Short cheesy jokes

[sv_01]

Why did the police arrest the guy from Innsmouth?
There was something fishy about him.

"I'm dating Azathoth."
"Have you lost your mind?"
"Not yet."

 

[Spoon]

What did the mom say when her son dug three holes?
Well, well, well.

What did the snail say when it was on the turtle's back?
Wheeeeeee!

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
Wasabi?

 

[Dannichu]

"What was left when the cheese factory exploded?"
"The Brie!"

"What did Medusa call herself after she started writing naturalist literature?"
"Gorgonzola!"

"Why do you tell such cheesy jokes?"
"Because I don't give Edam."

"What kind of cheese can you use to hide a horse?"
"Mascarpone!"

"What cheese is made backwards?"
"Edam!"

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
"Nacho cheese!"

 

[yiran]

A wizard appears beside 3 men walking beside a cliff and they have to jump off but they will land in whatever they say before they fall. The first man says, "Pillows!" and lands in pillows. The second man says, "Hay!" and lands in hay. The third man, before jumping off, trips on a rock, and says "Oh, shit!"

Two chemists walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they would like to drink. The first chemist says, "I'd like H2O." The second chemist says, "I'd like H2O too." The second chemist dies.

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium batman

 

[sv_01]

Why couldn't the anglerfish break up with his girlfriend?
He was too attached to her.

 

[Meowth]

pun dump go

I always wanted to meet another solipsist.
I do an awful Geordie impression. It's uncanny.
I'm selling off all my medieval torture equipment. While stocks last.
Some guy has invented a machine for stealing liquorice. It takes all sorts.
I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge. It's a Babe magnet.
My mate wanted some help starting a dog collection, so I gave him a few pointers.
Hollywood offered me a job as a set designer but I quietly declined; I didn't want to make a scene.
Apparently, California has the highest rate of adultery and depression in the US. It's a sad state of affairs.
The bouncy castle owner has married the lady who runs the coconut shy. Apparently, fête brought them together.
I wrote some amateur poetry that wasn't very good. Maybe I should leave it to the prose.
A photon walks into a hotel. A bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. He replies, "No thank you, I'm travelling light!"
I had a job in China mending typewriters. It wasn't great work but I met a lot of characters.
I used to have a job circumcising elephants. The pay was lousy, but the tips were enormous!
My friend has a really weird accent, almost every letter is silent. It's not very pronounced.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they would like to drink. The first chemist says, "I'd like H2O." The second chemist says, "I'd like H2O too." The second chemist dies.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says to the barman, "I'd like a beer, please." The second says "I'd like one half of a beer, please". The third says "I'd like one quarter of a beer, please". The fourth says "I'd like one eighth of a beer, please". The barman rolls his eyes and pours them two beers.

 

[surskitty]

Two chemists walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they would like to drink. The first chemist says, "I'd like H2O." The second chemist says, "I'd like H2O too." The second chemist dies.

two chemists walk into a bar
first one goes, "I'd like some H2O."
second one says, "I'll have some water, too. Why did you say it like that?"
first one swears under her breath, furious that her murder attempt failed

 

[Vipera Magnifica]

A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doctor, my wife thinks I'm turning into a moth."
The doctor replies, "That's rather odd. Does this concern you?"
"Not really." the man responds.
"Then why did you come in here?" the doctor asks.
The man replies, "Because your light was on."

 

[Meowth]

Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.

Oh, pull yourself together.

 

[Eta Carinae]

Three blue whales fall from the sky. Two of the whales hit the land, the other hits the ocean. Ba-Dum Tss!

 

[Worst Username Ever]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef.

 

[Murkrow]

What does a mathematician mermaid wear?
An algae bra

Three blue whales fall from the sky. Two of the whales hit the land, the other hits the ocean. Ba-Dum Tss!

I don't get it :(

EDIT: Ohhh, now I get it!

 

[DragonHeart]

a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "we dont serve you're kind here" and the mushroom says "why not? I'm a fungi."

 

[Vipera Magnifica]

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender yells for him to get out. Argon doesn't react.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get out of here!"

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorous walk into a bar. OH SNaP.

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.

 

[sv_01]

A married couple is sleeping together. Suddenly. the doorbell rings. The wife yells: "That's my husband!", and the husband jumps out the window.

 

[Murkrow]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says to the barman, "I'd like a beer, please." The second says "I'd like one half of a beer, please". The third says "I'd like one quarter of a beer, please". The fourth says "I'd like one eighth of a beer, please". The barman rolls his eyes and pours them two beers.

They really need to know their limits.

 

[Frostagin]

I tried telling a chemistry joke yesterday, but there was no reaction.
I guess all the good chemistry jokes argon!

Eridan

stop being so mean to my poor patron troll jeez people[/sarcasm]

 

[Murkrow]

Why was Shedinja so surprised that Abomasnow managed to defeat it?

Spoiler: obvious

Because there was Snow Warning

 

[kyeugh]

What do you do when

and

are

?

I guess you could try to

.

 

[eevee_em]

a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "we dont serve you're kind here" and the mushroom says "why not? I'm a fungi."

Why was the mushroom such a hit at the party? Because he was a fungi!

What's with all the Chemistry jokes? We need a Bio one:

What did the anther say to the stigma? I like your style!