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I liek Squirtles

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  • THANK YOU

    AND YEAH, BUT THIS IS THE CLOSEST YOU'VE COME SO FAR

    I'm assuming you aren't talking about books.
    is carrying on already

    Yep! It's pretty much the same, actually. I do have teachers, I just work from home. :c

    That's fine! Just take the one I currently have, and I'll replace it with the one I have when my run ends.
    You're welcome!

    Uh... I'm not sure if this is a good example, but:
    Telling: "Sally was really nervous."
    Showing: "Sally bit her nails and toyed with her keys."
    In the "Telling", the writer directly TELLS the reader that Sally is nervous, but in the Showing example the writer lets us figure out, logically, that Sally is nervous, because usually people bite their nails and play with their keys when they're nervous.

    If you're having trouble with grammar, this is really cool and easy to understand!
    ok uh
    Grammatical Critique (I can point out specific examples if needed)

    "Subject verb-ed, and other-verb-ed." is WRONG. It should be "Subject verb-ed and other-verb-ed." However, "Subject verb-ed, and other-subject other-verb-ed." is correct.
    "rows... each and every one of them embarrassed of their actions" is wrong. "Each" is singular, so "their" should not be used to refer to it.
    Write out numbers <21. Not 2000's, 2000s.
    Some stuff is.. awkward? idk. It sounds wrong but I can't pinpoint it. In the sentence starting with "Ultimately" what is "this" referring to?
    The word "winded" is not the past participle of the verb wind as used; use "wound". (Winded is correct when "wind" is used as "cause someone or something to have difficulty breathing" but it is not in this case.)
    "Congregate" does not take an object. The crew congregates, the captain does not congregate his crew. He might gather them, but not congregate.
    "This is a fragment," she said. "and this is a continuation."
    NOT
    "This is a fragment," she said, "and this is a continuation." I THINK. I might be wrong.
    "cocked" as used always takes an object. "The muskets cocked" is wrong; "the muskets were cocked" is right.
    Capitalize the a in "a cloud of smoke ... them" because a cloud of smoke has nothing to do with "Fire!"
    again, write out numbers <21
    "Wounds on their arms, legs, and torso" wrong: arms, legs, and torsos, because "Others" is plural.
    "The local tribe, grateful for their rescue, offered anything they wanted"? The second "they" has an unclear antecedent. Did the tribe offer anything the tribe wanted? (Also, tribe is singular, so it would be "grateful for its rescue".)
    Delegate is used a lot in the last two paragraphs. Is there any other word? "Spokesperson"? "Representative"?
    "Although some..." the "they" is again unclear.
    Your writing style is kind of tell-not-showy, but mine is too. I don't know how to fix that, besides "try being more show-not-telly"?
    "This is a complete sentence," said the dude. "The first letter of this sentence is capitalized because it's not a continuation of the previous sentence even if that sentence ends with a comma."
    ...You what?

    It's okay! Hiikaru has been helping me do a lot of stuff lately, I've been having fun!
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