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The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
Posting from hospital right now. Surgery went well. Holy shit, the first four days were really brutal though. I've never been through anything like this. Made the other surgery seem like a cakewalk. So sore. Would never recommend this operation except as a last resort for really severe dysphoria. Two days bedrest is nowhere near as. Fun as it sounds
hope you're feeling better soon man, glad it went well though!
 

Byrus

Strange days ahead
Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it. This surgery really took a lot out of me. I don't think I fully anticipated how difficult it would be. My lack of independence at the moment is making me feel very anxious and vulnerable, but I'm slowly getting there.

My physiotherapist was very helpful, and was talking to me about how she'd dealt with trans guys having this surgery for just over ten years. It was very interesting and she really helped me feel more at ease.

I flew back home on Sunday and am keeping in touch with the London docs by email. These annoying fucking staples are going to be removed tomorrow by my gp, so hopefully that will give me more mobility.

Also, dear god, absolutely no one in London could understand my accent. It was very frustrating! All the nurses were friendly and polite though, which definitely helped. One of the doctors that came by was northern irish, so everyone else was asking him for tips on how to decipher my accent. (One person thought I was Scottish)
 

Knuddeluff

Cat Foetus Jesus
Pronoun
he
I feel I've been sinking further and further into the gay stereotype over the past few months.

Like, right now, I'm drinking a glass of red wine, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat, while I burn a scented candle.
 

Flora

local hellion
Pronoun
they/them
Hi friends!!! With a lot of help from my mom (who's known for a couple weeks now) I came out as bi to my dad and he took it super well!!!
 

Knuddeluff

Cat Foetus Jesus
Pronoun
he
Hi friends!!! With a lot of help from my mom (who's known for a couple weeks now) I came out as bi to my dad and he took it super well!!!
Holy crap congrats!

It's one of the hardest things to do, it's great that you got over that hurdle! :>
 

Ether's Bane

future Singaporean
Pronoun
he
Hi friends!!! With a lot of help from my mom (who's known for a couple weeks now) I came out as bi to my dad and he took it super well!!!
Good for you!

I had to come out my dad twice - the first time, he took it as "it's just a phase", but last year, I tried again, and he "got it", so to speak.
 

opaltiger

actually very huggable
Staff member
Pronoun
he/him
I feel I've been sinking further and further into the gay stereotype over the past few months.

Like, right now, I'm drinking a glass of red wine, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat, while I burn a scented candle.
That describes most of my nights. It just means you're sinking into the excellent stereotype.
 

Dar

oops, did it again
Pronoun
they
Hi friends!!! With a lot of help from my mom (who's known for a couple weeks now) I came out as bi to my dad and he took it super well!!!
Similar situation with my dad, though I'm pretty sure he just said he's okay with it because he felt like he had to. He tends to be pretty homophobic.
 

Sanqui

New member
Pronoun
any
So, I'm going to post in here because it might brighten me up a bit.

Hi! For context, I'm generally male, and I happen to be bisexual (or pansexual if you will, I generally use the simpler term). It's something I've only ever mentioned in a few places on the internet. And I'm in this conflict. On one hand, I'm totally happy with it and I'd actually like more people to know. But, on the other hand, the thought of people I know in real life knowing actually makes me slightly.. nauseous. For no good reason, either: I know everybody (everybody worth keeping) would be fine with it and it would for sure make me happier. But I have no idea how to go about letting people know. I always just imagine the most literal case of letting people know - going around telling people - which is just why would I do that.

I just don't know. I wouldn't even want to be subtle about it. I want people to know, but I don't want to share. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because it's all I can muster...

Thanks for caring~
 

shy ♡

whispers in gay
So, I'm going to post in here because it might brighten me up a bit.

Hi! For context, I'm generally male, and I happen to be bisexual (or pansexual if you will, I generally use the simpler term). It's something I've only ever mentioned in a few places on the internet. And I'm in this conflict. On one hand, I'm totally happy with it and I'd actually like more people to know. But, on the other hand, the thought of people I know in real life knowing actually makes me slightly.. nauseous. For no good reason, either: I know everybody (everybody worth keeping) would be fine with it and it would for sure make me happier. But I have no idea how to go about letting people know. I always just imagine the most literal case of letting people know - going around telling people - which is just why would I do that.

I just don't know. I wouldn't even want to be subtle about it. I want people to know, but I don't want to share. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because it's all I can muster...

Thanks for caring~
Hum, what part do you want to tell them? That you're male, or pan/bi (which would you wanna say?)?

I... only have experience with one really... and it was super-hard... But I know it's much easier with friends and siblings than parents, ahaha. So I'd suggest telling close friends first and that'll make you feel more confident in general, having people you're close to who know. And you'll get some experience.
 

Sanqui

New member
Pronoun
any
Hum, what part do you want to tell them? That you're male, or pan/bi (which would you wanna say?)?

I... only have experience with one really... and it was super-hard... But I know it's much easier with friends and siblings than parents, ahaha. So I'd suggest telling close friends first and that'll make you feel more confident in general, having people you're close to who know. And you'll get some experience.
Ah, just the latter. (I'm biologically male, so that isn't a problem). And.. Oof, I really don't wanna straight up tell anybody. It's hard. But still, it might go wonderfully. I'll have to think about it more.

Oh, by the way, I read back into the thread a small bit. So many success stories, that's great! Congrats Flora, Byrus, and others!
 

shy ♡

whispers in gay
Ah, just the latter. (I'm biologically male, so that isn't a problem). And.. Oof, I really don't wanna straight up tell anybody. It's hard. But still, it might go wonderfully. I'll have to think about it more.

Oh, by the way, I read back into the thread a small bit. So many success stories, that's great! Congrats Flora, Byrus, and others!
Ah... maybe write a letter and give it to them? Sometimes I find it easier to say things in writing than face to face... Or you could, idk, bring up the subject and see how they react to it, like just talk about ... characters on tv who're gay/bi/etc., or laws about it being passed, or something...
 

Flora

local hellion
Pronoun
they/them
HI GUYS SORRY FOR BUMPING SLIGHTLY BUT I UH

DID A LOT OF THINKING AND NOW I'M KINDA CONFUSED

For me personally, gender isn't really something I think about terribly often? I do prefer she/her pronouns and I'm cool with being called a girl but other than that it just....doesn't really come to mind all that often?

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.

It's something that I'd thought about for like five seconds a few times but I did a lot of thinking today and it just ended in me being really confused
 

Crazy Linoone

broke ASB
It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.
DON'T LET SOCIAL NORMS GET YOU DOWN *shakes fist*

For many cis people, it's less of "I feel really strongly <gender>" and more of "I don't mind being <gender> and I don't really want to change so...".

cis friend: "Well, I was born with <insert-sex-here> parts, and people treated me as if I'm <gender society associates with with said parts> while I was growing up. I've never really thought about it, but I'm okay with who I am, so that's that."

other cis friend who recently learned about the difference between sex and gender: "I don't understand what you mean that gender isn't based on societal norms? If gender-differentiating societal norms don't exist, I don't think there would be any differences between people of different genders. Everyone would just not have any gender?? Anyhow, I identify with <my gender> because of my experiences, even though I don't fit with a lot of the gender stereotypes, so that's that."

other other cis friend: "well I thought about gender a lot after learning about it. I hate a lot of the societal standards put on my gender and the assumptions people make. I really don't think these assumptions fit me at all, but I decided that I like identifying as this gender, so that's that."

agender friend: "well I thought about gender a lot after learning about it... I feel really icky about all the social standards people put on my gender and the assumptions people make. I really don't think these assumptions fit me at all, and I don't really think the other gender options fit me either, so that's that."

other agender friend: "I don't know what's going on man, gender is hard."

ANYHOW my point is, gender is all over the place. Just kinda ... go with the flow, man. Don't worry about it. It's nice to have a neat label to describe yourself, but it's okay if it doesn't sort itself out.

Food for thought:
Don't think about whether you're "okay" with she/her. Would you be happier if people used different pronouns for you? If some aliens came and shoot magic beams that wiped away all societal norms, associations, assumptions, etc etc about gender and gave everyone the same-looking bits, what gender would you be?
 

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
]For me personally, gender isn't really something I think about terribly often? I do prefer she/her pronouns and I'm cool with being called a girl but other than that it just....doesn't really come to mind all that often?

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.
that is pretty much the standard "cis way of thinking about gender" for lack of a better expression

if you weren't cis you'd very likely have feelings that something was not quite right




as for the identifying out of male/female because society's expectations of gender then i've never understood how being like "i don't like society saying i should do x because i am y, therefore I AM NO LONGER Y NOW NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO"
y'know instead of like
doing whatever the fuck you want /anyway/ and trying to break those stupid standards
 

Flora

local hellion
Pronoun
they/them
that is pretty much the standard "cis way of thinking about gender" for lack of a better expression

if you weren't cis you'd very likely have feelings that something was not quite right
DON'T LET SOCIAL NORMS GET YOU DOWN *shakes fist*

For many cis people, it's less of "I feel really strongly <gender>" and more of "I don't mind being <gender> and I don't really want to change so...".
Ah, okay! That makes a lot of sense.

In other QUILTBAG news, I guess, my school was supposed to have an "LGBT forum" discussing how non-cis non-straight students are treated, but the moderator wound up canceling it and from the sounds of it he was very likely pressured into doing so; my friend (who's a writer for our school paper) was writing an article and interviewed some people about it and they really really avoided the topic and there were some...not-great things said.

The article was super-impartial about the whole situation (and props to him, because he made it very clear to me separately that he was not happy) but there seems to be a lot of people who are incredibly disappointed about it, especially since the article also mentioned that they won't allow an LGBT club because it would exclude straight/cis kids OR a gay-straight alliance because...I don't know? I don't think anyone knows.

Catholic schools, man, what are you gonna do.

(Actually this was what I was IMMEDIATELY greeted with when I met my friends for formal: "HEY RACHEL DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS AN LGBT FORUM PLANNED?")
 

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
this thread hardly ever gets updated but i am hype so posting basically everywhere i am out on: top surgery on monday hoooly shit
 

Byrus

Strange days ahead
Congrats! I hope all goes well.

If you don't mind me asking; do you know who your surgeon will be? I'm curious if gendercare on the NHS sources all its surgeons in London or elsewhere.
 

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
Mr Caddy in Sheffield

see like. i was referred to him back in december, but then in february he was off sick for ages
so i got referred to Mr Kneeshaw in Hull (who i actually saw 2 days ago lmao) but then mr caddy came back and gave me an appointment in june and since hearing nothing since i phoned up his secretary today to ask what's going on and she was like "oh he has a free theatre slot on monday the 13th do you want it" and i was like hell yeah i do SO.

yeah both of the surgeons i have met are in yorkshire and my gender clinic is in nottingham (the midlands). they also told me there's another surgeon in manchester but there's like, 3 or 4 in london or something
this is just for chest reconstruction though, i don't know of any SRS surgeons outside london :v
 
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