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The QUILTBAG Club (formerly the LGBT club)
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Harlequin
Active member
In all seriousness our LGBT+ association is a pretty cool guy! It has a dedicated political wing as well as a social wing, and it runs non-drinking socials all the time, as well as on-scene and off-scene socials. Good support network, if you need it. Cardiff isn't a bad place to be gay I guess also we have a gay film festival.
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
So now I'm torn.
Okay, so I went to the AberPride social, and got ever so slightly pissed on apple juice and JD, and ended up in a sofa in the arms of two gay men. Now that scenario was fine, I mean everyone has gay experiences, right? Soon as I come out of the pub, everyone else now starts commenting on me coming out.
I was in guymode, and I may be bigender, but I seriously don't classify myself as gay in that sense; I'm only attracted to women. But here's the thing; during that, I didn't mind. Could be the whiskey talking and oh God I can't type, but I didn't object.
So what the hell?
Okay, so I went to the AberPride social, and got ever so slightly pissed on apple juice and JD, and ended up in a sofa in the arms of two gay men. Now that scenario was fine, I mean everyone has gay experiences, right? Soon as I come out of the pub, everyone else now starts commenting on me coming out.
I was in guymode, and I may be bigender, but I seriously don't classify myself as gay in that sense; I'm only attracted to women. But here's the thing; during that, I didn't mind. Could be the whiskey talking and oh God I can't type, but I didn't object.
So what the hell?
Saith
New member
Whole bunch of things it could be but, well, you were tipsy. That could be it. It depends on what you mean by 'slightly pissed' though.
Alternatively you like guys?
Or maybe it's that because you've been... Uh... Not sure how to phrase this, but maybe it's because you're getting closer to your 'feminine' side - that is, showing others and admitting to yourself about really being female. If you've been steadily increasing your 'boundaries' these past few months, maybe you've just come across something else you've never realised?
Or maybe 'girls like guys so I should like guys' type of mentality - trying to fit into the female stereotype to reaffirm to yourself your gender and part of that surfaces as being attracted to guys.
Honestly, it could be anything really. Does it really matter all that much? If you are attracted to guys, and no one gives a damn, then just run with it. If nothing else, it's an experience, regardless of the reasons behind it.
Then again, if it's only because you were drunk, and you're no into cock when you're sober, maybe you should drink less. :)
Wow, why the fuck was my post longer than yours? o.O
Alternatively you like guys?
Or maybe it's that because you've been... Uh... Not sure how to phrase this, but maybe it's because you're getting closer to your 'feminine' side - that is, showing others and admitting to yourself about really being female. If you've been steadily increasing your 'boundaries' these past few months, maybe you've just come across something else you've never realised?
Or maybe 'girls like guys so I should like guys' type of mentality - trying to fit into the female stereotype to reaffirm to yourself your gender and part of that surfaces as being attracted to guys.
Honestly, it could be anything really. Does it really matter all that much? If you are attracted to guys, and no one gives a damn, then just run with it. If nothing else, it's an experience, regardless of the reasons behind it.
Then again, if it's only because you were drunk, and you're no into cock when you're sober, maybe you should drink less. :)
Wow, why the fuck was my post longer than yours? o.O
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
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- She/her
I don't know, I've just been in flux. Though by "slightly pissed", I mean three pints of JD and apple juice (called the Applejack) plus some other stuff.
It's definitely not the convention thing, I mean beforehand I already established that I'm into girls in both modes. I'll see how it pans out at the coffee social this Sunday.
It's definitely not the convention thing, I mean beforehand I already established that I'm into girls in both modes. I'll see how it pans out at the coffee social this Sunday.
Kinova
puppy-sized elephants
Harlequin, that could be fun! If there's anything cool that you're going to be at you should let me know and we could do that. :) Also gay film festival when where what that sounds fun.
@Grim: I say try not to worry about it too much; it could easily have been because you were drinking but either way it's just easier to be flexible about it and see how it pans out, like you said. I guess the only real problem is having people niggling you about it, but try not to let them bother you.
Oh and I'm at UWIC, so yup. Living in apparently the gay capital of tCoD/Wales?
@Grim: I say try not to worry about it too much; it could easily have been because you were drinking but either way it's just easier to be flexible about it and see how it pans out, like you said. I guess the only real problem is having people niggling you about it, but try not to let them bother you.
Oh and I'm at UWIC, so yup. Living in apparently the gay capital of tCoD/Wales?
Harlequin
Active member
Well, there's a regular Saturday morning social at The Vulcan Lounge in Cathays, although I'm likely to miss next week's because I'm going home for the weekend. There's nothing that interesting on this week, but on the 5th there's a quiz night, then on the 9th there's a social to Pulse, and then on the 15th there's ice skating at Winter Wonderland by the museum!
The film festival was in September, but I think it's a yearly thing? I'm not actually sure about that!
The film festival was in September, but I think it's a yearly thing? I'm not actually sure about that!
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Harlequin
Active member
Probably like early January, maybe the 7thish? I'll have to see what my housemates are doing! I don't really know what my Christmas plans are entirely, and I may end up leaving later than the 17th. It depends on like, housemates and whether or not I want to go home as soon as my lectures end etc.
Harlequin
Active member
So! The level of gay in this thread appears to have reached an all-time low. What's been going on with everyone!? ALSO on the subject of a Cardiff!gay!tCoD!meetup, both Kinova and I are agreed that it would be fun.
(We tried to go ice skating but it sort of failed because: rain, so instead we sat in the SU and had an impromptu lunch social with the LGBT+ Society :D)
(We tried to go ice skating but it sort of failed because: rain, so instead we sat in the SU and had an impromptu lunch social with the LGBT+ Society :D)
Valerunner
Probably shouldn't be here.
- Pronoun
- She/her
Flora
local hellion
- Pronoun
- they/he/it/neos
Nothing's been going on with me; I mean, my best friend/crush is still causing me occasional "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO POSSIBLY-BUT-PROBABLY-NOT-CRUSHING-ON-ME AGAIN" moments but otherwise all is fairly boring.
Well, at least she hasn't had a joking "date" with me for a while, since that would've been a tad awkward (long story short, we went bowling back when I still had a boyfriend, with my other friend and her boyfriend, and my then-boyfriend doing what he did best i.e. trying to invite himself, and I guess she tried to make both of us feel better for not having our boyfriends there (since her boyfriend is 600 miles away at college) by...jokingly telling me we were on a date? and winning me some weird sunflower-thing we named Bertha? and then she did it again a month later when we were hanging out with friend-and-boyfriend again.)
Blastoise Fortooate
Geographical!
Harlequin
Active member
Grimdour, I've been home for a day already, and I think Kinova went home on the Friday (but I'm not sure so don't quote me on that). I won't be back until the 7th at the very least, probably more like the 8th or 9th.
anyway! boyfriends, yay! homophobia, boo :(
Flower Doll, well, at least boring isn't a /bad/ thing! there is always that!
homophobia boo :(
Prospects, yay! Those are always good. You have more lined up than I do, but that's not exactly hard because I have no one at the moment :P
Relationships (even platonic ones) can be frustrating and scary, which is one reason why I've been avoiding them for so long. I'd like to find someone some time soon, and I suppose I've made steps to get there... I'm a member of my LGBT+ Society now and I actually go to the socials, so I've been meeting a lot of nice lesbians and bisexual girls... not so much the gays, but making new friends is fun too! A friend of mine wants to take me to a gay bar or club next semester (he's straight) so I'll probably let him do that. Um. Yeah.
anyway! boyfriends, yay! homophobia, boo :(
Flower Doll, well, at least boring isn't a /bad/ thing! there is always that!
homophobia boo :(
Prospects, yay! Those are always good. You have more lined up than I do, but that's not exactly hard because I have no one at the moment :P
Relationships (even platonic ones) can be frustrating and scary, which is one reason why I've been avoiding them for so long. I'd like to find someone some time soon, and I suppose I've made steps to get there... I'm a member of my LGBT+ Society now and I actually go to the socials, so I've been meeting a lot of nice lesbians and bisexual girls... not so much the gays, but making new friends is fun too! A friend of mine wants to take me to a gay bar or club next semester (he's straight) so I'll probably let him do that. Um. Yeah.
Keltena
I told you – I'm always with you.
- Pronoun
- they
So I've been doing a little research and a lot of introspection, and I've realized that I basically identify as both female and male. It's not a masculine/feminine thing or any problem I have with how I am physically; I just want the freedom to present myself as either at any given time. I'm not entirely sure what the right word for it is; genderfluid and bigender seem to be more about switching genders than being both at once. I've been saying 'androgynous', which I think works pretty well, but I'm also a little iffy on it because it usually refers to appearance. Anyone know what the best word would be/what people would understand best?
I've come out to one person so far, a close friend, and he took it well; he asked a few questions about what I meant and I think he really got it overall. I'm less sure about how to tell other people and really nervous about my parents (for the record, they know I like both guys and girls but they don't know anything about this). I definitely want to tell them before I try expressing my gender around them in noticeable ways, like dressing more male or using different pronouns, but I'm not really sure how they'd take it. I guess what I need is a good way to explain why I'm telling them, and a way to convince my mom that what I want to do to express my gender isn't going to get me in trouble and is more than just messing around for the hell of it. Anyone have any ideas/experiences to share?
I'm also tossing back and forth how I want to go about expressing this. I'm not looking to 'change' anything, per se, since it's not like I'm any different aside from understanding myself a little better, but I feel like it would be nice to put some work into my wardrobe; I like 'pretty' clothes and casual clothes, but I'd also like some sort of nice, more male clothes? I'm also wondering about pronouns; I've used female all my life and it's what I'm used to responding to, but I also feel a little weird being completely lumped into female. What I'd like, I think, is to just let people use female or male pronouns for me, but that probably wouldn't be all that practical and I dunno how I'd explain it. I don't really want to use alternative pronouns, so sticking with female is probably where it's at, but I'm not sure.
Yeah, that's my epiphany for the present. Advice/information would really be appreciated if anyone has any.
I've come out to one person so far, a close friend, and he took it well; he asked a few questions about what I meant and I think he really got it overall. I'm less sure about how to tell other people and really nervous about my parents (for the record, they know I like both guys and girls but they don't know anything about this). I definitely want to tell them before I try expressing my gender around them in noticeable ways, like dressing more male or using different pronouns, but I'm not really sure how they'd take it. I guess what I need is a good way to explain why I'm telling them, and a way to convince my mom that what I want to do to express my gender isn't going to get me in trouble and is more than just messing around for the hell of it. Anyone have any ideas/experiences to share?
I'm also tossing back and forth how I want to go about expressing this. I'm not looking to 'change' anything, per se, since it's not like I'm any different aside from understanding myself a little better, but I feel like it would be nice to put some work into my wardrobe; I like 'pretty' clothes and casual clothes, but I'd also like some sort of nice, more male clothes? I'm also wondering about pronouns; I've used female all my life and it's what I'm used to responding to, but I also feel a little weird being completely lumped into female. What I'd like, I think, is to just let people use female or male pronouns for me, but that probably wouldn't be all that practical and I dunno how I'd explain it. I don't really want to use alternative pronouns, so sticking with female is probably where it's at, but I'm not sure.
Yeah, that's my epiphany for the present. Advice/information would really be appreciated if anyone has any.
Minish
*
- Pronoun
- they
Hi, Keltena! I'd say that unless you really, really, really want to have a word for yourself, I wouldn't bother trying to figure out whether bigender or genderfluid or something else or whatever works and just ignore the issue entirely. To be honest, finding a ~label that works feels more to me like trying to fit the requirements of the term rather than the other way around - when I overtly identify as something it's helpful in that it at least gives some idea, but really, if someone is genuinely interested they probably aren't going to mind a short, more personal explanation. The only reason I really quite like 'genderqueer' is because, like 'queer', it's really open and not very prescripty. But it definitely isn't that way for everyone, I know.
As for the other things, hm! As for pronouns, I'm not really sure... if you really really want to hear male pronouns used for you then it probably isn't best to say 'just use either', as most people - even those closest to you - will probably still choose the one that feels easiest to them. If you really would appreciate them going out of their way to make you feel more comfortable, then I'd suggest outright asking them to maybe use male pronouns once in a while. If you just say 'feel free to' or 'I'd like it but you don't have to!' then you won't get what you want and it still won't feel right, in my experience. Good luck with that! That said, I know a few people who id as bigender who are fine with just one set of pronouns, but instead use both male and female names about the place? It's not ideal and it's not the same, but using different names rather than different pronouns can make it a lot harder to cave in just to cater others. If someone hears 'this is my name' rather than 'these are the pronouns I like', maybe they'd be less inclined to ask if they can use whichever they like, and I guess also it's easier for people to deal with and harder for them to mess up (not that messing up is their fault or particularly bad, you just need to correct and forgive them, but it still might feel bad for you).
I'd definitely think about different sorts of clothes!! It might make other people think 'she's a casual tomboy' rather than 'he's a guy!" but what really matters is, like you say, just understanding yourself a bit more. Good luck hope I've helped maybe!! :o
As for the other things, hm! As for pronouns, I'm not really sure... if you really really want to hear male pronouns used for you then it probably isn't best to say 'just use either', as most people - even those closest to you - will probably still choose the one that feels easiest to them. If you really would appreciate them going out of their way to make you feel more comfortable, then I'd suggest outright asking them to maybe use male pronouns once in a while. If you just say 'feel free to' or 'I'd like it but you don't have to!' then you won't get what you want and it still won't feel right, in my experience. Good luck with that! That said, I know a few people who id as bigender who are fine with just one set of pronouns, but instead use both male and female names about the place? It's not ideal and it's not the same, but using different names rather than different pronouns can make it a lot harder to cave in just to cater others. If someone hears 'this is my name' rather than 'these are the pronouns I like', maybe they'd be less inclined to ask if they can use whichever they like, and I guess also it's easier for people to deal with and harder for them to mess up (not that messing up is their fault or particularly bad, you just need to correct and forgive them, but it still might feel bad for you).
I'd definitely think about different sorts of clothes!! It might make other people think 'she's a casual tomboy' rather than 'he's a guy!" but what really matters is, like you say, just understanding yourself a bit more. Good luck hope I've helped maybe!! :o