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TIME FOR SOME STORIES

Clover

Clover

neither simple, nor coherent.
HEY GUYS I THINK IT'S TIME FOR SOME STORIES

ITT DISCUSS SAID STORIES AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE STORIES OF YOUR OWN

THIS IS A CAPSLOCK COMM MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW IT

SO I'M HANGING OUT IN THE BASEMENT READING AND MY DAD COMES DOWNSTAIRS AND HE LOOKS AT ME AND HE SAYS "DANGER POINT!! YOU LEFT THE OVEN ON!" AND I'M ALL LIKE "DANGER POINT?"
 
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POP-UP I NEVER GET ANY POP-UPS

THOUGH IT COULD BE THAT I USE FIREFOX
 
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I WILL BE KIND AND GIVE YOU PEOPLE A POP-UP FREE MICROSOFT WORD FILE. HAPPY NOW?

MIDNIGHT THIS IS SO EPIC AND FULL OF WIN.

SO ON VACATION MY FRIEND'S FAMILY BLOWS THE CIRCUIT FOR THEIR ROOM AND THE ROOM NEXT DOOR, MUCH TO THE INDIGNATION OF THE MANAGER. THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE RAMEN. (true story o__o)
 
ON MY 7TH BIRTHDAY I JUMPED FROM THE HIGHEST POINT OF THE SWING AND LANDED ON MY ELBOW. I BROKE IT. 83
 
SO WHEN I MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE 10 OR 12 OR SOMETHING WE WERE IN SCHOOL IN 6TH GRADE AND ALL. SO IT'S LIKE LUNCHTIME AND WE EAT LUNCH IN OUR CLASSROOMS BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT'S LIKE THERE. SO YEAH THERE'S THESE DOUBLE BATHROOMS IN EACH ROOM THAT HAS A DOOR TO THE SAME FUCKING BATHROOM IN BOTH CLASSROOMS JUST SO THAT THERE'S TWICE THE CHANCE SOMEBODY'S ALREADY IN THERE. BUT THEN DURING LUNCH THE WALL SCOOTS BACK SO WE CAN SIT IN OTHER PARTS WHICH IS NORMALLY PRETTY COOL.

SO LIKE STEVEN IS THIS IDIOT KID AND DOES SOME FUNNY STUFF BUT HALF THE TIME IS JUST THICK. SO HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM AND HIS FRIEND CHASE GETS THIS BRIGHT IDEA, WHICH REALLY WAS KIND OF RARE BUT I GUESS IT WORKED HERE.

SO BECAUSE IT'S A DOUBLE BATHROOM THERE'S TWO DOORS WITH THOSE BIG D SHAPED HANDLES YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. SO CHASE LIKE TAKES A BROOM AND SHOVES IT IN THE HANDLES, SO NEITHER DOOR CAN OPEN. LIKE FOUR OTHER KIDS CATCH ON AND PRETTY SOON IT'S JAMMED WITH VARIOUS LONG PIECES OF SHIT AND STUFF.

BUT STEVEN IS LIKE DONE BY THEN BECAUSE WE ALL BURST OUT IN PEALS OF IMMATURE LAUGHTER AS WE HEAR THE TOWEL DISPENSE GOING. AND STEVEN SPENDS LIKE THE REST OF LUNCH TRYING TO GET OUT.

SO FINALLY WHEN THE LUNCH MONITOR (WE ONLY HAD ONE FOR SOME REASON AND HE HAD 4 CONNECTED CLASSROOMS TO WANDER THOUGH) COMES BY AND ASKS WHAT WE'RE DOING, AND WE'RE ALL LIKE UMM NOTHING AND HE KINDA BELIEVES US BECAUSE WE'RE USUALLY DICKING AROUND BY THE END OF LUNCH AND MOST OF THE OTHER IDIOTS LEFT. BUT THEN AS HE WALKS AWAY STEVEN KINDA GIVES UP AND SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE "YOU MOTHERFUCKING NIGGERS LET ME OUT" AND WE ALL BURST OUT LAUGHING AND THE LUNCH MONITOR IS LIKE 'WTF' WHO'S IN THERE.
 
VYRAURA THAT'S BRILLIANT XD

OH OH WAIT I HAVE A STORY OKAY

SO MY MOM'S FRIEND'S SON WHO'S LIKE FOUR CAME OVER FOR A COUPLA HOURS. THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATIONS ENSUED:

"WHAT IS THIS?"
"A BOUNCY BALL."
"DO YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH?"
"DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH."
"OH. WHAT'S THIS?"
"THAT'S MY DOG."
"DO YOU--"
"DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH."

"DON'T GO OUTSIDE."
"WHY?"
"'CAUSE."
"WHY?"
"BECAUSE."
"WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHY?"

"I WANT TO JUMP ON YOUR TRAMPOLINE."
"WE DON'T HAVE A TRAMPOLINE."
"I JUST WANT TO JUMP ON IT! CAN I GO JUMP ON THE TRAMPOLINE?"
"SURE."
"OKAY! LET'S GO JUMP ON THE TRAMPOLINE!"
"WE DON'T HAVE A TRAMPOLINE."

"HEY, LOOK AT MY PRIVATES."
"... AJ WHY DID YOU TAKE YOUR SHORTS OFF."
"THE DOG ATE THEM. LOOK AT MY PRIVATES! GIRLS DON'T HAVE PRIVATES."

"I NEED SOME EXERCISE! I NEED TO JUMP!"
"THEN JUMP."
"I WANNA JUMP ON YOUR TRAMPOLINE!"
"WE DON'T ~HAVE~ A TRAMPOLINE!"

"PLEASE STOP CLICKING THE MOUSE."
"LOOK, IT'S RED ON THE BOTTOM. WHAT DOES RED MEAN?"
"IT MEANS IT'S RED. PLEASE STOP CLICKING THE MOUSE. DO YOU WANT TO TYPE AGAIN?"
"I WANT TO TYPE WITH THIS."
"YOU CAN'T TYPE WITH THAT."
"WHY NOT?"
"IT'S A MOUSE."
"HEY WHAT DOES THIS DO?"
"ARGLEFARGLE"

"BYE-BYE LAWA."
"AWW. HERE, YOU CAN HAVE THIS SHINY, LUCKY DIME!"
"HMM... BUT THIS QUARTER IS MORE SHINY. AND ~THIS~ QUARTER IS MORE LUCKY!"
 
"KYLE EYES THE PUCK ONE LAST TIME AS IT FLIES A BILLION MILES AN HOUR TOWARDS HIS BALLS, AND AT THE LAST MINUTE DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND TAKES THE FUCKING THING IN THE FOREHEAD. KNOCKS HIM RIGHT THE FUCK OUT."

"SO I'M ON THE BUS FOR SOME GODDAMNED REASON AND I AM LISTENING CAREFULLY TO THE CONVERSATION IN FRONT OF ME, HELD BETWEEN THIS BLOWSY SULKY GIRL WHO IS CLEARLY DOMINATING THE SITUATION AND HER 'BOYFRIEND', A SCRAWNY LOOKING MESS NEAR TEARS. THE FOLLOWING IS ALMOST VERBATIM.

SCRAWNY MESS: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE CHEATED ON ME?!

BLOWSY GIRL: I CHEATED ON YOU."


THIS IS TOTALLY EPIC. READ IT PEOPLE.
 
SO MY SISTER AND I WERE COMING HOME FROM THE PARK WITH OUR LITTLE COUSIN KATIE AND HER MOM. KATIE FOUND A LOAF OF BREAD COVERED IN ALUMINUM FOIL. THE RESULT:

"CAN I HAVE SOME, MOM?"
"NOT IN THE CAR, KATIE."
"I WANT SOME!"
"YOUR MOM SAID NOT TO HAVE THE BREAD IN THE CAR, KATIE."
"IT'S CAKE."
"NO, IT'S BREAD."
"IT'S CAKE!"
"NO, IT'S BREAD!'
"IT'S CAKE!!!"
"IT'S BREAD THAT TASTES LIKE CAKE."
"IT'S CAKE."
"IT'S CAKE THAT TASTES LIKE BREAD."
"IT'S CAKE."
"LET'S JUST GO WITH THE IDEA THAT IT'S CAKE, OKAY?"

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH A SIX-YEAR-OLD.
 
Not Impossible, just highly improbable. And I tell you, It's bread. 'Cause bread owns all, even (I'm sad to say) Cake.
 
SO LIKE ME AND ALEX WERE TOTALLY DICKING AROUND DURING RECESS IN LIKE 4TH GRADE. AND WE WERE BY THIS GRAVEL 'BALL FIELD' THAT SOME COCK DECIDED TO MAKE BECAUSE OF COURSE TEN YEAR OLDS ARE GOING TO ORGANIZE BASE-BALL ON A GRAVEL FIELD WITHOUT BASES.

SO THEN WE SEE TWO PLASTIC SPOONS STUCK IN THE GROUND. ALEX NATURALLY POUNCES ON THEM AND GIVES ONE TO ME. HE'S GOT THIS CRAZY LIGHT IN HIS EYES AND I'M LIKE OH SHIT, AWESOME. SO WE START FLICKING GRAVEL AT EACH OTHER WITH THE SPOONS AND ARE LAUGHING LIKE THE FUCKING JOKER AT THE NOVELTY OF OUR WONDERFUL IDEA.

SO WE FINALLY START FLICKING GRAVEL AT OTHER PEOPLE WHICH OF COURSE IS ABOUT GIGGLE-WORTHY AT THAT AGE, MAKING THIS THE HIGHLIGHT OF RECESSES. FINALLY PEOPLE STOP GOING NEAR US AND WE'RE LOOKING AROUND AND NOTICE WE'RE BY A TREE WHERE THIS STUPID HIPPY GIRL IS. WELL SHE PROBABLY WASN'T A HIPPY BUT SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON WE REALLY HATED AT THE TIME BECAUSE SHE WAS ANNOYING. OR MAYBE SHE WAS A HIPPY I'LL NEVER KNOW.

AFTER AN INTENSE WHISPERING SESSION WE DECIDED TO CREEP UP ON HER WITH THE SPOONS OF GRAVEL. AND OF COURSE SHE'S A DIPSHIT AND CAN'T HEAR US DESPITE BEING IN THE FAR CORNER OF THE PLAYGROUND WHERE INANE SCREAMING AND BLATHERING IS LESS PREVALENT.

SO THEN FOR SOME REASON WE DECIDE THAT WE WEREN'T GOING TO FLICK HER WITH GRAVEL FULL ON, BECAUSE SHE WASN'T EXPECTING IT, BUT INSTEAD TIP BOTH SPOONS DOWN THE BACK OF HER PANTS AS SHE BENDS OVER PLAYING IN THE DIRT OR SOME SHIT. WE TAKE OFF OUT OF THERE SHAKING AND NEAR TEARS IN LAUGHTER DOING THAT INSANE LITTLE-KID SPRINT AS SHE SQUEALS "EEK ICKY ICKY ANTS AAUGH". WE MAKE IT A GOOD HALFWAY ACROSS THE PLAYGROUND INTO A PLAYSTRUCTURE BEFORE SHE THINKS TO TURN AROUND.

WE SO TOTALLY THEN CLIMB UP TO THE TOP AND WATCH HER DANCE AROUND LIKE A MORON, ROLLING ON THE GROUND IN LAUGHTER. SO THEN OF COURSE SOMEONE ASKS ALEX WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG AND I'M ALL LIKE "SHE'S GOT ANTS IN HER PANTS" WHICH GETS A MILD LAUGH AT THE SEEMINGLY LAME JOKE BUT MAKES ALEX FALL DOWN LAUGHING AGAIN, GO DOWN THE SLIDE, AND RAM HEADFIRST INTO A FAT KID.
 
RIGHT SO

IT'S MY GRANDMOTHER'S SEVENTY-SOMETHINGTH BIRTHDAY, AND WE'RE HAVING A GIANT FAMILY GATHERING/PARTY HYBRID. IT'S RAINING REALLY HARD, SO EVERYONE'S INSIDE; THE KIDS ARE ALL DOWNSTAIRS PLAYING BRAWL.

MY LITTLE SIX-YEAR-OLD FIRST COUSIN ONCE REMOVED IS APPARENTLY CUTE (THOUGH I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME FINDING BOYS YOUNGER THAN FIFTEEN CUTE), SO THE ADULTS DELEGATE TO US THE RESPONSIBILITY OF LISTENING TO HIM AND KEEPING HIM HAPPY. HE GETS TO DECIDE THE RULES AND SELECT THE STAGE. AFTER ONE ROUND, HE DICTATES HIS FIRST EDICT: "I DON'T- I DON'T REALLY WANT ANY ITEMS 'CAUSE... 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT REALLY FAIR, RIGHT?" AND EVERYONE COMPLIES AND PROCEEDS TO SELECT CHARACTERS FOR THE NEXT BRAWL. THE LITTLE GUY DECIDES "HE LOOKS REALLY COOL!" AND POINTS TO FOX, THEN FLIPS THROUGH THE COLORS UNTIL HE FINDS A SCHEME HE LIKES. THEY PROCEED, AND HE REVIEWS THE STAGES. AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, HE POINTS TO FINAL DESTINATION: "I WANNA GO TO THAT PLACE!"

I LAUGHED LIKE FUCK AND NOBODY GOT IT BUT IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER
 
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