Shiny Grimer

ah. that would make more sense.

i can imagine lol.

now, if you don't mind, i've got a few of my own problems to rant about ; ; so basically, i got over my crush on my bff last week. Or, at least, I thought I did. Yesterday she went to a movie with her boyfriend (whom I'd stopped being jealous of) and they ended up making out and were holding hands and shit. When she told me this yesterday, I was initially all "awww that's adorable <3" because I honestly did think that it was adorable. And then this morning she was gushing to me... revealing in the process that they made out not once but like /five times/, were running their hands through each other's hair, shit like that. I told her yesterday that she could gush about her boyfriend as long as she liked because I couldn't really be upset by it any more.

... I lied.

the talk of her and her boyfriend actually made me start crying because I was upset. Not even necessarily at her/her boyfriend - mostly at myself because I can't control my goddamned emotions well enough to avoid getting hurt by it. And I promptly texted her as much, too - complaining that I was pissed at myself and crying because I was upset over them and I hated the fact that I was upset with the burning fiery passion of a thousand suns. I wish I could force myself to stop feeling this way and stop being fucking jealous of her boyfriend, but I CAN'T - I thought I could, it worked for a week, and then - just - it... didn't. And I'm just so completely pissed at myself now.

I dunno, I took the SAT back in March (scored 2090 on it I think) and I wasn't being tested separately :/ but perhaps different... idk, standards perhaps. My Asperger's doesn't affect my learning at all so maybe that's part of the reason, idk.

Sensory overload, definitely. I don't experience this myself (I play the trumpet, for God's sake. That's probably the worst instrument for someone with sensory overload to listen to) but I've been researching autism for a long-term project for school and I can definitely see how that would be a problem for others. None of the people I know with Asperger's/Asperger's symptoms really suffer from it (we're all in the band.) but.

I don't know him well enough for my words to mean a whole lot, but from what I am hearing I think he might have Asperger's, yes. Seems like that would be the most likely option.

Going back to your original post: Yes, it's incredibly common for people with Asperger's to just present themselves as not appearing to care for another person. The reason is that people with Asperger's/autism just have problems expressing their emotions all over the place (my 'net-friend says she sort of presents as emotionless to everyone around her, and both me and my best friend have a tendency to keep all our problems to ourselves because we hate saddling everyone around us with things to worry about). Obviously we can all feel emotion (he wouldn't be your boyfriend if he didn't), but it just isn't expressed as strongly sometimes. Also, people with Asperger's/autism sort of lack an ability to empathize and so if your situation is different than his he might have trouble seeing how profoundly /you/ are affected by it. (I have this problem, and I compensate by sort of... underestimating the impact of everything, whether it's a big deal or not, so that people aren't surprised when I make comments like "... Getting hit by a car would certainly put a damper on our evening plans." Even if on the inside I'm like "OH GOD I'M SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T GET HIT BY A CAR AAAA ; ;".) But yeah, he definitely cares for you, but maybe he just doesn't know the best way to express that, so he... doesn't. I don't know him, so I'm not good at making judgments like that, but. I mean. As an Aspie myself, I can just say that the way I act around people doesn't always reflect the true nature of my emotions, so. :/

Internet people kind of tend to have Asperger's or something similar; that's not entirely surprising. It's far easier for people with Asperger's or autism to make friends over the internet, as the lack of face-to-face contact means that people won't automatically shun them based on their quirks, and sometimes it's just easier for people with Asperger's/autism to communicate through the written word rather than the spoken word. I had an Internet friend over to visit a few months back, and she says she's never been diagnosed with Asperger's, but it's fairly obvious to me that she has it or is close to having it - she expressed several symptoms which seem similar to what you're saying about your boyfriend.

... Sounds like my 'net friend when she was over to visit. x3 She'd make eye contact with me the entire time I'm talking and then look away whenever she started talking. Problems with eye contact are a symptom, yes.

Yeah, that sounds pretty familiar too (I've noticed it in myself and people I know with Asperger's). Are the movements particularly stiff? I've noticed that the people I know with Asperger's tend to have odd hand movements that come across as being rather stiff and sort of... not... fluid. That's redundant but you know what I mean.

Haha I have that problem. x3 but I try to avoid it. My best friend sort of has that problem as well (I have a theory that she has Asperger's despite never having been tested; perhaps that's why we get along so well).

Hmm... I haven't noticed a lack of coordination in me or anyone I know with Asperger's (both me and my best friend are even in the marching band), but of course everyone's different, and I'm not entirely surprised that some people with Asperger's can be clumsy or have poor hand-eye coordination or whatnot.

Oh yes. xD This and lining things up (which I'm very prone to; every time I eat a handful of Hershey kisses I have to stand them all upright and put them in rows and there always has to be an even number of them) are incredibly common in people with Asperger's.

Haha me and my best friend interpret each other literally all the time xD but taking things literally is a symptom of Asperger's/autism, yes, and I've known people in real life who take things literally but kind of... fail to make it funny. (But since my best friend and I are so literal-minded we end up laughing at each other anyway.) It's possible to have Asperger's and appear perfectly normal, of course (all of my friends were surprised when I admitted I had Asperger's), and if the way you talk falls more in line with everyone else it's possible to pass for normal even if you possess other traits. Out of curiosity, does he use a lot of large words in casual conversation? Both me and my best friend use words like ubiquitous, superfluous, reprehensible and machinations in casual conversation and don't even realize the nature of what we're saying until our other friends are like "... what?"

Asperger's shouldn't really mean you get tested separately, I don't think... unless it's so heavy that you have to have special ed. But all the people with Asperger's that I know are undergoing normal schooling, and from the sound of it your boyfriend isn't /so/ Asperger's that people notice (you know what I mean?) so I wouldn't think he'd be tested separately, but I'm in no room to make a judgment. x3
Also, no, Asperger's does not have a language delay - that's more befitting autism. Technically Asperger's and autism are the same thing, but there's a few things (such as a language delay) that distinguish them.

People really don't tend to know what Asperger's is and how it relates to autism unless you tell them. x3 I was surprised when I discovered a few of my non-Aspie friends knew what Asperger's was, as I actually knew a kid last year that very definitely had Asperger's but didn't even know what it was. If that's the way he said it, it does sound like he has experience with Asperger's and knows the symptoms, which is something that not even my friends knowing about the disorder can claim.

There's a chance that he's never been officially diagnosed, though - there are two kids I know that very obviously have Asperger's, but neither have been diagnosed. Then there's my best friend, who's close enough to normal that I don't think her parents ever considered seeking a diagnosis for her, but she and I have enough odd quirks in common that I think she's close to being on the spectrum. There's my 'net-friend, who was not diagnosed but is more heavily on the spectrum than I am. If he presents as close enough to normal (albeit with a few odd quirks) then people might see him that way and he may not have been diagnosed. (The only reason I was diagnosed is because my problems - which also included ADD/ADHD - were starting to affect my grades and my mom wanted to figure out what the problem was.)

Just skimming this for the time being (got a friend over, just checking the forums) and I'll respond more thoroughly tomorrow but after skimming... you say you think he has Asperger's? I have Asperger's myself (although no one ever knows because I'm close enough to being normal that I present as a normal human, albeit with a few eccentricities) and I'm not too bad at noticing when people around me present traits of Asperger's. What do you think are his symptoms? I might be able to help you determine whether or not he does.

I saw your post in the grr thread. :( What happened?

I skipped last block /again/ the day after all this happened to come into freshman band. My bff came over when it was over and just went "... again?" to which I replied "We are doing /absolutely nothing/ in physics, okay."

GOD WAS THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO YOU REALLY TWO MONTHS AGO

regarding my bff being my crush: yeah. i told her. (about a week after the last message i sent you.) she doesn't care lol. she doesn't like me back (she has a boyfriend) but she doesn't care, if anything we've become closer since i told her (getting together at my house nearly every weekend to watch movies and do dramatic readings of bad fanfiction and shit). and i continue making my lesbian jokes and she doesn't care. and she actually initiates some lesbian jokes and she doesn't care.

for instance, there was this once a couple days ago when i was texting her about something and she got something wrong so i jokingly yelled at her and called her a stupid uncultured freshman and she texted back saying "Well ur the one with a crush on that freshman so i wouldnt complain ^^" and I just started laughing.

but yeah. there was /intense/ drama with her guy best friend (who also likes her, but unlike me, is not willing to accept the fact that her boyfriend is her boyfriend, among other things - if you ever read that giant Grr Thread post I made, that was directed at him) a couple weeks ago, but as a result of actually seeing her with her boyfriend for the first time and realizing "this is her boyfriend, whether i like it or not", things seem to have cooled down. we are at piece. (hopefully permanently.) x3

but this is actually not what i posted to talk about (i just noticed i had some updatin' to dooo), i have storytiemz

so both me and a close friend of mine (not the one i like) got asked to play our band instruments with the orchestra. We'd have to skip our first block class every other day to come practice. So we had one day wherein both she and I were at orchestra, and when we were getting ready to leave, I said to her, "Hey, I'm staying here for symphonic band next block. On Friday I skipped my last block to go play with the freshman band; I'm sure our teacher will let you stick around here if you want."

"It's tempting," she replied. "It really is. Hmm... are we doing anything in oceanography...?" She thought for a second. "... No. All right, I'll stay. But you're coming with me to talk to my oceanography teacher."

"Okay," I said, and we set off. Her teacher allowed her to stay, so she created a seat for herself - and it ended up being, just by chance, in front of me and the other trumpet player in that class.

"The other trumpet player" being the guy I had the crush on and subsequently told back in January. The friend that stayed for symphonic band /also/ has a crush on him (though unlike me, she hasn't gotten over her crush), and what's more she never gets to see him outside of marching band, and I know that the entire reason she stuck around was because of him. He ended up flirting with her (by saying that it was her fault we were temporarily sucking at one of the pieces and coming up with a whole conspiracy theory for how that made sense) throughout most of the class.

When I saw her again at the end of the day, she confessed that she had been in an extremely happy mood ever since second block. (All I could think was "Polymetric: Causing people to get happy moods by skipping classes for band since 2011. |D")

Thanks. I hadn't realized things were bad until I had broken down on the bus to my house from school 3 months ago. I thought going to a counselor would help, but it hasn't. Things have only gotten worse. I....just don't know what to do now. I don't think I have ever known what to do........

You are welcome. *hug*

*hugs*

Have you tried just copying the letter 'h' from a page and ctrl+v-ing when you need it?

ood way, i suppose. It's entertainin because wen you type a post it looks like tis.

you have quite honestly the most entertaining posts i have ever read.

Congrats on your butterfree-eth post!

no, I just didn't notice where I'd posted my response :VVV

Aww. :( I know what it's like to be paranoid about relationship problems in general. It's not fun. :(((( I can't offer much advice about not being paranoid, though, unfortunately... I just hope it gets better for you.

Oh, no, she wouldn't go so far as to break off contact. But one of the biggest parts of our friendship is that we make lesbian jokes to each other alllll the time and I'm worried that if she finds out that part will go away. :C I'm probably being paranoid as well, but...

Okay now I realize why you didn't respond, I accidentally posted my response to your thing on my own profile, lol x3

anyway: You shouldn't be paranoid and nervous >:/ I'm not really sure what to say to make you /not/ paranoid and nervous since I've never had that problem but just don't be paranoid and nervous. I command it.

Indeed. :o band is where I see my crush actually. (and his incessant praising my trumpet playing while simultaneously riffing on his own was one of the reasons I thought he might like me, wayyy back when I first wondered if there was something going on between us.)

[but of course I wrote all the above back on march 22. except now my romantic situation is different.]

Good, I'm fine recently. :P No crush troubles to report (in fact, I think I'm starting to get over him, fortunately), even though three of my friends all have crush troubles that end up relating to me in some way or another. (And I just sort of sit there and internally laugh at how dramatic this is.) for me, life is good.

how about you?

Aw :C well is there anything in particular you want to talk about? I'm usually open for chatting c:

Nope, I don't think I have it in me to get upset at someone I like if they don't like me back. I mean, it's not like they're obligated to or anything. :3 I'm touched that he cared enough to avoid hurting my feelings anyway. (He was sounding so apologetic, more than I've ever heard before... it was adorable. :3)

YAY FOR THE SPIT IT OUT CROWD. I think I've finally convinced the friend I was talking about earlier to do the same. :3 Although she says she wants to see him in real life (they don't go to the same school; she's a freshman and he's in eighth grade) when she does it because "doing it over facebook would be awkward". Any words of advice I can give her?