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Weirdest conversations you have had.

Once, half my class in 8th or 9th grade started discussing the correct term for dog poop. "Dog crap", "dog poo", "dog feces" ect. I don't even remember the conversation that led up to that.
 
Me and a friend began talking about what would happen if squirrels were really ninjas in disguise, plotting to take over the world, and what we would do if we were the only people who knew about it. We decided we'd join them X3 The conversation also included vampirical unicorns, Machine guns that shot skittles, and evil marshmallows o.o Twas the most wonderful conversation I've ever had.
 
On this year's band trip I was with my best friend Justin, and a few girls who are also my friends (well, except one). Three of the girls were watching survivor, of which the rest of us knew nothing about. Thus began a conversation about which contestants turned us on the most. I got paired with some farmer guy with a freaky beard, because most people I know like to pretend I'm gay.
 
Not wierd, just more like a MFW exchange of words

Friend: if a guy says something wrong in the forest and no ones there to here it is he actually wrong

Me: Does he himself know what he's saying is wrong?

Friend: no hes complete moron and what he said is tape can fix anything and he strongly believes it

Me: Then Yeah, he's a fucking retard, especially when that tree that is silent falls on his head and shatters his skull, let's see his tape fix that
Click to expand...
 
Most of my conversations with my best friend tend to have shades of this. We were the strangest children in the world, seriously.

Though the one the Icelandic IMO team 2008 had with the Norwegian team, where we discussed the recent polar bear invasion in Iceland in great detail and serious tones for more or less the entire dinner, was also pretty up there (and was probably my favorite part of that trip).
 
"is a butt divided?"

"... what do you mean?"

"I'm not sure if my english is correct here; is a butt 'divided' into like, two things?"

"I guess?"

"okay, cool."
 
My friend Chalon is easily the best person to text ever. Here's why. This is a conversation we had while he was in California.

Chalon "I just saved a hummingbird's life"
Me "Awe! Tell me the epic tale!"
"I was at a restaurant and it flew into the window and fell to the sidewalk where lots of people were walking, so I picked it up and moved it into the shade and like five minutes later it recovered and flew off"
"You're a hero. It was probably teh Hummingbird King and now all hummingbirds are eternally in your debt"
"They are, they've been following me and showering me with gifts since. And it was actually the Queen"
"If you ever need an army now you have one"
"Too bad they can't return to Wisconsin"
"You saved her life, they will travel to the ends of the earth to aid you. Anyway they're from Wisconsin, silly, they're on vacation"
"I think you're right, they do have an affinity for cheese and beer"
"All hummingbirds do"
"Noooo, some of them like gay stuff like flower nectar, all the native Californians do"
"Just the LA hummingbirds"
"In LA the hummingbirds are outcasts and live in small outposts throughout the city"
"What about Hollywood?"
"Hollywood, being an outcast of LA itself, is a paradise for the humingbirds of LA"
"I see. How is the drug situation amongst them?"
"Well the LAPD is crackin down on their marijuana trade, but cocaine addiction still runs rampant"
"That's awful. You mean the LAHBPD?"
"Nah, they're just a bunch of corrupt lawmen, the humans have had to interject to prevent the breakdown of hummingbird society"
"I see. So it's a very good thing you saved teh Queen"
"Not really, the LA hummingbirds are rebels and opposed to teh monarchy. They would prefer the San Diego aristocrats would stay out of their affairs, I see a revolution"
"You must prevent it!"
"No, I must spur it on, then the monarchy can crush the corruption once and for all"
"But who will be left?"
"Only the most honest and pure of citizens, me and the Royal Guard will essentially purge the kingdom"
"And build an empire?"
"Yup. Which reminds me, I've been made Captain of the Royal Guard, so I will be in charge of the war against the rebellion"
"You have a ridiculous advantage"
"I think that was teh reason for my promotion to the highest rank upon my enlistment, I must still train however, the rebels are masters of guerilla warfare, where my size will prove littel advantage"
"What is your plan?"
"I'm arming my troops with short-medium range weaponry, as I expect the fights to be in close quarters, and they are all being trained in martial arts, in case teh situation calls for it. I myself will be armed with a shovel and a sledgehammer and I'll be wearing steel full-plate armor."
"Won't that inhibit mobility? You're going to need to be fast. Full armor and a sledgehammer is really the opposite."
"Fast and efficient may be the tactic of choice for my smaller troops, but as for me, I need to stay protected, cuz no matter how fast or agile I am, if I'm being divebombed by thousands of enemies, I'd be screwed"
"use a faster weapon then. Like...a large knife or a short sword."
"Slashing won't be an effective method, I need soemthing wide, heavy and blunt to smash them in large numbers out of the air"
"They'll be too fast for a hammer, what abotu a frying pan?"
"Perfect, a flat headed shovel and a frying pan"
"There you go. One for precision, one for swinging in a swarm"
"Exactly, we march (well, I march, they fly) at dawn"
___________________________
Anyone who read that whole thing gets a cookie.
 
The Omskivar said:
My friend Chalon is easily the best person to text ever. Here's why. This is a conversation we had while he was in California.

Chalon "I just saved a hummingbird's life"
Me "Awe! Tell me the epic tale!"
"I was at a restaurant and it flew into the window and fell to the sidewalk where lots of people were walking, so I picked it up and moved it into the shade and like five minutes later it recovered and flew off"
"You're a hero. It was probably teh Hummingbird King and now all hummingbirds are eternally in your debt"
"They are, they've been following me and showering me with gifts since. And it was actually the Queen"
"If you ever need an army now you have one"
"Too bad they can't return to Wisconsin"
"You saved her life, they will travel to the ends of the earth to aid you. Anyway they're from Wisconsin, silly, they're on vacation"
"I think you're right, they do have an affinity for cheese and beer"
"All hummingbirds do"
"Noooo, some of them like gay stuff like flower nectar, all the native Californians do"
"Just the LA hummingbirds"
"In LA the hummingbirds are outcasts and live in small outposts throughout the city"
"What about Hollywood?"
"Hollywood, being an outcast of LA itself, is a paradise for the humingbirds of LA"
"I see. How is the drug situation amongst them?"
"Well the LAPD is crackin down on their marijuana trade, but cocaine addiction still runs rampant"
"That's awful. You mean the LAHBPD?"
"Nah, they're just a bunch of corrupt lawmen, the humans have had to interject to prevent the breakdown of hummingbird society"
"I see. So it's a very good thing you saved teh Queen"
"Not really, the LA hummingbirds are rebels and opposed to teh monarchy. They would prefer the San Diego aristocrats would stay out of their affairs, I see a revolution"
"You must prevent it!"
"No, I must spur it on, then the monarchy can crush the corruption once and for all"
"But who will be left?"
"Only the most honest and pure of citizens, me and the Royal Guard will essentially purge the kingdom"
"And build an empire?"
"Yup. Which reminds me, I've been made Captain of the Royal Guard, so I will be in charge of the war against the rebellion"
"You have a ridiculous advantage"
"I think that was teh reason for my promotion to the highest rank upon my enlistment, I must still train however, the rebels are masters of guerilla warfare, where my size will prove littel advantage"
"What is your plan?"
"I'm arming my troops with short-medium range weaponry, as I expect the fights to be in close quarters, and they are all being trained in martial arts, in case teh situation calls for it. I myself will be armed with a shovel and a sledgehammer and I'll be wearing steel full-plate armor."
"Won't that inhibit mobility? You're going to need to be fast. Full armor and a sledgehammer is really the opposite."
"Fast and efficient may be the tactic of choice for my smaller troops, but as for me, I need to stay protected, cuz no matter how fast or agile I am, if I'm being divebombed by thousands of enemies, I'd be screwed"
"use a faster weapon then. Like...a large knife or a short sword."
"Slashing won't be an effective method, I need soemthing wide, heavy and blunt to smash them in large numbers out of the air"
"They'll be too fast for a hammer, what abotu a frying pan?"
"Perfect, a flat headed shovel and a frying pan"
"There you go. One for precision, one for swinging in a swarm"
"Exactly, we march (well, I march, they fly) at dawn"
___________________________
Anyone who read that whole thing gets a cookie.
Click to expand...

...Cookie? :D
 
I tend to write down pretty much anything funny that happens, which of course includes weird conversations, so I have...quite a big Word document.

Copy-pasting a few of the weirder ones, from up to four years ago:

(My mom and I had a conversation about the cobwebs in our house.)
Mom: I like that one in the corner.
Me: Oh, I like that one too, but I prefer the one over there. Lovely 'Y' shape.
Mom: The one that comes down to the bottle on the curio? Yeah, I like that one too.

Friend: Hey...Willy Wonka said he was going to allow five children into his factory. What if one of the people who found the ticket wasn't a child?
Me: Yeah, what, would they have to give it away, or would they be allowed in anyway, or would they have to grab a random kid off the street to go in with?
(We never did figure out the answer.)

Friend: What sort of special power would you like that you don’t already have?
Me: I dunno. Maybe poison breath, capable of instantly K.O.ing anyone who breathes it.
Friend: …I hate to break it to ya, but I said that you don’t already have.
Me: … >_>

(We were passing a pharmacy drive-through window on our way into a grocery store. My mother knows the pharmacist, sort of.)
Mom: Ah, there's Roger, the pharmacist.
Me: He has a Mario mustache.
Mom: I'll have to tell him that. 'My daughter says you look like Mario.'
Me: Tell him I say he looks like Luigi. He's too thin to be Mario. Or, rather, tell him he looks like a cross between Luigi and the Soup Nazi, because he does.

(When I was little, I was really bad at telling peoples' genders when it wasn't glaringly obvious. Also, this is in reference to Haruhi from Ouran.)
Me: I would have loved to have had a friend like Haruhi growing up.
Friend: I am very, very glad you didn't.
Me: Why?
Friend: -imitates little kid’s voice- "Haru-chan, your mommy has a really deep voice."
Me: Alright, alright, I get it.

My friend and I were acting out the scenes in Suikoden 1 and 2 where Luc joins the party...with a few changes. I don't even remember why. My friend was Leknaat, I was everyone else.
Suikoden 1...
Leknaat: -Borat accent- I give you two gifts. First, this giant rock.
Everyone: Oh my god, a giant rock!
Leknaat: Has names on it. Is also magic. And also I give you this annoying slave boy.
Luc: [sounds like typical whiny kid] But I don’t wanna go!
Leknaat: Too bad.
Suikoden II…
Leknaat: Hello again. I once again give you two gifts. First, this giant rock.
Everyone: Oh my god, a giant rock!
Leknaat: Has names on it. Also, this annoying slave boy. Get out here, slave boy.
Luc: -'teleports' in- Why do you always pawn me off on every rebel army you see?
Leknaat: Is convenient. Also, maybe you will die someday and stop coming back like bad rash.
 
Friend: "Oh my god! Your plaid shoes are so awesome!"

Me: "So what you're saying is, plaid shoes are awesome."

Friend: "Yes."

Me: "And I have plaid shoes, so I'm awesome?"

Friend: "I guess so."

Other friend: "Wait, how do we know this is true?"

Me: "Well, telling the truth is awesome. So are plaid shoes. Via the transitive property we have already derived that I am awesome, so therefore I must be telling the truth."

other Friend: "I see."

wut.
 
One time at school we were eating lunch and someone asked "what if your penis was on your nose?" Then we had some huge conversation about that question. The best part
"Would this be considered gay?" *licks his own nose*
 
Me: I love hanging out with you guys.
Jeanine: It's always greener on the grass.
Me and Nique: ...wut.
Jeanine: I MEANT IT'S ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! I was looking at the grass across the street and oh never mind...
Click to expand...

I don't even. (yes, that is seriously how the conversation went.)
 
trying to understand celine dion lyrics to learn french is to try and have orgasms through kissing cheeks
Click to expand...

i am trying to improve my french and this is how I described it
 
Well, I am not sure if it's the weirdest, but it's a bit weird because we had both been recently woken up and didn't understand each other's meanings very well.

Time: 1 AM
Some additional info: My parents made their bed by themselves. There's a ladder on it and under the bed is something like a room with bookshelves in it.

Mother: *wakes up because of me climbing into the bed* Who is it?
Me: It's aunt.
(this sequence repeats once more until she understands me and realizes that I mean the phone)
Mother: Which aunt?
Me: Aunt [first name of aunt who is mother's sister], she's calling from grandma's phone, she says it's very important.

It turned out that my grandmother had some health problem, but that is not relevant to the conversation anymore.
 
me and my friends where discussing who would win in a fight, a porcupine or an eagle, and we walked pass 2 homeless men.
one homeless men said porcupine, who i was voting for, i shouted YES and the other homeless man called me white trash
 
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