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Should zombies be refunded? O_O

Should zombies be refunded their death tax?

  • Total voters
    30
Blaziking the God General

Blaziking the God General

Replicaaa!
I imagine (and hope for the sake of the discussion) that you have heard of death tax in some states that there is an additional price to die, and a few months ago a question popped in my head about it: What if we had a massive zombie invasion? Wouldn't they have to be refunded? Do you have any opinions?
 
Well, it would depend on circumstances, obviously. If the type of zombie invasion we had was the most common type, with shambling horrors shouting "brains" over and over, they would have no use for money. However, in recent years some zombies have proved to be more intelligent than the classic zombie, and thus they could potentially spend money on whatever they desire. If they are indeed out to get us, then there's the conundrum about giving money to our enemies...

I'm thinking about this too much, aren't I?
 
Hey, you ain't thinking about this too much yet. I asked everyone in my school and I gave insightful opinions as to why zombies should get refunds.

If you think about it, maybe zombies aren't evil! Maybe they just want their money back and we're in the way! NOW those damn Dawn of the dead movies make sense!
 
Yes, but I do feel the need to clarify my stance on this important contemporary issue.

You see, this is a deceptively simple question that, in actual fact, warrants some thought. To obtain a satisfactory answer requires us to focus on zombie psychology and the notion of currency for a moment, and consider the deeper implications of what we are proposing.

While you raise an interesting point, the key point here is the value of that with which you intend to reimburse the undead. Money and it's agreed worth, in all its forms quite an abstract concept, is of course merely tokenage. What you are gaining from the acquisition of a note and a few small pieces of metal is not simply these materials themselves, but the potential to then trade on these materials for something that is of immediate worth to you. You accept the notes and metal purely because of your anticipation and the expectation that these will, in turn, be accepted as just payment in the future without negotiation over less standardised alternatives such as cattle trade and other forms of bartering.

Commonly and most necessarily, currency is obtained for the purpose of exchange for three essentials: shelter, warmth and sustenance. Let us now look at these primary requirements and their cost in relation to the undead.

Shelter, arguably, is of little importance to the aforementioned undead. Not only is protecting one's flesh from the elements of little importance when said flesh is, in any case, already hanging off one's bones and in the later stages of rotting, but it must be admitted that the undead have the fortunate advantage of being able to claim, to an extent, any building they so desire simply through the traditional and tested strategy of existing in it and continuing to be a zombie. This does, of course, rely on the assumption that the widespread modern aversion to decaying corpses (most especially mobile ones) persists. (The author notes that while she does not condone this outdated and potentially alienating attitude to undead persons, she must admit that it has its advantages for those against whom the prejudice is held.)

Warmth is also no longer a relevant point for such persons, as traditional necromantic practices demonstrate. Although varying stances on this dark art are acknowledged by the author, the fact remain: long spans of time spent in stone cold earth have been proven to have no effect on the unhealth of those raised in unlife. Less experienced scholars may quote research papers that contradict this well-founded observation, but these are often - indeed, almost invariably - poorly-researched and ill-conceived endeavours (most negative effects are generally attributed to decay by most leading necromancers). It would be an unfounded belief, then, to assume that further lack of warmth may have adverse effects on the undead body.

This brings us to sustenance, clearly a far more relevant point. It is a well-known fact that the preferred sustenance - some would say the only suitable sustenance - for undead persons is brains, human brains being the sought-after ideal source of nourishment. This is unfortunate, as although negotiations between the world's leaders and a number of respected representatives of the undead are underway in an attempt to provide a solution to this problem that is satisfactory to the minority zombie population and the living human population at large with regards to traditional morality and ethics, it is generally believed that a peaceful compromise may be difficult or even impossible to achieve.

The author can sadly provide no additional suggestions for the resolution of this inter-cultural dilemma, but feels that it would be of significant aid for the average member of the living human population if she were to clarify the nature of the situation and express the conundrum at the heart of the issue in simpler terms than those in use by government officials today.

The situation, then, is thus: the undead minority have no use for our currency and instead require an altogether more troublesome alternate form of repayment - namely fresh human brains. Current human-undead relations being tense and delicate as they are (as evidenced by the recent alarmingly increased presence of hate crime perpetrated by both sides), any attempt to compromise this unanimous demand will likely only trigger another major zombie uprising.

And nobody wants another zombie uprising.
 
I think they should be refunded under the circumstances that they don't try to rape, eat, burn our houses, commit mass genocide, steal etc... I think they could become normal citzens, seeing as they've got memories of what they did in their past life. If they be mean, then we can just tip holy water all over them.
 
Crys raises an interesting point. the average zombie has no need for funds, but they would be entitled to their money, because they are no longer dead. they could use it to BUY brains!
 
However, obtaining brains legally and without requiring the use of a living donor is prohibitively expensive. There is a shortage of brain donors willing to allow their frozen brains to be used as quote "zombie food", and supply and demand has pushed through the roof. A refund is simply not going to be enough for today's zombie to purchase sustenance. In addition, many employers are reluctant to employ zombies for various reasons including the fact that humans are quite reluctant to work alongside zombies, meaning that zombies rarely hold high-paying jobs, not to mention any job. I say we need to have a more effective propaganda program to convince people to donate their brains for zombies, as well as research into cost-effective means of cloning human brain tissue.
 
The anwser to the supply of human brains, is America. Have every human being in america tested in IQ. Anyone with a IQ under 40 will have their brain surgically removed, for a better cause than rotting in said skull.
 
T-man said:
The anwser to the supply of human brains, is America. Have every human being in america tested in IQ. Anyone with a IQ under 40 will have their brain surgically removed, for a better cause than rotting in said skull.
Click to expand...

True, but one must consider how to enforce this. Stupid people tend to be the ones that think themselves tough and thus would likely go 'I don't have to take no stupid test >B' to this idea, and not show up to take it.

Also, what about star athletes? Surely their team owners are going to have some objections to their money machines being rendered useless.

As for the question of refunding them; they've no real use for money.
 
Just pretend it's a entery test for "Ulitmate Test" And say if they win, they, uh, live forever!

As for the star owners: Body controling computer probes! It'll make e'm smarter too!
 
Hmm, but maybe our (AKA Hollywood's) common perception of zombies is completely incorrect! Perhaps zombies are ACTUALLY very ingenious people enlightened and highly educated from their experience being dead. Perhaps they simply wish to live normal lives again, but their chances of getting a high-paying job worthy of their stature is exceedingly low because of said "undeadness".
 
Also, what about star athletes? Surely their team owners are going to have some objections to their money machines being rendered useless.
Click to expand...
Bwahaha. That's just anouther reason to sell their brains. I would love to see how all the stupid/annoying football players at my school respond to their hopes being crushed, forcing them to make an attempt to work hard like everyone else.
It would bring the national literacy rate way, way up, and that would help.
We'd need to find some new cheap labor though...wait...That's it! Make the zombies work for free brains! It'd be an economic miracle!
 
Yes. Mind you, zombie humour is pretty dire. They get a refund if they vow to never tell jokes in public.

'Knock Knock'
'Who's there'
'Graagh'
'Graagh who?'
'Graagh'
'Okay, stop it now'
'Graagh'
'I'm just going to, you know, walk away...'
'Graagh'
*sound of footsteps*
 
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