TMI Time: Virginity

[Butterfree]

I hate it when guys do that. I knew my ex for a month before he started being all "okay so I know you're saving yourself for marriage BUT YOU SHOULD *censored because I don't want to scar the younger members for like plus really really inappropriate and several of the members know this*" and I was like "ummmmmmm no thank you." To which his response was "BUT IF YOU TRUST ME YOU'LL DO IT" and my thought was "I WONDER WHY I DON'T TRUST YOU THEN."

Idiot.

Yyyyeah I am way too familiar with this particular brand of asshattery.

Protip to anyone: people who try to coerce you into doing things you genuinely don't want to do because "if you really love me you'll do it for me!" should be stayed far, far away from. If they really love you (and have any degree of understanding of what that really means), they won't try to hang your love for them over your head to get you to do what they want.

 

[octobr]

On the other hand, masturbation is both completely normal and completely awesome.

(He says, as he remembers getting distracted from it to think about story ideas. Sigh.)

 

[Tarvos]

if you're not comfortable doing something you shouldn't be doing it when you're having sex - that should be a ground rule and anyone who does NOT understand that is a gigantic asshat

 

[Hiikaru]

I'm honestly curious about this: why do people want to wait until marriage to have sex? That just seems like such an arbitrary thing to me. It's not like sex is some sort of prize you should dangle over your partner's head, marriage is much more serious than sex, since it involves a ton of cash and legal agreements.
Sex involves the money needed for contraceptives aaand that's it as far as costs go. Woo!

As for me, I'm a virgin but that has something to do with me being both unattractive and uninteresting and also socially awkward? But if a friend asked, I'd put out, yeah. I'm not that bothered, really :^y

Please don't push the attitude that it's bad or a mistake for someone to take sex seriously. It's fine if you personally don't take it seriously or don't understand! But it's perfectly valid and okay for someone to feel differently, too. (Something isn't only made serious by the amount of money involved!)

One reason is just religion! But you could figure that out on your own. Waiting to have sex isn't because it's a prize, everyone involved just wants to be sure they're ready for it and that they won't have regrets! Even if you feel like you'd just have sex with a friend who asked without caring, not everyone feels that way - sex has a lot of emotions involved for a lot of people, and it can cause a lot of hurt feelings that no one wants to have.

Waiting until marriage is kind of like waiting until both people have made a big comittment to the other, so they're sure that they like each other and want to be together! Or that's the idea, anyway - it doesn't work out that way a lot of the time. And it can even be a bad idea to wait until after marriage to have sex, because then it turns out both people have totally different wants or needs and now they're really unhappy! But marriage feels to a lot of people like a big special thing (even if lots of other people feel like it's arbitrary!) and they want a big special thing to happen to make sure that it's okay to have sex, as that's also a big special thing to them!

 

[Scohui]

And my lip virginity is gone.

It was an accident, but whatever.

 

[Vladimir Putin's LJ]

Please don't push the attitude that it's bad or a mistake for someone to take sex seriously. It's fine if you personally don't take it seriously or don't understand! But it's perfectly valid and okay for someone to feel differently, too. (Something isn't only made serious by the amount of money involved!)

I... never said they're not allowed to feel differently? What? I'm sorry if anyone got offended (though I also don't get why anyone would be offended by that post) but I literally do not understand forcing other people to wait for sex just because you set an arbitrary date. Of course, no one should pressure anyone into having a sexual relationship, but what I mean is: both parties are willing but the only reason they're not doing it is because marriage. Why?

It seems to me that people are creating their own problems by hyping up marriage as some sort of holy grail :v

 

[Aletheia]

(He says, as he remembers getting distracted from it to think about story ideas. Sigh.)

It's the other way around for me :(

 

[Minish]

I... never said they're not allowed to feel differently? What? I'm sorry if anyone got offended (though I also don't get why anyone would be offended by that post) but I literally do not understand forcing other people to wait for sex just because you set an arbitrary date. Of course, no one should pressure anyone into having a sexual relationship, but what I mean is: both parties are willing but the only reason they're not doing it is because marriage. Why?

It seems to me that people are creating their own problems by hyping up marriage as some sort of holy grail :v

You asked "why do people want to wait", nobody's talking about force! Having to not have sex before marriage because of religion is kind of not fun, but sex means different things to different people and it's not really fair to just blanket-shame them all. I think that's the issue Hiikaru has, and less to do what you're saying, and more about this general attitude.

As to why, vi gave some reasons! Maybe they will just only feel comfortable that way, and that's just it. Maybe they just want the build-up! It'd be cool to hear some opinions from those who are in this crowd, there are just lots and lots of (good and not so great reasons) why someone might not want to have sex before marriage.

 

[Murkrow]

You asked "why do people want to wait", nobody's talking about force! Having to not have sex before marriage because of religion is kind of not fun, but sex means different things to different people and it's not really fair to just blanket-shame them all. I think that's the issue Hiikaru has, and less to do what you're saying, and more about this general attitude.

Surely it's not really fair to shame anyone?

 

[Minish]

Surely it's not really fair to shame anyone?

You're right! Not what I was saying.

 

[Murkrow]

Right, it just seemed like you meant something like "It's okay to want to wait until after marriage in some cases but in other cases you're silly" is all

 

[Minish]

! Oh, it would make sense if you got that impression from the rest of my post! Sure, I do maybe think that. I think it's silly if your parents told you that's just the way it has to be, or because everyone says they're doing that, etc., there are bad reasons too. I'd say the idea's silly rather than the person, though!

 

[Cerberus87]

Bad thing about waiting until marriage is that people might push it and marry without being ready, just for that: sex. Most people aren't like that, but it might happen.

 

[Karousever]

I'm a virgin, and according to what Omskivar said I'm also a lip virgin. Girls like me, I just...have an uncomfortableness about doing things I haven't done before, so much to the fact that I try to avoid them in anyway possible. So it's like...I want to kiss a girl, but try as hard as I can not to by accident because I'm too afraid. Make sense? Anyway, if I kiss a girl soon, that's fine, but losing my actual virginity I'd like to wait...for a while. XD

 

[surskitty]

... How would you accidentally kiss someone ...

 

[Scohui]

Turn your head quickly.

 

[surskitty]

That'd still probably not involve tongue, which I'm assuming is the sort of kissing people are talking about.

 

[Scohui]

I'm not going to use the tongue in real kissing. That's gross.

 

[Minish]

That'd still probably not involve tongue, which I'm assuming is the sort of kissing people are talking about.

Really? I know lots of people (myself included) who never kissed with tongue until lots of kisses after their first! If I gave that baseball analogy any credibility at all, 'second base' should totally be kissing with tongue.

 

[surskitty]

It's worth noting that I don't have any firsthand experience in the matter.