! I'm still figuring out how well I deal with the idea of monogamy for me, though. I'm sure I'd be okay with being with only one person for the rest of my life - the person I'm with now - but I'm not sure it's optimum for me, and knowing that we both feel open to polyamory is a relief.

 

[Vipera Magnifica]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?

As long as everyone involved is comfortable with the arrangement, then I see nothing wrong with it. Communication is pretty important in this kind of relationship.

2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?

I am already in a poly-amorous relationsh- *shot*

3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?

No, not really. I mean, I've only had strong romantic feelings for one person in particular, and I'm currently dating her :V
So... no.

 

[Worst Username Ever]

1) What is your ethical stance on polyamory?
As long as everyone agrees with it, knows about it and is okay with it, I don't see why not?
2) Are you interested in a polyamorous relationship?
I don't think so... not for me.
3) Has your tendency to like/love more than one person made a monamorous relation end badly?
I haven't really been in a relationship so... no

 

[Phantom]

Yeah, a big no to it on my part. I am loyal, and I expect that at least to be respected by who I am with.

I'm not judge-y if it's someone's lifestyle or an agreed upon thing, but I have no respect for cheaters. At all. If it hurts someone, just no.

 

[sovram]

Yeah, a big no to it on my part. I am loyal, and I expect that at least to be respected by who I am with.

I'm not judge-y if it's someone's lifestyle or an agreed upon thing, but I have no respect for cheaters. At all. If it hurts someone, just no.

Fortunately, we're not talking about cheating! Polyamory and loyalty/respect are not mutually exclusive!

 

[Tailsy]

I'm personally like 'bluh, no' but hey whatever, it takes all sorts to make a world and it's just not something for me. If you're happy and everybody involved is happy I don't see the problem, like... everyone... else... in this thread.

But no, I wouldn't. I'm not interested in people past friendship very often (read: basically never) in the first place so I'm pretty intense about relationships. Even if it doesn't really look like it. So I don't think I'd be able to handle polygamy because I wouldn't feel... loved as much? It's not really very rational, but that's people for you.

 

[Zero Moment]

Polyamory would work best if all the involved love each other.