The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[Blastoise Fortooate]

Despite having had my wisdom teeth out and being mostly unable to speak, I neglected to do Day of Silence. This was mostly a result of me forgetting, and honestly it's not making much of a statement if the only people I'm not talking to are my brother, parents, and pets. P:

I actually came out over text to my friend the other day and they actually completely ignored it until I pressed the issue. Then they told me that they had known for quite some time! I apparently gleegasmed over one mister Darren Criss in front of my friend and this friend also apparently has supergaydar or something, so. That's two people who know! woot

 

[Phantom]

I couldn't do Day of Silence today, but when I went to the gas station I saw someone with tape over their mouth. I offered them a hug, told them I knew what it meant... then asked directions to where the hell I was going from someone who could actually tell me.

 

[Zhorken]

A couple weeks ago (right before the Birdo conversation) someone made a big post about being mtf and dealing with transphobic parents, but she deleted it pretty fast because it was making her feel worried.

Anyway, she said it would be great if I could ask for advice here while keeping her anonymous. I'm realizing now that I wish I'd asked more specifically what I should post, since speaking for someone else is hard! I guess I'll cover the gist of her situation while trying not to be too specific in case someone she doesn't want to be discovered by actually is prowling the forums...? And then next time she logs on she can give me further input.

So, I can't tell for sure from what she posted, but I gather she lives with both her parents. If her father ever found out, he'd disown her and there's a good chance he'd get violent, too. She thought her mother might be more understanding, and eventually blurted out under pressure that she wanted to wear girls' clothes; that went over really badly, though. I don't think I should say how exactly it went badly without asking first, since it's pretty specific, but anyway taking action herself without thoroughly hiding it from her mom is out of the question, and trying to convince her mom with a psychologist is out too. She's not sure whether to be somewhat persistent with her mom or just let it go for a while, and they both sound like bad ideas to her.

So... yes. Advice. Any advice anyone has would be great.

 

[Ether's Bane]

I didn't do DoS, because if anyone I know (with the exceptions of my brother and mum, who I've come out to [both of them], and my sister, who also supports LGBT rights) found out I even support LGBT's, let alone the fact that I am one myself, I'd be utterly ridiculed left, right, and centre, since I live in one of the most LGBT-unfriendly countries in the world. :(

 

[Dannichu]

So, I can't tell for sure from what she posted, but I gather she lives with both her parents. If her father ever found out, he'd disown her and there's a good chance he'd get violent, too. She thought her mother might be more understanding, and eventually blurted out under pressure that she wanted to wear girls' clothes; that went over really badly, though. I don't think I should say how exactly it went badly without asking first, since it's pretty specific, but anyway taking action herself without thoroughly hiding it from her mom is out of the question, and trying to convince her mom with a psychologist is out too. She's not sure whether to be somewhat persistent with her mom or just let it go for a while, and they both sound like bad ideas to her.

So... yes. Advice. Any advice anyone has would be great.

I think situations like this are an awful, horrible balance between feeling allowed to be who you are, and feeling safe. I'm not a brave person, so I think I'd probably hide until I wasn't dependant on my parents (well, your dad) anymore and try to get away from home as early as possible. I don't know much about psychologists (or school councellers, for that matter), but they're bound to keep things you say to them confidential, right? So you could talk to one without fear of your dad finding out.

But my main advice would be to be careful and, especially since you're worried about somebody finding you on TCoD, maybe find a forum or community dedicated more entirely to QUILTBAG/Trans* issues and post there? Which isn't to say you shouldn't ask questions here, but you'll probably get a bigger response somewhere with a larger trans* population, and if you sign up with an unrecognisable account, you won't have to post through a third party. I hope that was in some way helpful, absolute best of luck to you!

And Effercon and hopeandjoy, sounds like your situations sort of suck as well ): Gather round me, children, for a big reassuring group hug.

 

[goldenquagsire]

Best of luck to your friend, Zhorken. I'd suggest it might be worth persisting with her mother. Since she now knows, that's one bridge already crossed. This is just a possibility given that we don't know the details of her situation, but it might be that her mother hasn't fully understood what's going on (after all, saying "I want to wear girls' clothes" has a whole host of other connotations besides trans* issues which a parent might misinterpret), or maybe is just taking it a little hard at first. If she's not passed this information to the father, that could mean she's still worth talking to about this. If she ends up as an ally, then all the better. Of course, if the circumstances are different, then my advice probably won't be much help. Also, having said all that, I'd definitely agree that your friend should seek sympathetic outside help as well.

Hopefully something a little more positive: Britfriends might want to go buy a copy of the Guardian today (people outside the UK can also get pretty much all the content online)! Their magazine supplement is doing a special 'Gay Edition' (not the best choice of name I suppose, but...) with some nice LGBT-related articles including an absolutely heartwarming piece on gay couples and surrogacy!

 

[Byrus]

Zhorken, I'm glad you PMed her. I was really upset when I read her post. I sent a PM too, but I'm so shit with these kind of things, urgh. I've been trying to think of something helpful to say, but I'm completely stuck. It's just an awful situation to be in. She said there weren't any LGBT groups in her area, though I would recommend to keep looking. I found a really good trans group that I had no idea existed until my therapist told me. Granted, they're probably tricky to find without help, but I'd definitely stay on the lookout.

On the subject of DOS, I'm pretty meh on it. Staying silent for a day seems like a bad message to me; LGBT folks need to speak up and be heard.

Hopefully something a little more positive: Britfriends might want to go buy a copy of the Guardian today (people outside the UK can also get pretty much all the content online)! Their magazine supplement is doing a special 'Gay Edition' (not the best choice of name I suppose, but...) with some nice LGBT-related articles including an absolutely heartwarming piece on gay couples and surrogacy!

Oh man, I hate to be a downer, but that "why chasing straight women still thrills me" article was cringe-worthy.

 

[ultraviolet]

A couple weeks ago (right before the Birdo conversation) someone made a big post about being mtf and dealing with transphobic parents, but she deleted it pretty fast because it was making her feel worried.

Anyway, she said it would be great if I could ask for advice here while keeping her anonymous. I'm realizing now that I wish I'd asked more specifically what I should post, since speaking for someone else is hard! I guess I'll cover the gist of her situation while trying not to be too specific in case someone she doesn't want to be discovered by actually is prowling the forums...? And then next time she logs on she can give me further input.

Unfortunately I can't really give advice, but do tell me if she changes her mind and wants me to undelete the post. Also if she would feel more comfortable posting under a different account, that would also be okay.

 

[goldenquagsire]

Oh man, I hate to be a downer, but that "why chasing straight women still thrills me" article was cringe-worthy.

Yeah, that was a bit of a disappointing article. It actually started off really interesting, being about a lesbian growing up in Jamaica (I'd have loved a whole article about that, you don't often hear about LGBT people in incredibly homophobic places like the Caribbean, and even less often about lesbians in particular) but then it just goes into full-on creep mode ("so I make friends with straight women, wait until they break up with their boyfriends and then pounce on them when they're most vulnerable"). :(

On the other hand, the interview with Alan Carr was pretty interesting and made me reassess my opinion of the man. I always found him a little annoying, but he seems pretty legit.

 

[Momo(th)]

I found this to be interesting.

 

[Dannichu]

It is. Wouldn't advise anybody to look at the comments unless they want a headache though.

I agree hugely in prinicple - decreasing ideas about gender sterotypes, especially in kids, is a wonderful idea, but I'm not sure how much I can get my head around "stopping free playtime".

 

[Byrus]

Yeah, that was a bit of a disappointing article. It actually started off really interesting, being about a lesbian growing up in Jamaica (I'd have loved a whole article about that, you don't often hear about LGBT people in incredibly homophobic places like the Caribbean, and even less often about lesbians in particular) but then it just goes into full-on creep mode ("so I make friends with straight women, wait until they break up with their boyfriends and then pounce on them when they're most vulnerable"). :(

On the other hand, the interview with Alan Carr was pretty interesting and made me reassess my opinion of the man. I always found him a little annoying, but he seems pretty legit.

Urgh, yeah, it is a shame. I would have been interested to see their views, but the one article that focused on a non-white person just happened to be... that. It reminded me horribly of those so-called "nice guys" I hear so much about.

It is. Wouldn't advise anybody to look at the comments unless they want a headache though.

I agree hugely in prinicple - decreasing ideas about gender sterotypes, especially in kids, is a wonderful idea, but I'm not sure how much I can get my head around "stopping free playtime".

Yeah, uh, what's the deal with the stopping free playtime bit? That was pretty weird. How does being allowed to play cement gender stereotypes and whatnot? If the kids are raised gender neutral then they won't be inclined to act out and discriminate based on gender roles. And anyway, they're going to go and out and play after school, so what's the point?

Kinda ironic that their gender neutral pronoun is identical to specifically female word in English. v_v

 

[hopeandjoy]

Kids need free play time anyway - imagination is an important part of childhood development. But the idea of a gender neutral pronoun is a good idea.

 

[Flora]

so my friend who I liked sophomore year (who insisted bisexuality did not exist) has embraced her bisexuality...pfffft fml

she's actually come out to pretty much everybody now, which is pretty cool

i might end up doing so too if asked or something

 

[Byrus]

I went to London today, and the journey was a COMPLETE FUCKING NIGHTMARE but let's not get into that

I had a consultation with my surgeon, and my chest operation is scheduled for the 10th of July. I am so fucking happy right now hell yes. I've been waiting so long for this. The gallery of the surgeon's other work looks really good (Link is NSFW). I'll be getting a Periareola Incision since my chest is so small. The scarring is very minimal on this one too.

 

[Aletheia]

*July 29th
I've barely even started and I'm already having trouble going on without my internet buddies to talk to.

I need a hobby. Why do I not have a bike.

Edit: though what's more important than my not being able to talk to friends is that I have to shut up and stop worrying about something that is very, very important to me.

...except then I yelled at my parents about how, yes, I am trans and now we seem to be on our way to progress? Hopefully?

Whatever the consequences, it just feels amazing to finally get this off my chest.

 

[Momo(th)]

Wow, these past few days have been rough. I just feel so confused about my gender.

Long story short, you might see my preferred pronoun changed.

Alright, I feel much better now. I've come to terms that I identify myself as neither gender. I'm going to keep my preferred pronoun as "He", however, for convenience sake.

EDIT: On a side note, Vice President Joe Biden supports gay marriage!

 

[Zexion]

I`ve thought of this time and time again, but this time I`ll actually follow through. I need this off my chest... I am bisexual. Y`all are the 1st people I`ve said anything to. I want to tell others, but the way they treat bi/homo-sexuals at my school, I`m afraid to.

This is a relief, as I`ve been holding onto that since 6th grade w/o telling anyone I have hinted to my mom, but she must`ve never caught it.

 

[Dannichu]

...except then I yelled at my parents about how, yes, I am trans and now we seem to be on our way to progress? Hopefully?
Whatever the consequences, it just feels amazing to finally get this off my chest.

Alright, I feel much better now. I've come to terms that I identify myself as neither gender. I'm going to keep my preferred pronoun as "He", however, for convenience sake.

I`ve thought of this time and time again, but this time I`ll actually follow through. I need this off my chest... I am bisexual. Y`all are the 1st people I`ve said anything to. I want to tell others, but the way they treat bi/homo-sexuals at my school, I`m afraid to.
it.

Big congratulations to all of you :) Well done!

I went to London today, and the journey was a COMPLETE FUCKING NIGHTMARE but let's not get into that

I had a consultation with my surgeon, and my chest operation is scheduled for the 10th of July. I am so fucking happy right now hell yes. I've been waiting so long for this. The gallery of the surgeon's other work looks really good (Link is NSFW). I'll be getting a Periareola Incision since my chest is so small. The scarring is very minimal on this one too.

More congratulations, and that looks really interesting. Best of luck for it when it happens - how are you feeling about it? Are you paying for the op, or can you get it (or, at least, get this surgeon) on the NHS?

EDIT: On a side note, Vice President Joe Biden supports gay marriage!

That's really cool, but guess what? David Cameron doesn't! As my friend posted on FB: "If only people had looked at how he's saving the economy, creating jobs, strengthening the welfare state, and improving education (instead of focussing on his apocalyptic plans for giving civil marriage to the sodomites) he'd have absolutely trampled Labour in the local elections, it's obvious!"

 

[Aletheia]

So, QUILTBAG, I need some help. See, this Friday I'm going out to the mall to do some shopping, and I figured I could use it as an opportunity to get myself some girl things without my parents finding out.

The problem (other than the fact that I will probably die from paranoia) is that I just don't know what to get ._.

Edit: oh, and thank you kindly, Dannichu!