AAAAH I'M SORRY THIS IS MY LAST DOUBLE POST I SWEAR DON'T KILL ME D: D: D:
*ahem*
That being said... who would like to hear a story? Specifically, a story that spoils the Devil's Arms quest, so if you somehow have not yet figured out the 'twist' to that sidequest, stay away?
Once upon a time, in an electronic world, there existed a party of brave and noble adventurers. Their party was one of the most strategic and yet also one of the most eclectic to be found in any world. There was a man, wise beyond his years, who possessed both the strength to move huge boulders and the gentleness to care for a child. (Oh, and also crappy healing spells.) There was a kind, white-haired woman who was a whirlwind of violence to her enemies and... well, quite frankly, rather violent to her friends as well. There was a tall, chivalrous man with hair of flaming red, armed with magic and, um, a baseball bat. Lastly, there was a small, silent girl, holding a hammer with the power to destroy armies. Very small armies.
These good and just adventurers were ruled over (and, in the small girl's case, mind-controlled) by a kind, gentle maiden in cargo pants with a blue streak in her hair. From her safe seat on a well-loved couch, she commanded the party's every move. And with each city, town, and village the group visited, peace spread throughout the world. Except for the ones that got destroyed because of the party. But then, nobody's perfect, right?
It was a fine day when the party set out on their most dangerous quest of all: to find nine artifacts cursed with darkness, and seal them away to where they could do no more harm. They traveled the world and beyond to collect them, fighting giant, creepy worms, bargaining with shady and stingy collectors, and even traveling to the city of the angels to collect the final piece. At last, they had them all, and with light hearts and smiling faces (except for the creepy little girl) they traveled to their next destination: the Temple of Darkness.
They traveled through the temple for days and nights, walking down stairs that seemed endless into the center of the earth, where their ally in the quest awaited them to seal the Devil's Arms (for that is what they were called) away forevermore. Finally, they reached their destination: the bottom floor of the temple. They offered the Devil's Arms to their ally, and that was when they realized.
One of the Arms was currently equipped to their healer.
The group tried long and hard to take the weapon from her, but the elven woman simply refused to be for one moment without a staff, despite the fact that she was the weakest freaking member in the party and, in fact, did not actually ever use the staff to whack people with. Finally, with heavy hearts, they traveled all the way back up all those stairs and to the nearest town, where they could buy her a new weapon to trade for the artifact.
That was when they realized that the town's weapon shop did not sells staves. It sold children's toys to hit people with, but it did not sell staves.
Foiled once more, the group traveled to the next town... with the same result. They traveled all the world searching for a staff for their lady companion, yet to no avail. Finally, they reached the hidden village in the center of the world, the last place they had yet to look.
Although they had doubts (for the village was not hospitable to their companion's kind, and they worried they would not stock weapons for her either), their fears were assuaged when they finally found the elusive staff at the weapon shop. They quickly grabbed it, and, after a brief and embarrassing mishap where they realized they had forgotten to bring money and were forced to sell off their valuables, they returned to their companion with the staff. At last, they were ready to go.
With just slightly heavier hearts and droopier faces than on their first visit to the temple, they traveled once more down the stairs and stairs and stairs that led to the seal room. They presented the last of the Devil's Arms to their ally, who promptly turned out to be a lying, plotting, power-hungry douchebag, revived an evil spirit, sprouted ludicrous red hair, and attacked them with the weapons they had just handed over. The party had no choice but to fight.
The fight was arduous, but thankfully not very long, because just then the adventurers realized they had forgotten to bring healing items. Making their apologies to the forces of darkness, they traveled once more up the stairs and out of the temple, bought some items, and then came back to begin the fight anew.
It was a long and arduous fight, because quite frankly, the man was a total Mary-Sue who knew how to use every weapon he had (except the weird kids' toy, he never quite figured that one out) and how to use every skill and cast every spell the party had ever run across. The party used two mystical items called "All-Divides", and still, several times, people (the adventurers, not the douchebag) died, but that was okay because the white-haired woman knew how to bring them back to life. But then the white-haired woman died, and that was okay too because they had items that could bring her back to life. Then, in a moment of pure stupidity, the little girl accidentally used a third "All-Divide".
But unfortunately, the cycle repeated itself, and the adventurers, alas, found themselves without their strongest healer and without an item with which to revive her. This was sad. Still, the three remaining fought on, using what little healing they had to keep themselves alive, determined not to allow the world to be engulfed by darkness.
And yet, they slowly became worn down, and soon, the strong, blue-haired man fell as well. Still the remaining two fought on, swinging their absurd weapons with all their strength in an attempt to defeat their mighty foe. Slowly, their strength wore down, and soon they would have given up, but...
Suddenly, the douchebag's TP ran out.
And not quite as suddenly, the douchebag realized that he could quite literally do
nothing to harm them without TP.
Then the red-haired knight and the strong, silent girl proceeded to whack the douchebag to death, and the world was saved.
Victorious, the two traveled back to the town that did not sell staves, and let their dead companions rest at a nice inn, where they came back to life.
Then they decided, instead of sealing the evil weapons away, to use them for their own benefit.
**THE END**
Whoever actually read that whole rant, thank you~
