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The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)

Vladimir Putin's LJ

your blood flows through my veins
Pathos: yeah, my mum will probably come around if I ever have the guts to momentarily hurt her for a better general outcome :/ I've actually found a leaflet for parents of trans kids online, and I was thinking of giving that to her.

Jolty: my mother will probably think the same thing, and what bothers me the most is that I genuinely don't understand that thought process. It's not logical at all. And my mum's pretty extreme about it too, she once ranted at me that just cutting my hair would change me. Whu?
I do probably just need to get a grip and have a chat with my mum, because you're right: I'm the one who has to live in this stupid body, so I shouldn't really limit myself for other people's sake.
And yeah pronoun-wise my mother once told me that she thinks it's normal to call a trans-person by their biological sex's pronoun if you've known them for a long time pre-transition so I don't really have my hopes up (though for some reason she's called me "he" three times in the past before correcting herself ?__? m-mutti what is this)

The sex thing is supremely frustrating :I I do hope hormones will help because it's really weird to draw and write smut and feel attracted to people and not be able to do something about it.

Weirdly enough I pass more when I'm in southern Europe, like Portugal or Malta etc ?__? I guess since guys are shorter there being 1m70 isn't conspicuous.

Thanks for the input on the LGBTQ thing, guys. I guess I'm just a bit scared to tell people about my problem and then have them make my three years at university hellish.

This will probably sound insensitive, but I really want to know more about the process of transitioning from a female to a male body (or vice versa). I understand the whole dilemma of being male gendered but female sexually, but what are the current prospects for actual transitioning surgery? For example, how effective and realistic is the reconstructed penis - would it be able to respond sexually like natural male penises do?
Lorem, I don't think you need to be worried about being insensitive with a question like this, I think it's rather good to be interested! It's only annoying if you ask a random transperson about their specific situation without preamble (this has happened to me and it's a whole new realm of terrible). This next segment is pretty graphic for obvious reasons.
The surgeries depends on a number of factors and the results can differ greatly, though nowadays most of the top surgeries are pretty good. For top surgery, you have:
Keyhole, which is for guys with small chests, which leaves little-to-no scar tissue because iirc it only involves a cut around the nipple.
Mastectomy, which is the most common one, for the unlucky bigger-chested guys. Basically you cut a crescent under the breast, remove the stuff inside, then close. The nipples are also usually shifted so they look natural. The results are usually decent, though it helps to not have unnecessary fatty tissue around there. The problem is that more often than not, you do lose sensitivity in the nipples :/ they're just sort of cut off and move around so they don't have nerve endings.
Top surgery photos: Before and after
Before and after again
Buck Angel, FtM porn star and activist

Bottom surgery is pretty much completely terrible tbh. You basically have two options:
Taking T enlarges the clitoris considerably, and it can become a couple of inches long and even get erect (since the clitoris is made of erectile tissue). Some guys even report being able to engage in penetrative sex, though it's rare.
There's a procedure called metoidioplasty which releases the clitoris from surrounding skin to make it like a small penis. People usually get uretheral lengthening to enable them to urinate standing up, and some guys get testicular implants, which just serve to make it all look more natural.
The pros of this are an erotically sensate penis that can get erect, but it's pretty tiny.
Pictures: 1
2
3

The other option is a phalloplasty, which involves taking a large piece of skin from the arm and using it to construct a penis. It makes an average-sized phallus through which one can urinate, and it can become erect with a pump system (not sure how it works exactly). It also reduces the sensitivity considerably. Testicular implants are often used.
It's obscenely expensive though.
1
2

Although they keep looking and being better, very few transguys get bottom surgery because of how shitty the results are.
There have been some advances in another field, which is to pretty much grow a fully-functioning penis in a lab, which would be awesome if they got it to work for people. The way science progresses, I'm fairly optimistic about this being available for humans in the coming years.
 

Byrus

Strange days ahead
I'm actually in the process of talking to a FTM about bottom surgery options. The information about it on the net is pretty scarce to be honest.... This is really one of those "you're better off just talking to your therapist/surgeon/person who has gone through it things". I kinda wish more people would share their stories, but I completely understand why they don't.

Vlad, I can't help but think those photos aren't very recent ones. Transbucket is a great place for photos on phalloplasty (and trans surgery in general). (you need to register though) When you compare the results of ones done in the 90s/early 2000 compared to ones done recently, you can see a big improvement. This and this are good examples of ones done right. Obviously, the results aren't prefect and it's unlikely it'll pass as a biological penis, but the glans sculpting has really improved, so yeah, hopefully it'll keep getting better. The results my surgeon showed me looked very promising as well.

Also fuck, I had a great information sheet on how the whole pump system works, but I lost it in the mess of other info sheets I got. Interestingly enough, it's also used for biological guys with severe erection problems.
 
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Saith

New member
Vlad: Thanks! It honestly means a lot. :)

Uh but in other maybe good maybe bad news, I went to the cardiff Mardis Gras today. T was fun and I loved it, but I kind of accidentally came out. I was stoned, drunk and just pumping with the excitement of being at a festival organised specifically for QUILTBAG community, and when the girl on the stage started screaming shit about howwe shouldn`t have to hide, I kinda came out to all my mates.
It was baking ugggghhhh
 

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
This and this are good examples of ones done right. Obviously, the results aren't prefect and it's unlikely it'll pass as a biological penis, but the glans sculpting has really improved, so yeah, hopefully it'll keep getting better. The results my surgeon showed me looked very promising as well.
wow those ones look great

haha most other images of lower surgery I've seen have scared the shit out of me (and the thing about using skin from the arm/leg oh god) so I'm just not really considering it for the time being.
I guess I'd rather have the bits I have now and know how to make the most of them than potentially "mess them up" with a surgery... and by mess up I mean lose sensitivity and stuff. couldn't think of a better phrase :|

also
what exactly do they do with the vagina in FTM lower surgeries???
 

Byrus

Strange days ahead
wow those ones look great

haha most other images of lower surgery I've seen have scared the shit out of me (and the thing about using skin from the arm/leg oh god) so I'm just not really considering it for the time being.
I guess I'd rather have the bits I have now and know how to make the most of them than potentially "mess them up" with a surgery... and by mess up I mean lose sensitivity and stuff. couldn't think of a better phrase :|

also
what exactly do they do with the vagina in FTM lower surgeries???
I can u

Also, this gives lots of good info on the intricate details of FTM surgery. If I tried to explain anything intricate, I'd just fuck it up and word it awkwardly so yeah. (seriously never come to me for advice i just get too wound up about personal stuff like this ha)

Uh but in other maybe good maybe bad news, I went to the cardiff Mardis Gras today. T was fun and I loved it, but I kind of accidentally came out. I was stoned, drunk and just pumping with the excitement of being at a festival organised specifically for QUILTBAG community, and when the girl on the stage started screaming shit about howwe shouldn`t have to hide, I kinda came out to all my mates.
It was baking ugggghhhh
How did they react?
 
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BLABO

I love cilan <3
heeeello! :D
I am a gay male, and I'm from sppf. I decided to kinda sorta leave there because the people there are dumb as hell! XD
although I still post in the lgbt club and enter the WSC. so yeah, can I join? ^_^
 

...

Why yes, it exists
Pronoun
it
heeeello! :D
I am a gay male, and I'm from sppf. I decided to kinda sorta leave there because the people there are dumb as hell! XD
although I still post in the lgbt club and enter the WSC. so yeah, can I join? ^_^
Absolutely, we haven't had any fresh blood in a while.

Waitwut

Yeah, I guess. Come on in BLABO, pull up a pink bubble chair, pour yourself a drink, and tell us about yourself. :)
 

Harlequin

New member
My mother goes to all sorts of things. It's annoying. Some of my friends were there, too, I think! I now several gays, now that I think about it. Two lesbians and a gay from this area at least.
 

Lady Grimdour

Chaptermistress of the World Eaters
Vlad: Thanks! It honestly means a lot. :)

Uh but in other maybe good maybe bad news, I went to the cardiff Mardis Gras today. T was fun and I loved it, but I kind of accidentally came out. I was stoned, drunk and just pumping with the excitement of being at a festival organised specifically for QUILTBAG community, and when the girl on the stage started screaming shit about howwe shouldn`t have to hide, I kinda came out to all my mates.
It was baking ugggghhhh
Lucky you, I was still in quarantine then.

I would've frocked up and everything.
 

Crazy Linoone

broke ASB
*pops out of lurking*

@Elliekat: there's an article here about asexuality you could reference. Read the "sex" part. Not saying it's a hundred percent accurate or whatever, but it seems to mention a wide variety of people's experiences with attraction and lack thereof - something to consider, hopefully?
LIFE MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE NOW
Especially the whole thing about sexual attraction. Wow. I feel enlightened.

idk I've known that I'm not straight ever since I learned about the existence of non-straight people from TCoD (I think that was during... 6th grade? Yeah, probably). But I was never quite sure what exactly I am. I went through this whole conflicting thought process switching between "I'm (probably) gaayyyy" and "I'm (probably) biiii" and "I'm (probably) straight", until high school came around and it became a switch betwee "I'm (probably) pan" and "I'm (probably) ace". Around last year, I just give up and decided that I don't know what the hell I am and I don't really care.

And now

it all makes sense now

*sparkles*

Although I have the nagging feeling that my new group of friends may contain (a) homophobe(s) so :( (My awesome liberal and super nerdy group of probably mostly asexual with at least one out bi friends all graduated :( )
 

Arylett Charnoa

Barely existent.
Pronoun
Female sex
;;Also pops out of lurking;;

I read some of that asexual article just now and felt a few things might've applied to me. I can certainly understand lack of sexual desire as I've had it for most of my teen years. Then again, I'm a bit of a weird case. Probably just a really really late bloomer. (16 years old late.)

Oh and I want to change what I said the last looong time ago I posted here. Did some thinking, blah blah, it involved a lot of complicated issues of mine that made it unclear for me to actually tell what "attraction" was. Upon thought, reflection, and conversation, I realized that I am actually gay instead of bisexual. Yeah, took me until I was 19 to realize that. I think I'm just the latest bloomer ever. Then again, I always was behind on the curve of everyone. Especially in this sort of thing.

Also, that article was helpful for me to distinguish the concept of sexual arousal from attraction, something that I have trouble with sometimes, and actually gives me more credence to thinking I'm gay. Since I was sexually aroused by the ATTENTION that men gave me, but not at all attracted to them. And this is part of why I was so confused and thought I was bisexual. So it helped me too. Woo-hoo! Good read there.

Now I just wish I knew how to meet people... the thing I'm worried about now of being gay is that there's a smaller pool of possible people for me to get with. And since even when I thought I had a bigger pool, nothing came of it... yeah.

Also, the whole, telling the family nonsense. Not really the typical story of conservative family so much as the mother who is all: "But now you won't make me grandchildren or get married D:" and disappointment and telling me that being gay is a really bad idea because she once liked a woman and it was a bad experience for her. It's just more a bundle of awkwardness than anything too bad. Still though. I hate telling my family anything important, so telling them this might be so far as a stretch. Yet it's one of those things that I feel like telling pretty much everyone. And I would like to tell them so my mom doesn't talk about getting me a boyfriend anymore. That'd be nice too.
 

Flazeah

Cloud eight-and-three-fifths
Happy for your increased self-discovery, both! Arylett, there are loads of opportunities out there. You just have to grab them. Sometimes you'll be lucky, sometimes you won't, but go out there and do things you enjoy or join clubs - hopefully you'll meet some great people!

I get the boyfriend thing too, but it's different for me as I am attracted to guys; my parents are pretty good about the whole bi thing, and they do say "met any nice boys or girls recently?", but sometimes when I mention a guy friend, they'll ask if I like him, but barely ever do that when I mention a girl. I guess they'll learn.
 

Diz

Overdosing on placebos
Hmm, I just found out from my sister this evening that there's a bi guy at school.

He's out, and has a boyfriend.

I've never actually talked to him, but I think he'd be interesting. He has blue hair.
 

Vladimir Putin's LJ

your blood flows through my veins
I think that's a great option for people who don't identify either way and such, but I hope this doesn't mean that Australian trans people will have to choose this particular gender marking. There isn't anything fundamentally wrong with it but it would sort of suck to be marked as "X" when you're definitely "M" or "F" and you're being treated as not a "real" man or woman.
Either way it's a pretty cool development, gj Australia! Proud of my, er, third nationality.

In selfish news my packer came in today :3c it's pretty ridiculous-looking but it feels kind of awesome. I'm just praying my mother doesn't find it before I go to university or I'll honestly just die from having too much blood rushing to my head.
I've been doing quite a bit of clothes-shopping and my mother has been surprisingly cool with buying male clothes for me (she's the one who says RIGHT MALE SECTION NOW JUST CHOOSE), but I'm having a world of trouble with suits :/ the jacket always look sort of weird because of my stupid monster hips and I'm not sure what to do except the obvious weightloss (working on it) and even then I'm not really sure because my actual hipbone is kind of massive.

Also for transpeople in general: how did you go about choosing your new name? I've got a very female name and I'm trying to find something, but the thing with my female name is that it works in both Portuguese and Dutch and I've yet to find anything like that in male names. :/
My family name is Dutch so I'm considering a Dutch name and just keeping my Portuguese middle names, but the only ones I like are pretty silly. Willem, Henk, Jan, that sort. I have friends who are just telling me to actually have people call me Vlad in real life and while I love the name Vladimir I'd feel pretty ridiculous with an inexplicable Russian name.
I'm thinking of António if I decide to go with a Portuguese name, after my grandad, but I'd rather put that in my middle names or something, I don't know. I'd like to ask my parents for input but they're nowhere near ready.
 

Minish

*
Pronoun
they
The article is written pretty badly ("whose partner was born female", really?) but this is pretty good headway! I wonder if it's something only restricted to transpeople though, rather than anyone who's non-cis? I mean it says "those of ambiguous sex" but what about ambiguous gender?

It's giving me the feeling it's just to prevent inconvenience rather than to let people be more comfortable with what's on their passport.
 

shy ♡

whispers in gay
@Vlad: Uhmmm I actually just searched baby names. My first name, I chose one that is Jewish so that Israelis can, you know, pronounce it. And my middle name I chose just something I like.

I think it comes down to finding something that just clicks as oh, that's me, when you see it. Also remember you can actually have as many names as you want. :D (Also! Both my names are unisex, it's just a little... well I like it better that way? Something maybe you could think about?? Then you don't have to think about male name/female name, it's just a name.)
 

opaltiger

actually very huggable
Staff member
Pronoun
he/him
The article is written pretty badly ("whose partner was born female", really?) but this is pretty good headway! I wonder if it's something only restricted to transpeople though, rather than anyone who's non-cis? I mean it says "those of ambiguous sex" but what about ambiguous gender?

It's giving me the feeling it's just to prevent inconvenience rather than to let people be more comfortable with what's on their passport.
I think there needs to be a clearer statement of whether official documents are supposed to state sex, gender, or both - that article strikes me as meaning gender when it says sex. I remember people complaining about the UK census, which listed only "male" and "female" under the question labelled "sex". While this is still problematic, it's a lot better than if the question said "gender", which is what I think most of the critics were assuming. There are valid reasons for collecting statistics about both sex and gender, so I think what really needs to happen is a conscious split. In forms which are supposed to be comprehensive (like the census) there should be a sex and a gender field. Passports should state both (or neither - I'm not really sure why that's there to begin with), and so on.

As for what options they should offer, the problem here (like with alternate pronouns) is that there are lots of non-binary gender identities. I think the easiest solution is to have male, female, and a write-in "other" field.
 

Jolty

FOR THE YARD!!!!
Pronoun
he
Also for transpeople in general: how did you go about choosing your new name? I've got a very female name and I'm trying to find something, but the thing with my female name is that it works in both Portuguese and Dutch and I've yet to find anything like that in male names. :/
as stupid as it sounds, i stole my name from a fictional character haha... idk he means a goddamn lot to me (and i am quite a lot like him in many ways) and at the time of realising i was trans, i knew his name would be the only one for me.

the only catch is is that it's not a very common name in the UK (much more common in the USA) but at least it's a name from the English language :B

as for middle names... I wanted my initials to be BHM (after someone else who means a goddamn lot to me) so I went looking through a bunch of baby name sites for names beginning with H.
 
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