In Progress Breaking The Shell. ((Warriors Rip off))

[Wargle]

A while back a strated a work of fiction that is a blatant rip-off similar to the Warriors series. It is called Hawk and Dove: Breaking the Shell

Here is what I have of the prologue.

Hawk and Dove: Breaking the Shell
First Draft
A Novel by Brock


Prologue:

100 years in the future, humans have wiped each other from existence. The new superior race are the birds of prey. They are in a constant cycle of chaos and peace. During peace, they live mutually and train the members of the flock to fight opposing flocks and gather prey. During times of war and chaos, they fight to defend their friends and flock from any enemies they face.

The civilizations are the Flock in the Mountains, the Flock near the Skies, the Flock by the Seas, and the Flock in Midnight's Darkness. The have agreed to follow a treaty that was made several decades ago by their ancestors. However, they all share one thing. They all follow the advice of their ancestors. Their ancestors guide them in their afterlife in a civilization called the Flock of the Sun. The Flock of the Sun lives in the sky, and is said to give signs during Awakening of the Spirits, when the sun rises, Peak of the Spirits, around midday sunhigh, and Sleeping of the Spirits, around sunset.

The Flock in the Moutains are eagles who live in what is called Eagle Mountain. They are the biggest of the birds, and the second fastest fliers, after Flock near the Skies. They live in a nest that is deep in a cave in the mountain and disguise it with rocks. Thier plumage is dark brown and black.

The Flock in Midnight's Darkness consists of Condors and Vultures. They are considered to be the worst and vilest of the four Flocks by the other Flocks because they will eat crowfood. They nest at the base of Eagle Mountain, in trees and caves.

Should I write more of this or just stop the blatant copyright infringement whole idea?

 

[Harlequin]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

1) series not serie
2) prologue not prolouge
3) that's not a prologue but rather a description of the setting

 

[Wargle]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

Well if/when I finish it it will be a prologue. And don't just nag my spelling.

 

[SonicNintendo]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

1st, if you do continue, please right-align your text for ease of reading.
I like it. Continue said copyright infr- um, series.

 

[Esque]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

I like the basic idea you've presented, but it seems a bit bland. Maybe at some spice to it?

 

[Green]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

'100 years in the future' isn't very specific. give us an actual date.

 

[Karkat Vantas]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

So it's Warrior Cats with eagles?

Why are they fighting? Over food? Territory?

How did humans wipe themselves out? Nukes would be the only real thing I could think of, but that would probably kill most of the eagles as well.

To be fair with you, it makes more sense than Warrior Cats with polar bears (seriously erin hunter wtf were you thinking).

 

[Medical Meccanica]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

Okay, I'm going to try my best to help you with what limited writing knowledge I have.

First off, it's good that you're starting to write, however, a blatent ripoff of a popular series isn't the way to go about it. If you're starved for ideas, try to think of 'what if' scenarios - such as "What if birds of prey were the ruling species?". Then build off of that in an original manner. Think of what characters you'd like to have - their personalities, appearences, and names.

For example, here's a new plotline type thing for you.

After a nuclear war raging for decades, large mammals have been all but wiped out. Due to their power, intelligence, and place in the food chain, birds of prey now rule.
Three bird civilizations rule North America - the Sampati, the vultures and scavenging birds; the Perigrine, the falcons and hawks, and the smallest but strongest flock - the Eagles.
These flocks have managed to live in peace for several years since the human's war, however a message from Sampati's great ancestor, Jatayu, comes one day to a Sampati prophet. The message? "You are the superior race. Destroy the Eagles!"
Now, caught between the religious Sampati and headstrong Eagles' fighting, the Perigrine live a dangerous life...

It's a crap plot, but it's better than ripping off Warriors (which honestly kinda jumped the shark a long time ago)! Just think about your story for a while and you should figure something out.

Secondly - your prologue explains things that would probably be better explained in the story itself. The fantasy reader is smart, and they know that all will be revealed, or in this case, explained. Here's an alternate prologue based on your original plot (keep in mind that prologues are often unnessecary).

Turk flew up, and the clouds fell in his sight as the setting sun signaled it was almost time for the Sleeping of the Spirits.
Landing on top of a precipice with a few good wing flaps, he saw Raven of the Flock of Midnight's Darkness preparing for the ritual.
"You're the new seer from the Flock in the Mountains, yes?", Raven said.
Turk pecked at the ground nervously. "I am here to serve the Flock of the Sun."
"Come then, child. We will begin when the shadow cast by the ruins disappears."
Turk glanced quickly at Raven. He could never tell where the black bird's eyes were staring, and that scared him. Turk ruffled his feathers and followed him across the talon-marked stone...

This helps introduce the main character, give a bit of an introduction to some of the terms of the world you've created, as well as getting the story going and describing and foreshadowing some plot points for the reader (characters are birds, different flocks, ruins = human civilazation destroyed).

Good luck.

EDIT: Also, I'd say ignore Kronogreen's advice (no offense). I doubt birds keep track of exact time/years.

 

[Autumn]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

To be fair with you, it makes more sense than Warrior Cats with polar bears (seriously erin hunter wtf were you thinking).

what
Seekers isn't Warriors with polar bears. It's a series about bears (not just polar bears, either) that's written in a completely different style and with a different setup than Warriors. That's comparing apples and oranges there. Honestly, if you knew anything about Seekers then you'd know that it's an attempt by the authors of Warriors to create another animal-based series - but about animals whose lives are independent, rather than social like the Clan cats in Warriors. It's easy to tell this is Complaining About Shows You Don't Watch, because if you'd read even one chapter of the first Seekers book you'd realize that it is in no way Warriors with bears.

Sorry to rant, but that comment just pissed me off. >:/

 

[OrangeAipom]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

what
Seekers isn't Warriors with polar bears. It's a series about bears (not just polar bears, either) that's written in a completely different style and with a different setup than Warriors. That's comparing apples and oranges there. Honestly, if you knew anything about Seekers then you'd know that it's an attempt by the authors of Warriors to create another animal-based series - but about animals whose lives are independent, rather than social like the Clan cats in Warriors. It's easy to tell this is Complaining About Shows You Don't Watch, because if you'd read even one chapter of the first Seekers book you'd realize that it is in no way Warriors with bears.

Sorry to rant, but that comment just pissed me off. >:/

lol tvtropes on tcod that's why i decided to go on tcod today so i could be on tvtropes

I haven't read the books, but having there be multiple kinds of bears, not just polar bears, makes it sound even more ridiculous, because how the heck can they meet~?!?

Considering the impressions the fanbase gives off, don't be so surprised about negative comments that attack the fanbase but pretend to attack the series themselves. They'll hapen.

Birdies should either measure in years or not-years, not a vague quantity of years. Maybe speak in generations?

 

[Autumn]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

I haven't read the books, but having there be multiple kinds of bears, not just polar bears, makes it sound even more ridiculous, because how the heck can they meet~?!?

well for one thing they all live in North America - specifically Canada. for another there's a tradition given to the bears by the author(s) where various members of all three bear species meet by a giant lake for a spiritual ceremony on the longest day of the summer. it makes a hell of a lot more sense in context.

 

[Karkat Vantas]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

Even if Seekers is different from Warriors, there's no denying that the book was advertised with the intention of making it look like a Warriors book.

 

[SonicNintendo]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

oh, and you may want to retitle it (the thread)

 

[Wargle]

Re: Should I finish this writing?

So it's Warrior Cats with eagles?

Why are they fighting? Over food? Territory?

How did humans wipe themselves out? Nukes would be the only real thing I could think of, but that would probably kill most of the eagles as well.

To be fair with you, it makes more sense than Warrior Cats with polar bears (seriously erin hunter wtf were you thinking).

I blame the Asian chick. She joined just to do Seekers.

And also, the Prologue is more from a human's standpoint than a bird's.

And I might write in some more, or redo some stuff. I stopped it abruptly without explaining much.

Also, added a paragraph.

And I read the first book of Seekers. But I stopped because it was odd and kind of hard to follow to me. Besides, I only read in bewtwen Firestar's Quest and The Sight

 

[Michi]

Now it may be because Warriors is pretty much a 22-book in-progress Bible for me, but I like it. :D Keep writing.
And instead of calling it a rip-off, you could call it a very twisted fanfic. :)
However, the Prologue is very vague and short. Perhaps you could add a bit more detail? And build on the backstory, too - tell us a bit more about what happened in those 100 years, specific events. Just suggestions.

 

[Sandstone-Shadow]

If the book is based on what's happening with the birds after humans are completely gone, then I think the prologue should be from the standpoint of a bird, not a human. If the rest of the story's about the birds, then I don't see why the prologue should be any different.

If you're going to write more, be careful to avoid just telling what happened like the current prologue does. In certain situations, telling what happened works better than showing what happened, but it isn't going to capture anyone's interest for very long.