So lately I've been having a lot of dreams...
Well I guess we all dream, but for some reason I've started to remember them. Vividly. I didn't do that before. I mean I used to dream, here and there, but it was just a short thing usually right before I woke up. I just thought it was strange.
Until the other night. I think I might have had a lucid dream. I've never done that before. Ever. I've never tried to lucid dream, but I've heard of it. I'm pretty sure that's what happened? Not sure.
But if this keeps happening I'll post for sure. Weird.
Sooo, it happened again. This one was... disturbing, and I had trouble getting back to sleep after it.
I was at my grandfather's house, and so was the rest of the family. As in like all ten of my uncles, my 40+ cousins, and other relatives. Everyone was really happy in the beginning. It was like a birthday party or something. But what I remember happened after. I realized why everyone was so happy.
My grandma was there.
Thing is, my grandmother died last October.
This was when I think I started to lucid dream, because I literally remember, in dream, thinking
wtf she's dead. That's not her.
When I looked at her she just looked... wrong. First off she was walking around, which made no sense since she was bedridden for eleven years. She looked healthy, happy, and had a bit of a glow.
I knew it wasn't my grandma. Everyone else was gushing over her and having a great time with each other, saying she's back and all excited. Like she'd come back from a trip or something.
That's when I told my family, that that can't be her, she died. Everyone stopped and looked at me. Then they looked at her, and she didn't move, she was like frozen in fear. Then everyone went into the other room (dream logic reared its head here when two thirds of the family disappeared and it left only the 'heads' left. (being my dad, me, my grandfather, 5 of my uncles, and a couple cousins), leaving her in the kitchen alone. It was like we were having a family discussion on whether or not she was dead. Slowly everyone began to believe me.
This is this went on for a long time. It seriously felt like hours.
The conversation started to turn from 'is she not real' to 'what do with her?'. We decided that she must be real, after all she's
here. But they agreed she should be dead. What do we do? Do we welcome her back in? Avoid her? Leave? She can't be here, but she is.
It broke my heart to look at her sitting on that stool in the kitchen looking heartbroken as her children decided her. When I saw her I saw my grandma. The loving old lady that pretty much raised me when I was little. The woman who loved people and food so much that she started a food shelf. She looked healthy and so emotionally real, but that's what made it terrible. Because I
knew she wasn't real. Looking at her I kept thinking and feeling one word;
wrong. It was wrong. She was wrong. This discussion was wrong. It all felt
wrong.
As we talked I could see her sitting in the kitchen, her heart looked broken, and the thing is she was starting to look less real. Like before was the real her and now she slowly becoming a ghost or a dream.
I told the family, "She's wrong. She's not supposed to be here. It's time for her to go." I walked to her and stared at her, and she seriously looked terrified. "Are you real?"
"Not anymore," she basically whispered.
I stood straight. "Then you need to leave."
At that she turned into a pile of ashes.
My grandmother was cremated.
Then I woke up.
It was... disturbing. Disturbing enough for me to remember it and share it. Just so many things are... fucked up. I don't even. Just really fucking weird. When I woke up I had this overbearing feelling of guilt. It was just a dream, so why did it have an effect on me to that degree.
Weird shit.