SCHOOOOOL

[goldenquagsire]

My class got passed around at least five different Physics teachers during GCSEs. None of them knew what they were doing. One was even actually called Mr Newbie (possibly Newby actually but shush).

I'm pretty certain another was called Dr Snape. On reflection I had some pretty awesomely named teachers.

We had a similar situation with Science in year 8 (but lol year 8 so it didn't matter so much). Our first teacher got maternity leave, our second (who was a slightly mental old guy who told us stories about "his father down t'mine") just *left* after a while and our third almost had a breakdown (he was a delightful South African chap but I don't think he was ready for the horrors of the state sector).

 

[shadow_lugia]

Mr. Wells! There's grasshopper sex on your lawn!

 

[Green]

I saw two flies having sex right in front of my lunch tray once.

Then once at the bus stop we saw a big wriggling spider behind a kid's head. He backed away and we threw stuff at it, like pine needles. I scraped it with a cigarette... and it split into two spiders.

tldr my district has lots of SURPRISE BUGSECKS.

 

[Flora]

^ My friend and I once saw a really weird looking dragonfly; she then noted that "there's two of them, they're attached to each other...OH GOD!" It was...fairly amusing.

So today for some reason two of my friends were talking about how, if one of my friends was a lesbian, then she'd have one of the girls in my grade as a lesbian lover. and then this conversation occurred:

Jeanine: What would you do if I was a lesbian?
Jess: I'd be totally cool with it.
Jeanine: What if I was unsure?
Jess: I'm pretty sure you'd know.
*temporary pause*
Jess: ...wait, you're not a lesbian, are you?

(it was completely hypothetical, by the way, all those "I love you"s are completely platonic unless I'm really missing something.)

 

[Ivy Newton]

We had a similar situation with Science in year 8 (but lol year 8 so it didn't matter so much). Our first teacher got maternity leave, our second (who was a slightly mental old guy who told us stories about "his father down t'mine") just *left* after a while and our third almost had a breakdown (he was a delightful South African chap but I don't think he was ready for the horrors of the state sector).

The bio teacher at my school has been on maternity leave for the 1st quarter and apparently the first sub they got just kinda disappeared one day...

No one's quite sure what happened to him. Apparently they told the students he had some health issues or something, but the chem teacher has absolutely no idea what actually happened to him, so...

 

[Worst Username Ever]

Our English teacher, when we were going to make a "top 10"-list:
"If you make a list of "top 10 worst celebrities", Justin Bieber better be on there."

He says lots of great stuff. xD

 

[shadow_lugia]

Me: Oh my God! I'm locked in the bathroom! Help!

We were on a charter bus for our band trip, complete with a tiny bathroom in the back corner. Unfortunately, I'm not strong enough to open the door from the inside :(

 

[Flora]

SO THE FIRST PERFORMANCE OF THE PLAY WAS TONIGHT. My friend, who's in the pit orchestra, was talking to Miss Fairy Godmother and then this happened:

Jess: I LOVE YOU. MARRY ME.
Me and Jeanine: ...?
Jess: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR VOICE.

Glad to know I'm not the only one...*feels slightly awkward now*

And this from yesterday:

*eating nachos*
Me: I think you're a little better than *insert name of other Godmother here*
Jeanine: Yeah, you are.
Me: But that's probably cause you're my best friend...
Jeanine: Exactly. NACHOS ARE A BONDING EXPERIENCE.
Jeanine: ...I'm tired.

(Jeanine: gets really really really hyper when tired)

 

[shadow_lugia]

Oh goodness I think I've mostly forgotten to mention Spanish II.

So our teacher was explaining to us that hambre is a feminine noun:

Me: Tengo mucho hambre :(
Teacher: Tienes mucha hambre.
Me: Estupido hambre!
Teacher: Estupida hambre!

And talking about his friend:

Teacher: So, we were just at a restaurant in Lincoln, just the two of us, talking. Next thing I know, there's five girls at our table. I turn around and they're all talking to him. Seriously, every time I look at a picture of him, every girl who walks by stops and is all, "Who's that?" And of course, he doesn't speak very good English... but no, that makes him more adorable.

 

[Flora]

Okay, so for a while my best friend would attempt to boost my confidence by asking me "What are you made of?" and if I answered anything other than "awesome" she'd get mad at me. So the other day I tried it on her, except I can't get mad at her.

Me: What are you made of?
Jeanine: Sparkles.

And then this.

*two of my friends and I getting changed in the locker room*
Jeanine: Would this be a bad time to say that I'm a lesbian?

 

[speedblader03]

This happened in my calculus class:

*One student is goofing off*
Teacher: (angry) Alright, go over there and close the door, because I don't want anyone to walk by and hear what I'm about to say to you.
*long silent pause while student gets up, walks over to the door, closes it, and sits back down*
*whole class looks at the teacher*
Teacher: I'm hungry.
*entire class laughs, and gets back to work*

That was so wierd when it happened...

 

[Missile]

Our English teacher, when we were going to make a "top 10"-list:
"If you make a list of "top 10 worst celebrities", Justin Bieber better be on there."

He says lots of great stuff. xD

Tell your English teacher that I love him.

 

[Karkat Vantas]

One day a kid at my school decided to wear a dress and shove handkerchiefs up his shirt to give the illusion of manboobs.

It makes sense in context.

 

[Flora]

So in one of my above posts I said how my friend Jeanine said she was made of sparkles? I have a part 2 to that:

Jeanine: What are you made of?
Me: Awesome! And so are you :)
Jeanine: No, I'm made of sparkles!
Me: Well, then you're made of sparkles and awesome!
Jeanine: But sparkles are awesome, so that's a bit redundant...

and then this:

Math Teacher: *something about radicals*
Me: *to Jess* But I don't want to learn radicals!
Jess: I don't like the sound of this...

 

[Minkow]

"Right, so these...are your Science Journals. They are for studying purposes ONLY. Not something to throw into your closet. You date every page and you label all your drawings.
And before I forget, this is a SCIENCE journal, not a DIARY. I do not want you people writing things in here that are personal. Yes, that means no "Dear Diary, I...I think I'm pregnant. Which is really weird because I'm a guy but I guess..." and so on. NO, YOU DON'T WRITE IT IF YOU'RE A GIRL EITHER. Right, so if you all get that, you guys get a treat! :D
no, Robert, it's not edible. And don't the rest of you go all "i is disappoint" on me! EXCUSE ME if I didn't want to buy Filet-O-Fishes for the entire class. And don't you start with that commercial...

 

[Phantom]

^^^ Your teacher is epic sauce.

 

[Flora]

Nique: *talking about how our guy friend was obviously flirting with my best friend* And he cockblocked that one guy...
Jeanine: ...Oh my god there's a word for that?

Me: *comes out of computer lab and joins my friends' conversation*
Jess: ...where did you come from?
Me: Uh, I had class right over there today...
Jeanine: Well, her mommy and daddy loved each other very much...

Music Teacher: *in reference to a movie quote someone just made* It's like DiNozzo from NCIS -
Maddy and Jeanine: *suddenly get really really excited*

 

[Worst Username Ever]

You have no Russians in your class? Isn't that sexism?

...um, what?

 

[Flora]

Music Teacher: Well, it makes the chord sound ambivalent...
Jeanine: I like that word!

(ambivalence: two conflicting emotions, usually love and hate. perfectly describes her state of mind atm. also, it's her fault I know what it means.)

 

[Autumn]

I am standing in band class talking with a friend when my band teacher walks by and says "I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!"

Me and my friend were thoroughly weirded out for a minute.