Arylett Charnoa
Barely existent.
- Pronoun
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It's a good kind of something strange.
I think.
Today I had a talk. A very, very long and deep searching talk with a friend of mine. Another friend. And I went deep... deep into myself and the core of everything I am and the deep root behind the way I act. We discussed it.
Together.
And I feel so odd. I think I feel odd in a good way though. Shaken, because I've never... spoken such things. But good.
She made me realize that I'm /not/ a terrible person. I can't help the way I am and it's okay. And it's natural.
I feel very odd. I'm crying and I just feel very anxious and yet at the same time really calm, the experience was very shaking. But I feel like I've finally said what I've wanted to say. I'm very calm and very anxious. My feelings are hard to describe, I don't feel anything at all. Placid, sort of. I feel more like a person than I've ever felt, I feel /real/. I've never felt like this in my entire life. Like I don't have to worry about anything anymore... it's going to be okay. As if I've unlocked some part of myself, some special deep part. I don't even feel like I used to anymore, I feel like a completely different person. Like I don't have to lie anymore and I don't have to pretend. Because what I am... it's okay. It's really not that bad.
Now I'm trying to find some way to ruin it, unconsciously. Because that's what I always do. But I don't want to ruin this, I don't want this to go away. I hope this doesn't go away. And I hope I don't find some way to ruin it.
She deserves many thanks.
And I know this post probably sounds nothing like me, but this is how I feel. I must sound very strange and you must have little idea of what I'm talking about. I don't care. Because I feel very strongly about this, more strongly than I've ever felt in my life.
I think.
Today I had a talk. A very, very long and deep searching talk with a friend of mine. Another friend. And I went deep... deep into myself and the core of everything I am and the deep root behind the way I act. We discussed it.
Together.
And I feel so odd. I think I feel odd in a good way though. Shaken, because I've never... spoken such things. But good.
She made me realize that I'm /not/ a terrible person. I can't help the way I am and it's okay. And it's natural.
I feel very odd. I'm crying and I just feel very anxious and yet at the same time really calm, the experience was very shaking. But I feel like I've finally said what I've wanted to say. I'm very calm and very anxious. My feelings are hard to describe, I don't feel anything at all. Placid, sort of. I feel more like a person than I've ever felt, I feel /real/. I've never felt like this in my entire life. Like I don't have to worry about anything anymore... it's going to be okay. As if I've unlocked some part of myself, some special deep part. I don't even feel like I used to anymore, I feel like a completely different person. Like I don't have to lie anymore and I don't have to pretend. Because what I am... it's okay. It's really not that bad.
Now I'm trying to find some way to ruin it, unconsciously. Because that's what I always do. But I don't want to ruin this, I don't want this to go away. I hope this doesn't go away. And I hope I don't find some way to ruin it.
She deserves many thanks.
And I know this post probably sounds nothing like me, but this is how I feel. I must sound very strange and you must have little idea of what I'm talking about. I don't care. Because I feel very strongly about this, more strongly than I've ever felt in my life.
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