Can I just say quickly that I find all this media discussion really interesting and you guys should never stop? I may not be really participating in it because oops, I don't watch any of those shows, but I am lurking happily here~
So I need some advice. I've been going through some... gender identity flip-flops lately, like the past few weeks. It's pretty uncomfortable and unfun most of the time because sometimes I just am not okay with having curves and boobs and looking feminine, and I don't really know what to do about it except put on a binder (I got one from a local LGBT youth group) and a looser shirt and tell myself I look masculine. :/ I got a haircut, and that feels better because it looks sort of boyish and can also be cute in a girl way I guess? But I kind of want more guy clothes at some point, and I also wonder if I can get a binder that works any better than the one I have (it's Underworks, and unfortunately I think it's the smallest size I can wear, but maybe there are different styles or something? need to do research), but that's sort of where my problem comes in.
See, I talked to my mom over Christmas about being genderqueer, and while she was pretty good about it generally (albeit not really getting it?), one thing she mentioned as being specifically uncomfortable about was the idea of me binding. She brought it up because I did it for cosplay once a few years back, and the fact that she doesn't like me doing it even for a costume should tell you just how much it bothers her. I forget exactly how she put it, but she said that it made her feel like I wasn't okay with my body or wanted to change it -- which is true now, but she put it very negatively, as if she equated it with harming my body for the purpose of appearance. I'm going home for a week at the end of the month, and since I'm binding on a semi-regular basis now, I'd like to get it out in the open with her. I don't feel like I
need her approval, but I'd really like her to be okay with it if at all possible, so I want to talk to her about that and generally about some of the dysphoria-ish feelings I've had.
I think one of the issues she has with it is sort of a generational thing? She's a big feminist, and she really doesn't understand the concept of gender; I think the idea that there's any difference between 'male' and 'female' besides the physical bothers her. I understand where she's coming from, but I also just don't know how to explain to her what I mean by gender and how I can have the issues I'm having without it being about gender roles or masculinity/femininity. Does anyone have any ideas/experiences or know any good resources -- books, websites, etc. -- I could point her towards? I'm hoping to talk to her about this at least a little over the phone within the next week, and talk more in person when I'm home.
On a happier note, I'm auditioning for
True Colors! It's a theater program for LGBT kids and allies, and you get paid for it if you get in! I dunno if I'll get called back or not, but I am excited for it anyway. c:
