The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[Vladimir Putin's LJ]

Hey guys just popping in to remind trans people that starting to see a therapist as early as you can is a great idea. Complaint post becase I try to be stealth online as much as possible but I'm out here so why not. Swearing and self-loathing derived from transsexualism.

I've been seeing my guy since April and we've made absolutely no tangible progress because my high potential diagnosis (basically high IQ and terrible social shortcomings) means I'm 'emotionally immature' so I have to do a bunch of stupid bullshit now. I'm doing a Rorschach test in a couple of weeks and I'm booked for an appointment with a urologist for god knows what reason in fucking late November because she doesn't have any earlier dates.

I'm also stuck in Britain 50% of the year because of university so I have a very limited timeframe and it's slowing things down even more and every day I have to physically force myself to get out of bed because life in this fucking disgusting female body is entirely unbearable. I've started working out in preparation for T (since it increases the risks of cardiovascular diseases and I have a heart condition so I want to strain it as little as possible) and an eventual top surgery (a year after I start hormones, which is looking increasingly less likely to happen this year) which helps but I still only get read correctly about 60% of the time.

I can't even stand to hear myself speak because that high pitched voice rings up my diaphragm and through my skull. I just don't think about the fact that I'll never know what it's like to just be born with a penis and experience all the sensations one gets from it because then I'm just out of commission for the day.

Either way bullshit like this comes up so try to start it as early as you can, even if that first phonecall is hard. I really wish I'd started the process right after coming out to my mother because coming to university without being stealth has been one of the worst experiences of my life.

Only upside is that my mother's being really nice even though she's being terrible on the pronouns and name front. She's very keen on me starting hormone therapy, and has volunteered to drive me to Gent (a place in Belgium which has one of the most famous trans-related doctors and hospitals) so we can bully the doctor until I get my way but I told her that's not how it works. I appreciate the sentiment though.
I'm probably going to turn up the pressure on my therapist though because I hardly see him (he's never fucking in) and I'd like to transition before I die of old age.

 

[Jolty]

I've been seeing my guy since April and we've made absolutely no tangible progress because my high potential diagnosis (basically high IQ and terrible social shortcomings) means I'm 'emotionally immature' so I have to do a bunch of stupid bullshit now. I'm doing a Rorschach test in a couple of weeks and I'm booked for an appointment with a urologist for god knows what reason in fucking late November because she doesn't have any earlier dates.

i feel you there. i was denied to start HRT over a year ago because of shit like my social anxiety and the fact at that point I'd never had a job. never mind that where i live finding a job is like finding a fart in a jacuzzi.

Either way bullshit like this comes up so try to start it as early as you can, even if that first phonecall is hard. I really wish I'd started the process right after coming out to my mother because coming to university without being stealth has been one of the worst experiences of my life.

i'm amazed that you've lasted at uni for as long as you have though :( the first time i went, i was stealth but literally every single person i met thought i was female until i corrected them and ugh i really hope i'm on hormones before i go again.
i second the thing about starting early though. because sometimes there is a fuckload of waiting around involved. i'm waiting for the decision about me starting hormones to be made (it's already been pushed back a month) and i was exactly here a year and a half ago.

Only upside is that my mother's being really nice even though she's being terrible on the pronouns and name front. She's very keen on me starting hormone therapy, and has volunteered to drive me to Gent (a place in Belgium which has one of the most famous trans-related doctors and hospitals) so we can bully the doctor until I get my way but I told her that's not how it works. I appreciate the sentiment though.
I'm probably going to turn up the pressure on my therapist though because I hardly see him (he's never fucking in) and I'd like to transition before I die of old age.

nice to know your mum's being good about it though! even with the pronoun/name slip ups :B

eh i hope everything goes well for you man. i really do.

 

[shy ♡]

I've been seeing my guy since April and we've made absolutely no tangible progress because my high potential diagnosis (basically high IQ and terrible social shortcomings) means I'm 'emotionally immature' so I have to do a bunch of stupid bullshit now. I'm doing a Rorschach test in a couple of weeks and I'm booked for an appointment with a urologist for god knows what reason in fucking late November because she doesn't have any earlier dates.

I really recommend you try and find a different therapist, if you can, because a) that is utter bullshit and b) there are therapists who aren't bullshit. All it takes is a simple understanding that 'this person does not do social things + being prevented from transitioning causes social/general anxiety = stop them from transitioning' is not the best idea.

 

[Aletheia]

Whoops, I accidentally forgot about TCoD for a month and a half.

Anyhow. I managed to get myself set up with a therapist about a month ago, which has helped, I guess. It's certainly nice to have someone to open up to, even if he can't really help me with specific trans issues. He's currently on vacation for the next two weeks but after that we'll resume our sessions.

He also directed me to a therapist/doctor who does in fact specialize in trans individuals and their problems (but who does not take minors on for therapy for whatever reason), and who has his office just a few blocks away from him somehow. Yay, coincidence. I got an appointment with him about halfway through August, which isn't really all that far away.

Mom keeps worrying about (read: trying to pressure me into not transitioning) a kidney disease I suffer from, which could potentially make HRT a bit dangerous? Though I don't think testosterone blockers should really be that much of a problem, right?

Either way, anything my parents say is poison and cannot be taken seriously :B

So yeah. Things are getting better. I even seem to have managed to put a two-month-long suicidal phase behind me.

wait crap did I forget to tell TCoD about my suicidal thoughts too

 

[Byrus]

Hi TCOD. I had my top surgery on Tuesday. =] Everything went fine; I only had to keep the drains in for a day, and stayed overnight in the hospital after the surgery. I stayed an extra day in the hotel to rest, then flew out the next day.

I'm still bandaged up pretty heavily right now, but the pain isn't so bad. It was mostly the travelling on the way back that was the worst. I'm getting the first dressings off in a week, so I'm definitely looking forward to that; these bandages feel like clamps. I'll probably post photos or something after I'm completely healed.

 

[Lorem Ipsum]

Some questions about FtMness that I've been wondering about - what proportion of people decide to go for full bottom surgery? And of those, what proportion go for metoidioplasty and which for phalloplasty? Which is the better option? And what is the future looking like for bottom surgery in terms of medical advancements?

 

[shy ♡]

Some questions about FtMness that I've been wondering about - what proportion of people decide to go for full bottom surgery? And of those, what proportion go for metoidioplasty and which for phalloplasty? Which is the better option? And what is the future looking like for bottom surgery in terms of medical advancements?

How are we supposed to answer these? I'm pretty sure there haven't been any surveys done. And for the last question, really, how should anyone know how the future looks?

 

[Lorem Ipsum]

You misunderstand - I'm not asking for like, percentages, I'm just asking out of a desire to understand what is generally seen as the better option or what developments are there at the moment, as I'm certain that a lot of people here know infinitely more about what's going on than I do.

 

[Jolty]

Hi TCOD. I had my top surgery on Tuesday. =] Everything went fine; I only had to keep the drains in for a day, and stayed overnight in the hospital after the surgery. I stayed an extra day in the hotel to rest, then flew out the next day.

I'm still bandaged up pretty heavily right now, but the pain isn't so bad. It was mostly the travelling on the way back that was the worst. I'm getting the first dressings off in a week, so I'm definitely looking forward to that; these bandages feel like clamps. I'll probably post photos or something after I'm completely healed.

congrats!!!

how long are you needing to rest for? and are you able to do things by yourself or do you have to be helped? if you don't mind me asking anyway, i'm just curious about the recovery process and stuff :B

as for lorem's questions
i just hear that "a lot" of people /don't/ have lower surgery, and that meta is a lot less complicated than phallo. however the results of phallo resemble cis genitals more than meta's do. no idea about the amount of people that have either though
i'm still really frickin early into transition (as in still waiting for the goddamn t letter) so someone else would probably know way more than i do.

 

[ultraviolet]

Hi TCOD. I had my top surgery on Tuesday. =] Everything went fine; I only had to keep the drains in for a day, and stayed overnight in the hospital after the surgery. I stayed an extra day in the hotel to rest, then flew out the next day.

I'm still bandaged up pretty heavily right now, but the pain isn't so bad. It was mostly the travelling on the way back that was the worst. I'm getting the first dressings off in a week, so I'm definitely looking forward to that; these bandages feel like clamps. I'll probably post photos or something after I'm completely healed.

wow, that's really great. congrats! hope you recover okay.

 

[Byrus]

congrats!!!

how long are you needing to rest for? and are you able to do things by yourself or do you have to be helped? if you don't mind me asking anyway, i'm just curious about the recovery process and stuff :B

For the first 4 days or so I was a bit sore and just wanted to take it easy. My mum had to help me out during that time. I was surprised by how quickly I began to feel better though, and after about 6 days I was almost back to normal. I can walk around just fine and make tea and do other light tasks, though I still can't lift anything too heavy. Running is also a bit painful, so I have to keep it down to a light jog.

Getting the main bandages off was a bit nasty. I was still numb, so I basically felt this intense burning sensation. I also thought they were gonna tear my nipples off, haha. It turned out OK though, just tough it out and it's worth it. Christ, I was stinking though; I was embarrassed and apologized to the nurses about it, but they just laughed it off. I couldn't wash or shower properly because of the thickness of my bandages, so I felt really gross.

Now I have to wear a surgical compression vest for about six more weeks as I heal up.

Some questions about FtMness that I've been wondering about - what proportion of people decide to go for full bottom surgery? And of those, what proportion go for metoidioplasty and which for phalloplasty? Which is the better option? And what is the future looking like for bottom surgery in terms of medical advancements?

I actually found a survey a while ago, but I lost the link. Still, I think most go for the meto because of the huge price differences. I'd say Phalloplasty is better though, and it's what I'm aiming for in the future. It tends to get a bad rap, but I think the lack of information plays a big part in that. Surgeons are getting much better at making the penis look more realistic; such as sculpting the head and tattooing on other details.

As for as the future goes, this article seems pretty promising.

One of the transmen in my support group is in his forties, and has had top and bottom surgery done, so he's been a great help to the younger transguys in helping them decide what's right for them. I think it pays to get a lot of this information directly from people who have had the actual surgeries.

I also have a booklet on bottom surgery that my therapist gave me; it's pretty damn helpful and gives every little details on how phalloplasty is preformed. Gotta say, it's a lot better than any information I've found on the net. If any other transguys would find it helpful, I'd be happy to scan it in sometime when my scanner isn't borked.

wow, that's really great. congrats! hope you recover okay.

Thanks! :)

 

[Vladimir Putin's LJ]

Congratulations, Byrus, that's great news! Who did you do it with?
I'll probably be getting mine done in Gent with Monstrey's team, they have really top results and I'm pretty surprised they're so unknown tbh. Just mentioning it for guys who might be looking into top surgery in Europe, I was looking at the US for so long but honestly Monstrey's team is roughly as good as most of what you'll find there (check out the photos in these threads)
Anyway hooray.

eh i hope everything goes well for you man. i really do.

Thanks, I hope things go well for you too. I'm very sorry to hear about the trouble you've had so-far, the UK seems good with name and gender changes (I have to wait until my hysterectomy before I can alter my Dutch documents, though the Portuguese side is fine as long as I have a diagnosis) but the actual therapy sounds kind of dodgy sometimes, I don't know though, they're very different systems!

I really recommend you try and find a different therapist, if you can, because a) that is utter bullshit and b) there are therapists who aren't bullshit. All it takes is a simple understanding that 'this person does not do social things + being prevented from transitioning causes social/general anxiety = stop them from transitioning' is not the best idea.

My therapist and I are okay now, really, (we've had A TALK) it's more of a question of getting all the pre-requisites done :v I have to see a bunch of his colleagues before he can prescribe hormones. I've already been to one, and I have to go see a different therapist to get a third opinion, then a physical in November. They've had to make it harder because people were detransitioning and trying to take them to court so they want to make sure you're actually trans.

Some questions about FtMness that I've been wondering about - what proportion of people decide to go for full bottom surgery? And of those, what proportion go for metoidioplasty and which for phalloplasty? Which is the better option? And what is the future looking like for bottom surgery in terms of medical advancements?

(slight TMI)
Byrus replied to this pretty well. I'm not getting mine done in the near future because I'd like to give it a little time, but I'd rather get a meto (and I can get a phallo done in the future if I change my mind, though that's obviously not the mindset you want to have) since I'd like it to react as naturally as possible and you don't get erections on your own with a phallo, as far as I'm aware?
For which is better it really depends on your priorities and what would alleviate your dysphoria more. It also depends on what downstairs growth you get while on T, I'm already on the large side naturally so I've got hopes but we'll see.

 

[Aletheia]

I'm curious*- how many trans* girls does TCoD have?

*(and just a tiny bit lonely)

 

[Byrus]

Congratulations, Byrus, that's great news! Who did you do it with?
I'll probably be getting mine done in Gent with Monstrey's team, they have really top results and I'm pretty surprised they're so unknown tbh. Just mentioning it for guys who might be looking into top surgery in Europe, I was looking at the US for so long but honestly Monstrey's team is roughly as good as most of what you'll find there (check out the photos in these threads)
Anyway hooray.

Miles Berry of Cosmetic surgery Partners. Gotta say, he's a pretty awesome guy that really knows his stuff. Got a lot of good recommendations for him and his team.

I'm really pleased with the results, and I can't wait until I can take this vest up for good. I was worried I might get unlucky with scarring, but there's only a small indentation under my nipple that you can barely see, so it worked out great.

I'm curious*- how many trans* girls does TCoD have?

*(and just a tiny bit lonely)

Grimdour, Rainbow Dashie and Saith I believe. They haven't been active in the thread lately though.

 

[Zexion]

I have good and bad news (good is personal, bad is... well, bad)

Bad: This.
Good: I told 2 more people I am bi. One is homophobic. The other, as it turns out, is the same way as I am. Both accepted it and I feel a lot happier that I told more people.

 

[Aletheia]

Hey, QUILTBAG. How's the world been treating you.

In three days I get to meet with a practitioner of dark magic the only specialist for transgender people in this town. He doesn't do any surgery but he does administer hormones (eventually...) and can even help me with things like getting my gender marker changed.

Presumably our first meeting will involve me introducing myself to him and telling him about me and maybe he'll even be kind enough to remind me that transitioning is going to take me 287419 years, hooray.

Still, things are happening. That's something, I suppose.

 

[octobr]

wow so i haven't been around here a lot and i've been putting off posting this for a while but i am real upset already tonight so might as well

i am pretty next to done with even trying to successfully Do the Trans* Thing because it's so frickin futile and it's such a waste of time

not in general just for me. it's like we're all in a big maze and it might take a while and a lot of twists and turns but eventually it's possible to reach the end except my route was drawn wrong and i can only reach dead ends

for someone who's in a pretty privileged place -- i mean, like, my school is pretty much fine with lgbt people so far as i can tell, and if i ask people to call me matt they do so no problem -- i have pretty few opportunities. most of it is just stuff that i have no way of changing. we've gotten into a real bind lately financially speaking ... mom just got a link card, which is what they give to people who receive financial help/food stamps in illinois, and a while ago my dad stopped paying maintenance and the lawyer has *yet* to do anything about it (there was going to be a court date yesterday but they cancelled it). i don't have a summer job or anything and school stuff is always expensive, so i've never felt comfortable buying much of anything for myself, especially not things upwards of 30 dollars like binders and packers and the like. and like hell i'd ever be able to pay for hormones -- god i don't even like to think about how much therapy sessions cost, especially seeing as i generally waffle and don't tell her anything of import, hypocritical of me -- and i don't think i'd be able to talk to my mom about this let alone ask outright for something expensive that isn't absolutely necessary. i mean ... i only even own a binder because someone gave it to me as a birthday gift, but it doesn't even do much of anything. just kind of makes me more aware of what's wrong

before the summer started mom kept hinting that she was gonna try and get my name changed this summer, but. it all kinda went down the toilet. and it feels so fucking stupid because clover even went through all this effort to hepl me get it done but the lawyer is kind of an ass and she was so busy trying to say that my mom hadn't given her documents that we'd given her twice over that we couldn't even bring this up. money for living is kind of more important than a name change after all. i'm not even saying that like sarcastically or whatever, it really is.

and all that aside, too, i'm not exactly the most passable guy. i'm 5'3 with an eleven inch difference between my hips and waist and an hourglass figure. i've been asked twice this year if i was in seventh or eighth grade. i have a high pitched voice that goes higher when i'm excited. the last time i was gendered as male by a stranger was a few years ago. i have friends who accept me and use the right pronouns and everything, and that's fantastic, but it's not the same, i don't know, the whole immersion thing, the whole point of presenting male is just not there. cisgirls talk about being referred to as male more often than has happened to me. and i don't get it what am i doing wrong i have short hair i wear typically male clothes i even literally make a point of walking and acting 'male' why the hell doesn't this mystical concept of maleness apply to me

and sometimes i get to thinking about how even if i can change parts of me, even if i can lower my voice and get rid of my breasts, i'll never be able to get taller or even out my hips or waist or make my legs thinner so i can wear normal fucking pants. i know a guy who describes it as a loss that i have hips so well intended for birthing and yet no interest in children. what am i supposed to do, shave the bones down at the edges? if only. i can't change genetics.

i'm not trying for sympathy i'm not trying to be like oh i have it worse because that's bullshit i just. feel like i'm up against a wall and i don't know what the fuck to do. what the fuck i even *can* do

god i'm sorry that got... really long. egh. probably better for a stupid complaint thread than here anyway. sorry

 

[Worst Username Ever]

So, lately I've been thinking about my sexuality and realized I'm asexual! Well, I've been suspecting it for a while now but wasn't completely sure (pretty much since I learnt about asexuality a few years ago), but it wasn't until earlier this year that I realized that yeah, this is actually how I feel, it hasn't changed during these years, this is me. So well, it feels nice to finally have figured it out!

 

[surskitty]

So, lately I've been thinking about my sexuality and realized I'm asexual! Well, I've been suspecting it for a while now but wasn't completely sure (pretty much since I learnt about asexuality a few years ago), but it wasn't until earlier this year that I realized that yeah, this is actually how I feel, it hasn't changed during these years, this is me. So well, it feels nice to finally have figured it out!

Go team ace!

I probably worked that one out like six years ago but it's still true.

 

[Momo(th)]

So, lately I've been thinking about my sexuality and realized I'm asexual! Well, I've been suspecting it for a while now but wasn't completely sure (pretty much since I learnt about asexuality a few years ago), but it wasn't until earlier this year that I realized that yeah, this is actually how I feel, it hasn't changed during these years, this is me. So well, it feels nice to finally have figured it out!

Welcome to the group!