The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[opaltiger]

I feel I've been sinking further and further into the gay stereotype over the past few months.

Like, right now, I'm drinking a glass of red wine, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat, while I burn a scented candle.

That describes most of my nights. It just means you're sinking into the excellent stereotype.

 

[Dar]

Hi friends!!! With a lot of help from my mom (who's known for a couple weeks now) I came out as bi to my dad and he took it super well!!!

Similar situation with my dad, though I'm pretty sure he just said he's okay with it because he felt like he had to. He tends to be pretty homophobic.

 

[Sanqui]

So, I'm going to post in here because it might brighten me up a bit.

Hi! For context, I'm generally male, and I happen to be bisexual (or pansexual if you will, I generally use the simpler term). It's something I've only ever mentioned in a few places on the internet. And I'm in this conflict. On one hand, I'm totally happy with it and I'd actually like more people to know. But, on the other hand, the thought of people I know in real life knowing actually makes me slightly.. nauseous. For no good reason, either: I know everybody (everybody worth keeping) would be fine with it and it would for sure make me happier. But I have no idea how to go about letting people know. I always just imagine the most literal case of letting people know - going around telling people - which is just why would I do that.

I just don't know. I wouldn't even want to be subtle about it. I want people to know, but I don't want to share. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because it's all I can muster...

Thanks for caring~

 

[shy ♡]

So, I'm going to post in here because it might brighten me up a bit.

Hi! For context, I'm generally male, and I happen to be bisexual (or pansexual if you will, I generally use the simpler term). It's something I've only ever mentioned in a few places on the internet. And I'm in this conflict. On one hand, I'm totally happy with it and I'd actually like more people to know. But, on the other hand, the thought of people I know in real life knowing actually makes me slightly.. nauseous. For no good reason, either: I know everybody (everybody worth keeping) would be fine with it and it would for sure make me happier. But I have no idea how to go about letting people know. I always just imagine the most literal case of letting people know - going around telling people - which is just why would I do that.

I just don't know. I wouldn't even want to be subtle about it. I want people to know, but I don't want to share. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because it's all I can muster...

Thanks for caring~

Hum, what part do you want to tell them? That you're male, or pan/bi (which would you wanna say?)?

I... only have experience with one really... and it was super-hard... But I know it's much easier with friends and siblings than parents, ahaha. So I'd suggest telling close friends first and that'll make you feel more confident in general, having people you're close to who know. And you'll get some experience.

 

[Sanqui]

Hum, what part do you want to tell them? That you're male, or pan/bi (which would you wanna say?)?

I... only have experience with one really... and it was super-hard... But I know it's much easier with friends and siblings than parents, ahaha. So I'd suggest telling close friends first and that'll make you feel more confident in general, having people you're close to who know. And you'll get some experience.

Ah, just the latter. (I'm biologically male, so that isn't a problem). And.. Oof, I really don't wanna straight up tell anybody. It's hard. But still, it might go wonderfully. I'll have to think about it more.

Oh, by the way, I read back into the thread a small bit. So many success stories, that's great! Congrats Flora, Byrus, and others!

 

[shy ♡]

Ah, just the latter. (I'm biologically male, so that isn't a problem). And.. Oof, I really don't wanna straight up tell anybody. It's hard. But still, it might go wonderfully. I'll have to think about it more.

Oh, by the way, I read back into the thread a small bit. So many success stories, that's great! Congrats Flora, Byrus, and others!

Ah... maybe write a letter and give it to them? Sometimes I find it easier to say things in writing than face to face... Or you could, idk, bring up the subject and see how they react to it, like just talk about ... characters on tv who're gay/bi/etc., or laws about it being passed, or something...

 

[Flora]

HI GUYS SORRY FOR BUMPING SLIGHTLY BUT I UH

DID A LOT OF THINKING AND NOW I'M KINDA CONFUSED

Spoiler: gender musings I guess

For me personally, gender isn't really something I think about terribly often? I do prefer she/her pronouns and I'm cool with being called a girl but other than that it just....doesn't really come to mind all that often?

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.

It's something that I'd thought about for like five seconds a few times but I did a lot of thinking today and it just ended in me being really confused

 

[Crazy Linoone]

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.

DON'T LET SOCIAL NORMS GET YOU DOWN *shakes fist*

For many cis people, it's less of "I feel really strongly <gender>" and more of "I don't mind being <gender> and I don't really want to change so...".

cis friend: "Well, I was born with <insert-sex-here> parts, and people treated me as if I'm <gender society associates with with said parts> while I was growing up. I've never really thought about it, but I'm okay with who I am, so that's that."

other cis friend who recently learned about the difference between sex and gender: "I don't understand what you mean that gender isn't based on societal norms? If gender-differentiating societal norms don't exist, I don't think there would be any differences between people of different genders. Everyone would just not have any gender?? Anyhow, I identify with <my gender> because of my experiences, even though I don't fit with a lot of the gender stereotypes, so that's that."

other other cis friend: "well I thought about gender a lot after learning about it. I hate a lot of the societal standards put on my gender and the assumptions people make. I really don't think these assumptions fit me at all, but I decided that I like identifying as this gender, so that's that."

agender friend: "well I thought about gender a lot after learning about it... I feel really icky about all the social standards people put on my gender and the assumptions people make. I really don't think these assumptions fit me at all, and I don't really think the other gender options fit me either, so that's that."

other agender friend: "I don't know what's going on man, gender is hard."

ANYHOW my point is, gender is all over the place. Just kinda ... go with the flow, man. Don't worry about it. It's nice to have a neat label to describe yourself, but it's okay if it doesn't sort itself out.

Food for thought:
Don't think about whether you're "okay" with she/her. Would you be happier if people used different pronouns for you? If some aliens came and shoot magic beams that wiped away all societal norms, associations, assumptions, etc etc about gender and gave everyone the same-looking bits, what gender would you be?

 

[Jolty]

]For me personally, gender isn't really something I think about terribly often? I do prefer she/her pronouns and I'm cool with being called a girl but other than that it just....doesn't really come to mind all that often?

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.

that is pretty much the standard "cis way of thinking about gender" for lack of a better expression

if you weren't cis you'd very likely have feelings that something was not quite right




as for the identifying out of male/female because society's expectations of gender then i've never understood how being like "i don't like society saying i should do x because i am y, therefore I AM NO LONGER Y NOW NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO"
y'know instead of like
doing whatever the fuck you want /anyway/ and trying to break those stupid standards

 

[Flora]

that is pretty much the standard "cis way of thinking about gender" for lack of a better expression

if you weren't cis you'd very likely have feelings that something was not quite right

DON'T LET SOCIAL NORMS GET YOU DOWN *shakes fist*

For many cis people, it's less of "I feel really strongly <gender>" and more of "I don't mind being <gender> and I don't really want to change so...".

Ah, okay! That makes a lot of sense.

In other QUILTBAG news, I guess, my school was supposed to have an "LGBT forum" discussing how non-cis non-straight students are treated, but the moderator wound up canceling it and from the sounds of it he was very likely pressured into doing so; my friend (who's a writer for our school paper) was writing an article and interviewed some people about it and they really really avoided the topic and there were some...not-great things said.

The article was super-impartial about the whole situation (and props to him, because he made it very clear to me separately that he was not happy) but there seems to be a lot of people who are incredibly disappointed about it, especially since the article also mentioned that they won't allow an LGBT club because it would exclude straight/cis kids OR a gay-straight alliance because...I don't know? I don't think anyone knows.

Catholic schools, man, what are you gonna do.

(Actually this was what I was IMMEDIATELY greeted with when I met my friends for formal: "HEY RACHEL DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS AN LGBT FORUM PLANNED?")

 

[Jolty]

this thread hardly ever gets updated but i am hype so posting basically everywhere i am out on: top surgery on monday hoooly shit

 

[Byrus]

Congrats! I hope all goes well.

If you don't mind me asking; do you know who your surgeon will be? I'm curious if gendercare on the NHS sources all its surgeons in London or elsewhere.

 

[Jolty]

Mr Caddy in Sheffield

see like. i was referred to him back in december, but then in february he was off sick for ages
so i got referred to Mr Kneeshaw in Hull (who i actually saw 2 days ago lmao) but then mr caddy came back and gave me an appointment in june and since hearing nothing since i phoned up his secretary today to ask what's going on and she was like "oh he has a free theatre slot on monday the 13th do you want it" and i was like hell yeah i do SO.

yeah both of the surgeons i have met are in yorkshire and my gender clinic is in nottingham (the midlands). they also told me there's another surgeon in manchester but there's like, 3 or 4 in london or something
this is just for chest reconstruction though, i don't know of any SRS surgeons outside london :v

 

[Momo(th)]

Glad that you're finally gonna get surgery, I can't wait to hear the results lol

 

[Flora]

HI GUYS SORRY FOR BUMPING SLIGHTLY BUT I UH

DID A LOT OF THINKING AND NOW I'M KINDA CONFUSED

Spoiler: gender musings I guess

For me personally, gender isn't really something I think about terribly often? I do prefer she/her pronouns and I'm cool with being called a girl but other than that it just....doesn't really come to mind all that often?

It's exceptionally perplexing because I know how I think about things is kinda atypical a lot of the time, so I don't know if this is generally how cis people think about gender or just how I personally think about gender and it's just. confusing. I really don't know.

It's something that I'd thought about for like five seconds a few times but I did a lot of thinking today and it just ended in me being really confused

Oh this is fucking funny. apologies for the hardcore thread necromancy but, look, quiltbag stuff is always relevant

Long story short, for those of you who aren’t on the telegram: my (blessedly bi, I’m serious, he concluded that he was bi and destroyed his metaphorical closet a week later) boyfriend left a dress shirt at my house! I tried it on as a gag! Had Gender Thoughts that were originally just Gender Presentation Fuckery and then evolved into genuine gender confusion! Might not be a cis girl after all! Amazing. Good job 2015 flora you were truly ahead of your time, except not because you couldn’t (and still can’t) word things to save your life. At least I can think about this without getting a headache now.

 

[Flora]

Oh this is fucking funny. apologies for the hardcore thread necromancy but, look, quiltbag stuff is always relevant

Long story short, for those of you who aren’t on the telegram: my (blessedly bi, I’m serious, he concluded that he was bi and destroyed his metaphorical closet a week later) boyfriend left a dress shirt at my house! I tried it on as a gag! Had Gender Thoughts that were originally just Gender Presentation Fuckery and then evolved into genuine gender confusion! Might not be a cis girl after all! Amazing. Good job 2015 flora you were truly ahead of your time, except not because you couldn’t (and still can’t) word things to save your life. At least I can think about this without getting a headache now.

So update! I’m nonbinary! I’ve been pretty sure of this for like a week but I was constantly like “but what if I’m wrong” so only actually mentioned it last night to various people, exactly one of whom I know IRL!

I did tell my sister that I was thinking about gender, and she was kinda weird about it (“when I was doing gender thinking I concluded I was more comfortable as I am, but whatever helps your mental health...”), so I’m like...a bit hesitant to talk about it to my family now that I’m sure I’m nb, cause I don’t know how they’re gonna react and if it’s Weird I might puke, but my bf knows and has been an absolute gift so that helps

 

[crime gardevoir]

I'm genderfluid (but usually they/her) and pan.

I think it's something you can't really be wrong about- if you feel something about your gender, even vaguely, it's a feeling worth chasing. Even if you have mild gender dysphoria at most, finding where you feel best with gender and embracing it can bring a lot of happiness and comfort into your life that wasn't there before. The only real risks come from other people being shitty, and it's pretty unfulfilling (and even horrific) to let that dictate every aspect of your identity. Anecdotally there's rough patches that come with it, but they're worth the trouble in the end.

(also I don't know how hot of a take this is, but I think some thread necromancy is warranted- this forum is going a lot slower than it was when I was a teen, and that's not really going to get fixed unless people start posting again. Most threads have their last post months to years ago, and it seems like that's a problem that'd feed itself)

 

[RNP]

recently realized my bisexuality,
,

that's really all there is to say on the matter

 

[Flora]

once more, I revive the QUILTBAG club to talk about me being an idiot about gender

so the highlights of the past year, first off! I made a shitload of fandom friends who’ve only ever known me as chel the nonbinary icon, and that has been a Blessing, oh my god. I came out to my irl friends (who are all super chill, and one turned out to be agender so I am not the only nb icon!) and my family, who are still learning but they’re trying really hard and I appreciate it.

so! The stupidity! Back in March I was getting stupid antsy about my hair, because I hadn’t gotten it cut in awhile and quarantine started RIGHT when I was like “imma call to schedule a haircut” and I was full force ANGRY about it and it took me LITERALLY ASKING PEOPLE “hey can hair length be dysphoria-inducing” to be like, oh, this is dysphoria and I’m being stupid.(I got it cut, mom realized it was dysphoria real quick and was GUNG HO about chopping it off.)

so lately I’ve been like, debating the whole name thing, cause originally I started goin by Chel online to avoid getting found by coworkers et al but I found I really liked it, and especially when IRL folks use it (aforementioned agender friend exclusively calls me Chel now). but I don’t mind my legal name, you know? So I was like “is this a Name name or just a nickname or w/e. Until I remembered that there are a LOT of cis people who are like “my name’s fine but I like this better” and I’m not questioning THAT.

so, uh. That’s chel’s stupid gender hours.

 

[IndigoClaudia]

Nothing wrong with that. I kept meaning to revive this thread on my own. So i'm trans and i'm Bi and i Identify as Demi-girl so i'm about as confusing as i can get but it doesn't really matter as long as people call me she/her pronouns :D *Nervous Laughter*