The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

[Aobaru]

Can asexual people still have sex and enjoy it? Because I was watching Dexter and he's pretty much asexual, but he has sex with like three women (of course, choose women) over the course of the show.

 

[shy ♡]

Can asexual people still have sex and enjoy it? Because I was watching Dexter and he's pretty much asexual, but he has sex with like three women (of course, choose women) over the course of the show.

Yes, asexual people can have sex and enjoy it. As for Dexter, I consider him to be demisexual.

 

[Harlequin]

Demisexual...?

In other news I'm twenty. JS.

 

[Diz]

Tennis is a good way to lose weight.

Go to the movies with him!,

And if you get the chance, just have a heart to heart talk with him. Find out if he does like you back! Or ask some of his other friends?

 

[....]

Mom: You don't wish you were a boy, right?
Me: I do.

Mom: You're not gonna be one of those people who gets a sex change, are you?
Me: ...no

:(

 

[MentheLapin]

My mom made me get a haircut so I can't style it like I used to, because that style was slightly camp, or that's what I seem to be getting from her.

Another step back from ever coming out, I guess.

 

[Aobaru]

On the negative side though (i.e. he doesn't like me back), he still goes on about other guys he fancies, some of them more than others, and seems constantly to reinforce the type of guy he likes - myself not fitting the characteristic of having a "perfectly toned body" (which btw I'm trying to amend over the summer - would tennis be a good way to lose weight?). Derp, QUILTBAG, I'm in need of your help once again. What's your advice?

So happy for you, Lorem! :3

Yes, tennis is a great aerobic exercise that will help you lose weight~ Along with running, walking, biking, swimming etc. Plus, it makes you feel really good about yourself afterwards! :D

In other news:

The New York state Assembly approved same-sex marriage on Wednesday and the bill is likely to face a vote in the Senate on Friday, where it only needs support from one more senator to pass.

link

 

[Valerunner]

Okay, may as well.

Lorem, he's either a) suggesting that you tone up, or b) suggesting that you make a move.

He's baiting you. If he's going on about how he loves fit guys and yet talks to you like a lovesick puppy, he could be waiting for you to ask if you're his type. Or that he'd prefer that you were toned. Either way, no man, gay or straight, talks about his outings with a friend to his parents like he sounds like he does.

BUT ANYWAY. Here's my dilemma.

I think I may be trans. Yup, that's right. The guy with the metal winged skull on his signature may be trans. BUT it's not that easy. I've accepted my crossdressing, hell I even went out in cosplay as the Baroness in the London Expo last year. Didn't last long since the heels killed me. But anyway. I also like being a man. I still like being that loud, wild-haired guy everyone knows.

So far my decision has been to go part-time once I head off to university. I've had enough practice (since 11, I think?), but I have these moments where I think it's just a fad; an after-effect of frequenting 4chan. It's not even a sexual thing, either. I've no idea on this, but at the same time I'm dead set. There's also the problem of breaking it to my roommates. Of course, my parents will never EVER find out about this, since I don't plan on going full-time just yet.

So, thoughts?

 

[Eloi]

I think I may be trans. Yup, that's right. The guy with the metal winged skull on his signature may be trans. BUT it's not that easy. I've accepted my crossdressing, hell I even went out in cosplay as the Baroness in the London Expo last year. Didn't last long since the heels killed me. But anyway. I also like being a man. I still like being that loud, wild-haired guy everyone knows.

There is plenty of boisterous women, your personality is not a component of your gender identity, its just your personality. If you are a loud, wild-haired person, that doesn't matter as far as your gender goes. So, be that girl with the metal winged skill on her signature if you feel that is who you are.

So far my decision has been to go part-time once I head off to university. I've had enough practice (since 11, I think?), but I have these moments where I think it's just a fad; an after-effect of frequenting 4chan. It's not even a sexual thing, either. I've no idea on this, but at the same time I'm dead set. There's also the problem of breaking it to my roommates. Of course, my parents will never EVER find out about this, since I don't plan on going full-time just yet.

Well, the most important thing you want to do is not wait. Don't wait around. Male-gendered behaviors and ways of carrying yourself sink very deep, and get harder to unlearn, as the body decays into a form you dislike (assuming you have some body dysphoria). So yeah. Passive angst is relatively more deadly than passionate action.

 

[shy ♡]

Okay, may as well.

Lorem, he's either a) suggesting that you tone up, or b) suggesting that you make a move.

He's baiting you. If he's going on about how he loves fit guys and yet talks to you like a lovesick puppy, he could be waiting for you to ask if you're his type. Or that he'd prefer that you were toned. Either way, no man, gay or straight, talks about his outings with a friend to his parents like he sounds like he does.

BUT ANYWAY. Here's my dilemma.

I think I may be trans. Yup, that's right. The guy with the metal winged skull on his signature may be trans. BUT it's not that easy. I've accepted my crossdressing, hell I even went out in cosplay as the Baroness in the London Expo last year. Didn't last long since the heels killed me. But anyway. I also like being a man. I still like being that loud, wild-haired guy everyone knows.

So far my decision has been to go part-time once I head off to university. I've had enough practice (since 11, I think?), but I have these moments where I think it's just a fad; an after-effect of frequenting 4chan. It's not even a sexual thing, either. I've no idea on this, but at the same time I'm dead set. There's also the problem of breaking it to my roommates. Of course, my parents will never EVER find out about this, since I don't plan on going full-time just yet.

So, thoughts?

If it's only some of the time, you could be bigender. Also! It doesn't really have to do with how you dress! I'm totally a dude and I like heels and stuff! I guess that's considered crossdressing but I just don't believe clothing has a gender.

 

[Valerunner]

Here's the thing: my personality is that of a loud-mouthed guy. Emphasis on the guy. I've gone into what people call girlmode, and it's horribly unnatural in that state. Like one aspect of my personality shifts to another whenever I get into that girlmode type of thinking, and I don't even have to consciously switch. Basically, I can't be my current self as a girl, I have to switch into another.

I don't think it's delved into dissociative personality disorder just yet, because I still feel like me when I switch, just a different me.

 

[shy ♡]

Here's the thing: my personality is that of a loud-mouthed guy. Emphasis on the guy. I've gone into what people call girlmode, and it's horribly unnatural in that state. Like one aspect of my personality shifts to another whenever I get into that girlmode type of thinking, and I don't even have to consciously switch. Basically, I can't be my current self as a girl, I have to switch into another.

I don't think it's delved into dissociative personality disorder just yet, because I still feel like me when I switch, just a different me.

Okay, I'm gonna try and decode what you're saying, because it's confusing me a bit. There is no such thing as a 'guy' personality. I'm not sure what you're saying here - that your personality feels like a guy, or that you do guy things? I don't understand. Because you can do things that are 'guy things', and be a girl, or vice versa. I am stereotypically very girly. But that doesn't matter! You can be yourself as a girl. You can be yourself as a guy. It's not what you do, it's how you feel.

If you're saying that you don't feel like a girl the way you are now - then that's fine! Understandable. Maybe you feel like a girl at some times and not others. That probably means you are bigender. If you are saying you can't be a girl now because you do things that are too masculine? That's just incorrect.

Please clarify yourself! I'm confused. I'm pretty sure what you're saying is you are not female now, but you are sometimes. Yes?

Also, just to jump onto a whole other issue, DID is a very controversial diagnoses and I'm pretty sure you don't have it because most people who are diagnosed with it disagree with the diagnoses and don't think it is a disorder at all. But that is another issue, yay.

 

[Valerunner]

My personality right now feels like a guy personality. As in I don't feel like a girl. At all. Like I said, I have a switch. As a girl, I can comfortably do "guy things" like belch, but I feel like I have to be one or the other at times. I think it is a case of being bigender.

Still, there's the case of dealing with it. I can't just waltz into the University dorms wearing my overcoat and come out wearing my sundress or vice versa without anyone noticing. How do people "come out"? Hell, the bigender thing hasn't even sunk in properly yet.

 

[shy ♡]

Hmm. Yeah. It is definitely difficult to deal with. My suggestion is to let it er, sink in for a while, and think about it, and see what you want to do in terms of telling people. Generally, I choose to tell people if the dysphoria is getting too difficult for me not to tell them, or if there is a specific requirement I need from them, i.e.... I need help from them in some issue - like if I were in uni, for some sort of opposite-sex housing. Oh, and coming out is, for me at least, always difficult - especially if it's something people haven't heard of, and being bigender is something many people haven't heard of.

Otherwise you could also try like, looking stuff up online, in terms of bigender/trans support. Which is always helpful.

 

[Shiny Grimer]

I... still dont know wat it means to feel like a certain qender.

Like, sometimes I feel like I sould ave been born a male, but dat as to do more wit societal expectations and suc dan any innate maleness (if suc a tinq exists). I am female and I quess I identify as a woman, but I dont feel like a woman.

Ive never found a qood explanation for dis. All de posts by trans people dat Ive read o <o, I just am a woman/man> but I dont know wat it means to be a woman or a man. A lot of trans women like wearin make up and doin stereotypically qirly tinqs, but dats te tinq - stereotypical. I dont tink beinq a woman means doinq traditionally feminine tinqs, nor beinq a man means doinq traditionally masculine tinqs. My womanliness is defined by my qenitals. If tomorrow I woke up in a male body, I wouldnt keep sayinq Im a woman because... I dont feel like my womanliness as to do wit any part of me.

Ive tried readinq trou some posts ere but dis tread is 11 paqes and not all of dem are about beinq trans so if ders anyone wo could elp me understand, I would really appreciate it. And I mean trans like, you were assiqned male at birt but you are a woman, sometinq like dat. Wat does beinq a woman or a man mean?

 

[Eloi]

Well, its kind of defining in negatives. You know you *aren't* the gender you were born as because being that gender feels wrong. As in, your body doesn't match up to your aesthetic standards because you don't have the standards for that type of body being imposed on it, but instead, of the gender you feel you are for some reason. Your behaviors, unlearned behaviors mind you, are frowned upon because they aren't meshing with the gender you were born in because you are the gender you feel you are by default, deep inside.

And then as your life progresses, you start to feel wrong. Very wrong. Socializing with people isn't even something you want to do anymore it feels so wrong. Total isolation is preferable to those wrong feelings. However, that wrong feeling has a counterpart: a right feeling about another gender.

You feel happy when you are your gender (hence why many trans* people do stereotypical things; not because they feel they have to, or they do them and thus they think they are trans*, they do them because gender expression is something kept from them so long that doing stereotypical things are a pleasure to do so long as they are not detrimental overall)- which you may discover this happy feeling of being associated with the gender by other people gendering you as what you feel you are before you come out or role-playing as the gender you feel you are in childhood fantasies - and this happy feeling can be thus expounded upon to make you feel right by universally presenting yourself as the gender that you feel you are makes you happy. And since this doesn't actively harm anyone unless they choose to believe it does without any cause to do so, I don't see the reason why trans* people can't live as the gender they are comfortable as, regardless of origin.

 

[Shiny Grimer]

As in, your body doesn't match up to your aesthetic standards because you don't have the standards for that type of body being imposed on it, but instead, of the gender you feel you are for some reason.

I understand not likinq de body you were born wit, but dat wasnt wat I was talkin about. Der are women assiqned male at birt wo dont qo trou surqery because dey are apparently okay wit deir body but feel like dey are women.

Your behaviors, unlearned behaviors mind you, are frowned upon because they aren't meshing with the gender you were born in because you are the gender you feel you are by default, deep inside.

Dis seems more like a problem wit society. All de times I wanted to be a boy, it was because society qave boys a better not deal. Doesnt dis mean dat if all of a sudden, society became totally acceptable wit deir beavior, dat deyd be okay?

You feel happy when you are your gender (hence why many trans* people do stereotypical things; not because they feel they have to, or they do them and thus they think they are trans*, they do them because gender expression is something kept from them so long that doing stereotypical things are a pleasure to do so long as they are not detrimental overall)- which you may discover this happy feeling of being associated with the gender by other people gendering you as what you feel you are before you come out or role-playing as the gender you feel you are in childhood fantasies -

But dats wat I dont understand. Wy qo <I am a boy> instead of <I enjoy tinqs artificially assiqned only to boys>? (like I said, I am talkin about people wo are okay wit deir bodies and dont ave a particular desire to underqo surqery) Wy not do away wit de idea of qender? Ultimately Id muc rater live in a society were I can do wat I want reqardless of my qenitals. It just sounds like tradinq one set of qender roles for anoter dat you appen to be more comfortable wit.

To see if yuo can understand my confusion, take a person assiqned male wo enjoys activities traditionally male. No traditionally female activities. owever, dey identify as a woman. Wat does dis mean? Wat does beinq a woman mean to dat person?

 

[Jolty]

ignoring the fact that your typing is giving me a headache......

so
a person with xy chromosomes enjoys "male" activities but identifies as a woman
identifying as whatever doesn't have anything to do with what you enjoy or don't enjoy, but just what /you/ feel you are

you can do the manliest things ever and still feel like a woman, and vice versa
it is hard to explain but it's just how your brain works I spose.

 

[Eloi]

I understand not likinq de body you were born wit, but dat wasnt wat I was talkin about. Der are women assiqned male at birt wo dont qo trou surqery because dey are apparently okay wit deir body but feel like dey are women.

There's a lot more to your body than your genitalia, and Genitalia Reconstruction Surgery is not magical, its bloody expensive, and may leave a lot to be desired.

Dis seems more like a problem wit society. All de times I wanted to be a boy, it was because society qave boys a better not deal. Doesnt dis mean dat if all of a sudden, society became totally acceptable wit deir beavior, dat deyd be okay?

I said behaviors that *aren't learned*. As in, I just do feminine things without consciously doing so. I would also like to note that no trans* person gets a boost in social status from transition. They all drop very low on the social hierarchy, so that is not a motive at all.

But dats wat I dont understand. Wy qo <I am a boy> instead of <I enjoy tinqs artificially assiqned only to boys>?

Because its not artificially assigned, and its not just activities, its your entire identity one has feelings about.

(like I said, I am talkin about people wo are okay wit deir bodies and dont ave a particular desire to underqo surqery)

Like I said, there is more to your body than your genitalia.

Wy not do away wit de idea of qender?

Because there is no way to do so that has presented itself in practical life?

Ultimately Id muc rater live in a society were I can do wat I want reqardless of my qenitals.

Me too, ..., me too.

It just sounds like tradinq one set of qender roles for anoter dat you appen to be more comfortable wit.

Yes, but the gender identity comes first, the roles and activities usually follow, not the other way around.

To see if yuo can understand my confusion, take a person assiqned male wo enjoys activities traditionally male. No traditionally female activities. owever, dey identify as a woman. Wat does dis mean? Wat does beinq a woman mean to dat person?

Again, gender identity comes first, roles and activities *usually* follow, but if they don't, that's okay, as gender identity is the only thing that matters for purpose of gender identification.

 

[Eclipse]

Sorry to randomly pop up like this, but I need some help. This explains it pretty much but just in case tl;dr, my family are anti-gay Christians, and I am trying to convince them that I am justified in believing I can still be a Christian and support gay rights. Help?