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Funny quotes, typos, etc.

Zoltea

Zoltea

Zoltea - The Jolteon
Not meant to be like Laugh you lose, it's a place to talk about funny typos you've seen or funny things friends have said.

Personally, one of my favourite typos is
Hold on a sex
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What are some of yours?
 
My wonderful APUSH Teacher: Nothing ever happens in Minnesota! ...no one here is from Minnesota, right?
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(someone actually had relatives in Minnesota, it was kinda funny)

And that's not even mentioning "SISTER JOJO, FIGHTING CRIME" or "Sister Jojo, behind bars!" which also came from that class.

also my friend and i were supposed to go canoeing but that failed so we went on a nature walk and saw an awkward-looking dragonfly:

"there's two of them, they're attached to each other...OH GOD! *runs away*"

also "NACHOS ARE A BONDING EXPERIENCE."

Oh, and "cause, you know, we love to poison our viewers at the end of our shows..." courtesy of my quiet-as-hell best friend.
 
What about MN? MN IS AWESOME SAUCE I KNOW I LIVE HERE!


Let see, I was on a forum chat, and every time someone came in we would mess around and all say "Lend me your ears!" One time somone came in...


Person6 has entered chat
Person1: Lend me your ears!
Person2: lend me your ears!
Person3: lend me your ears!
Person4: Lend me your ears
Person5: Lend me your rears!
Person6: O_o
Person5: Fuck
 
Phantom said:
What about MN? MN IS AWESOME SAUCE I KNOW I LIVE HERE!
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It's kinda an inside joke - we have nothing against Minnesota - and it's a pretty good thing nothing happens there. It sounds like a nice, quiet state.
 
Uh, we did kinda have a bridge fall a few years back... Ever hear about the 35W bridge collapse? That was us. How about that Minneapolis is ranked pretty high on the list for most murders in the US.



Oh I was trying to shove my bag in my locker and I screamed, "I CAN'T FIT MY LOCKER INSIDE MY LOCKER!... Wait a minute"
 
I was eating a bag of peanuts, and next to the nutrition information, it had a warning label that read:

"WARNING: PRODUCT MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUTS"

Could anyone really be that stupid?

And also, I once saw a bathroom door that read

"UNISEX BABY CHANGE STATION"

Across from that was a door that read

"PUBLIC TOILET"

Whoever spraypainted over that sign is my new hero.
 
Zangviper said:
I was eating a bag of peanuts, and next to the nutrition information, it had a warning label that read:

"WARNING: PRODUCT MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUTS"

Could anyone really be that stupid?

And also, I once saw a bathroom door that read

"UNISEX BABY CHANGE STATION"

Across from that was a door that read

"PUBLIC TOILET"

Whoever spraypainted over that sign is my new hero.
Click to expand...

These are wonderful and should forever be praised.
 
At my work there were signs in the bathroom stalls and someone added commas....

Original:

Please only human waste and toilet paper are to be flushed down the toilet.

Altered:

Please only human, waste, and toilet paper are to be flushed down the toilet.
 
My girlfriend and I were talking about something when she suddenly flopped back on to my bed and said "I'm dead." I also flopped back, then turned over and kissed her on the cheek. Her response?

"You necromancer!"

*beat*

SHITS AND GIGGLES
 
One time I was reading from this scene in a play, and my line was something along the line of this:

"That was back when I was a fool."

But, when I was reading ahead, I thought the f was a t (so it said "tool" instead of "fool"), for some reason. I re-read, saw it was a f, and so the whole time I'm waiting for that line to come up, I'm thinking to myself "Don't say tool, don't say tool." So what happens, of course? I call myself a tool.
 
Oh yeah, and my friend was all like "oh dear god" back in like august and I was like "...what?" and she replied with "I'm Whitney Houston."

BEST WAY OF TELLING US SHE GOT THE FAIRY GODMOTHER EVER.
 
some of the stuff my Honors WH teacher says.
"You're up a crap creek without a paddle"
"And let me tell you, she was hotter than a $2 pistol"
(responding to the fact that nobody knew resources in Russia)"Come on people... It's frickin COLD in Russia"
(responding to one student in particular) "I wouldn't lie to you... I'm not like the other men in your life"
 
My cousin was asking me once if I was ready for some cake, but she was saying it in some strange accent, so she ended up saying, "Are you ready for some COCK?!"

..And my Dad's wonderful song, "Don't Wash Your Face with a Butt-Cloth."
 
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