The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[Flora]

People who know I'm bi: One
People I have willingly come out to: Zero

...don't you just love it when your older sister figures out that no, when you told her you were straight you weren't positive, and then correctly guess who you have a crush on?

Wow. Just...wow.

EDIT: Oh dude she's a QUILTBAG too? (heteromantic asexual)

 

[...]

The brilliantly satirical work of a genius someone posted on Serebiiforum's QUILTBAG club from somewhere unspecified.

 

[MentheLapin]

Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

In actual fact, there was a documentary over here last year about two gay men using a surrogate to have three or so children. The idea of gay parents was actually kind of an influence - when one of the younger children was asked if he would be gay when he were older, he said yes. I admit that the rest either said no or had the standard "if it happens, it happens" answer, but the influence is still there.

 

[Dannichu]

Yeah, but just about every kid raised in a heterosexual family thinks they're going to marry someone of the opposite sex when they're older. Then a bunch of them realize they're not heterosexual and it doesn't happen. The heterosexual environment doesn't make anyone straight.

Also, who asks a small child if they're going to be gay when they grow up? What does that possibly achieve?

 

[MentheLapin]

Yeah, but just about every kid raised in a heterosexual family thinks they're going to marry someone of the opposite sex when they're older. Then a bunch of them realize they're not heterosexual and it doesn't happen. The heterosexual environment doesn't make anyone straight.

Also, who asks a small child if they're going to be gay when they grow up? What does that possibly achieve?

But the heterosexual environment shows children that heterosexuality is generally the 'done thing'; the idea of different sexuality is not even shown to children as they grow up. In this way, the homosexual environment shows the children that homosexuality is a lot more common than it actually is.

 

[octobr]

So for once I'm going to take the soapbox here yo

Discovered yesterday that I am, in fact, as out of tune with my body as I thought I was. Went to the doctor yesterday and had to go through a pap smear. A fuckin vag test. It was not fun. I actually started crying like a wuss, but the worst part was that mom just thought it was for stupid petty reasons, and, hello, I'm sitting there in a fucking guy's shirt and guy's jeans and guy's underwear and a guy's haircut, certainly me freaking out has nothing to do with the fact that I was surprised with a procedure that shoves in my face that I'm female. Urgh. (I made her take me to the pet store, after. I didn't get a lollipop or anythin.)

This was not made better that mom reminded me quite bluntly this morning "but you ~are~ a girl," and then not two minutes later called me Matt. I AM SO CONFUSE. :c

tl;dr angst whine wail

 

[Vladimir Putin's LJ]

But the heterosexual environment shows children that heterosexuality is generally the 'done thing'; the idea of different sexuality is not even shown to children as they grow up. In this way, the homosexual environment shows the children that homosexuality is a lot more common than it actually is.

Pleasantly surprised at how normal the Daily Mail article is.

And yeah, of course gay parents will expose their children to more homosexuality than "conventional" straight families, but only a little, because the children still live in a completely heteronormative world. Almost all the couples you see on television, magazines, ads, books are heterosexual. It's not like the parents can enlist their children in Elton John's Gay School for Gays (Gay) so after the first few years of their life the kids will be exposed to non-stop heterosexual examples.

Anyway unless the parents are retarded they're not going to pretend everyone is gay.

EDIT: Verne, sorry you had that happen :( I don't get parents' mindsets either. My mother actually made me wear a dress for our school party last year and I cried like a huge pussy in the car, at which point she said OKAY SHALL WE GO HOME SO YOU CAN CHANGE?? so did she just want to see my tears or what.
d-did the puppies in the store make you feel better.

 

[shy ♡]

I think parents just like to deny that it's a thing at all. My parents do the same and it pisses me off to no ends, because I don't do what they say, I just storm off and yell at them or whatever, and they still don't get it. Is it seriously so hard to connect the dots?

 

[octobr]

Elton John's Gay School for Gays (Gay)

I have found my life's mission


And yes. The puppies did make me feel better. They were little chihuahua/shih tzu mutts and got the best traits from both and were adorable.


I mean, I just... I would prefer it if mom either outright denied it or accepted it, some solid absolute, because having to try and read that woobly reaction to me being I don't know me is really confusing.

Also I just really don't know how she didn't get why I was upset. DURRR.

Meanwhile it seems that college people have 0 problems getting it because I tell them to call me Matt and they go 'oh do you want us to call you he, too, no prob.' Which is pretty boss.

 

[Jolty]

my parents never bug me into "accepting" I'm a girl or anything, I've been pretty masculine all my life and they never did sod all back then either so trying to now would be daft

one of my friends does this however :| he's invited me to this thing and since it's formal wear he was all "OH AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA WEAR A SUIT LOL"
yeah Corey well /watch it happen/!!!

I'm not sure if anyone at uni actually realised I was trans, besides the two people I told... they weren't expecting it at all though :B
my flatmates might've known about it, since like every time I /didn't/ go collect the post I would /always/ get shit addressed to my old name. arghfjhdkh

also you know what mega sucks? when the gender clinic people tell you that you might have to wait even longer for hormones because your social anxiety needs sorting first!!

 

[octobr]

your friend needs a good smack in the face to knock some sense in him, eh.

No what mega sucks is not having a gender clinic yo. egh I wanna get on hormones cept I don't even know how I'd. begin. alas. Education is a mite more important for me I guess.

 

[shy ♡]

As far as I know, you begin by seeing a gender therapist. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go on hormones, at least according to my incredibly supportive parents I definitely will never be able to because you know, testosterone is incredibly unhealthy on its own, let alone messing with my medications and bipolar! I might die. (Mentioning that living without T is bound to drive me crazy doesn't seem to help.)

But. Yeah. Mostly it bugs me that my parents think they have a say in the matter. Because they don't. So they should shut up. :| (Also Verne the people at your school sound awesome.)

 

[Bluberry Bat]

Hahaha oh parents and gender identity /what a hoot huh/.

But, seriously, I'm ready to murder my father; and I say that as straight-faced as possible. The ignorance and bigotry he presents is astounding, he's lately taking up flat out /mocking/ me, it's transparent as day as he's watching me have breakdowns from his taunts and has a huge grin on his faced, acting like I ~amuse~ him.
"You need to learn to deal with it", what the actual fuck, does it look like I'm not 'dealing with it', if I wasn't 'dealing with it' I'd have already tossed myself into the goddamn Hudson.
"Well other transpeople deal with it", No, they really don't, but they put on a façade better than I do.
"What and you think we [Him and my mum] don't have problems?!", What the fuck's that supposed to mean? You deal with a crappy economy, shaky relations with people, and a troubled child. You know, like NEARLY EVERYONE ELSE. Try stacking that on top of a mind so at odds with its body it can't sleep, speak, sometimes move or eat without trying to tear itself in two, and come back to me about your problems.
"Well maybe if you used *given name* you'd have better luck finding a job", yes just like all the perfect cisgender folks who just scoop up the jobs no problems in this gods forsaken little town with all of one spot for every ten people.
*Mind you invoking so-called given name results in a wince from me every time and he bloody well knows this.
"Well you're fine with using *given name* to get your meds!", well actually I'm /not/ considering I nearly have a complete breakdown every time I go into any sort of office or receive any sort of 'official documentation'.

My mum is at least /slightly/ better, trying to keep him off my back - but still uses improper pronouns and will throw up that OH IT'S ~HARD~ shields. No, no it's not, what do you not get, you add an extra damned 'S' and it makes a world of difference but NO THAT'S TOO HARD or WE HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO ADJUST [they've had three and a half years now].
And I can't do a damn thing about it, because I can't use the cars, can't find a job, there's no damned money, and they won't do a damned thing to maybe help that out a bit even though it's always their story ~GET A JOB~ ~WE NEED MONEY~ yada yada.
At least my shrink is trying to help me possibly apply for disability because gods know I need /something/ at this point but since I have no ride to the damned SS office a load of good that does.
I should also mention that if I could work together the money for a name change, I ALSO have documentation that will allow me to officially change my gender on my ID. But if I DON'T get the name change it gets renewed under that 'given name' and that's just damned peachy I couldn't wait to run into a backwoods cop or shop clerk to question /that one/.

ugh ranting I know I'm better off than a lot of people but for fucks sake I'm so on the brink with this crap.

 

[shy ♡]

Bluberry, that's really, really crap. Seriously. Gah, is there no possibility of your shrink possibly helping you find work, or some support from the government? Try asking for more help, in terms of living arrangements, etc., maybe? If you can get on disability, there might be some other help as well. Do you live in the US? It's probably a lot more difficult there. :\

What I'd say is, perhaps try... ignoring your parents. And not dealing with them as much as possible. Just focus on getting away from them however you can, i.e. getting a job or whatever is necessary, because it doesn't sound like they will be very uh, helpful, to your situation. Unless they decide to help you, just block them off. Personally, and I know your ability to deal with things is obviously different than my own, but personally I let the pronouns go as much as I can because I don't want to start fights when I intend to move out soon enough. If you can focus on that, on getting away, perhaps it would be easier to ignore them.

 

[Bluberry Bat]

I've tried that angle, but there's really nothing he can do... He pointed me in the right direction, but with no way of getting around, it's equally moot for the time. The biggest problem, I suppose, is the fact I live in the middle of nowhere - it's upstate New York. Taxes are high, job availability is low, and I'm in the woods nowhere reasonably near any sort of public transportation or cluster of business. The folks refuse to let me use their vehicles (apparently I don't 'drive enough'. Well, yes, I /can't/. And these two are either busy during the day, or winding down at night so won't 'supervise' me. (A farce anyway, every time I do get them out they comment how I'm just fine driving.)) so, lacking the obvious buying power to get even a puddle jumper of my own, I'm stranded.
That said, yes, I'm in the US sadly. NY is one of the better places, but I can confess an overall hatred of the country. One of my first priorities is moving out of it.. of course this causes yet another point of antagonism with father, who's one of those 'THIS HERE'S THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD HYUCK HYUCK' Americunts. And mind you, he's (supposedly) Liberal Democrat, but he's tried to argue back to my plans - not to mention points as to why I want to leave and dislike the country - with exactly that statement. "This is the best country in the world!" he says as I offer points as to why overall its one of the least progressive [first world] countries and one of the worst places for me to try and live, things considered. Oh, and "You could be living in *Hot News-Story Country of the Week*" is another favourite. "At least you don't live in Libya, imagine then!" Oh, kill me now.


So, I've been ignoring them for a long time now... It gets harder as time goes on, there's only so much I can do. I lock myself away in my room, generally. All I can really do is apply to places online, which I do as much as I can. Yet to get a response. I'm trying - though the folks are quick to say I'm not. "You need to get out more!" ....Why yes, I bloody well DO don't I?!
*Sigh* My ability to deal with them is.. slowly waning. I'm not the most patient person to begin with, I'll admit, but they're getting ridiculous really. I've been trying to ignore pronouns, but it gets harder with times as they blatantly steer into masculine ones. My mum tries to hide in other rooms, my dad blurts it and refuses to even /try/. I gently nudged them over the years to try and patch it up, but it's been the same song and dance the whole time. Mum /sometimes/ does but she says it slow and deliberately like it hurts her, and only when I'm blatantly within earshot. Honestly though, it really rattles me, the wrong pronoun.. I'm not the best at dealing with it. I'm trying, but I tell them openly, 'I don't get angry for mistakes, I get angry when one simply doesn't try'. (Protip: They still 'wonder' why I get so angry.)

 

[Tomatochu]

I recently came to the realization that I'm bisexual. I've been keeping quiet about it in fear of what my parents will think, but I'm finding it difficult to keep it a secret" I've had a boyfriend before but That was only for a couple weeks, and nothing serious happened. I still haven't found out what my family thinks about homosexuality and bisexuality. I need some advice on what to do.

 

[shy ♡]

Blu, I really have no advice... unfortunately. :\ Uhg, your situation sounds like total crap and I'm really sorry. If it's any consolation, I felt the same, and that I was in the same situation, a short while ago. And I had no expectation that things would change because I didn't see that there was any way they could. But it seems like things have turned around for me, at least somewhat, so they might for you as well.

Tomatochu, I'd say you should probably avoid coming out unless there's some reason to do so. Just my opinion, of course, but unless there's some conflict over your sexuality, or something where coming out is necessary, I don't really think it's... an important thing to do? But if you feel it's important to come out you should probably ask your parents questions about their opinions regarding homosexuality/bisexuality first, so you can get some... uh, idea, regarding how they'll react.

 

[Tomatochu]

Tomatochu, I'd say you should probably avoid coming out unless there's some reason to do so. Just my opinion, of course, but unless there's some conflict over your sexuality, or something where coming out is necessary, I don't really think it's... an important thing to do? But if you feel it's important to come out you should probably ask your parents questions about their opinions regarding homosexuality/bisexuality first, so you can get some... uh, idea, regarding how they'll react.

I was hoping I could wait till I moved out, but it's getting hard for me to do that, plus I'm getting depressed over this for some reason. I feel like I need to do it.

 

[Bluberry Bat]

*Sigh* I guess what I'm waiting for is.. work, really. With a bit of actual money in my pockets I could solve most of this. > Acquire Vehicle > Have easier time in future /finding/ work > Self sufficiency of meds and procedures > Ability to finally leave country > Etcetera.
...There's no easy answer, I know... I appreciate the encouragement, though.. sometimes I just really, really need to vent.. things have to turn around eventually - else I live in a cardboard box in Times Square (arguably preferable at times) - and as soon as they do I'll have no reason to put up with any of the folks' crap.



- Also Tomatochu.. my personal recommendation in such a situation is usually to very discreetly probe out acceptance from the people around you. See if you can (very gently) steer conversations into the subject. You just have to be careful with it, but if they look okay, you can slowly bring it up a bit each time until you're confident enough to flat out say something. It just takes an ear for openings - reactions to radio shows, or public displays, anything. Of course, you have to be ready to back off if they could be less than accepting.

 

[Crazy Linoone]

@Lil' Dwagie: *hugs* This... really sucks. *hugs again* Maybe you can apply for those stay-at-home jobs that only requires you to have a computer and internet access. That way, you can earn money (not a lot, but still money) without having to leave your room. Or maybe you can do art commissions? You're old enough so that your parents don't have any legal power over you anymore.

@Tomatochu: Discreetly steering the conversation towards that subject is a good idea. That way, you can make sure your friends won't abandon you or make your life miserable after you come out before coming out to them. Be careful if you live in a not-liberal place though, because rumors can be nasty. A good way to do it is to look for some QUILTBAG related stuff in the news or whatever you and your parents usually read, then make some remark about it in order to spark a conversation.


I dunno. I'm one of the lucky ones who lives in the Gayest State Ever. You drive down to San Francisco and the first thing you see while coming off the highway is a row of rainbow flags. A lot of classrooms at my school have stickers saying "safe zone" and "no homophobia" and stuff on the windows, and we have a GSA, even though it doesn't do anything. I kinda live in a bubble like that -- being on TCoD and hanging out with people really acceptant of gay culture (being Anime nerds does that to you. Shipping requires gay) made me think the world is a really nice place with rainbows and sparkles and fabulousness.

And then I hear stories like Lil' Dwagie's and see fliers against gay marriage claiming that gay people marrying will cause people to marry animals and turn children gay (the flier was in Chinese, no less) and hear my classmates talk about how bi people are just greedy and argh.

But there is hope! This generation is a lot more accepting than the last, and we're heading towards equality, no matter how slow the progress may seem at the time. There'll be a day when anti-gay marriage laws are viewed like laws prohibiting marriage across races -- old relics of that immoral past we'll never go back to and nothing more.

So uh, I dunno why I just wrote all that, but I think what I'm trying to say is "LIVE ON EVERYONE DON'T KILL YOURSELVES NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS GET :o"