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The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

Lady Grimdour

Chaptermistress of the World Eaters
Just wanted to post here for advice, and probably because I liked reliving it.

Okay, so as said in the Laughing Cupboard, I went out en femme, with fishnets, heels and a leotard to a University social and got neutral to a good response. One guy even wanted to take me to his flat "to show me off to his flatmates". Kept telling me I reminded him of this girl he met at the London Expo. Huh. I also got honked at, and apparently, I had impressive legs.

So now I enjoyed all the attention, not to mention I actually felt more "me", but at the same time tonight I went out as normal, did a karaoke night thing at the union and still felt "me", but like a different me. It's like DPD, but just for gender.

Plus, I found out my bunkmate's an open homophobe.

So the question lies; where the hell do I stand now? I want to delve deeper into my girlmode after that spectacle, but at the same time I really don't want to go fulltime as female. And also how do I deal with my bunkmate? He still doesn't know, but he questioned, no interrogated me about being gay when I told him about the night.
 

Zero Moment

Vinyl Scratch
Pronoun
He
Just wanted to post here for advice, and probably because I liked reliving it.

Okay, so as said in the Laughing Cupboard, I went out en femme, with fishnets, heels and a leotard to a University social and got neutral to a good response. One guy even wanted to take me to his flat "to show me off to his flatmates". Kept telling me I reminded him of this girl he met at the London Expo. Huh. I also got honked at, and apparently, I had impressive legs.

So now I enjoyed all the attention, not to mention I actually felt more "me", but at the same time tonight I went out as normal, did a karaoke night thing at the union and still felt "me", but like a different me. It's like DPD, but just for gender.

Plus, I found out my bunkmate's an open homophobe.

So the question lies; where the hell do I stand now? I want to delve deeper into my girlmode after that spectacle, but at the same time I really don't want to go fulltime as female. And also how do I deal with my bunkmate? He still doesn't know, but he questioned, no interrogated me about being gay when I told him about the night.
Can you ask for a different roomate or something?
 

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it.
Cause it was such a small post I looked it over by accident. :(
Please don't be mad.

But that is fucking stupid.
 

Lady Grimdour

Chaptermistress of the World Eaters
It's hard to sense helpless compassion and not caring on a message board, I mean the whole forum is basically a hivemind when it comes to these things, but as Byrus said, there's nothing we can really do other than sympathize. I'm sorry if that seemed like we don't care.

On the bright side, if the government's banned the event, then that means it's rustling a few feathers. And that means publicity. The media will watch this closely now, and in time, there will be change. There's a quote I heard somewhere; "first they ignore you, then they fight you, then you win".

Which reminds me, I've just realized how bad my situation with my bunkmate is: when the girls upstairs asked him what if his children end up gay, he outright said he won't. And if his sister were to become gay, their dad will, not might, disown her. I can simply not tell him, but I'm still wondering what will happen when he finds out. I'm not scared that he'll assault me or anything, it's just that apart from the homophobia, he's not that bad of a person. I just don't know where to tread here.
 

Automata heart

a skirt full of scamper and a head full of vodka
Um hi. After some thought and googling, I have found I identify with being pansexual. (if anyone is unsure, For me itmeans I am gender blind.) Please look after me.
 

Saith

New member
So I came out to my (junkie/abusive/paedophile) dad last night to spite him and... He accepted me.

I came out to one of my best friends who's stuck with me through thick and thin and has never left my side and... He punched me.

Fuck, I'm so confused.
 

Byrus

Strange days ahead
Has he shown himself to be transphobic before? Either way, I'm really sorry that happened, and I hope you can make it up with him. Sometimes people come round to these sort of things. Best of luck to you.
 

Vladimir Putin's LJ

your blood flows through my veins
I came out on Facebook since I want to start the whole 'getting hormones asap' thing into gear and I'm not sure what the procedure is in Belgium (and possibly the UK).

I'd already come out to my closest friends and they were all great with it, and my mother knows and is incredibly supportive, but one of the comments I got on FB was:

'lol you will always be a girl to me.'

I guess it's a little silly to be kind of upset about it, but I'm not sure how to respond. It's hard enough just being trans without having annoying people saying this sort of actually really hurtful shit.
I just want to ask him why he can't just be polite even if he doesn't understand it, but argh. I'm not in tears or anything but it just kind of feels bad? Especially since it's a phrase you hear in bad literature a lot and I thought people were past it really.

Saith: I'm so sorry that happened. Has he shown signs of accepting you, or do you know why he did that?
 

Diz

Overdosing on placebos
Depending on the person, I obviously don't know him, he could just be commenting on how it'll take him some time to get used to your changing appearance. I don't think it was intentionally meant to be hurtful, though you took it that way.
 

surskitty

「にがいのは いやだ」って…
Pronoun
they
I came out on Facebook since I want to start the whole 'getting hormones asap' thing into gear and I'm not sure what the procedure is in Belgium (and possibly the UK).

I'd already come out to my closest friends and they were all great with it, and my mother knows and is incredibly supportive, but one of the comments I got on FB was:

'lol you will always be a girl to me.'

I guess it's a little silly to be kind of upset about it, but I'm not sure how to respond. It's hard enough just being trans without having annoying people saying this sort of actually really hurtful shit.
I just want to ask him why he can't just be polite even if he doesn't understand it, but argh. I'm not in tears or anything but it just kind of feels bad? Especially since it's a phrase you hear in bad literature a lot and I thought people were past it really.
Ughhh. If you need internet hugs, I can provide :|b


@DIZ: Intent is not magic. It's not like that's a difficult thing to realise is something that is not appropriate to say.
 

Minish

*
Pronoun
they
So I went to a trans* ed thing run by the uni LGBT society and it was pretty good! I was sceptical since in recent years I haven't really been bothered about attending LGBT events since I figured they'd be pretty overbearing, but this was great and for the first time since coming to university here, I felt like maybe the people around me could be good friends!

There was a presentation about trans* issues and terminology, and it was very much focused on trans* rather than just transgenderism, which was what I was anticipating. Seems all the organisers are not gender-normative, and relayed their experiences (like with using toilets here at university and how being trans* at uni has been in general) and it was genuinely interesting and enjoyable. And it felt so comfortable. They asked me what pronouns I use!!!! Some people asked me to join their work group eeeee and the head organiser person was like ! you have an odd number for pairs I guess I'll join in hi! so you're Cirrus hi what pronouns do you use! Spivak I don't see those used much any more yay hi I like zie/hir! :D I have never been asked that irl ever.

I had really high hopes for going there but I didn't expect that!! I talked with some people there and while there was a lot of "grrrr gender is just a social construct boo!" in my group and some of the other people were clearly really new to trans* issues (a few of them asked odd questions) but oh my god the organisers were so good at answering them and keeping their cool and being great about it! I worried things might be scary and uncomfortable because they might say silly stuff but the presentation (it was a pretty long thing, like a few hours?) got pretty much everything was right and good. Yes.

So. That was a really, really good experience and I feel so much better at uni now, knowing there are a whole bunch of trans* people here and serious, dedicated LGBTQ uni community. Yay, yay, yay!! (I'm sorry for those who haven't had such good experiences at uni, I just wanted to relay my good experience! :C I'm genuinely curious as to how other unis are about this kind of thing? I only heard about this through a Facebook invite so I guess it was a pretty low-key thing, hm.)
 

Harlequin

New member
Um! Cirrus I have some things to relate!! Cardiff's LGBT+ Association (that's the political and campaign wing of the society) have been really good about trans* issues lately! They've managed to get gender-neutral toilets installed in the Union!! And some other campaigns. We're having a "Trans Forum and Workshop" on Sunday, too, and that's been organised by a trans member of the committee! The society doesn't have many trans* members but that's apparently because a lot of the trans* people here prefer to blend and so on (there was a survey last year apparently?) but I know of at least one trans* person who's on the committee! It seems like there's a pretty good atmosphere really.

The society itself is really great too! Everyone is nice and friendly and there's a really serious political and activism side to it, too. I think the focus this year is on bisexual and trans* issues, because in recent years it's just been gay gay gay. There's an "Out in Sport" focus group tomorrow, too! I only recently became involved with the society and its stuffs because I assumed it just wouldn't be the sort of place I'd enjoy, but it's really quite nice! They also have a non-drinking social every Saturday (the Saturday coffee morning social!!) which is great because I like to meet people and do things that don't involve alcohol.

Also apparently the society is doing an LGBT+ naked calendar which is like, supposedly the first one ever or something? Like there've been gay calendars and lesbian calendars and so on and so forth, but none that try to encompass everyone in the LGBT+ area. Which is cool. Also apparently I have to participate in that. Um. :D?
 

Vladimir Putin's LJ

your blood flows through my veins
Thanks for the comments, everyone.

Honestly, does it really matter what his friend personally sees him as as long as the friend treats him like he wants to be treated/refers to him with the pronouns he pefers to be called by?
I honestly wouldn't mind what he thought as long as he did treat me as I wish to be treated, but he outright stated he refuses to use the correct pronouns and said: 'think of it this way, i will always call you (birthname)', which is... pretty terrible! And it's going to look pretty silly in a few years when I have a deep voice and all that.
If he insists on doing that and ruining my chances at passing then I'll just remove him from my friend's list tbh

Cirrus and Harle, it's awesome to hear your LGBT* societies are so cool :o mine isn't bad, they have a non-drinking social every Wednesday called LGBTeaQ which is just sitting around and drinking tea and stuff, but I haven't been to many because I'm kind of socially anxious. Also the first time I went to one I had to explain my gender identity and say that no you don't choose to be trans and so on which was a little weird since I though they'd have more experience?
There are two transgirls in the society but I didn't really get the chance to talk to them, and I don't know of any other transguys. They might all be stealth already.
My LGBT society hasn't done much politically, except for a candlelight vigil when two guys got set on fire outside of a popular gay bar here (yes it was completely awful, thankfully both guys are recovering in hospital and will be able to leave soon). All the socials that aren't the tea are barcrawls and such, which I'm terrible at attending, so yeah. They might do something next week since the Transgender Day of Remembrance is on Sunday?
 

Diz

Overdosing on placebos
@DIZ: Intent is not magic. It's not like that's a difficult thing to realise is something that is not appropriate to say.
But remember, the people on Facebook aren't like the people on TCoD.
Maybe Vlad is the first trans* person he's ever met and has absolutely no idea how to react. Maybe he's just expressing poorly the sentiment that it'll take him some time to get used to the idea.

Again, I don't know the guy, so maybe he's just being a douche, but I'd like to call it ignorance.

Edit: And apparently I was wrong
 
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Kinova

puppy-sized elephants
Aaaah you both have such good sounding LGBT+ groups! I'm on the mailing list for ours (after getting super excited that there even was one at Fresher's Fayre) but they've only done one event I think since the start of term and now it is nearly going-home-for-Christmas time so I am a bit disappointed. Especially because I was busy the night of the one they have done and also because they post links to the Cardiff one like 'hey these guys are doing stuff, look at all they stuff they are doing' but we are not Cardiff are we. :|

Vlad, I'm sorry that person is being a pain about things. :c I'm guessing he might get with it a bit more once your hormone treatment is getting done, because he's the one that going to look stupid calling you what is obviously the wrong gender.
 

Harlequin

New member
Aaaah you both have such good sounding LGBT+ groups! I'm on the mailing list for ours (after getting super excited that there even was one at Fresher's Fayre) but they've only done one event I think since the start of term and now it is nearly going-home-for-Christmas time so I am a bit disappointed. Especially because I was busy the night of the one they have done and also because they post links to the Cardiff one like 'hey these guys are doing stuff, look at all they stuff they are doing' but we are not Cardiff are we. :|

Vlad, I'm sorry that person is being a pain about things. :c I'm guessing he might get with it a bit more once your hormone treatment is getting done, because he's the one that going to look stupid calling you what is obviously the wrong gender.
Come to Cardiff's! Everyone is really friendly and I'm fairly sure we've got a guy from UWIC who comes to stuff sometimes! absolutely no one would mind that you're not a Cardiff student or anything like that! We have some people who aren't even students at all! If you don't just want to turn up or anything I'd be happy to meet you somewhere beforehand so that you can get to know like one person or something, if you want!
 
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