TMI Time: Virginity

[Minish]

Cultural assumptions, bro. Guys with lots of female friends are often seen as players. If nothing else, it's usually a sign that you're at least capable of socialising with women without scaring them off. Perhaps Chibispore didn't explain the point brilliantly, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt!

That said, men with lots of women friends are also often stereotyped as gay, so tbh you can't infer much from it. :P

The point is that saying something like that is gross and weird! Just because it makes sense for some people to believe stereotypes doesn't mean it's a good thing to do yourself or reinforce...

 

[Momo(th)]

Cultural assumptions, bro. Guys with lots of female friends are often seen as players. If nothing else, it's usually a sign that you're at least capable of socialising with women without scaring them off. Perhaps Chibispore didn't explain the point brilliantly, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt!

That said, men with lots of women friends are also often stereotyped as gay, so tbh you can't infer much from it. :P

That's exactly what I meant. People ask me, "Are you going out with any of them?" and when I say no, they look at me with disbelief, as if though there is no way a man an a woman can just be friends without any romance.

 

[nothing to see here]

Yeah... that's a common (and incredibly stupid) misconception, unfortunately. I've seriously seen people claim that a guy and a girl can never just be friends, and that somehow there will always be some sort of feelings involved beyond that... even though, if they actually looked, I'm sure they could find guys and girls who are friends without any other feelings between them. And they'd pretty much have to completely ignore the possibility of gay guys being friends with girls, or lesbians being friends with guys, or asexual people being friends with... anyone... for that idea to make any sense at all.

Just this past year I've had a couple of people assume that I had a girlfriend just because they saw me talking to the same girl at lunch a bunch of times. Most of my friends (and pretty much all of my closer friends) are girls... so me talking to a girl shouldn't be that unusual at all. But for some reason some people assume "guy + girl = dating or something" even if they didn't actually see anything besides two people talking.

 

[Jolty]

I've seriously seen people claim that a guy and a girl can never just be friends, and that somehow there will always be some sort of feelings involved beyond that...

But for some reason some people assume "guy + girl = dating or something" even if they didn't actually see anything besides two people talking.

my god this was the bane of my life for so long
through basically the entire 14 years i spent at school
people would still say this crap even when they knew i had girlfriends

so annoyiiiiing

 

[Autumn]

had an incident once where me and a guy friend were messing around (guy friend being bisexual tending more toward gay, me being bisexual tending more toward lesbian) and the guy's ex-girlfriend went up to my best friend and said "aaaaw, look at that. she totally likes him." my best friend said "no, no she doesn't." "look at that. she's chasing him around trying to kiss him on the head." (this was a response to him kissing me on the head several times over the past month. that's just the kind of thing he would do.) "no. i know who she likes." "who?" *best friend points at self*

sigh

oh and nowadays. i have a boyfriend who's slightly feminine and for the most part prefers the company of girls to guys. so he has a lot of girl friends and he messes around with them on a regular basis. but i know him well enough to know he means nothing by it and he doesn't like any of his other female friends like that. doesn't stop people from suggesting that he does and then him having to explain "no, i'm loyal to poly. just cause i talk to other girls does not mean i like them."

kinda obnoxious ><

 

[Butterfree]

A whole bunch of Shadey's friends are girls. When we met (aside from that time we were eleven and in the same math-for-gifted-children thing) he was the only guy at the table of girls that I ended up with, and since then he's befriended new girls on a regular basis. It's just how he rolls.

I think he's too much of a general teddy bear for anyone to honestly not see that it's platonic, but that could just be me and my complete lack of a jealousy gene.

 

[Tarvos]

I can be friends with girls, but try being friends with someone you damn well want to have sex with. It's pretty hard.

 

[ArtemisX]

but that could just be me and my complete lack of a jealousy gene.

I lack that gene as well. Which is fortunate because my fiancè lives halfway around the world. Unfortunately, he's also the super-jealous-insecure-I-hate-that-one-guy-you-slept-with-just-because-you-slept-with-him-before-we-started-dating type. Polar opposites.

 

[Autumn]

but that could just be me and my complete lack of a jealousy gene.

I lack that gene as well.

Same. xP

 

[Autumn]

I... never said they're not allowed to feel differently? What? I'm sorry if anyone got offended (though I also don't get why anyone would be offended by that post) but I literally do not understand forcing other people to wait for sex just because you set an arbitrary date. Of course, no one should pressure anyone into having a sexual relationship, but what I mean is: both parties are willing but the only reason they're not doing it is because marriage. Why?

It seems to me that people are creating their own problems by hyping up marriage as some sort of holy grail :v

yeah double posting but it's been a while and i've been wanting to respond to this for a while now

My (former) best friend wants to wait until marriage. She's not religious in the slightest - she's a hardcore atheist. I've asked before about her reasons for not wanting to have sex beforehand - she doesn't want to risk pregnancy or STD's, she says, which I think is a pretty dumb reason because it's not like the risk of pregnancy/STD's (does that imply she thinks her current boyfriend has STD's...?) magically goes away once you get married! I guess getting pregnant after marriage may not be as big a concern since you've made a commitment to the person so it's less likely they'll walk out on you??? I don't know her reason seems incredibly arbitrary and dumb.

And I can understand waiting until marriage/wanting to be a virgin forever when you're not already in a relationship. I told myself I'd never have sex with anyone - then my boyfriend asked me out. Seven months later and we're horny as fuck. That want to wait til marriage/remain a virgin forever can easily go away when you're in a relationship with someone you love and trust!

Thing is, though - said ex-best-friend is in a relationship. Four days ago was her year-anniversary with the kid. Yes, both of them are younger than me and my boyfriend - I turned seventeen in November, boyfriend turned sixteen in November, ex-best-friend turned sixteen in February, and her boyfriend turns sixteen this July - but not by enough that they'd necessarily still be in the whole "OH GOD SEX NO" stage that most freshmen/sophomores in high school are in.

But then, my boyfriend is a sophomore! A close friend of mine who had sex with his girlfriend last year is also a sophomore! That girl's current boyfriend is a sophomore! Not to mention that the sophomore I just mentioned (the close friend) participated in oral homosexual sex with another kid just a few days after they both finished their freshman year. And I'm not sure - being that he's completely fine with his gayness (yes he had sex with a girl, he's since realized that he is in fact gay) he may have gone farther but I don't know, I haven't asked in great detail about his sex life.

But I digress. What I'm trying to say is that the people in my circle don't treat teen sex like some horrible thing that has to wait until marriage or not be had at all or whatnot - hell my best friend actually hugged me when I told her I'd lost my virginity.

(Speaking of which, another close friend of mine lost it to guys she wasn't even dating her freshman year - she was fourteen! Don't get the wrong idea though it wasn't rape.)

But basically nobody in my circle frowns upon it. And yet, the ex-best-friend that is so insistent on waiting until marriage - she's been dating her boyfriend for a year. I'd been dating my boyfriend for a week shy of three months when we did it the first time, and the gay-guy-who-had-a-girlfriend - they did it after about three months as well.

And it's not even like ex-best-friend is all like "EW DON'T TOUCH ME" either - she's let her boyfriend just sort of rub his penis on her vagina without actually penetrating and we've had deep conversations about oral sex and such as well. She acts a bit like a slut outside of that, not getting nervous when guys get as far as blatantly grabbing her boobs during the nervous game, she didn't flinch in the slightest when I jokingly leaned in to kiss her (I once had a crush on her, haha) like three times, I mean she just does not care. what happens to her. And yet she's been dating her boyfriend for a year. Neither of them are incredibly religious. And she still wants to wait it out.

My boyfriend and I have noticed that the two of them subtly seem to be getting fed up with one another. Seeing as how we, and most everyone we know, desperately wants them to break up because they're both stupid bitches when they're in a relationship (why do you think I'm calling her my ex-best-friend? We're on good terms now but she's a hypocritical selfish brat really), we've often psychoanalyzed the two of them, and come to the conclusion that her boyfriend is sexually frustrated over not getting any from the girl that lets him touch her everywhere else and is quite possibly the only person in this universe who doesn't hate his guts (he's a narcissist, egotistical, pathological liar who doesn't understand that other people actually want him to shut the fuck up when they say shut the fuck up and prefers to keep bothering people rather than stop when they start ignoring him, and he's definitely got Asperger's to boot - I have Asperger's and I'm not saying it's a bad thing but knowing my own shortcomings I know that most of the time he is bothering people on purpose rather than just not knowing any better). We think she may have picked up on this (even subconsciously) and is getting annoyed right back at him for wanting it at all. Never mind the fact that he's a horny teenage boy who has a girlfriend that lets him touch her but won't let him penetrate but lets him get real damn close, never mind the fact that the most self-control in the world can even fall victim to raging hormones. He's not Catholic so he doesn't have the religious reason for wanting to wait, and if his brother (the gay-guy-with-a-girlfriend)'s actions are any indication he doesn't have the same viewpoint as his girlfriend, so it's understandable that he would get annoyed! They've been dating a year - which for a freshman/sophomore couple is a long time - and yet.

Yeah idk maybe people don't agree with what I'm saying but whatever, thought I'd throw it out there

 

[ShinyUmbreonX3]

I'm a guy, I'm a virgin, and well, that probably won't change for a long time. I'm currently at the point in my life where many people would say, "You're a fine young man surrounded by VERY fine young women, GO GET EM." When I tell people I'm not interested in ANYONE, they're like "WTF?" I won't go any further, though.

 

[Flora]

Five months later

still a virgin

though I did get kissed again does that count for anything

 

[Professor Wesker]

Yup, and I probably will always will be one. I don't care, anime and video game characters are so much better than "real" women.

 

[Murkrow]

When I tell people I'm not interested in ANYONE, they're like "WTF?" .

Yeah, I find generally people seem to assume "I'm not interested in anyone" means "I'm sour about being a virgin but won't admit it." Which is really sad, since they seem to think 'virgin' can cause 'not interested' but it can never ever be the other way around obvs.

 

[ultraviolet]

I don't care, anime and video game characters are so much better than "real" women.

wait, what?

 

[Music Dragon]

These so-called "real" women - how do we know they're actually real, huh?

 

[Tarvos]

I'm glad you made that post so I didn't have to.

As to the person who said "why do people assume I'm sour just because I am not getting any", my comment to that is the following. It's not about sexual needs or desires since these differ from person to person (generally asexual people exist. I have no idea as to how common they are, though, but I doubt it's an overwhelming part of the population).

But the thing is romantic relationships aren't necessarily about sex, nor do you have to be in a relationship to have one. But the problem is that we (or should I say I do) see it as being slightly naive. It's kind of a thing that you're like "I don't know what I'm missing out on!" And while sex can be overrated, the fact is, sex is just really really fun if you're doing it with the right partner! Because we're all having so much fun while having it, it means that the ones who aren't having it are seen as missing out!

It's perfectly okay to be asexual, but you have to be very well aware that that's a very small part of the population and for the huge majority of people, there exists sexual and romantic attraction. Nobody should judge you if you have no libido, but most young people (especially people that are insecure about their relationships with other people, and people that wonder if they can be loved for who they are, introverted people, people who mature late sexually) are also just scared of attachment. This is perfectly normal and it's okay to wait until you're ready, because it's still your body and nobody can force you to do anything you don't want.

I didn't lose my virginity as a teenager. I was, what, 20, when I lost it???? I didn't have a long-term girlfriend until I was 19 or 20 and I didn't lose my virginity until I was that age either and I'm just fine sexually. Some people take a while to be secure enough that they can handle a relationship like grown-up people or simply view relationships as being a hassle (and they can be at times!)

What's really the most important during sex is that it's a FUN activity that you derive joy from for whatever reason (you like the physicality, being close to someone you love, etc). I also enjoy sexual activity just because it gives me a chance to make someone I love happy!

 

[Autumn]

Yup, and I probably will always will be one. I don't care, anime and video game characters are so much better than "real" women.

I swear to God if you make another post like that stereotyping an entire gender shit's gonna go down

seriously where do you get off thinking you can say something as horribly sexist as that

 

[Jolty]

Yup, and I probably will always will be one. I don't care, anime and video game characters are so much better than "real" women.

what makes you say that?


also tarvos' (almost called you altmer there haha) post is a good post yes.

I kinda really want to lose my virginity like now, since I am frustrated a LOT of the time and I guess actually having sex is a better way to deal with it than doing it yourself
but
I honestly don't even know if I'd be able to do anything with anyone at the moment because my body is all wrong and I am still waiting to be allowed to "fix" it a bit. And the wait for that will be entirely worth it.

 

[goldenquagsire]

no longer a virgin! but I'm rather surprised to find that what people said about it not meaning that much is true. sure, the first time was fun but I don't really feel any different now than I did before. :/

I guess there's the small self-confidence boost of "oh well so I'm not so ugly/socially inept that I can't get laid" but...
on the other hand, it *is* kind of funny that now that I have had a steady gf for a couple of months, friends who I previously thought were way better with women than I was have actually come to me asking for relationship advice (apparently more of my friends are virgins than I thought...)

Yup, and I probably will always will be one. I don't care, anime and video game characters are so much better than "real" women.

dear lord, I didn't think people like this existed outside of 4chan...

for the sake of argument, care to explain why your waifus are better than real women?